Monday April 12, 1976

Up at 7.15 and battle through a large breakfast with Lynn. Unusual for me to eat on a morning but if I'm up early I can always manage to put away a few loaves of bread and nine and a half tons of marmalade.

The second Monday in succession without a lift from Jim. Meet Gillian Upton at the 55 bus stop and travel with her. She tells me she climbed Peny-Ghent (if that's how you spell it) - yesterday. How she's changed since breaking with Naomi. __________.

Carole rings me at 1.30 to say she's made it up with the Old Hag. I never will though. Carole is Mrs P's daughter, and all that, but why should I make polite chit chat with someone with whom I have nothing in common? Get lost, Mrs Phillips. That's what I say.

Leap in the bath and watch a revolting Raquel Welch film before retiring to bed at 11.20. Carole's visiting her old pal Deborah tonight. Let's hope this cooling off business catches on. No wedding bells for Michael L. Rhodes.

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Saturday November 29, 1975

To Bradford with Carole and Maria at 2pm. Maria goes off to buy presents and Carole and I go looking for a ring for me. We see one in Samuels after an hour or so. She buys it for me. £26! Bless her. I never thought she'd pay so much, and it only goes to show that I underestimate her feelings for me. The ring is gold with a tiny diamond on one corner - beautiful.

Ring Brummels and they say we can't go in as a coach party. We therefor cancel our venue and go for the Cat's Whiskers instead. They have no objection to us going. I ring Christine W in York and tell her to go to the Cat's Whiskers instead of Brummels. Phew! What a lark. But the worst is yet to come. You just wait and see.

We readied ourselves and dashed around the house in a mad panic. Sue and Lynn were wearing new creations. At 7.30 Dad drove John, Maria, Carole and me down to the Hare. People started arriving and by 8.30 we had gathered some 31 people.Chris and Gillian came, and the couple from next door, and many people too numerous to mention. At 9 o'clock I go outside and wait for the coach and my heart sinks when it gets to twenty past that fateful hour and it is still nowhere to be seen. Half the crowd follow me to the telephone in the tap room and look on in horror as I'm told that no coach whatsoever will be coming tonight. I tried to get mad with the creep on the other end of the line but was rendered speechless by the shock of it. Peter Nason called him a 'bastard' and Gillian Upton called him a few other things, but it was all in vain. 31 people all dressed up with nowhere to go. A scramble was made for the door and those who were able went home for cars. By 11 o'clock two thirds of the original 31 people were in the Minstrel's Gallery in Ilkley. We stayed until 2am and I cheered up somewhat after the shock of being let down by Rhodeses Coaches Ltd.

CB was pissed out of her mind.

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Saturday November 8, 1975

News Flash Edition: It isn't often I begin a page with news of such excitement, but what I am about to say does call for some special notice. At 8.45pm this evening I learned that Andy and Linda are engaged!

My special "news flash" editions are a rarity indeed. The engagement of Princess Anne and Mark Phillips and Christine Braithwaite finishing with Chris are the only previous times I have headed a page with such a thing and for Mr Graham and his future wife it must be a great honour.

Got up at 12.30 or so,. and lounge about in a dressing gown for an hour or so. Met Carole at the White Cross at 2.30 and we went to Bradford. Spend a pleasant couple of hours round the shops and get a belt at £1.75 from 'Miss Selfridge' of all places. One nice aspect of going out with a girl is that you can pick up nice clothes and accessories in girls' shops without people thinking it funny. (Don't worry folks - I'm no transvestite.) Home at 5.15 and leap in the bath. Wear the blue trousers I purchased about a week ago and the new belt.

Dave, Lynn, John, Sue and I walk to Maria's, and then hang about waiting for Pete, who doesn't turn up. We all, except Pete, set off for the Hare, and Dave and Lynn go to Carole's with me. In the Hare Pete flies at Sue like something not right. I could kill him after seeing him hurt my little lamb of a sister, who has never done a thing wrong in the whole of her life.

Hear Andy and Linda's news. Chris comes in with Gillian and leaves half an hour later to go "see the Queen at the Royal Albert Hall Remembrance Service" on TV. A likely tale indeed.

Linda says we should all get engaged now that she and Mr Graham have "set the ball rolling". Who knows. To the Cow & Calf until 2. A good night, but no space to report on it any further.

