Monday August 14, 1978

To Otley Hospital with Dad at 9:30 where a nurse removed my stitches. The doctor, however, was far from satisfied, and he gave me a prescription and told me to return on Thursday. I left at 10 with my buttocks encased in a revolting anti-septic bandage which resembled a nappy. I felt like a two-year old.

Mum phoned at 12 to say that Uncle Jack (Myers) died at 1am today. Very sad. He has been suffering so much. ___________. Cousin Jackie visited Auntie Mabel this morning, who was asked by Auntie Eleanor to inform everyone else in the family.

Tonight I went to Lawn Road to scrape old pain from the staircase. A gruesome task indeed. We were joined by George Waite for half an hour or so. He has shaved off his beard and had his hair permed - like mine. Angus King, the YP medical correspondent, has been quizzing me about my hairstyle. I believe I have started a trend at the YP which will take on the proportions of the one caused by the skateboard craze.

Home at 10. After eating salad sandwiches I had a hot bath and re-dressed my gaping wound. It looks really revolting. We are all subdued about Uncle Jack. I do feel for poor Stephen (Myers) who is only 12 or 13 years old. To bed at 12:54am.

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Friday June 23, 1978

A damp, miserable day. Passed a happy, solitary afternoon with the photo files of the Duke of Windsor. Some are amazing and revealing. We have one which appeared in the YP in August, 1936 of the King (as he then was) on holiday abroad with 'a party of friends', and the picture editor has simply and ruthlessly cut off Wallis Simpson when he marked up the image for publication.

Met Jacq at 5:30on Wellington Street and we got a train to Pudsey arriving at 6:20. To Auntie Mabel's. Cousin Jackie is also there for tea ~ it was marvellous to see her. She was thinner. The conversation was tense because we didn't mention Uncle Jack, who is dying in agony from cancer.

Jacq seemed to hit it off with Auntie Mabel. We all demolished a massive salad together. The traditional hysteria over old photographs followed and by 9:30 we had gone through Auntie Mabel's entire life (pictorially). All very nostalgic.

At 9:30 Jacq, Jackie and I set off for home and had a couple of drinks at The Sun in Stanningley before I deposited Jacq onto a Leeds bus.

At 11 Jackie with her boyfriend, Peter, came back to Pine Tops for a few drinks and a chat with 'Auntie Nora'. On the journey home she said "you know Dad is very ill, don't you?" and I said how sorry I was, but isn't it futile trying to find the right words?

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Wednesday April 26, 1978

I went from the YP by train to Pudsey where I joined Mum and Dad at Auntie Mabel's for tea. She made us a nice salad and afterwards we sat with a few drinks before the television. It's now almost certainly been confirmed that my Uncle Jack (Myers) is suffering from cancer of the pancreas. Sadly, Jackie (Myers) didn't arrive as planned at Auntie's. I haven't laid eyes on Jacqueline since May, 1976.

... You could all employ yourselves doing something beneficial to the community instead of eavesdropping on me. Blimey, I probably died years ago, and none of this drivel will matter when all is said and done.

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Tuesday August 9, 1977

Happy Birthday Miss Jacqueline Myers - my dearest and sexiest cousin. 21 today.

Malt Shovel, Baildon (c) itsart.co.uk

Out tonight to the Malt Shovel at Baildon which was packed out with crumpet galore. Who'd have thought that women would go to all that trouble to get themselves tarted up and actually go out on a Tuesday evening? It never would have happened at one time. Tonight the place was seething with them.

Back at Pine Tops Tony and I 'argued' with Dad on such controversial subjects as his Late Holiness Sir Winston Churchill and the National Union of Mineworkers. ________________.


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Saturday May 22, 1976

Mum gets me up at 9.30 and they're away on holiday to the Isle of Skye at 10.30.

I hang about at home until 3pm when I ring Denise and arrange to meet her in Bradford at 5.30 after I've done some shopping.

Cook myself a piece of steak at lunchtime and by 3.30 I'm in Bradford succumbing to the charms of a devious shop assistant who forces me into purchasing two T-shirts - £10!!

Meet Denise at 5.30 and travel to Bramhope where we have fish fingers and cannon ball peas for tea. Peter M comes in at 7.30 and catches a mouse scurrying across the kitchen floor. The poor thing collapsed and died in his hands five minutes later - must have been the shock of seeing Peter M close up. P was heartbroken.

