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Tuesday September 19, 1978

Didn't phone Jacq today. Jilted John (Mac) asked if Jacq and I would like to accompany him to see the Dortmund Opera in Leeds next week. I was slightly taken aback. ____________. But at £6 a ticket!

Saw Alex Haley's 'Roots' tonight and retired to bed with John Toland's 'Adolf Hitler' which I left at Trixie's in April or May.


Monday September 18, 1978

The Prince of Wales won't be too pleased if he's read in today's Times a proposal that the Queen should abdicate in 2002 (the year of her 50th anniversary on the throne) in favour of a youthful grandson! So by passing Charles in the succession. Perhaps Mr Rees-Mogg should be castrated for allowing this to pollute his newspaper.

Dave L, back for two days from Hockley Heath, phoned and asked if I'd like to accompany him and Christine to the pub tonight. I was thinking CB was still at the Italian Grand Prix, but obviously not. I phoned Jacq and asked if she'd like to come too as an alternative to doing her washing and she immediately said yes. I told her I am penniless but she says she has £6 and so we'll be able to scrape through without embarrassment.

Dave came up at 7:45 and we collected Jacq at the bus stop and then went for Christine in Horsforth. Our first port of call was the Old Ball, which is unbearable. The bar there reminds me of the school dining hall at Fieldhead. From the Old Ball we tormented the inmates of the Emmott Arms, and then we shot off to Pool~in~Wharfedale and the Half Moon._____________________________________. However, it was so good to see Dave & Christine.


Sunday September 17, 1978

17th after Trinity

Out of bed at 11. Jacq and I kept Mum awake in the small hours of the morning playing records. Sue and Pete announce they are going to Cracoe near Skipton for lunch and they invited Jacq and I to join them at the Devonshire Arms. The four of us piled into Pete's car and headed for the Dales.

At Cracoe Jacq and I only had 2 drinks and no food due to gross financial embarrassment and we watched Sue and Pete eat prawn sandwiches and chips. From here we left for Malham but Pete announced he was short of fuel, and we were compelled to stop off at Foxup, where his cousin farms, to snatch petrol. The smell of the roast dinner at Foxup Farm almost drove me mad.

Back home at 5 we had fish and chips and half an hour later Mum, Dad, Jim, Margaret and Julie left to collect Lynn and Dave from East Midlands Airport. Sue and Pete went down to his house, and Jacq and I watched the telly. Lynn, Dave and party returned at 11. They looked brown, happy and well.


Saturday September 16, 1978

Full Moon 20:01 Sun rises 06:36 Sun sets 19:14

Jacq came at 8 with a parcel for me from Trixie consisting of ties, more paints, my forgotten Hitler volume, paint brushes and Japanese palet knives from Pete Holroyd's collection. The bundle must have rushed her a couple of quid in the post.

I'm in low spirits with a feeling of impending disaster hanging over me. One of Jacq's shoes fell apart at the bottom of the lane and I ran all the way home for a pair from Sue's collection. Knackered, sweaty and broncil by 9:30.

We made our way to the Crown at Yeadon in the drizzle and shit and propped up the bar there until 11. Chippy, Gus, Johnny and others came in. I hailed 'Hullo' to Chippy and he told me to 'fuck off' which I can only put down to the episode of the buggered spectacles. At 11 we staggered to Guiseley. Jacq was wearing all my clothes because she felt cold.

We bumped into Jim and Margaret and they took us back to 58, Fieldhead Road for a few beers. Margaret attempted to persuade the budgie to do his Churchill impersonation but Joey (as he's affectionately know) refused to fight them on the beaches, and said nowt.

Back at Pine Tops for 12:30. Jacq and I sat until 4:30.


Friday September 15, 1978

To the Odeon at Leeds with Jacq at 8pm to see Mel Brook's 'High Anxiety'. Very funny. Jacq didn't laugh quite as loudly as I did. In places I found myself roaring with laughter, but quite alone. Rather like giggling in Westminster Abbey.

