Monday February 12, 1979

_. Thick, deep snow fell today. Sod it. The white stuff had just begun to clear, and now we are knee deep again. Ah well, I suppose we are better of than those in Iran. The Ayatollah Khomeini is now at the top of my assassinations list, along with Anthony Neil Wedgwood Benn, Willie Hamilton and Dame Gracie Fields.

Trouble at mill over Miss Jacqui ______________________________.

It seems that the brief affair between Sarah and John MacMurray is o'er. She tells me that he will no longer be called upon to escort her to Leeds RL matches or performances at Opera North. I didn't say much about this because I fail to see why she can go off with Richard Burke every weekend, whilst Mr Mac is doomed to a life of fidelity lightened only by the occasional excursion to the Leeds Grand Theatre every few weeks or so. ________.

Sarah says that she has heard from Marilyn Wheeler who has told her I was bored stiff on my recent lunch date with Delia at Len's Bar. Me, bored? Marilyn was sat like a heap of rotting fish on a dock side! Delia phoned Sarah and I passed on my regards telling Sarah to send love from her 'bored nephew'.

Home in a snow drift and ate everything in sight. The house was filled with the aroma of Karen's wedding cake, all three tiers of it.

Watched the news. The Queen has made history by being the first British monarch to visit Kuwait. It is unprecedented for a woman to be formally received in an Arab state, and one Arabic newspaper has described Her Majesty as being "a highly honoured honorary gentleman". Quite ridiculous.

Bed at 12:37am.

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Tuesday January 9, 1979

Slight snow. Boring at the YP. We played cards all lunchtime. I'm becoming quite fanatical about poker. I do have an addictive personality. It was Dave Lawson who said that greyhound racing would be my downfall.

To the library in town with Sarah. Took out the Crossman Diaries 1964-68 which should see me nicely into autumn.

Poor Sarah wanted a volume on rugby league, but the whole of Leeds City Library was ransacked without success. Ray Fletcher will see her right.

On the subject of books I have just finished reading "Handful of Dust" by Evelyn Waugh. Quite the most entertaining volume I've read in years, but sad and frustrating.

Went to Delia's with S(arah) this evening. Delia gave me red wine and spoke about the possibility of decorating the exterior of Leeds Town Hall with garlands of gladioli, &c. She is insane. She is a marvellous friend is Delia Collis with the mind of a teenager. She cooked pork fillet in prunes which was delicious. Sarah and I ate chocolates afterwards and enjoyed a few hands of rummy. The dog, Sophie, resembles a long-haired caramel seal.

At 6:30 we left for Leeds and met Marilyn (Wheeler) at the ABC cinema. Saw Christopher Reeve, Marlon Brando and others in 'Superman'. It started well but was weak. Did a good deal of laughing, but in inappropriate places. It's Sarah's opinion that the advertisements are very often better produced and far more entertaining than the epic on screen. Marlon Brando was paid £200,000 a minute for his brief appearance, I believe.

The journey home was tedious. Marilyn is no conversationalist. She sat there like a dummy. Sarah sat smoking like a chimney, similarly uncommunicative. Pissed up football hooligans were on the upper deck of the bus. Much use of the word 'fuck'.

Home at 11:45. Had cheese on toast. To bed at 12:53am.

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Tuesday November 7, 1978

Moon's first quarter 16:18

Sunny day. Sarah's 26th birthday, of course. Lunchtime saw the celebration at Da Mario's on the Headrow. I stuck to the old, faithful pizza but we had prawn starters and trifle, &c.

This morning I gave the birthday girl one of my speciality cards with a personal verse chucked in for good measure.

Sarah, Carol J, Eileen and Marilyn W for lunch ~ once again I was the only male in sight. Let me tell you now that on occasions it becomes tedious and trying to be the constant centre of adulation.

Later, to the dentist. Surprised that I don't need any work doing. I feel as if I should perhaps climb into my own mouth and shake each tooth by the hand in gratitude.

