Tuesday April 18, 1978

Jacq's secured a job in Leeds at the Royal Exchange House. She phoned today with the news that she's going to be an audio typist secretary or something for a company the name of which I have forgotten. Lynn took the call and said: "Hello, Sarah". Oh dear. I will always remember Vera Mather saying "Oh, hello Stephen" to me when I'd been 'walking out' with Lynne M for about six months.

Tonight I walked to the Civic Hall at 5pm to meet Jim but he was nowhere in sight, and having spent my fare money on scampi and coleslaw salad at lunchtime you can imagine my predicament. Penniless in the centre of a bustling metropolis. However, having no infirmities of any kind (other than mental ones) I put my best foot forward and marched in a homeward direction. Passing Kirkstall Abbey I secured a lift from a gentlemanly Menstonian who brought me all the way to Guiseley. He told me of the horrors of running a business in the midst of public transport chaos. I pitied him greatly.

At the foot of Hawksworth Lane I was picked up by Jim showering me (yet again) with profuse apologies. He was late because his car had been delayed having a service at Appleyard's.

Home for tea at 6:35. On the BBC news I saw the Prince of Wales and Prince Andrew training to make a parachute jump at RAF Brize Norton. My blood ran cold at the thought of a communist parachute packer hacking away with pinking shears at the royal baggage. Surely the princes do not intend leaping from the same plane at the same time? If so, the consequences could mean we have a King Edward IX, and Lady Sarah Spencer's anorexia nervosa suffering a relapse.


The Prince of Wales and his brother parachute training.

Bed at 11:30

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Saturday January 22, 1977

Queen Victoria's big day again (she died on this day in 1901). Don't get out of bed until afternoon, and after 'breakfast' Mr & Mrs Mather go off in the direction of Scalebor Park to visit Mr M's mother, who is dying. Mrs Leah Virginia Mather (formerly Lee, born July 19, 1895), I think. (Just for genealogical purposes). Lynne and I look at a map of Sussex and find Angmering (where my grandmother is said to have been born). The place is about 3 miles from Arundel Castle, home of Uncle Miles. You never know, I might be the rightful Earl Marshal of England.

Peter: 'spot of bowel bother'.

At4 o'clock we go shopping to Scarborough . Not much really, but it satisfied Lynne at least. I loathe going round shops with females. Anything but that.

Mr & Mrs M get home at 7.30 to say Grandmama is on her last legs. We have chicken for dinner and then hang around until 10.30 waiting for Lynne to ready herself. Peter, Chris, Lynne and I go to the Bali Hai (Tiffany's) at Scarborough, which is nauseating. It's like a musical childrens' playground. Lynne complained the other week about the Penthouse being 'rough' but this place is far worse. Drank Pernod. Back to Ty-Onnen by 2.30. Completely shagged out. Peter had a spot of bowel bother and almost gassed Christopher to death.

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Sunday December 5, 1976

2nd in Advent. Have a nightmare and wake up having committed a murder! Don't know who the victim was and what were the motives, but I distinctly remember dropping a body from a bridge into the sea. Weird.

Climb out of bed at some ghastly hour and Lynne attempts to clean her car in freezing temperatures. You can imagine what happened. The whole bloody machine iced up and the sight of Lynne trying to remove frozen soap suds from the windscreen was amazing. She is so bloody willful though - I couldn't persuade her not to attempt this ridiculous exercise in the first place. To thaw out we go off to Pickering and have rum and oranges in the Royal Oak. Two or three drinks and Lynne is in Never Land. Incredible! Back to Ty-Onnen where she proceeds to clown around on the carpet like an imbecile. Mr Mather thought she had gone quite mad and he kept muttering, almost to himself, that he could not understand how I had put up with her for so long. He's a tremendous laugh and frequently says: 'Well, you're still sticking with her, Michael.'

Mr & Mrs Mather, Peter, Karl, Lynne and I watch TV all evening. 'Rising Damp' and then a Paul Newman epic based on the life of a ridiculous American boxer, Rocky Graziano. A name that sounds as though it belongs on a menu in a Italian restaurant. Drink a few whiskies and we all boil and sweat with the ridiculously hot central heating. Bed at 1.30.