Home at 11 after having a quick drink at the Wayfinder, which is full of potential Ripper victims and greasy haired males resembling the Kray Twins and other leaders of organised crime. I must make a note to avoid this pub in future.

Felt buggered. Collapsed in a chair and slept for half an hour on my arrival home.


Thursday September 14, 1978

Pete N and I went to Leeds at 7:30 to meet Dave G at the Original Oak in Headingley. Pete's first experience of the Headingley pubs!

Dave G has really enjoyed his stay in Leeds and has done nothing but drink since the start of the course. His only task this afternoon was to bring a tin of tomato juice to the boil on a gas oven.

We came back to the Shoulder of Mutton and met Chippy, Gus, Dave Wainwright, Neil Addyman and Frank Hall (who used to reside on Hawksworth Lane), and others. Chippy is taking on the personality of one of his mental patients, but Gus was his usual good~natured self. I was slightly pissed and at 10:30 we all went to Oakwood Hall until some very late hour.

I don't remember it but I am told I assaulted Chippy and knocked a lens out of his spectacles. Oh dear.

Pete took Dave G back to Leeds. Yes, I was pissed and don't mind admitting it. Sat reading Evelyn Waugh until the light of dawn was seeping through the curtains.


Wednesday September 13, 1978

Donald Best got a lift with me and Jim this morning. He says the appointment of the Queen Mother as Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports is a ridiculous idea, and that Edward Heath, a Kentish man, with naval associations, would have been a more appropriate appointment. I cannot disagree more. The dear old Queen Mother will carry out the ceremonial like no one else. Donald is always very sarcastic about the Royal Family.

At 1pm I met Dave near the Poly and we walked across town to the HofbrÀuhaus, where some of the lads from his course were assembled. It is a dark, smoke~filled cavern, full of people eating pork pies and mushy peas. We sat on the heavy trestle tables supping soapy ale from large jugs, and then it happened. Yes, on came the stripper. Yes, I know you are shocked and horrified, nay stunned, by this gross act of sexual perversion on my part, but that's what dissipated youngsters are doing these days. She wasn't much good and her dancing was moderate but what can you expect for 10p each? I will never listen to T-Connection again without breaking out into a cold sweat...... not.


Tuesday September 12, 1978

Sunny day. Busy at the YP. Howled with laughter this morning when Michael Brown, the Religious affairs correspondent, phoned me from Huddersfield to tell me he thinks the new Pope (John Paul I) looks very much like Peter Sellers. A preposterous remark, or so I thought, but on inspecting the photo files I see the resemblance is remarkable.

I can see that before very long I'm going to become quite sick of our grinning, circus-like performer of a pontiff.

Other news: The Queen Mother is to become the next Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports. She'll become the first woman to hold the office, an ancient one, whch dates back to the time of King Harold. Previous Lord Wardens include Churchill and Sir Robert Menzies. Just what the job entails escapes me. I'm sure it will be nothing strenuous.

A photo of Lynn and Dave appeared in the EP. I'm going to miss Lynn, you know. Just look at the photo and that brilliant, glowing smile.

I met Jacq at lunchtime and we ate like horses in the park instead of our usual damp luncheon at the Ostlers. She says she may be 'buggering off' from Leeds. _________________.

Dave G and I met later near the Polytechnic and went for a drink at the Fenton, where the National Front and homosexual intellectuals gather to discuss tactics. He's having a riot in Leeds and last night ended up in the Original Oak with a sun~tanned lady just back from a holiday in Ibiza.


Monday September 11, 1978

Auntie Eleanor is 51 today, and my cousin Marlene is 33.

Took Dave G to Leeds and he went off in search of the K block at the Polytechnic where he starts a week's catering course dealing with special diets.

Back to the YP and down to earth after the high of the wedding. Mum and Dad came to the office this afternoon with a proof of Lynn & Dave from the photographer Bryan Waite. I handed it over to Fred Willis, who says he'll get it in tomorrow's EP.

