Sunday September 11, 1977

14th after Trinity. Tony, Martyn, Georgina and Jenny came here at about 5 o'clock straight from Nostell Priory where they'd spent the afternoon. Martyn was stoned out of his mind and looked ghastly. They said how he'd just about been thrown out of the priory after collapsing over a china cabinet packed with object d'art.

Hanging Heaton.

We went first to Ilkley and then to Hanging Heaton and Christine Byram's party. We met Christine (Byram) at the Fox and Hounds first and we all got slightly boozed up. Jenny and Georgina are good girls. The elder one is 28, I think, but doesn't look it at all.

The party was going well but things were marred when Eileen and Michael burst in like members of the National Front. Eileen screamed at a quaking Christine, telling her to 'piss off' and Michael bashed a spotty sixth former who happened to say something out of place. A bad show it was. I made some attempt at appeasement, but like the late Neville Chamberlain, I had no success whatsoever.

Christine had a good weep but by 1am things were more or less back to normal. I became most intoxicated and remember grovelling on the floor with either Georgina or Jenny. My God she knows how to kiss. At one point I thought I might be sucked in altogether. Please remind me to ask Tony which just which girl it was being so nice to me. Another young lady gave me a gin cocktail which probably had a dash of every other spirit in it and that was the last thing I can recall. It is said I made a staggering entry into Pine Tops at something in the region of 4am. Mama was awakened by my pissed staggerings but no blows were exchanged. Oh my head.

-=-

Saturday September 3, 1977

Eileen and Michael's wedding day. David B and I went to see Sarah & Delia at 12 and we took photos of the dogs on the Collis's spacious lawn. From here we went to the Queen's Arms just for one solitary drink. I haven't been in the Queen's for a couple of years, in fact since the pub crawl with Sarah and Carol J when I proposed marriage, amongst other things, to Miss Collis.

Left David at about 1pm and went to the YP to collect Kathleen. Together we went to Mirfield and the Dusty Miller pub for a few more. We arrived at the church at 2 o'clock just as Eileen arrived on the arm of her father. By 2.30 they were married. At the reception I was on a table with Delia, Sarah, Kathleen and Steve (the lad from the stag party). Eileen looked very happy.

Delia brought me home at 5.30 and tonight Dave B and I went to the Malt Shovel at Baildon. Joined by Tony and Martyn and at 11.30 we collected Naomi and went to a barbecue at Carlton. John and Maria were there. On to Il Trovatore where Naomi and I danced with a string of tinsel. When she brought me home at 2.30 we put up the Christmas decorations.

-=-

Friday August 12, 1977

A good day. Eileen and I met Tony outside the YP at about 1pm and we had three or four drinks in the Central. Tony came back to the YP for the afternoon and had Carol J swooning all over him. In fact she did no work from when he arrived, sat, quite besotted, on her desk, with her legs rubbing up against his. It was bloody painful. Eileen was becoming quite violent about it and if I hadn't made the tea a full scale war could easily have broken out. Tony went off to a dental appointment at about 4. ________.

Tonight: Tony, Martyn and Stuart came up at 8.30 followed by Peter M and Chris. Sue, Pete N and Janet Simon joined us and we went to the Bod. Michelle, Toni and a girl called Mary came in. Mary was so fanciable you just wouldn't believe it. She was quite tanked up.

From the Bod most of us went to Il Trovatore. I was with Mary all night and it proved to be one of the most successful in ages. We got on like a house on fire. The only thing is that she has a ruddy boyfriend stashed away somewhere.  So attractive too. I told her she looked like the singer Dana, but she said Vera Lynn was closer to the mark.

Back to Tony's at 2am, and the ladies brought me home at something like 4 o'clock. A diabolical time. Don't know what sort of reception I'll get if I see Mary again but one thing's for sure folks - Michael's in love again.



-=-

Thursday July 28, 1977

Took the knackered camera back to Boots at lunchtime. Got back to the office at 1.20 and Eileen informed me that Jacqui had phoned just after I'd left and could I ring her back? Oh Christ I've lost her phone number. I can tell you that she resides at 102 Grosvenor Road, Muswell Hill, but as to her phone number, no. However, at 3.30 she rang back to see how I am and to to ask whether I made it home safely.