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Saturday September 6, 1975

Mum gets me up at about 11. I ring Carole at 'George's' after breakfast and she says we ought to do something this aftnernoon, but she's going shopping in Leeds with her mother first. Like a fool I say I'll hang about at home until she gets back, which isn't for another six hours! After doing absolutely nothing all afternoon I eventually get the call from Carole at 6pm and immediately go down to 'George's' for tea - supposedly that is. Mr & Mrs Macdonald have gone off to Cardiff to see their elder daughter, and so 'George' is grandad sitting for the weekend. John is already at the house and he's yelling at 'George' for not being ready. They are going to Brummels near York with Keith and Helen at 8pm and at 7.30 she's still far from ready.

Carole makes me a beef curry while I rumage through Jimmy's records looking for an LP he played me ages ago. Not knowing the name of the group or the album dooms me to failure from the start. The curry was quite good, and I devoured it whilst Carole prepared herself to go out. John and 'George' go out at 8, and that leaves the two of us with Grandad (Savage). I take him his milk up, and Carole sees that he's nicely tucked in bed. We then walk romantically to White Cross where we get a bus to the Hare. The evening had that autumn feeling about it, and I'm sure we've seen the last of this astonishing summer once and for all.

John, Keith and the ladies leave shortly after we arrive, and that leaves Chris, who is with Gillian U, Christine D, Christine B, who is with a mob at the other end of the bar and doesn't stay with us for a great length of time. Raymond is in with Lumsden and they are keeping away too, so in fact the only ones conglomerated around the juke box are Carole and I, Chris and Gillian, Peter M and Christine D. Nothing much is going on and I can't help thinking that Chris fancies Carole. We had decided to go back to 'George's' to see a horror film, but Peter persuaded us to go up to the Cow & Calf. Out-numbered by women again. Good old CB came along. CB knows CD fancies Peter and has devilment written all over her face. Carole and I stand quite alone for a good part of the night, and I only danced once. We had such a laugh together too. Kept saying 'Cooee!' like Barry Humphries does in the latest Barry Mackenzie saga. Home at 2.30 to 'George's' where I fall asleep on the sofa.


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Wednesday July 23, 1975

Another queer day. More like April. It's pissing it down and I'll not dwell on the subject any more.

Work was uneventful and Sarah wasn't feeling too well. I'm willing to bet a small fortune on the subject of Sarah attending my party on Saturday. She's been very secretive about the whole business and every time I mention it she quickly changes the subject. Who cares anyway?

Home at 5.30. Mum is having tantrums about everyone and everything again. She didn't improve much either when Lynn put her foot in it and mentioned we might be having a party on Saturday night. I cringed at the mention of it. Women! Give me a family of boys any day.

The weather is horrible and I'm not looking forward to this evening's orgy with Carole at the Hare. She is all very well, but when the Queen is on TV no competition arises. I am rotten, aren't I?

Down to the Hare with John at 8.15. See Gillian and Naomi who are back from Newquay, where they had two hours of sunshine last week. John collects 'George' and Helen comes long of her own free will. Carole arrives at 8.30. She tells me her name is Phillips. Just think, if she'd been a boy and called Mark and joined the Queen's Dragoon Guards I'd now be a friend of royalty. Back to her place, just the two of us, at 10.30 and I stayed until 12.20. Walk home in pouring rain with her Dad's umberella. Don't get too wet, and on my arrival home I devour a bowl of chicken soup with plenty of pepper on.

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Wednesday July 9, 1975

A damp, dark and humid day. Horribly hot and unpleasant. Remember, with horror, that I am working nights on Friday, which means no boozing session with Sarah. Please, for God's Sake, please do not think my life revolves around the consumption of alcohol. It doesn't. I could go to the Hare & Hounds and just drink water and be just as happy, because the society and the friends are all that matter really. No doubt ______ would think differently. No one likes a drink better than me, but it isn't number one on my list of priorities.

Gillian rang me at 7.30 just as it was beginning to rain, and I took it upon myself to scrounge a lift. Her Mum brought us to the Hare & Hounds, and we went our separate ways once we were in. John walked down with 'George' and Christine came on the bus. Peter was in too.