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Sunday October 24, 1976

19th after Trinity. United Nation's Day. Up at a late hour again and devour one of Mrs Mather's nice breakfasts. Lynne and I then set to and wash her car. One hell of a job. In the midst of this we go for a walk around Thornton-le-Dale parish church and then for a few miles down a quiet lane to a place the name of which escapes me [Dalby?] Back at 4pm to complete the polishing of the car. A lovely, autumn afternoon.

After [the] evening meal we watch TV all night but my allergy to the cat and dog renders me completely useless. Drink whisky but I'm so blocked up I can barely taste it. Bed at 12.30. Took a sneaky photo of Lynne compiling her diary sitting in bed. Should prove funny when results come through. I always enjoy muyself at Lynne's parents' house. When I compare them to Mr & Mrs Phillips it's quite incredible. Total opposites. Poor Carole. With a Mum & Dad like that why bother reading horror stories?

It's rumoured in the Sunday Express that the Duchess of Gloucester is pregnant. We shall have to wait and see.

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Friday October 22, 1976

Lynne and I go to the Damn Yankee at Harrogate at 8.30 for a pizza. Fantastic. Then go up to Thornton-le-Dale calling in at the Royal Oak at Old Malton first. Get to Thornton-le-Dale by 11.30 and find Mrs Mather in not too good a mood, but she soon cheers up. No Peter of course. Only Mr & Mrs M and Karl. It takes Lynne some time to unwind at weekends. Work dominates her poor mind until well into Saturday. A darling she is though. No more for now.

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Sunday October 10, 1976

A sunny day. Not umberella weather at all. After breakast, at midday, Lynne and I go to Scarborough with Rebel [the dog], leaving Peter at home messing about with a window frame and Mr Rat glancing at the Radio Times. Spend a couple of hours eating crab and candy [floss] and drinking coca cola and walking the dog. He's a crafty old devil and only limps when he can put it to his advantage. The sun is out in force. Scarborough is much better at this time of the year. No dirty peasants playing ball games all over the beach, &c.

Home to Ty-Onnen at 4.30 to tea and cakes with Mr & Mrs M, Peter, Karl and Mr Rat. Watch TV until the evening meal at 6.30. The gentlemen depart for Horsforth at 7 o'clock and after 'Fawlty Towers' Lynne and I go back to the Royal Oak [I think] in Pickering. Feel bloated all night and take great discomfort in the consumption of cold lager. Donald M and his good lady wife are so matey.


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Saturday October 9, 1976

Lynne lands at Yeadon Airport at 3.30pm. Donald & Vera Mather and Karl came 10 minutes before the plane landed and Brigadier Kenneth Hargreaves, Lord Lieutenant for West Yorkshire, represented the Queen. The massed bands of Princess Patricia's Own Light Infantry serenaded Lynne's arrival with the lament 'The Flowers of the Forest'.

To Thornton-le-Dale. Peter and Chris were already at Ty-Onnen on our arrival and we all settle down to a meal at 7 o'clock. Tia Maria flowed like water. [Tia Maria is water, isn't it? - Editor].

Romantic night in Pickering with Lynne, Peter and Mr Rat. Pickering is hardly the Soho of the north, but we had a good laugh all the same. Peter is so narrow mined though. [That's beside the point, Michael. Let's not get rude about the brother of the lady you happen to love]. Back at 11 o'clock to watch Phyllis Diller on TV, then Michael Parkinson and Wilfred Hyde White and the late Vincent Price. Also saw a Googie Withers epic until 2am by which time Lynne had fallen into a coma and only Mr Mather and Mr Rat survived. Sad eh?

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Thursday September 2, 1976

To Oakwood Hall at 8.30pm with Lynne. Stay until nearly midnight. Had a few drinks. Had the occasional dance. Had a great time. Need I say more?

Oh yes. Posted a Silver Wedding card to Mr & Mrs Mather for tomorrow and dropped a line to CB in Blackburn, but after I'd done this she rang me for a chat. I tell her that Tony is thinking of ringing her to see if she's doing anything on Saturday night. She is startled because she hardly knows him, but says she's coming home anyway. I can't get over what she said to me the other weekend. _________.