Jacqui.

Miss Phillips phoned at 4 o'clock. "Are you nice and brown?" she asked. She is going to Newquay tomorrow for two weeks. _______.

Called in at Guiseley Police station to get a lift home. Standing outside reading my copy of 'The Times' I espy Martyn. He tells me he's been to Manchester to get a job as an encyclopedia salesman. Evidently, after ten weeks he'll be able to go sell his wares in the Bahamas with  phenomenal salary, and no doubt on his private jet. Dad laughed when I told him. He said he's rather sweep the roads. Martyn had bumped into Maria in the chemists shop.

Tony phoned tonight but I said I wasn't going out. He fancied a pint at the Rose & Crown. I just couldn't stand the pace. Watched tv all night instead.

-=-

Saturday July 9, 1977

Delia Collis.

Delia's champagne and strawberry party. Not really my scene - old ladies with blue rinses and flashy rings. Delia was fabulous as usual.

Got home at about 5pm with Eileen and Michael (Robertshaw) and within minutes Tony, Linda and Martyn were here to take me off on holiday for 14 bloody days!

Night out at the Poca-a-Poca in sunny Stockport and then waved bye bye to Tony and Linda. To the Hollywood quite pissed up.





-=-

Monday May 9, 1977

Horrible, hectic, hell of a day. Just Sarah, Eileen and I and it's jut too busy. To make matters worse Dave Bruce insulted me by saying I look three months pregnant. But I'm a man. It's obviously the combination of gallons of lager and jeans with a 30 inch waist.

Carole phoned at 3-ish. Arrange to go out on Thursday. She tells me she phoned Denise this morning and ________. Somehow I don't think outsiders should become involved because no outside aid can be given. They both know how things stand.

I phoned Dave G and said I'd be over on Saturday - just who with I don't know. Rang Chris tonight and he says he'll phone back tomorrow. I don't think he or Pete M want to go, and Martyn has a golf tournament and so I may be going freelance. Sod them anyway.

Tony rang and says he got really pissed yesterday afternoon. ________________.It's like a bloody Greek tragedy. On the subject of Greek tragedies - what about the return of Carole?  Every day I ask the same questions, none of which can be answered satisfactorily. Am I to go to my grave loveless and alone just because I cannot forget a horrible incident a year ago which I was more or less responsible for? I'm not interested in any other female and she seems to feel the same way about me. Should I forget May 1976 forever? Will it be on my conscience until the end of time?

-=-

Monday March 28, 1977

More snow, hail and blizzards. I progress across Leeds resembling something similar to a yeti. (He is, of course, the nasty Abominable Snowman).

Yeti.

Work was uneventful, as usual.  Only Sarah, Eileen, and self. I rang Lynn about her driving test. (Cancelled because of the weather conditions). She says the experience is not unlike waiting to be executed by firing squad only to discover they're run out of bullets. I can well imagine. However, in my case the ammunition was plentiful.

Tonight at home. Auntie Mabel rang Mama to enquire about Lynn's test. Not wishing to be depressed by the BBC news I soaked in the bath for half an hour. Later saw a good film about the mafia - a black comedy - but the title escapes me.

Portland Vase.

Bed at 11.30. Did you know that Queen Elizabeth II is descended from a 19th century prime minister? Yes, in 1783 and 1807 he accepted the office from King George III. Who was he? I'll give you a clue. They named a vase after him. Another clue: he had the same name as a brand of cement. Yes, that's right you've guessed correctly. Signing off at 11.45pm precisely.








-=-

Sunday September 26, 1976

15th after Trinity. Don't see the light of day until 12 o'clock. Have only a slight headache from Eileen's gin, but otherwise all is well.

Dad decorates his bedroom and I do absolutely nothing amidst the busy scurrying of Mum, Lynn and Susan, who are like ants. Lynne sits crocheting a pram cover or something for a couple of hours, until I persuade her to walk up to the village [Hawksworth] with me. Warm, brilliant sun. Energetic stroll and then home for orange juice and a session with the photo albums.