To the Hare at 8.30. Everyone comes: John, Maria, Sarah, Peter, Carol, Marilyn, Cousin Jackie, her boyfriend Don, Tony, Denise, Chris, Pete M, CB, CD, Keith, Carol Smith, Carole, Linda S, Ann from the USA with her sister Carol, Christine 'Snow' White, Eileen, Michael, Roger Boughton, Naomi and her Welsh cousin Helen, &c, and many more.

Fantastic party. Jackie disappeared early with a stomach disorder, but otherwise all was fine. At 4.30am Keith drove me and Marilyn to Carol J's flat in Horsforth where we stayed until 8.

Sarah was a good laugh and her boyfriend Peter is quite a decent chap really. John thinks he resembles David Hamilton which may be the reason why I think I've seen him somewhere before.

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Monday May 17, 1976

Woke up at about 5.30am and staggered to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. Don't usually see the light of day until about 8 o'clock and decide that Dad getting ready for work is the cause of my wakening. Climb back in bed and sleep until 7.30.

To work with Jim. He doesn't have much to say but I suppose affairs of state are preying on his mind. Monarchical duties should never be taken on by one who isn't willing to dedicate his life to the service of his country.

Nothing in the news. Write to Jackie about the possible events of next Saturday.______. I'd still like her if she made it common knowledge she'd slept with Rudolf Hess. I am a very broad minded cousin really. Sarah, Carol J and the others are also coming on Saturday. However, seeing will be believing I'm afraid.

Salad for tea. At Whitsuntide I suggest to Susan that she should invite John and Maria to stay for the weekend because otherwise she will be alone. I'm going camping with Chris and Peter, Mum and Dad will still be on holiday and Lynn and Dave are also venturing off. The poor girl can't spend a weekend in solitary confinement.

Look at the garden after tea and notice next door that old Mrs Monkman is sitting watching the TV quite alone. She must feel horribly lonely.

See a good film starring Franco Nero at 9.20 and come to bed at 11.30. Tired and shagged out.

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Monday April 19, 1976

Wake up at about 11.30 with Carole and Jackie. Feel horrible and revolting with hangover. I was the last person up drinking and the birds were chiruping like hell at 6.30am when I finally submitted to the call of the bedroom.

Jackie gets a lift into Bradford to start work at 12.30 and Carole and I walk home. Yes, we walked all the way to Guiseley along the Rodley canal which brought us out near Esholt Sewage Works on Hollins Hill. Did nothing but argue all the way home and she kept referring to the way in which I treated her last night. She dislikes the way I 'carry on' with other women and says that I don't 'give a damn' for her. I put her straight saying it is obvious that she thinks more of me than I do of her and that she is obsessed with the idea of us having a permanent relationship whatever the cost. My feelings, or lack of them, mean nothing to her & she professes her undying love for me when I've never once offered anything in return. This situation cannot go on. I tell her I enjoy her company but insist that I do not love her and this depresses her. The whole situation makes me sick.

She comes up at 8.50 and we all see 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' - not a good film, and I'm itching to see a programme on ITV about George III narated by the Prince of Wales. Bed at 12.30 and sleep like a log.

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Sunday April 18, 1976

Easter Day. To Blackpool with Chris & Christine and Carole, of course. Not going into details though we did have a riotous time. Left for Blackpool at 8am and returned at 9.30pm.

The four of us and Lynn & David go on to Jackie's party in Pudsey. Very crowded. I drink all night. Carole is quiet and I see very little of her. Lynn and Dave go home quite early & so too do Chris & Christine. A bloke stripped off and danced about in his naked condition much to the mixed amount of amusement & embarrassment of the party goers.

Stay up all night and sleep in Auntie E's double bed with Carole and Jackie. We were all clothed and only shared because of the bed shortage crisis. Quite funny really.

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Sunday April 4, 1976

Passion Sunday. Passion Sunday maybe, but as far as I was concerned nothing could be further from the truth. Poor Carole was like a moron all day and looks ghastly and haggard. What's become of the vital young maiden of yesteryear? If she doesn't leave home soon she will do something foolish and hideous. Make no mistake about it, our Carole cannot always be relied upon to make a rational move and the thought of her leaping under a bus is always at the forefront of my mind. She was tragic over lunch and I thought she might pass out.

Jackie stays all day. It was quite a laugh really. She took quite a few pictures of us in the garden.

Auntie Hilda and Uncle Tony came at 8.30 just as Lynn, Dave and Martyn arrived back from Alison's. Auntie brought me a clock for my birthday and Lynn is horrified to see it because it's the same as what Dave's bought me. Hilda takes her gift home and is going to change it later.

