Saturday April 16, 1983

 We attempted to stay late in bed but we had our sleep broken by the numerous canine friends now in residence on Club Street. The dog at number 20 seems to like the sound of his own voice. A pair of incredibly brief swimming trunks came in the post and I slipped them on and paraded around the bedroom like a Greek slave boy. We thought that today we'd go swimming, but decided against it. Screaming kids  tend to take to the water at weekends. I hung a few pictures and busied myself. 

Phoned Sue but she wasn't in. Phoned Lynn but she went after a few seconds because she was in the midst of changing Katie. Chris and Julie (Baker) moved to Fieldhead last week. Dave L phoned to remind us that we arranged to see MM and Marita tonight. It's all foggy and vague to me. We are going to the Old Ball (Horsforth) for 8:30. Dave seemed dull or put out by something again. It must be hard for him living back with his parents. How the hell will we get to Horsforth? Ally seems to think it will be an adventure.

Eat greasy breast of sheep, then watched a ridiculous old film followed by the Badminton Horse Trials. Not so much as a glimpse of the sovereign in sun glasses and headscarf, which was a disappointment. I explained to Ally who the Duke of Beaufort is. She was confused, but probably not concentrating on the detail of my vast peerage knowledge. On the news saw the Waleses 'down under'. The princess was in a stunning off the shoulder evening dress looking like a film star from the 1950s. Watched them fly off to New Zealand with Prince William . The nanny looked tanned. Gone are the days when nanny was pale, fat and vicious.

Up to the bathroom at 6. Ally on the loo. I blame the lamb. Too fatty by far. We went out at 7:15 and spent two hours on the road and staggered into the Old Ball at 9:15 looking like a couple from the old coaching days. We sat with MM, Marita and Dave talking about car insurance and Denise's house on Oxford Rd. We drank sparingly and at 10:30 went back to the Matthews residence, a substantial semi on Rawdon Rd, where the sitting room is decorated like something from Homes & Gardens. Marita has installed a fine marble fireplace which she found in a junk shop for £70. We had supper and wine and a pleasant few hours. Reminiscing, but not too much. Poor Ally must be bored senseless lsitening to us banging on about the far off days of '73. Dave brought us home at 1. He stopped at Caesar's on Manningham Lane to buy tickets for Bauhaus. We went to our beds and lay awake until after 3. It was very warm and neither of us felt like sleeping. We are having them for dinner on May 7.

-=-

Friday April 15, 1983

 Feel groggy. We both do. I think we might be getting too much sleep. The usual boiled eggs but no breakfast TV. Ally went off very cheerful. She dosen't mind working now that she's the sole bread winner. It's put some purpose back into her life. I baked a loaf of bread and made two lots of beer and then splashed in the bath - cold water. Lay watching a fly on the ceiling. It must be the first one of the year. Perhaps I should write a letter to The Times about it. 

Walked to see Ally on Duckworth Lane and 12 but we were indecisive. The funds stand at £6 so we couldn't go wild in a pub, but after trudging around the Co-op we decided upon a quick glass of ale in the Traveller's Rest. Ken Ineson was in and Ally gave him a sheepish grin. We sat in the dark by the juke box for half an hour to cool down. I took my leave of her at 1 and went into town to spend the last £6 in the market on chicken, fish and vegetables and arrived home at 2. 

Sarah phoned with the cheerful news that I have a weeks wages to collect, my week in hand. I would have thought that this sum might be included in the severance pay, but no. We joked about (Judge) Christmas Humphreys, QC, who has died. When the old boy was retiring, about 5 years ago, the Daily Telegraph announced the fact every day for about three weeks. It became something of a joke. She added that my plants (chiefly spider plants) are missing me because I was the only one who watered them.

Ally phoned. The council have approved the grant for our new roof. We only have to put £85 towards the cost - £800 or so - which Steve O'Connor had estimated. Ally is beaming about this. I do enjoy seeing her beam,  _______. I feel as though I am not doing enough (to secure another career) yet I have written to breweries and can only wait. If all this fails I think we'll sell up and go abroad and sod everyone and everything. We pass this way but once. I am a gloomy sod, aren't I?