Lynne goes off at 6.30 - 7 o'clock. Will go to Yeadon Airport on Wednesday to see her off to Espana for a couple of weeks or so. A great and perfect woman she is.

-==-

Saturday September 25, 1976

John's 20th birthday. The first time that one of 'us four' have been away from home for a birthday. A wet, disgusting day. To make matter's worse Lynne's car on Edith's drive, doesn't start and it takes Dad and David 30 minutes, in pouring rain, to get the bloody thing going again. Lynn comes with Lynne and I to Leeds. The less said about shopping in monsoon-hit Leeds the better. Get John a bottle of 'Aramis' for his birthday and buy 'Givenchy Gentleman' after-shave for my own personal use. Lynne buys a white polo-necked sweater and Lynn got David a couple of presents because they've been going out for exactly 2 years next Tuesday.

Mention the drought to me mate and I'll crush your balls in a metal vice. Harsh I know but you can't expect to antagonise me and get away with it Scot free. [Or is it Scott free? And from where does this saying originate?]

[Large gap at foot of page where I was supposed to record my visit to Eileen Byram's party in Dewsbury. It is sadly lost to history.]


-==-

Monday July 26, 1976

A warm, overcast day. Maria's 18th birthday. She always looks and behaves much older though and this is probably a good thing - her being in her present condition. Nothing looks more pathetic than a child expectant mother. Janice Beaumont always looked ridiculously infantile and I winced each and every time I saw her.

Work was busy. Eileen is away on holiday for a couple of weeks.

The Royal Family returned from Canada today. It was the first time that all the family had been abroad together - that is the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh and four offspring. Prince Andrew has caused something of a sensation. Women everywhere are saying he's the most handsome bit of royalty they have ever seen. Even the unbending Sue Bradley on the EP thinks he's ravishing. She's old enough to be his mother.

Meanwhile: that night:- After tea with Mum, Dad, Lynn, Sue and Julie Nason, Peter's sister, I rang Maria to congratulate her on her birthday. She says John bought her a handbag, a purse, wallet, necklace and apron! For a guy who detests shopping he seems to have done rermarkably well. Lynn and Mum also have a word with her.

The bloody Olympic Games dominates the TV all night and at 10.30 after everyone had retired to bed (Dad started work at 10pm) I watched a western film until midnight.

By the way. I spoke to Delia Collis this afternoon.

-==-

Friday June 11, 1976

Booze-up day again. Eileen and I make our usual venture across to the Central at 1 o'clock and pass a pleasant hour over a lager or two. We bring a few cans back at 2 for Sarah to have a few drinks as well. One can exploded showering the whole interior of the Yorkshire Post building with a splattering of Heineken.

Meanwhile, that night: Go to the Dyneley (Arms) at 8.30 with Chris, Denise and Carole. (Denise is, of course, staying with Miss Phillips). Meet Pete M and Anne, Raymond Bond and Anne's sister, Carol - and of course the lovely Lynne, who is dressed completely in black. We sit together (Lynne and I that is) all night and are not particularly put off by Carole staring at us throughout. Everyone seems to be getting round to my idea of thinking that poor Carole is slightly 'loony'. Her eyes are certrainly strange and certainly her whole appearance is one of a madwoman. I never feel quite safe now when I see her and always my eyes fall upon her revolting wrists and I think to myself: "God! Is that mess all my fault?"

Move on to the Harrogate Arms near Harlow Carr Gardens until closing. John and Maria came. (They joined us at the Dyneley at 10pm. Lynne brings me home at midnight and stays for over an hour).

-==-

Monday June 7, 1976

Weird happenings today. On arriving at work at 8.30 Sarah tells me that she's heard from Marilyn that Carol J is now going out with Tony. After he dropped me off at home late on Friday night he went back to Carol's flat and subsequently stayed the night. This isn't all. They were at the Square & Compass on Saturday night and on Sunday she was helping him move into his new flat. Mrs Johnson told Eileen this morning that this time it's 'the real thing'. _____. I am not supposed to know about this because I might tell D. ______________.