CB and me get on like a house on fire and I will always be fond of her, but I think I've made a bit of a fool of myself over her. Leave the Hare at 9.30 and have one in the Commercial. It's far too hot and we leave at 10.20. Peter M drives me home.

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Saturday July 5, 1975

I cannot really understand where my hangover is this morning. After all I drank last night it's a miracle that I'm not permanently damaged from the stomach upwards. My liver loo, cannot have enjoyed the bashing it received. After all, what's my liver done to me to deserve that. Poor Sod.

However, though I have no hangover, I do feel really tired and shagged out. The tennis men's singles final was on the TV this afternoon and I nearly fell into a coma watching Arthur Ashe beat the hell out of Jimmy Connors.

At 5pm I disappeared to my room and slept upon my bed until 6.30. I awoke feeling a good deal better, and refreshed.

Joh staggered me this evening when he said he was going to Maria's - sorry, I mean 'George's' - for the evening and not going out for one single drink at all!! This is incredible.

Chris rang and I said I'd see him at the Hare at 8.30. After seeing Barbara Stanwyck in 'The Titanic', I was surprised to see Chris calling for me in his Dad's car.

We went down to the Hare, where we were joined by Mr Mather, and we thought we were in for a boys' night out. However, Helen and Carol are in and they join us. Gillian takes a few photographs of us lads in the car park, and I can't quite get over just how crude that girl can be at times. The five of us move on to the Black Bull in Otley for a few, and come back to the Hare at 10.30 for a last look at the place before closing. Carol, Chris and I go on to Harry Ramsden's for fish and chips, and I'm home for 11.30. Spend the next hour or two watching a weird Julie Christie film on the BBC with Mama.

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Thursday June 5, 1975

Clammy day. Rains on my way down the lane at 8am, and is scorching hot on my return at 5.15. Bloody British weather.

It's Referendum Day I know, but I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing about it.

Busy day at the YP. Mrs Johnson, who is now separated from Mick, leaves early 'full of pneumonia' or something. We'll all go down with it in the office.

Home at 5.30 for tea. Believe now that I have no choice other than to vote 'yes' in the referendum. I find the very thought of doing so distasteful, but if I do not do so, the weight of an overall 'no' vote would be on my conscience for the rest of my days.

John and I go vote 'yes' at 8.30. We then go to the Hare where Gillian, Naomi, even CB and Gary are to be found. We also call in at the Fox & Hounds for a quick one at about 9.30. Back to the Hare I arrange to meet CB therein on the morrow. It's now two months to the very day since I told her how I feel about her, and I still feel exactly the same. Gary must go.

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Tuesday May 27, 1975

Don't feel like compiling any events for today. In fact I feel like putting an end to this miserable diary once and for all. OK, I'm depressed and I don't know what I'm saying, but you've got yo admit, it isn't very exciting, is it?

First day back at the YP. No astounding news in the press, and 'Edward VII' wasn't on TV tonight because of the industrial dispute with the technicians.

Dave, Lynn, John and I go to the Hare & Hounds for yet another drink. This makes the total of boozy consecutive days to six. Last Wednesday at the Hare, Thursday with Gillian, Friday, Saturday and Sunday at Grassington, Monday back at the Hare of course and then today. However, it was Edward VII's fault tonight.

Home at 10 o'clock to hear on the news that a bus accident occurred near Grassington this afternoon killing 31 women and the driver. It is Britain's worst ever road accident. To think that yesterday afternoon we were driving around on the self same autobahn.

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Thursday May 22, 1975

Gillian and I go see 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', a full-length feature film, at the ABC Cinema in Bradford. Really hilarious. We both sat snorting like pigs throughout, and ached with the strain of laughing all the way home on the bus.

We called in on Naomi for ten minutes or so, and I walked Gillian home.

Home at about 11pm to see the new CAR!! A Toyota Corona or something. A beautiful shade of red, and quite the joy of Papa, who vows he's never seen anything like it. He never imagined that the day would dawn when he was the owner of a car free from rust!

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Sunday May 18, 1975

Whit Sunday. Another scorcher. Up at 12 and do nothing before luch, which is always the case on Sundays. After roast beef and Yorkshire Pudding I nip down Tranmere to see Gillian - the femme fatale of Guiseley. Mrs Upton is a _______.Not forgetting the Jodpurs (can't spell this) and car wash leather. Gillian yells the usual abuse at her mother before coming back to Pine Tops to recline in a deckchair on the lawn with ice-cream and Mum, Dad and Lynn and eventually Dave. A really hot afternoon and would have been tranquil but for the fact that JR was screaming her ruddy, little head off two doors away. And when I say screaming, I really mean SCREAMING.

