Wednesday May 5, 1976

I cannot believe that the events of the past few days have really taken place. Carole trying to kill herself? And God it is all my fault. If I had not ended everything she would never have contemplated such action. But no amount of wrist slashing will make me go back on my decision. How could anyone go out with a girl knowing that any upset or setback could result in her trying to do away with herself?
She must be unbalanced. I feel sick about the whole business.

Woke up at 8.30. Mum tells me she and Dad may go see Carole this lunchtime on my behalf. I will never go. Get up at 9 o'clock and want to ring someone. Chris is having a morning in bed and won't come to the phone; ring Denise, and she is on day-off, & so I'm totally foiled. Should I blame myself? Did I give her a false impression all those months? Did she expect more from me than she received? I have always made my position quite clear, but she may not have understood. She is not the perceptive kind. Poor girl.

Sit alone in complete silence for what seems like ages. Feel numb and sickened off.

Peter and Chris come up at 12.30 and I tell them the news. They are shocked. Chris says she must need pyschiatric treatment. They try to assure me that I am not to blame. The three of us go the Commercial for lunch and then to collect CB at 2.30.

Go see David in hospital and he looks greatly improved. Denise and Marita call in to see him and I tell them about Carole. __________________________. Home at 4.30.

Dad went to see Carole this lunchtime and found her in a terrible state. He lectures me on my treatment of women, and says the situation has been dynamite for a long time. However, he has no sympathy for what she did & is sickened by it all.

Lynn & Susan go see Carole this evening and I go to the Hare & Hounds with John, CB, Pete and Chris. CB says she and Chris have more or less finished but that they're both waiting for the first one to make a move.

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