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Tuesday August 24, 1976

Come home from work feeling absolutely buggered. Tony rang to suggest visiting the ABC cinema either [on] Wednesday or Thursday, and I say yes to tomorrow night. Give Lynne a ring too and she agrees to accompany us. L says Mrs Mather is far from happy with Thornton-Le-Dale. It's quite understandable really. The Mathers are a close family and are being torn apart because of the move. Lynne is splitting her time between Roundhay and Thornton-Le-D; Peter's working over here but living over there; Karl wanting to stay at school over here, but living over there, &c. It's enough to drive them all completely batty. Poor Vera Mather. My sympathies ineed.

A night in front of the TV. By 11pm I cannot keep my eyes open. Why? It must be the water, or rather lack of it. Yes, the drought is affecting each and every one of us now. Oh, I cannot remember when I last took a glass down from the shelf and turned on the tap to fill it with H2o. My mouth is so dry and I am so dirty. When did I last take a bath? Was it Coronation year? No, it was the day President De Gaulle died because I will never forget the cracking emotion in Kenneth Kendall's voice as he read the 9 o'clock news bulletin just as I sank into the suds. Blimey, do you remember the day when people could actually flush the lavatory?

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Wednesday August 11, 1976

I don't believe I've really mentioned Carole's [recent] letter. It came on Saturday and is very sad. I replied this morning. I'm telling you this because it is now 6.30pm and I regret having given in. I haven't made contact properly since May and now I wish I could have kept it as it was.

Denise rings at 6.30 to say that Carole's been inventing stories about her. The story C told me on Friday [on the phone] about Denise going to London with _______is a load of shit, and D rang C today to demand an apology. Why is Carole circulating this propaganda? Denise puts it all down to jealousy. Probably so. Mum told me months ago that Carole has 'jealous eyes'.

Peter and Chris come at 7.15 and we go to Thornton-le-Dale. [By the way, I rang Lynne at T-le-Dale this afternoon. It was the first time she has answered the phone in her new house.]

Stop at the Four Alls for a quick drink on the way and arrive at about 8.45. The new house is much smaller thay Ty-Gwyn and Mrs Mather looks whacked. Lynne, Chris and I escape to the pub a soon as it's decently possible to do so, leaving Pete sawing chunks of wood off the bottom of several doors. After a couple of drinks we devour fish and chips. Back to the house for coffee and leave for home at about 11. Bed at 1.30am with Hitler and Eva [Braun]. A bit heavy going at bedtime, don't you think? Hitler tossed and turned all night. Pleasant dreams to you all, anyway.

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Sunday August 8, 1976

8th after Trinity. Up late and after a good lunch retire to the lounge to listen to Pennine Radio. The house is deserted. Mum is in the garden and Dad is at work. Sue, Peter and Lynn and David are at David's brother's in York. Just as I sit down Pete M arrives and asks if I want to accomapny him on a birthday cake distributing adventure. I readily agree. The boredom at home would have been unbearable. Go to Christopher's. Show out holiday photos to Mrs Ratcliffe. Then move on to Denise's but she isn't in either. (When Carole rang on Friday she told me that Denise had gone to London ________________.) From Denise's we went on Peter's place which is in a state of organised chaos. No carpets or furniture - horrible. Sit and drink tea with Lynne, Peter, Mrs Mather and Auntie Lilian. Mr M watches cricket on the TV in the wreckage of the lounge. He was sitting on a soap box. Have a laugh showing the family our holidays pics. Peter measured us all with a tape measure up against the side of the house - I am six feet and half an inch.

At 5pm we all had dinner. That is me, Lynne, Peter, Karl and Mrs M. Oh, and Auntie Lilian. After tea we take the two ladies to see Granny M at Scalebor Park Asylum. Evidently the old girl is 82 and is senile and quite daft, in her old age.

Mrs M comes out of the asylum looking sad, and so Lynne and I take her and Auntie Lilian for a drink to the Red Lion. They cheer up soon enough. After taking them back to Bramhope Lynne and I go to the Commercial until closing time. Today was probably the last time I will ever set foot in Ty-Gwyn (the Mather home in Old Lane) where Lynne has lived for 9 years. The place looked sad and desolate - but it only is bricks and mortar. It's people who make a home - wherever it may be.