Gillian goes at 5 after laughing with Lynn about shorthand.

Dave comes at 5.30 and we have a laugh by having tea in the car. Why did we do that you are all asking? Well, the radio batteries are flat and the car radio is the only thing working at the moment, and so it came to pass that crumpets and ham sandwiches were had in the front seat of Papa's Cortina.

Lynn and Dave join us at the Hare, and we move on to the Black Bull, in Otley where I partake in a few too many Skol Special Strengths. Ray and his mate John joined us and Sunday night proved riotous for a change.

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Saturday May 17, 1975

Hilarious day. Mum got me out of bed at 12 to accomapny her to Morrison's for the weekly pile of nosh and general necessities. In unbearable heat we chase about the shop for the best part of an hour, picking Sue up at the hairdressers on the way home.

A 2pm Gillian comes round with 'Diamond Dogs' by Bowie, and after half an hour the two of us decide to pay a call on Chris, who is messing about with his guttering (roof guttering and all that) with the aid and assistance of John of course. After messing about on a couple of buses Gillian and I arrive at Horsforth at about 2.30 to discover Mrs Ratcliffe pottering around in the rubble of what was once 21, Victoria Drive. She was all covered in paint saying things like: 'Oh, Chris and John disappeared half an hour ago down Town Street'. We sat about waiting for the two workers to return and when they do we follow them outside and clown about on the lawn, eating ice lollipops and making foolery and merriment. John dangling about at the top of a ladder just didn't look safe, and Gillian felt quite sickly just watching him. Home at about 6 in a mild drizzle to have tea.

Mum and Dad are at Leeds General Infirmary visiting Auntie Mabel, and therefore I make the tea consisting of fish fingers and peas. Very nice too, although I say it myself.

Out to the Hare & Hounds at about 8 and Gillian more or less tags onto me for the night. After a disagreement in the Malt Shovel, Burley-in-Wharfedale, the happy family splits up and Laura takes her mob to Ilkley and John, Gillian, Christine Dibb and I go to the White Horse in Burley to see Cousin Dorothy. We leave at about 11.10 after exchanging reminiscences with Dorothy. Played dominos for the first time in years.

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Friday May 16, 1975

Have a good time with Sarah today and I'm sure she is aware that I quite like her. When I say quite like her I mean a bit more than that, but mourning for Christine prevents me from saying what I feel.

Oh, I don't think I've told you that Gary seems to have hypnotised poor Christine again and they are 'going out' once more. I put 'going out' in inverted commas because they don't actually 'go out'. In fact, he 'goes out' somewhere and Christine 'goes out' to the Hare & Hounds and stands about all evening making excuses for him. The day I see them enjoying themselves 'together' I will run up a Union Flag and sit in the middle of Hawksworth Lane in a naked condition, blowing bubbles.

In town today I bought a shirt. Brilliant it is, with a little man on the front. He's riding a bicycle or something. Went to the Hare and Hounds and of course Wikis and everyone seemed to be interested in it (the shirt). Drank quite a sizeable amount of alcohol & revelled in the delights of a drunken Gillian and weird Marian. Naomi was drunk and goes to London to a party on the morrow, and I can't help feeling disappointed that she isn't going to be my sister-in-law.

Home in Laura's car at 2am or thereabouts and stagger straight into the pit. Sleep soundly.

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Wednesday April 16, 1975

Don't expect much today because you'll be very disappointed. You see, John is alseep in bed, and it's quite late at night and the brightness of the electric lighting in the room is disturbing his slumbers somewhat. Anyway, to recap on the days events: Saw June briefly this morning as Jim drove me to Leeds- just a very, very brief glimpse because we rocketed past her at about 60 mph. However, brief it may have been, but my poor little heart almost didn't withstand the excitement. From Horsforth to the far-flung reaches of Kirkstall I travelled with it (my heart) in my mouth.

