Thursday March 8, 1979

_. David Andrew Baker is 23 to-day. I bought him a bottle of pernod, which no doubt he will demolish within minutes of receiving it. I didn't see Lynn & Dave today because after work I went to Bill North's to continue daubing pain everywhere.

Did I tell you that Bill and I have settled upon the sum of £50 for decorating? Not bad, eh? Bill tells me that Sarah is a notorious hyporchondriac. I have always thought that the girl is obsessed with disease and illness and seems to go through endless lengths to avoid people with even the most minor ailments.

Worked until 8:30pm. Crossing a field at Headingley to get a bus I was accosted by two youths who asked: "Hey, Mister. Can we wank you off?" I replied in the negative. I would have missed the bus to Guiseley.

Peter came up at 9:30 and we went to find Chippy and Dave W in the White Cross. Chatted with Naomi and Jill. Did you know that, for some reason, I am attracted to Jill? God knows why. She is massive. She must weigh 12 stone - and nothing about her appearance is stunning.  The only thing that would stun you would be if she sat on you. However, I like her brain. Her mind intrigues me and I cannot refrain from chatting her up as if she is a Goddess, or something.

On to Oakwood [Hall]. Saw Steve Hudson there, and the divine Sarah [not Collis]. Also saw Tony Simpson and his friend from the Keighley Argus. Got horribly drunk, and remember nothing from the journey home.

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Friday January 12, 1979

I met David (Glynn) at 5:20 at the bus station. Sitting waiting for him clad in my dirty long raincoat my thoughts turned to _________. The National Coach station was a frequent  haunt of ours during our 'romance'. Very nostalgic. It was such a pleasant little affair while it lasted, but it was never really on as far as I was concerned because her constant 'pushy' attitude killed the molecule of respect that lurked in my weird metabolism. _________________.

Dave is in fine shape but looks older. We got home at 6:45 for dinner. The snow didn't help much. Lynn and Dave are here and they invite us to stay at Lawn Road tomorrow. Sue and Pete are asked too. We dined and drank pea wine and then went down to the Fox & Hounds with Sue & Pete. (They have been going out together for 5 years today).  Dave was quiet and complained of indigestion and drank brandy to settle his stomach. Sue & Pete left us to go dine at Queen Anne's Table in Ilkley.

Christine looked like a Goddess. I haven't seen her since the party on Dec 27. I gave her a clockwork dolphin which swims in water as a belated Christmas present. She laughed a good deal as it swam around in the sink behind the bar ~ like the star of 'Jaws'.

Martyn, Peter M (moustachioed), & Steve Hudson came in. Dave enjoyed seeing them. I became quite pissed. Martyn, the bitch, said I resembled Peter Egan's portrayal of Oscar Wilde in the ATV version of Lillie Langtry's life story. Mr Cole is moving to Stockport to be the assistant manager of Samuel jewellers there. Steve Hudson has had a perm. He says I am always pissed. He  might be right.

At 10pm we moved on to the Shoulder of Mutton. CB said she'd phone me tomorrow, but she was far from being her usual ridiculous self. In fact I hate the fact that these days she is always on the other side of the bar to me. She isn't cut out to be servile and certainly no barmaid. In my (drunken) stupor I told Chris R that I am in fact going to marry Christine when I'm grown up, say about thirty. Oh God! I can't wait for that tale to be circulated.

At 11pm Chris and Steve H came back to Pine Tops. We drank lager and pea wine and looked at old photographs. Mum was furious because I was so pissed, and to make matters worse I dropped a glass on the kitchen floor. Dave went and sat with Mum. Dad totally ignored me. Sue and Peter came in. She was in tears. They'd spent £17 on dinner and it had been diabolical. The food inedible. Poor sods. What a rotten fifth anniversary. Watched a blurred Sophia Loren film, but then it was probably my vision and not the telly's fault. Bed after 1am.

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Friday January 27, 1978

Rather a wet, damp day. I made an exit from the obnoxious YP at 12. Well, no, it was almost 1pm because I had to inform Fred Manby of an engagement between one of the Beckett family and a granddaughter of Colin Forbes Adam. (You won't appreciate the great importance of this at all).