Watched tv tonight. Charles Darwin again. Bed at midnight with Adolf Hitler.

PS ~ Lynn & Dave came this evening.

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Saturday October 7, 1978

Sun rises 07:10 sun sets 18:26

Sunny, warm, bright day. Out of bed at about 11:30 and into a hot bath with the radio blasting at full throttle. I do so love Saturdays.

Jacq phoned me while my ears were full of soap so I told her to ring me back. She rang back at about 2. I arranged to meet her in Horsforth tonight.

Dad collected the proofs of Lynn and Dave's wedding photos from Bryan Waite this afternoon. They're spectacular.

Sarah phoned me at tea time and I told her I'd be up to West End Lane for 8 o'clock. Met Jacq at 8 following a chase through Horsforth because the bus conductor forgot to kick her off the omnibus at her stop.

We went by car with Sarah to the off~licence where I spent £4 on Cinzano, beer and lager. Then we went to the Regent in Chapel Allerton where the party goers gathered. Tony, Martyn, with his girlfriend (who lives in Otley, and who he met in Ibiza in '77)Marilyn, Carol J, &c. Jacq drank 'Jelly Beans'. Sarah was a delight, as usual. A guy strongly resembling Geoff Boycott tagged onto us, and had me in stitches with tales of his recent holiday in Romania. I couldn't think of a worse place to go. Bloody Commies! Tony was very amiable. My recollections of leaving the Regent are blurred and confused. However, I do recall the dramatic arrival at the flat in Horsforth.

Bev Wheeler had lined the driveway with hundreds of candles in jars and I joked that all the aircraft scheduled to land at Yeadon airport tonight would probably come down in the garden. She didn't find this particularly amusing.

Sarah and I smoked 20 of Jacq's cigarettes. I had a debate on racialism with some guy masquerading as a barrister. Sarah was in hysterics when I explained to her that we Brits smell revolting to Pakistanis. They may stink of curry and spices, but to them we smell of stale Yorkshire pudding, and fried smoked bacon.

A friend of Jacq's called Lynda, who used to work at Dacre Son & Hartley caught my eye _______________________.

Sarah picked up a young man called Richard and they left at 4:30am. Carol J and Tony brought us home at 5 o'clock. We didn't attempt to get any sleep until 7.

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Saturday September 23, 1978

Sun rises 06:48 sun sets 18:58

Not too happy today. Could have had a good fight with anyone who cared to try it on. Lying in my bed this morning I decided to go to this so~called fancy dress party as a Harewood House Bird Garden attendant, with one of Delia's stuffed birds stitched to my left shoulder. Ingenious, eh? I spent a couple of hours busily sewing Eric (the little Tit) onto an old white t-shirt.

Susie and Peter took me to Leeds at 8:30 and we joined Jacq and Hayden at Len's Bar, where a few other fancy~dress goers were gathered. I could see a couple of French maids, the odd clown and a very poor imitation of Queen Victoria.

Eric the Blue Tit created a sensation. I was a bit cool with Jacq (who was dressed in a Pontypool rugby shirt and footless tights masquerading as a punk rocker) and found her constant chatter with Milky Bar Kid Haydn (yes, it's spelt the same way as the famed composer) somewhat irritating.

Sue and Pete left for a disco at 10 and Jacq, the Milky Bar Kid and a female Mexican Bandit and I left to get a taxi to the Railway Station. What seems like hours of hilarity followed. We didn't get to the party until after midnight. We laid on an hours free entertainment for tired British Rail passengers, performing a circus act upon a luggage trolley and giving an adequate rendering of "Singin' in the Rain".

Stanmoor Drive was our destination and a bemused taxi driver found it quite easily. We were met by the hostess (the French Maid) but to our horror the booze was already running dry and our couple of bottles of cider looked pathetic.