Later the same day: John deposits me in the Hare and Hounds and then takes Chris and Naomi to Bradford where Gillian is propping up a bar. (Did you know that Chris and Gillian are, as they say, 'going out'?) You know now anyway. I was left with Helen Lockyer in her Pa's car I might add, Miss C. Smith and Mr A Graham. Reluctantly I'm dragged off to the Station on Henshaw Lane. Philip Knowles comes in with a blond chick and leaves after supping only half a bitter. Denis Healey must have gone to his head or something. Half a bitter! Yuk!

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Saturday April 5, 1975

Here it is again - my birthday. Excuse me if the writing is different but I'm using a strange pen. Yes, as I was saying, here it is again. Happy Birthday, Michael, Baby! My teens are done with forever. The days of youth are through and as Dave L pointed out, I'm 'a fifth of a century old'.

Wake up at about 10 and make tea for poor, darling Christine, who is sound asleep on the lounge settee. It begins to snow, and we sit about laughing and joking for about an hour. She disappears down the lane in a blizzard and I settle down to open my cards.Dave L's is the best. A bereavement card! 'Our Sorrow is with You at This Time', and words to that effect. Play about with the typewriter and entertain Gillian, who calls round with my birthday card.

Mum and Dad are in a foul mood to start with, but pull round in the afternoon. £4 from Mama, and £3 from Sue and Peter.

The Grand National today. L'Escargot won. Mum, Dad, John and I backed eight horses each. Dad had the winner and Mum the second.

To the Hare and Hounds at 7 with Mum, Dad and John. Darling Christine joins us ten minutes later, and I tell her that I'm crazy over her. She doesn't believe me. I'll have to wait to see what reaction she profers.

Everyone gathers and the coach leaves for Kikos at 8.30. A forty five minute journey and I almost burst my bladder on the way. Fantastic evening. Rum and orange all night. Involved in a slight tussle and cut my finger, but nothing horrific. Bit of an orgy really. Had a request played and carry on very nicely. Leave at 2.15 for home and have a 'Sing along' on the way with Mr Lawson and Miss Braithwaite. Cook until 5 for Jackie and Neil and crawl into bed at about 6 o'clock.

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Wednesday April 2, 1975

Feeling much better today. The day flew by, and with Kathleen off (until tomorrow) I wassn't pestered or continually quizzed all the time about my movements.

Nothing spectacular in the news. Nasty Mr Shelepin, of the KGB, went home this afternoon after three or four days of ridiculous publicity. The newspapers went insane over his every move.

The poor Queen is to endure a gruelling state visit to Japan commencing May 7, and a rumpus is going on at the moment about whether or not she'll visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Japanese Warrior. I hope not. After all, the blackguard probably mutilated half the Green Howards with his sabre before some little private put a bullet in his brain. Keep Japan to the Japs and leave our Queen alone. That's what I say.

Christine B rang at lunchtime and I said I'd meet her in the Hare at about 8.30. She said she'd bring Maura with her. I must ask Miss Tobin if she wants to join the party on Saturday night. I'm crying out for folk to fill this 29 seater bus. I only hope and pray that it will be something of a success.

Aaarrghh! I'll only be a teenager now for a further two miserable days. Two days!! God, I'm becoming so old. My days are numbered. My hair is greying and falling out along with half my teeth. Poor, miserable looking sod that I am.

To the Hare, where Jane arrives shortly after me. Revolting, creepy Gillian comes over to us, but I don't egg her on about anything. Christine comes in, and we have a laugh, but unfortunately Gary got in the way. It's about time he went.

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Friday March 28, 1975

Good Friday. No work - just pure, unadulterated bone-idleness. At 12.30 on a beautifully sunny, but cold afternoon Dave, Lynn, Helen and I gather in the Hare & Hounds, Menston, Yorkshire, for a little drink before departing, in Mr Baker's car, to Woodhouse Moor Fair for the afternoon. Prior to embarking on the afternoon of childish entertainment, the four of us satisfied our refreshment buds in the Hyde Park public house, upon which I'd rather not pass comment at this moment in time and feel that the comments I would surely be called upon to make are unfit to languish on the page for this holy day.

Spend all afternoon in the fairground and return with fish and chips to Helen's at about 4.30. Home after 5 where Mummmy makes us yet another tea. Mum and Dad walked from our house to Ilkley this morning in just two hours and then came back on the bus.