Dave took Carole home at 11. She was close to tears. She hasn't slept at home since Wednesday.

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Saturday April 3, 1976

In brief: My Birthday Party at Oakwood Hall.

Carole and I go to Leeds before lunch and spend about three or four hours messing around in the shops. I bought a blue cheesecloth shirt with the money Mum and Dad gave me this morning. We have our usual squabble in Miss Selfridge and Carole ends up the owner of a Spanish-style green blouse - which she loathes. Women!

Home at 4 to find Dad mending the telephone and see Jackie, who arrived three hours earlier.

Later: Coach arrives at 9.20 and 19 people travel. MM and Marita in the car. Even Denise and Tony came. The place was horribly hot all night and packed to the brim. I attempt to get intoxicated and only got slightly pissed, spending £8 in the process. Lynn and David didn't come, which left something of a gap but otherwise all was a great success. Christine B, Chris and Peter bought me a 'Southern Comfort' pub mirror - brilliant. Back to Pine Tops - that is only family and Dave L for Jackie's sausage sandwiches and a photographic session. Hysterical just isn't the word.

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Tuesday March 30, 1976

Home at 4.30 and call in next door to see Douglas about the trip on Saturday. He says that he and Susan will definately come, and so that should put Jackie in with a chance. She's quite taken a fancy to Douglas, and he doesn't seem to have a girlfriend, so who knows what might occur? Ring Marita. She doesn't know whether she can make it or not, and the same applies to Christine White. Jackie rings me at 10.30 and I tell her about Douglas. She's quite excited really.

Carole came up at 8.45 and stayed for about an hour. I am concerned about her eyes. She can barely see to the end of her nose, and although I joke about it, I do think she should consult an optician. David took her home in the spitfire at about 10 and the car refused to start for about ten minutes and Pete, Dave and I had to push it up and down the drive with Carole at the wheel. A cold night.

Callaghan won the second ballot for the premiership when the result was announced at 5.30pm. Foot was in second place and Healey was eliminated. The result of the final vote will be announced on my birthday and it will also be the 21st anniversary of the resignation of Churchill and the succession to the premiership of Eden, who is still battling away on a remote Sussex cattle farm, I think. Callaghan is the obvious choice really but he's a spineless middle-of-the-road type, and with a wife who answers to Audrey how can you blame him?

Monday March 8, 1976

David and Auntie Mabel both have birthdays today. Lynn rang Auntie M at tea time to thank her for the present she sent and she learns from Uncle Jack that she is laid up in bed with 'flu or something. The poor thing has been dogged with ill health recently.

Jackie prepares to depart from our company and Auntie Eleanor & Uncle Jack come over at 7 to collect her. Jack sits in a chair reading the newspaper. ____________. They go a 7.30 leaving a present with John.

Carole rings and I tell her that John and I are going out without her & she's quite adorable about it. John and I go to the Hare & the Commercial.________________.

David comes at 7.15 and he takes Lynn off to Headingley for dinner. They're both sat on Mum's bed when John and I get back at 1am after being at Maria's discussing the finer points of Roman Catholic ritual and the pitfalls of decorating.

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Sunday March 7, 1976

1st in Lent. A funny Ha Ha day. Wake up at what seems like late afternoon but it's only lunchtime. Uncle Harry is just making off downstairs and I yell my farewells through the bannister. I will never forget the hysterics we had in the early hours of this morning.

Marlene, Frank and the kids come half an hour after I'm up and the screams of childish laughter aren't the remedy for a hangover at all. To avoid further punishment we, that is Carole, Sue, Pete, Jackie and I walk down into Guiseley in a mild snow storm (not joking either) and we end up at 69, Silverdale Drive - John's future abode. Everyone remarks how tiny the place is, but we all agree it's all they require - that is unless Maria is blessed with quads or sextuplets.

Back to our place for 4 where Marlene & Frank are still being entertained. We talk of memories of Marlene & Frank visiting us at Goldthorpe, &c, and of John's baby speech defect. (He found difficulty pronouncing the letter 'R').

For the rest of the afternoon and evening we're sat in front of the TV and I go to bed at about 12.30 after having had a whisky with Jackie & Mum. David, who is 20 tomorrow, took Carole home at about eleven o'clock.