Jacq did a good deal of scrounging and we knocked back sherry, red wine, and home brewed champagne. Naturally, at about 4am I brought it all back up on some unfortunate cabbage patch on Stanmoor Drive, Burley, Leeds. To my surprise Carol J and Marilyn were in the throng, but they left early to go to another orgy in Horsforth. Marilyn drank my cheap cider and insisted on prodding Eric (the tit) before leaving. I must say I was the most original character in fancy dress. However, I switched from being a Harewood Bird Garden operative to being the Bird Man of Alcatraz.

Jacq and I were among the last to leave and we walked to Guiseley arriving at 7:30am. Jacq was fed up and exhausted on the journey and at one point was reduced to tears.

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Friday September 22, 1978

Took a half day at 12:30 because I was dying for a drink and feeling more than slightly hungover. I met Sarah, Marilyn (Wheeler) and a girl whom I will refer to as Miss X, at Parker's Wine Bar at 1pm. Didn't enjoy it. Miss X sleeps with a different guy every night and I heard her telling Sarah she'd been to the clinic this morning adding "it's all cleared up now". Sarah wanted to be sick. I fixed my gaze onto Miss X's legs hoping to catch a glimpse of the cascading slime.

Later Sarah confided in me that she loathes and despises the current surge in immorality. I do agree. Far too much is made of sex, don't you think? Sarah's new beau, Andy, came into see her and poured white wine into her until 2:45, no doubt hoping to have his wicked way with her. She was only supposed to have an hour for lunch. Carol J and Eileen were far from amused back at the office.

At about 3pm I left the love~birds and caught an omnibus to Guiseley. It was back to Leeds again at 7 o'clock to meet Jacq at the ABC cinema. We went to see 'Heaven Can Wait' starring Warren Beatty, Julie Christie and Dyan Cannon. A good, amusing and delightful film and far more entertaining than I would have ever imagined. Undoubtedly a classic. Home alone at 11:30.

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Thursday September 29, 1977

To Sarah's after work and on to the Leisure Centre at Horsforth at 6.30 for my first ever game of squash. I really looked the part in David B's Fred Perry shorts and shirt, and I could see just how much Sarah was taken by my legs. Woman usually are, you know. We bashed about for about forty minutes and I really quite enjoyed the 'incident'. I didn't do too badly, either. Naturally, I didn't win, but Sarah had every confidence in my eager and forthright attitude. I fancy her.

From here we went with Marilyn (Wheeler) to the Damn Yankee and then to the Regent at Chapel Allerton. The food was good and M told hilarious tales of _________ prostitution activities. _____ By all accounts is 'no good in bed'. We laughed a good deal.

The Regent was hideous. So many people, and so overpowering. A friend of Marilyn's bought me two drinks and wouldn't let me get him one in return. He's going to China next week forever and I'll never be able to repay his kindness. I understand now why _______ inhabits this joint. If a strange man is prepared to buy me drinks, just what are they doing for ______? Eh? Know what I mean? Wink, wink.

Sarah brought me home and I wanted to drag her in the back of the car and show her a thing or two, but for some reason I just said 'good night' and watched her drive off.  ________.

-=-

Friday June 24, 1977

Met Dave B at 1 o'clock and went to Parker's (wine bar) where we see Delia, Sarah, Marilyn and Barbara Wheeler. We had a couple of drinks. Dave chats with Stephanie Ferguson who is in with Linda Shaw and Jo, the editor's 'fallen secretary', who leaves this afternoon.

Duchess: pregnant at 44.

Sarah and I went back to the office at 2 to relieve Carol J who also went over to Parker's to annoy Jo, and no doubt get pissed up. I intended having a quiet afternoon but the phone rang and Sarah spoke to the York Office who want everything we've got on the Duchess of Kent. They say she's pregnant. I just do not believe it. The woman is 44 years-old. Speak to the news desk and yes it is confirmed. Three royal babies before next February. Quite startling really but great news to the ears of one who relishes the spread of the Royal House of Windsor.