Dad says he took some floral displays to the Yorkshire Bank in Guiseley this afternoon. Just how creepy can you possibly get? Just imagine the manager, 'Tammy Wynette' Osborne, dancing among his bank notes with garlands of orchids and gladioli festooned everywhere. Nauseating.


Sunday September 10, 1978

Moon's first quarter 04:20

16th after Trinity

A day made very amusing my the presence of dear Auntie Eddy. We were all very much hungover at breakfast and Eddy (Jadwega, of course) brightened things up with her wonderful Polish banter. She told Susan that yesterday she had looked 'radiating' in her bridesmaid garb.

Alison was dreadfully pale, and John P said he was close to death. Lynn and Dave arrived at about 11 to say goodbye and Eddy almost had Dave upstairs for a massage but he fought her off successfully. Audrey Baker fell victim here and was taken upstairs for the full works. Eddy advised Henry on his vitamin B intake. John came in to bid them farewell and then off he went back to Maria and JPH and they left for Stranraer.

Richard & Mandy B arrived and took them off to East Midlands Airport and they flew to Ibiza at 3pm. Alison and John P went with them. Lunch with Mum, Dad, Jacq, Bert, Eddy and Reggie. We had fish and chips from Harry Ramsden's, but first we collected all the floral displays from St Paul's church. The old hag of a caretaker went on and on about the mess Delia had made on Friday.

After lunch we fell into the lounge. It's a tremendous anti~climax. Bert, Eddy and Reggie went to Leeds at 5pm for the coach home to Nottingham and we watched TV. Keith Michell playng Henry VIII in the 1972 film.


Saturday September 9, 1978

Sun rises 06:25 Sun sets 19:30

A dull, dismal day, with the occasional damp patch. Lynn and David's wedding day. She was divine, beaming and beautiful. Even my nerves were bad this morning, and the number of people in the house, and all the excitement didn't help matters. The wedding was soon upon us. Lynn dressed in white saying goodbye as Miss Rhodes. Dad was very pale. We found a whisky bottle.

Dad was close to tears as he took Lynn on his arm down the aisle, and when he witnessed the marriage after the ceremony he signed one of the certificates incorrectly and the Reverend Mr Ward had to tear a page from his register in front of the entire congregation. Auntie Mabel told Mum that Dad had wept as he walked down the aisle, but this is a slight exaggeration. The ceremony was moving, the reception excellent. Uncle H(arry) never arrived ~ which is just as well.

The only mishap of the day was that the DJ was two hours late and the disco didn't start until 9 o'clock. I mixed with most of the guests. I discussed women with Uncle Peter and chatted about Evelyn Waugh and satire with Uncle Bert. Frank (Harwood) measured me for a new suit in the middle of the dance floor ~ and that will set me back £20, or so. (These suits fall off a lorry in the vicinity of Burton's).

John and Maria brought Jacq and I back to Pine Tops at 12 and we mucked around in the dining room for hours. Dave had carried Lynn from the dance floor up to a room at the hotel and my little sister was gone forever. Things will never be the same again.


Friday September 8, 1978

Busy day. I spent the afternoon at Esholt church with Sarah and Delia watching them arrange flowers, and came with them back to Pine Tops, laden with flowers, to decorate the house for Mama. They did the church wonderfully.

At 2pm John Pinder and I escaped to the Commercial - just for one drink. John was a bit over powered by Delia, who was going on about Lord Valentine Thynne and her recent experiences with Lord Bath at Longleat. It was just too much for him.

Mum was suffering all day after her barley wine session last night. Sue was feeling ill this evening. Her ear piercings from a few weeks ago have gone wrong.

Uncle Bert and Aunt Jadwega arrived with Cousin Reggie. Dave of Stockport closely followed. We laughed and joked. Jacq arrived bearing a bowl of jelly beans for Lynn and Dave B too put in an appearance but was sent home before midnight of course. We sat in the lounge buried beneath continental quilts ~ the house was so cold to preserve Mama's floral displays.