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Saturday July 24, 1976

Wake up on Peter's floor at 8.30 and Mrs Mather makes me scrambled eggs on toast before Lynne drops me off at home at 9.30. Go into Guiseley this morning with Mum & Dad again. I buy a Yorkshire Post to see if Fred Manby had used the story I suggested to him about Lord David Dundas yesterday, and see that he has. How many times does the son of a marquess appear on 'Top of the Pops'?

See John and Maria who stand with us and chat for 10 minutes or so.

Later: John, Maria, David, Peter, Lynne, &c, gather for a sherry at Pine Tops. Lynne drives Sue, Peter and myself to a pub just outside Ripon where we stop for a drink. Lynne and Dave travelled together of course, and John & Maria go with Mum & Dad. After a drink in this horribly snobby pub John & Maria come with me and Lynne to show us the way to Wath. Alas, David's car broke down 2 miles from Wath but managed to get the car there after about half an hour. The spitfire's been nothing but trouble since John purchased it about 14 months ago.

The dinner was marvellous and the ten of us had a really good laugh. I told a sick joke about poor Lesley Whittle (a girl kidnapped and murdered by the notorious Black Panther) which was received with little pleasure, but otherwise it was a great success. Dinner was only £3.50 per head, and although I paid for Lynne's I still think it was well worth it. Set for home at nearly 12 o'clock after dancing about in the shadows of the George & Dragon car park. Maria and I were penguins, and David did a very good impersonation of an elephant. David abandoned his car near Ripon on the way back and Dad dropped him off at the Dyneley (Arms). Back to Pine Tops for handing over presents and cards to Maria. I promise to buy her something next week and she doesn't seem to mind the delay.

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Thursday July 15, 1976

Out with Lynne to the Scott's Arms at Sicklinghall which I don't like. Why we have to trail all those miles across Yorkshire for flat beer in an even flatter public house God only knows.

Back in Bramhope we devour fish and chips and go up to Lynne's for coffee. Peter is in bed and we are entertained by Mr & Mrs Mather and by Auntie Bertha, a sizeable Schofield's employee, who fancies Demis Roussos. ________. Mrs Mather is nice and watching Mr M it's easy to see where Peter's mannerisms come from. They all leave Lynne and I to it at 12 o'clock & we have a quiet hour listening to Stevie Wonder. I had a whisky and dry.

Lynne drives me home after 1am. I don't like to think Lynne's driving around at all hours of the morning for my benefit. I only hope she doesn't think I'm using her as a taxi service.

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Tuesday June 22, 1976

A warm, pleasant day - not that I see all that much of it locked away in the Yorkshire Post offices. However, a smile plays upon my lips when I think where I'll be this time next week.

Get home at 5.15 and devour a long awaited, much needed meal. See the 6 o'clock news on the BBC: the Queen greeting President Giscard d'Estaing at Victoria. Keeping up with the old 'Entente Cordiale' and all that. It's intriguing to know that the president can speak fluent English and we all know that the Queen can speak fluent French, and so in which language did they chat? The president and his wife both descend from Louis XV King of France. If I'm not mistaken, I think the Queen descends from Louis XV's grandfather, who was father of Henrietta Maria, wife of King Charles I. (I shall look into this more closely).

After tea I venture onto the lawn where I am sitting at this very moment compiling this diary. A warm, typical June day - even at 7pm. Heard from Tony today. He's busy all week and doesn't think he can make it until Friday. I won't have any cash before Thursday anyway.

John comes round at 7 o'clock and we drive down to Silverdale and look at his house through the windows as he isn't in possession of the keys yet and besides, it's too late to collect them from the site manager. Things seem to be coming along nicely but he's in no great hurry to move in.

Give Lynne a ring at 9.15 and Mrs Mather enquires: "Oh, is that Stephen?" It is so embarrassing when that happens. The silence lasted for about 20 seconds and then I asked to speak to Peter, but she says he's at Chris's. Lynne was out, of course, with Janet in Harrogate.

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