Carole (all these bloody Carole's/Carol's are so confusing aren't they?) rings before lunch to ask me to go for a drink with her one night this week. Foolishly I say I will and ask her to contact me on Thursday. Afterwards I realise that for the first time since we split I am giving in to her. Tomorrow I will ring her at her work and cancel the date. I'll speak to her if she's out with the rest of the crowd but never again will I be subjected to a private liaison in a public house or anywhere for that matter.

A hot summers day. Very much like yesterday and I only hope that the weather will remain at the same temperature for a couple of weeks so that I'll be suitably primed and ready for the forthcoming Ibiza extravaganza.

My mind is pre-occupied throughout the day with thoughts of Lynne and whether or not we should go out together. ___________________.

John and Maria come at 9 o'clock and stay until 11.45. Maria is in great spirits and seems delighted by the photo albums. She says her child, if a boy, will definately be John Philip Rhodes, Jun. She borrows my Chambers Dictionary with the christian names in the back, to research possible girl names. Charlotte seems to be on the cards.

-=--

Sunday May 23, 1976

Rogation Sunday. Drive home from Marilyn and Carol's flat at about 8.30. My eyes pour with water and itch. Eileen, Michael and Helen are the only survivors, or so it seems. Christine & Roger are in Mum & Dad's bed, and Denise and Peter are in Lynn & Sue's room.

We make breakfast - Eileen and me that is - and one by one they drift downstairs. My cat fever soon passes and breakfast is followed by a wrestling match between Christine & Roger. She was so drunk last night. It's my first real conversation with Roger, who isn't half as bad as he likes to make others believe.

Helen goes off and Keith makes an exit with Denise in the direction of the moors. They get back an hour or so later and make breakfast for themselves.

By 12.30 Eileen and Michael have gone, and at 1pm I stagger into bed. I am woken ten minutes later by Carole on the phone. She chats about last night. She didn't attempt to do herself in. All she did was cut her finger on a Martini bottle which she accidentally dropped on the drive. She says she knows I hate her, which just isn't true, and goes on to say she will always love me. I don't say anything of importance andgo back to bed. Can't sleep at all and get up for good at 2pm. Watch a Shirley Temple film with Keith who comes at 2.30. We drive over to see Denise and the three of us go to Harrogate's Valley Gardens in the spitfire. It's something of a squeeze but we have a laugh. The fresh air did a lot to revive me. Keith and Denise are hand in hand all afternoon _________________. Back to her place for 6.30 and home for 7 o'clock. Bid farewell to Keith until next weekend. Chris and Pete call in at 8.15 just as Lynn and Sue return home. The three of us go to Linton and then to Grassington. End up in the Fish Dish in Ilkley at 11.15. A good evening out which I undertook with my fly open until a gent let me know I was being indecent in the Devonshire.

-==-

Friday May 14, 1976

Eileen and I go to the Ostlers at 1pm for yet another 'liquid' lunch. We havn't been out together for quite a long time and it certainly made a change. Leave work at 4.30 for yet another weekend.

David, out of hospital, collects me at 8 o'clock and we go to the Hare & Hounds. Christine Dibb and her boyfriend are holding court, and Judith R and Kathryn are in. J offered her condolences about Carole. I feel nervous and peculiar because I know Miss Phillips will be coming in. She arrives with Chris and says hello quite cordially. They're followed by Andy, Linda, Pete M and Denise, and then Keith B and John and Maria. CB comes in with Roger. Poor David cannot touch alcohol before Christmas and even after that he'll never be allowed to get pissed again. Horrific isnt it? He drank tomato juice, but this disagreed with him, and he had to drink water. We decide to go see Liza Minelli in 'Cabaret' tomorrow.

Move on to the Black Bull in Otley. ______________________________.