Tony returned from the wilds of Hampshire today. He and Martyn came up tonight and the three of us went off to the Bod. Sue (WH Smith of Bradford Sue), Michelle and Co. are in the pub but I'm not too communicative. Michelle tells me she is going to Morocco tomorrow. I just smile and say "nice" but really think going to such a place can only be a mistake. She could end up in the harem of King Hassan. Poor child, she is so naive too.

Tony is fit and cheerful. Pete M, Chris and Steve Hudson came in at 10.30. We left at 11.

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Friday November 19, 1976

A big piss-up tonight. Go with Lynne to the Leisure Centre [Horsforth] at 8.30 and stand with Sarah whilst Peter [Baker] plays squash down below. Quite a mob congregates herein. Mrs Johnson, Marilyn & Beverley Wheeler, Alan, an anti-monarchist with an effeminate mouth called David, who gets into the affections of Mrs J.

We all go off to Salvo's in Headingley for a pizzas, &c. Everyone is pissed and we make one hell of a racket in the restaurant which isn't on at all really, is it? Sarah becomes quite moronic and insensible. I scream like a mad thing at the effeminately mouthed David about the role of the Sovereign in current affairs. He says she's powerless, and I say 'but Ah yes, by her presence she prevents others from obtaining great power.' In between mouthfuls of pizza I find time to throw chunks of Walter Bagehot at him [i.e. that the monarchy is a 'mellowing influence on a dark and restless age'].

At one o'clock Lynne and I go back to Carol and Marilyn's flat. After an incident with the car door we arrive to find Marilyn with eight men in her sitting room holding court like Marie Antoinette. Mrs J is tucked up in bed with the anti-monarchist, effeminately-mouthed David. We leave after a glass of home-made cider and I receive abuse from Lynne about dragging her off to such a den of iniquity. Tut Tut Michael.

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Saturday October 16, 1976

Up at midday. After eggs and bacon Lynne and I go to Gipton Wood Crescent and the home of Mrs Lilian Morris, sister of Mrs Vera Mather, and aunt of Miss Lynne Mather. Entertained until 2pm by Auntie Lilian, who attempts to demolish the respectibility of the entire Mather family, directing several unsavoury adjectives in the direction of the person of her blessed brother-in-law, Mr Donald Lee Mather, father of Lynne, and husband of Vera.

The next port of call is Auntie Mabel until 5 o'clock. She is cheerful and glad of our company and she gives me Uncle Jack's watch. A Sekonda with 17 jewels. I am reluctant to take it but she insists. She bought it for Uncle Jack on their 30th wedding anniversary - just three and a half years ago.

Mabel tells us that Karen [Gadsby] got engaged today and that a brilliant society ball in honour of this event is being held at the Territorial Army Headquarters in Leeds this very night.

Party in Ilkley: Lynne and I travel with Pete & Sue to the Crescent where only Lynn, Dave, Sarah, Marilyn [Wheeler], Tony, Pauline, John Cameron and Stuart are to be seen. I enjoy the party but Lynne loathes it. Dave drinks a whole bottle of 'Clan Dew' and leaves at 2am. Lynn wants to leave, but Judith & Kathryn persuade me to hang on until 3.30. Almost came to blows with a bloke called Fred, who knows Sarah vaguely. He took exception to my singing. Home in Kathryn's car to find David B in a collapsed state outside - nauseating scenes follow and at 4.30am Mama is disturbed. Oh God!!