 The Hotel S'Estanyol is booked. Deposits have been gathered in and paid. Nothingness until playing out time.

Sue and Pete took me to the Fox at 9 where CB and Mary entertained me.We had a bloody marvellous night too. Martyn, Peter M, Steve H and Tony came in, but left after one drink. Sue and Pete left with Chippy and Gus for the Malt Shovel which left me alone with the two gorgeous women.

At 10:30 we went up to the Crown at Yeadon. CB immediately went 'off' because of Philip's presence (by 'off' I of course mean miserable). She says she would drop everything and go off with him tomorrow if he were to say the word, but she thinks the word will never actually come.

Everybody in the Crown played the 'Michael Miles' game. Yes, when you're playing that you know things are pretty bad. Nobody can say 'yes' or 'no' and when you slip up everyone in the pub yells 'DONG'. Funny, eh?

CB is even more gorgeous and our friendship is probably deeper than ever. I can read her like a book (which I suppose is better than reading someone like a chest of drawers).

Home at 11:30-12 o'clock. CB came in a for a quick glass of vino and then went off home. Tomorrow afternoon should be riotous. Do Unitarian ministers get pissed at lunchtime? This is a very important question which I hope to answer tomorrow.  Goodnight.

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Saturday December 31, 1977

_.Jacqui and I went down to Guiseley and bought a birthday card for Mum and Dad. I chose a nice one without a revolting, soppy rhyme in it. I'm very particular about my choice of greeting cards. We then went to the Yorkshire Rose for a couple of hours. ____. It began to rain on leaving the pub and so I took her to John's for refuge only to find the house deserted. _____.

Pine Tops, Hawksworth Lane.

The party started tonight at the Hare & Hounds. Martyn and his girlfriend joined us. In came Christine Dibb and Graham, Maria, Libby, Jimmy, John, Sue, Peter N, Chris, Steve Hudson, Lynn, Dave B, Dave L, George and Jane, Nason's pals, MM and Marita, &c. Lynn was dressed in dungarees and wearing specs, one of my shirts and a tie! They all got on very well with Jacqui. _____. Libby Macdonald looked ghastly. No sign of CB or Carole. At 11:45pm a break away party, led by me, returned to Pine Tops where, to my horror, I discovered my key was locked in the house and I was locked outside. Where was Mum and Dad? They were at the Commercial drinking Southern Comfort and making merry. It was very embarrassing for me. But in a flash I knew what to do. Edith and Ernest's of course.  Armed with sherry and other obscene drinks about ten of us 'dropped in' on the dear couple. We all toasted the New Year with them as the clocks were striking 12 and I was locked outside, as is the custom, with Dmitri the Persian cat. Through the window I could see Marita and Ernest locked in a tight embrace and a host of jovial faces drinking David's cheap sherry. Oh dear, it's 1978 now.

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Friday December 23, 1977

_.Roaring drunk all day with consequences nauseating and dire.Please do not read on if you are of a weak or delicate nature. At the YP we sank a bottle of gin before going over to the pub - the Central - and whilst having Christmas drinks in this ancient pub I am sorry to say my mind disintegrated. Everything became blurred and warped. I managed to get a bus at about 3 and at home I fell off a chair several times whilst attempting to stick balloons to the ceiling for my irate Mama.

From home I went with dear Dave L, Sue, Pete N, Chris, Pete M, Steve Hudson and a scattering of Pete N's pals to the Fox. I remember nothing. Evidently I was drinking Tequila and orange.

Junction, Otley.

I am told that Dave left for home at about 10 and we moved on to the Junction in Otley - of all places - where a breach of the Queen's peace occurred and possibly a case of Grievous Bodily Harm. Whilst making my exit from the said tavern I was, allegedly, set upon by one ANTONY KIRK, of Otley, who assaulted me in the face, my nose, mouth, &c. Supposedly I accosted his tart (she is from Otley and so she must be one), but dear Sue and Pete insist that on leaving the pub I did nothing to provoke an onslaught upon my person. The lad just landed one on me for no apparent reason.

My body was borne in great mourning to Peter (Nason's) where my wounds were dressed and a Mass was said. On my arrival home, it is said, Mama went hysterical and I sat drunk, quietly bleeding.

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