--==--

Thursday February 12, 1976

A wet bright day. At the YP Kathleen has a phone call to say the 1975 edition of Burke's Peerage is waiting to be collected at WH Smith's. I'm round there like a shot and return with the bound volume where, to my horror, I see that it is in fact a revised edition of the 1970 volume, andf even smaller because the royal section now forms a separate book. I think it's a disgrace, and at £38 it certainly isn't worth it. However, before taking it back I photostated the supplement in the front of the volume listing all the peers who have died since 1970, and proceed to amend our tatty volume myself. I then re-wrapped the book and took it back to Smith's. Devious I know.

Elton John is coming to the Grand Theatre Leeds on April 29-30 and Sarah, with her boyfriend Alan, Carol and her sweetheart, Eileen and Michael and Carole and I are going along to lend our support. Tickets are £3 each and we all payed today to get it over with. I'm not an absolute Elton John fanatic but I am curious to see how he performs on stage. The girls in the office will be clamouring to see Carole, because she's always been a mysterious voice on the other end of the phone. They'll be more interested in Carole than in Elton John.

Get home at 5.30 for fish and chips and chocolate cake and gallons of tea.

The Henry Jenkins deal is going through with great promise. Barkers accountants and valuers are working around the clock and we'll have a decision in two weeks.

John and I go down to the Hare at 7.30 and when he goes to Maria's half an hour later I go to Carole's. We have a romantic evening in the Hare and spend an hour in the tap room where all the locals seem to know us now. She really is cheerful and happy.

-==-

Thursday February 5, 1976

Another wet, horrible day. Work was a load of crap too. Left at 4pm after working through lunch and travel home in daylight which is unusual.

Carole rang me at work whilst I was out of the office. Eileen made it sound urgent and so I rang C at Bradford. She didn't want anything in particular but reminded me she's coming to my place straight from work. (By 'straight from work' of course she means straight after she's spent half the evening round at Maria's gossiping.) Women!

Nothing in the news other than the Jeremy Thorpe affair again, which is getting boring now. The Press get onto a good thing and then go and ruin it by ramming it down our throats.

Carole comes at 6.30 and I make her beans on toast. We then watch 'Top of the Pops' together with Mum & Dad and at 8 0'clock get a bus to the Hare. After messing about for half an hour in the lounge we go through to the tap room where we win £1 on the domino lottery.

Carole is something of a celebrity in the Hare & Hounds tap room because she's the only woman there under 50 years of age and under 18 stone, and the locals look upon her as a second Jayne Mansfield or Raquel Welch.

-==-

Wednesday February 4, 1976

Efficient day at the office because Kathleen is at the Doncaster office for the day visiting the Vivien Nicholson-type female who came over here for the week not too long ago.

Sarah is in high spirits and I may be thick - you've probably known all along - but I think that sometimes she quite fancies me. Don't get me wrong. I've no plans to involve myself with her. No plans at all. Carole is the one for me at the moment.

I write to Carole again (I wrote yesterday) and spend all lunchtime at it.

Sarah and Eileen leave at 4 o'clock and I work with Carol until 4.30.

Marita is on page 1 of the EP! Pictured with her postman. Evidently he sent her a card on her birthday, or something, and her Dad was so touched he wrote to Malcolm Barker, &c &c.

Jeremy Thorpe is asking to resign now (as leader of the Liberal party) and the whole business is becoming more and more involved.

I don't see why he should resign because he's homosexual. If we can have a woman leading the Conservative party and a man leading the Labour party it seems only right and proper that the leader of the Liberal party should be something in-between. The man is a fool for offering to resign in the first place. In these promiscuous times I can't see the public objecting to the sexual escapades of a politician. (I do really. Just trying to write something controversial).

But seriously, Jeremy Thorpe may be a first class politician and I feel sad that he shouldn't have to go simply because he fancies young men with nice legs. After all, just look at Edward Heath. He is as bent as a £12 note but most of the Tory party continue to idolise him two years after his death. They'll be telling us next that Margaret Thatcher is a lesbian.

Home for tea at 5.30 and attempt to get in the bath afterwards which is foolish because John and Susan are on the same caper and they show more cunning that I do.