Down to the Hare & Hounds where Miss Christine Mary Dacre-Braithwaite joins us unaccompanied. Pass a pleasant few hours and plan to go to Wikis, but alas and alack, Gary comes in at about 10.0 o'clock. Blast and Damn him! However, still set on the idea of going to Wikis, John, Gillian and I depart thereunto. Kicked out at 12.30 - Sunday licensing on Good Fridays - bah - and back to Gillian's to see a film. I tried to have sex with her without much success.

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Saturday March 15, 1975

Up at noon. Sue wants to go to Bradford in order to get a present for Peter, who is 17 on March 20, and I seem like a capable victim for her escort into Yorkshire's answer to Delhi. A bright sunny afternoon - cold though -is awaiting us in Bradford, and we visit Lynn who is selling suitcases in the British Home Stores. On to see Dear Denny, who enjoyed herself immensely in the Hare last night. Sue purchased a St Christopher locket for Peter, and we vacatedthe city at about 4.30.

To the Hare again. Gillian looks a bloody misery - so I soon get out of her company, and Helen doesn't harbour any grudges about last night, so all's well really.

Christine is in with Gary and she jokes about her birthday cards, but she soon departs when Chris arrives with Denny and Peter Mather. Chris was riddled with laryngitis when I last heard - but he's slightly improved now. John and Co. go off to Wheels and the remainder of us sod about in the Hare until 11. Ron, who was once more than good friends with Denny, and Graham Pease join us. Quite a laugh.

Chris and I come back home for a coffee but he leaves shortly after. See a Bob Hope film with Lynn, Dave, Sue and Peter. Bed at about 2.30. (It's 1.30 really but they've altered the clocks to Summer Time now.)

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Friday March 14, 1975

Friday again. Unpleasantness abounds this evening. Never before did I really appreciate just how irresistible I am to our good friends, the opposite sex. Whilst stood in the darkness of Wikis I was in the ridiculous position of holding hands with Helen, kissing Gillian, and attempting to hold a conversation with Christine D. In the process of this orgy of activity I did realise that someone, somewhere along the line would fall foul of my polygamous frolics, and this fleeting whimsy proved to be more than just conjecture. Helen took the huff and dragged Christine off, and I ended up in the bar staring into the false-eye-lash laden eyes of Miss Gillian Upton, wealthy spinster of the Parish of Guiseley, in the County of York. This entertaining episode lasted until 2.10am, and I was well aware that it wasn't quite finished. John and Naomi dragged me back to Miss Upton's for coffee and I proceeded to cremate myself in front of the fire. Sleep crept upon me until 5.20am when John finally decided to take me home. I don't remember just what I said to Gillian exactly, but she seemed peeved about something. She fancies me when she's had a little too much to drink, but my taste isn't in her direction at all reallly.

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Sunday March 2, 1975

3rd Sunday in Lent. Very mild day. After a nice lunch of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding I nip into the garden and do a spot of pruning. The roses at the front of the house yield to my plans, but after an hour or so I retire to the lounge with an orange and a terrible thirst. Sue too is gagging for liquid refreshment, and Peter comes up with a bottle of ale for her. We've either had an excess of salt in the lunch or we have all fallen foul of a sudden attack of alcoholism. It could quite possibly be the latter.

Down to the Hare at 8 with John and Naomi. Julie Slater and Gillian come too, and I can't help laughing at the way Gillian treated Peter M last night. They were all 'lovey-Dovey' on Friday at Wikis, but she didn't even look at him last night! The poor chap is so confused. Sit with Helen all night at the same table as Carol and her latest. John comes across at about 10.15 and asks whether I want to go to Gillian's to finish off the booze left over from her brother's 21st. I say yes, but get a dirty look when Helen makes a move too. In other words, they want me, but they don't want Helen. In the end neither of us go, and we stay at the Hare until closing.

Christine rang me this afternoon inorder to give me her London address where she'll be residing until Friday. Chris tonight thought for certain that it was all over, and that Christine was too scared to tell him. After all they've not been out since last Saturday. He can't really complain after 2 months anyway. I'll write to pass on Philip's messages.

Home at 11 to see the end of a film with Dad and Lynn & Dave. The young lovers look bored lately and I hope it isn't all breaking up. They make such a good couple.

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