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Wednesday August 18, 1976

Sarah [Collis] & Peter [Baker] come over at 8 o'clock. The three of us go see John & Maria where they inspect the rabbits and introduce Lucy [Sarah's shih tzu] to Prince [Maria's King Charles spaniel]. John gives Peter blank looks when the latter attempts to lassoo the dogs with Lucy's lead, but Sarah & I just laugh. Neither John or Maria seem impressed with Peter. Much too 'kinky' and childish I fear. The three of us leave at 9.15 and go to the Fox & Hounds, and then move on to the Horsforth Leisure Centre where they show me round the place. See Marilyn [Wheeler] playing squash. Afterwards we go to Brian's the fish and chip shop at Headingley, and devour large quantities of food. Peter, because he doesn't really know me, thinks I'm the type who enjoys listening to jokes. I do not. I find difficulty in laughing at tales of Irish citizens visiting brothels, and other outrageous anecdotes of the sexual activities of nuns, and coarse, unwholesome rhyms about Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs. However, Peter is a good laugh, despite the nasty things he said about Capt Mark Phillips. Evidently, they [he and the captain] were at Marlborough together, and Mark's sexual frolics were far from healthy.

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Monday June 7, 1976

Weird happenings today. On arriving at work at 8.30 Sarah tells me that she's heard from Marilyn that Carol J is now going out with Tony. After he dropped me off at home late on Friday night he went back to Carol's flat and subsequently stayed the night. This isn't all. They were at the Square & Compass on Saturday night and on Sunday she was helping him move into his new flat. Mrs Johnson told Eileen this morning that this time it's 'the real thing'. _____. I am not supposed to know about this because I might tell D. ______________.

Carole (all these bloody Carole's/Carol's are so confusing aren't they?) rings before lunch to ask me to go for a drink with her one night this week. Foolishly I say I will and ask her to contact me on Thursday. Afterwards I realise that for the first time since we split I am giving in to her. Tomorrow I will ring her at her work and cancel the date. I'll speak to her if she's out with the rest of the crowd but never again will I be subjected to a private liaison in a public house or anywhere for that matter.

A hot summers day. Very much like yesterday and I only hope that the weather will remain at the same temperature for a couple of weeks so that I'll be suitably primed and ready for the forthcoming Ibiza extravaganza.

My mind is pre-occupied throughout the day with thoughts of Lynne and whether or not we should go out together. ___________________.

John and Maria come at 9 o'clock and stay until 11.45. Maria is in great spirits and seems delighted by the photo albums. She says her child, if a boy, will definately be John Philip Rhodes, Jun. She borrows my Chambers Dictionary with the christian names in the back, to research possible girl names. Charlotte seems to be on the cards.

-=--

Sunday May 23, 1976

Rogation Sunday. Drive home from Marilyn and Carol's flat at about 8.30. My eyes pour with water and itch. Eileen, Michael and Helen are the only survivors, or so it seems. Christine & Roger are in Mum & Dad's bed, and Denise and Peter are in Lynn & Sue's room.

We make breakfast - Eileen and me that is - and one by one they drift downstairs. My cat fever soon passes and breakfast is followed by a wrestling match between Christine & Roger. She was so drunk last night. It's my first real conversation with Roger, who isn't half as bad as he likes to make others believe.

Helen goes off and Keith makes an exit with Denise in the direction of the moors. They get back an hour or so later and make breakfast for themselves.

By 12.30 Eileen and Michael have gone, and at 1pm I stagger into bed. I am woken ten minutes later by Carole on the phone. She chats about last night. She didn't attempt to do herself in. All she did was cut her finger on a Martini bottle which she accidentally dropped on the drive. She says she knows I hate her, which just isn't true, and goes on to say she will always love me. I don't say anything of importance andgo back to bed. Can't sleep at all and get up for good at 2pm. Watch a Shirley Temple film with Keith who comes at 2.30. We drive over to see Denise and the three of us go to Harrogate's Valley Gardens in the spitfire. It's something of a squeeze but we have a laugh. The fresh air did a lot to revive me. Keith and Denise are hand in hand all afternoon _________________. Back to her place for 6.30 and home for 7 o'clock. Bid farewell to Keith until next weekend. Chris and Pete call in at 8.15 just as Lynn and Sue return home. The three of us go to Linton and then to Grassington. End up in the Fish Dish in Ilkley at 11.15. A good evening out which I undertook with my fly open until a gent let me know I was being indecent in the Devonshire.

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