Carole rings twice. The first time we just have a friendly chat, but on the second call she's near to tears complaining about the way her mother and father treat her. They really are a pair of swines and I tell her to be more ruthless with them. The poor thing is far too soft and servile to fight back. She is coming to tea tomorrow night and we're going out afterwards most likely.

I go to bed with a cup of cocoa at about 10.30 to escape the winter olympics on TV.

-==-

Wednesday December 24, 1975

Christmas Eve. At 12 o'clock we went over to the Central, which was like the Black Hole of Calcutta. Fighting to get to the bar proved tortuous and we just about died of thirst while queueing. Sarah goes home at 2.30 and Carol J and I leave an hour later after I'd given massive drunken Christmas kisses to all the drunken females spread around the pub. Eileen just about had me on the floor. She was with her younger sister, Christine.

At 4.30 I'm home and feeling dog-tired as I always do after lunchtime boozing. I fall asleep in the bath and climb out at 6.30 to a roast pork sandwich and a selection of pickles and onions.

By 8pm I'm all well again and Carole arrives just as I'm about to set off and collect her from home.

We go to the Hare where everyone is assembled and I sit with Mr & Mrs P for a couple of hours. We leave at 11 after witnessing a scuffle in which Rick Ryder prominently featured.

Dave L reminds me about his party on Boxing Day. Carole, Lynn, Dave, John, Maria, Susan, Peter all come back to Pine Tops for supper and drinks. At midnight we open most of the presents and I'm thrilled to see that Carole's bought me an instamatic camera. We are all up until nearly 3am and the lounge was devastated with Christmas wrapping paper by the time we'd finished. Dave B took Carole home.

-==-

Wednesday December 17, 1975

A bit of a Royal day in Leeds today. Sarah, Eileen, Carol and I went up to the Queen's Hotel to see the arrival of the Prince of Wales at 12.20 this afternoon. It was a biting cold day and everyone in the crowd looked perished.

The prince dashed out of his Rolls Royce and fled up the red carpeted steps of the hotel with some speed and those in the crowd who were not perhaps on form may well have missed seeing him altogether. Sarah says he looks tiny and thin - something of a puny prince. He's about 5ft 8ins I think, which is quite average really.

I had to laugh at The Times this morning. An article concerninhg the love letters between Sir John French, commander-in-chief of the Army in the 1914-18 war, and his mistress, was topped with the headline 'FRENCH LETTERS SCANDAL'. Makes it sound like some court case involving a Durex swindle. I laughed for hours.


-==-

Monday November 17, 1975

Chilly blasts and ice-cold draughts howl around my knees at 8am as I set foot out of the house for another day at the office. A hectic day too. Sarah is at her grandmother's funeral, and of course Kathleen never works Mondays. Carol is on the verge of mental collapse and Eileen reverts to her bad-mannered ways as she always seems to do at times of stress.

Someone was arguing about a quiz programme on tv yesterday. Evidently, the 50 dollar question was 'give me nine womens names beginning with the letter M'. The poor contestant could only think of six, and thus lost a chance to spend a week in St Tropez, all expenses paid. It's such an easy question too:
Mary, Marian, Mary, Mildred, Mary, Margaret, Mary, Millicent, Mary, Melissa, Mary, Maude, Mary, Mirabel, Mary, Mabel, Mary, Magdalene, Mary, Muriel, Mary, Megan, Mary, Marjorie, Mary, Michelle, Mary, Myrtle, Mary, Marianne, Mary, Marie, Mary,. Maria, Mary, Margot, Mary, Mandy. Well ok, Mandy is short for Amanda, but I bet someone somewhere is actually called Mandy.

Carole rings me and informs me that Mrs P has bought a bottle of pernod for us to get through on Thursday. Lynn and Dave and John and Maria are invited round, so we'll have a good time of it before dining out.

All I can say is I am glad we are nowhere near Londinium because you wouldn't find me in a restaurant down there. The IRA isn't going to have the pleasure of putting a stop to my happy, little existence. I intend to battle on to be over 100 whether these terrorists like it or not. Goddnight.