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Monday February 16, 1976

Bitter cold day but sunny all the same. At work by 8.30 and manage to finish everything by about 1 o'clock. Carole rang me at 11.15 and asked if I want to meet her in town for lunch. We meet at one on Commercial Street and buy a few bags of crisps and I have a tongue sandwich from Lewis's, and we go sit in the part near the church opposite the Merrion Centre. We laugh and throw food for the pigeons and clown around like eight year-olds. I have to be back at work at about 2pm and she has to meet the Dowager Lady Phillips at C & A - who is suddenly conversing with her daughter again after what seems like weeks of silence and animosity. I bump into Auntie Eleanor and cousin Jackie whilst leaving C & A. Auntie was her usual sarcastic self and Jackie tells me she's to be a bridesmaid for a friend of hers on March 13. ________________.

Home at 5.20 and tell Mum about my meeting. Weddings appear to be at the bottom of most family disputes & squabbles and I think that when my turn comes along, if ever, I'll run away to Gretna Green and have it done with little ceremony and with no aunts or uncles to be seen anywhere.

Have salad for tea and leap into the bath. John rushes off to decorate a bedroom at the Macdonald seat & I marvel at his vitality. Since the day his intended marriage was made public he's gone completely scatty. Out every night visiting priests and painting bedroom ceilings in nice pale yellow for the little bundle of joy expected in September. I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. Fatherhood is all very well, but I'd like to be grey and smoking a pipe by then.

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Monday December 29, 1975

Uncle Albert Memorial Day. Cousin Jackie rang at 11am to see if we're having a party on New Year's Eve. I tell her no, but invite her over for the festivities all the same. The usual cast of 30 or more party goers is being dispensed with for the first time in decades, but I tell her that fun will be had all the same.

Do nothing else all day and don't wish to elaborate on my activities any longer.

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Sunday October 13, 1974

18th after Trinity. Before I recount the days events I ought to say something about Cousin Jackie, who is my favourite relation of all time, other than Uncle Albert. Never did I imagine that a small, pale, pig-tailed young girl of yesteryear would develop into a glamorous, well-proportioned young lady with tremendous prospects. I only hope she'll come to stay with us for years to come.

Up at about 12 for lunch. Sit listening to the radio and laughing with Jackie about Chris Ratcliffe. She was talking about him in her sleep, or so Lynn says. MM & Marita and even David come round after lunch and I pay Marita for the Appletreewick pics.

MM isn't coming home again from Sheffield until Oct 31, and David's not back from Worcester until Nov 1. Carol comes too, to cut John's hair. She also does Mum's hair. After tea & 'Pick of the Pops' Jackie departs for Pudsey, and John goes out with Carol, George Waite and Jane, to Harrogate.

I sit in front of the tv all evening until Lynn and Dave come back from the cinema. Dad, who comes in shortly after 'the lovers' arrive, gives David the breathyliser test. He was 'over the moon' and no doubt telling everyone down the Hare next week that he's been breathylised by a genuine policeman. Show Dave our photo albums, which kills him. Bed at 12.30.

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Saturday October 12, 1974

Lynn wakes me at 7 and I feel absolutely shocking. Lay on the dining room floor - eyes tightly closed - wishing that last night had never happened.

Go to the YP. Sarah says I look shocking. I blame myself entirely. Leave at 12. Home by half past. Have lunch which revives me slightly, then lay on the bed for a few minutes to recouperate.

John suggests we go to Otley and (strangely) I agree. I say strangely, because walking around the market towns of West Yorkshire on a Saturday afternoon cannot be the best hang-over cure. We go, but find nothing worth buying in the town's only boutique. Decide to move on to Bradford.

A beautiful afternoon and I am in shirt-sleeves all the time. Go see Lynn working at the British Home Stores - she's quite busy, then go see Denny. I get a pair of trousers, but John comes home empty handed. A bomb-scare in the Arndale Centre held things up for a few hours. Give Sue and Peter a lift home at 6. (Cousin) Jackie and Lynn arrive home together, and by 8 we are in the Hare & Hounds. Lynne M doesn't come until nearly 9 because Chris was ferrying her and Peter M. Move on to the George & Dragon where I have a tremendous laugh with Dave L. Nobody wants to go to the other Jackie's party, and therefor Chris, dear Lynne, Peter and I go back to the Mather residence where we stay till 2.30.Mr & Mrs Mather are like somebody from the 'Forsyte Saga', but the most decent future possible in-laws anyone could wish for.

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Sunday September 29, 1974

Up at 11.30 in the lounge. Chris is complaining that no one has made him any tea, and Jackie is moaning about the excrutiating cold. Lynn is still asleep.

Chris is the first to rise (though we did hear some clomping around upstairs which died down after about ten minutes). Surprised that no damage was done last night. Gradually everyone comes back to life & drifting into the lounge.

Andy marvels at me eating trifle before lunch. Trifle, in my opinion, always tastes better after being allowed to stand for 24 hours. I make cups of tea for everyone who wants it, including Mum and Dad who lay motionless in bed like corpses. Nevertheless, they keep muttering things like 'what a night' and 'who was the chap with the feather duster?', &c.

By lunchtime all guests have gone except Jackie. We all sit watching a Doris Day film which is quite revolting. Everyone is exceedingly thirsty and John takes Jackie, Lynn and me to the off licence where we buy four or five bottles of lemonade. Drain them all dry by 6pm.

Listen to the 'Top 20'. 'Kung Fu' is still number one. Don't go out this evening and have a long bath. John goes with Carol to Ilkley. Fed up of writing, so bye, bye, &c.

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Saturday September 28, 1974

John's party. The social turn-out of the season, equalled only by Royal Ascot and Princess Margaret's monthly orgies at Kensington Palace. Everyone that meant anything came, and herein is the list:-
Lynn Rhodes
Susan Rhodes
Alison Dixon
Jackie Myers
Christine Dibb
dear Laura
Christine Whitethighs (Phyllis)
Carol Smith
Linda Smith
Denise Akroyd
Christopher Ratcliffe
Andy Graham
Ray?
Peter Mather
Martyn Cole
David Baker
Keith Brown
Peter Nason, &c.

Jackie came at about 6.30 and we went to the Hare at 8. Chris was being his usual over-jovial self, and Denny looked stunning in a rather plain, yet attractive Hartnell creation. Ray (Bond?) and Dave Baker came too, and we move on to the Commercial which is packed to the hilt like the Social Security office on pay day. See Keith, &c and remind him about the party. Home at 11 after Papa had purchased several pints of ale for me. Everyone arrives by 11.30 though Dave Lawson never actually turned up. Didn't drink much in excess, though Auntie Hilda's home brewed parsnip wine knocked the top off my sober self. Harry Monkman did his usual party piece. Alison and I went round at about 1am and poured water through his letter-box, which in the colder soberness of Sunday morning still seems very funny. My sense of humour is one of the mosr regal aspects of my character. After all, King Edward VII and King George VI both had this boy-like humour which remained with them until they end of their days, and so do I. Danced until 4.30 on Sunday morning. Curtains have fallen on the romance between Lynn and Ronnie, and I did keep getting a glimpse of her at the side of good old Dave Baker, who's always had an affectionate bond with her. I expected getting a bed but found Andy and Linda in mine when I drifted up at 4.30am. Ended up in the lounge sprawled between two chairs. Chris was on the floor in a sleeping bag, and Lynn and Jackie shared the settee. Most people went home, even Denny. Throughout the whole evening Mum and Dad were the ultimate in fun and kindness & it completely destroys the theory about generation gaps, &c. Hate parties coming to end, it's abominable.

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Sunday August 4, 1974

As I've already said, I woke up at about 10.30 or thereabouts on Auntie Eleanor's lounge floor - not two hundred yards from the house where I was born 19 years ago.

Auntie Eleanor and Uncle Jack seem very unsociable and not very talkative. They don't really speak to poor Neil who is going to Cyrpus or somewhere equally offensive until Christmas at least. Sue and Peter are still in love - after last night, though she still feels very sick. We leave the Myers home at 11.30 after bidding farewell to dear Jackie, my favourite cousin of all time.

Walk to Auntie Hilda's where we drink home brewed beer till after one without having any food at all. Sandwiches with the Gadsbys was quite a laugh, though Uncle Tony departed up a ladder to paint the bedroom windows with the aid of Steve, Karen's boyfriend. Leave for Bradford just after 2 and we are all back at Pine Tops by 4. Mama makes tea for us all - that is Denny, Sue, Peter, Ronnie, Lynn, John, Carol and myself - not forgetting the most important one of all - Uncle "I'm God's annointed" Tony.

To the Hare and Hounds with Denny at 7.30. Carol doesn't speak to John and I fear that Linda must have told her of John's liaison (set for next Wednesday) with his American friend, Carol Shires.


"Rock Your Baby" by George Macrae.

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