Ally was back with me for 5 and we feast. Talking about the weekend she says Dave L was offended at not being asked to Denise & Tony's wedding disco. I agree really, and feel the same. Denise came to our wedding and we have known each other for over ten years. Dave didn't even know that Denise was getting married until last Saturday when it was all over. We sat long into the darkness and didn't put on any lights. Reading The Three Musketeers. We retired at 10.

-=-

Thursday April 14, 1983

 We didn't want to get out of bed but finally did at 7:20. I have a retirement card on the doormat from Stephanie Ferguson which is thoughtful of her. When she leaves in June she is to have a marquee on her lawn at Leathley. She missed the party on Saturday because she went to the Grand National and was late back. I performed my morning ritual of hunting the elusive Daily Telegraph. I said goodbye to Ally who was standing at her bus stop with the bespectacled gent who plasters broken bones at the BRI. I arrived home to hear banging and much activity next door and went out to find Sammy (Greenwood) and the man from the corner shop battering at the Mrs Greenwood's door. I supplied a hammer and a policeman joined us. Mrs Greenwood was in a heap behind the door and the heat in her house was unbearable. The poor old girl had been there since 4:30pm yesterday when she went to the door to collect her evening newspaper and had been laid out waiting for help for 17 hours. Her kettle had boiled dry and her gas fire was throwing out tremendous heat. She was lucky not have burned the house down. It's dreadful to think she was spending the night in such a state just behind the wall from us. Poor old girl. She really is too old to live alone. Sammy, clutching his chest after they took her away in an ambulance. It hasn't helped his angina. The street buzzed with excitement. Old ladies love an ambulance, don't they? I sat and wrote two letters. One to Whitbread's and ther other to John & Sheila just to tell them of our changed circumstances. I baked a Victoria sandwich cake and put butter icing through the middle and icing on top. I am never out of the kitchen. Ally phoned and asked me to make a lasagne, which I did without question. She came in at 5 and we ate heartily. Afterwards, I spied a fat, red faced man marching into Club St followed by a pack of ladies. He was wearing a prominent red rosette and we immediately presumed that he is the ghastly municipal Labour candidate. He was knocking on every door bold as brass. Without further ado we ran upstairs and lay giggling on the bed until they went away. But first he stuffed some Labour propaganda through the door. Reading it I see that the Labour party is planning to create Heaven on earth. Club Street must be red, we decided, because Fat Man was received like Alexander the Great by all the old ladies, who littered his path with garlands and showered him and his entourage with all manner of affections. To bed early, well 9:30. Ally is done in.

-=-

Wednesday April 13, 1983

 New Moon

Up with Pig. TV and toast. They didn't show anything of the royal visit to Australia, which was why we switched on. I accompanied Ally to the bus stop and kissed her goodbye. She dislikes public acts of affection. I bought a Daily Telegraph and sent a couple of forthcoming marriage tips to Bob Cockcroft. Edward Lambton, heir to the disclaimed Earl of Durham, is engaged to Christabel McEwen, and Elizabeth Howard-Vyse, daughter of a general from Malton, is engaged to a clergyman. I phoned the YP and got through to Bob at 3 o'clock. He'd already seen them, but put me down for the Lambton one.

I baked a loaf of bread and then marched off out at 11:30 to join Ally. We went along to the building society on Duckworth Lane and invested £4,800 in an interest account which will grow by £30 a month. We fought off the desire to go sit in a pub and went to the Co-op. Kissing in the street again, and I departed at 1, and I watched her toddling off into the hospital grounds.

At home I prepared dinner. Cottage pie with peppers, onions, &c. Doing more work at home than I ever did at the YP. Susie phoned and we discussed Christopher's private parts. She was cheerful. They are buying a house, definitely, at Moorland Crescent, Menston. It overlooks High Royds Hospital, so it will be easy for her just to walk across and admit herself once she finally cracks up. I told her I was about to do some ironing and she asked: 'what exactly does that do?' She says she always wear crinkly, creased underwear. Ally came home early and caught me with the vacuum cleaner. We'd eaten and cleared everything away for 6pm. 

Dave G phoned, I may go over for the day on April 22. We watched 'Dallas' and went to bed after the news. I am fed up with talk about the next (general) election. I hope it will be in May 1984. You can go to the country too early. Look at Ted Heath in '74? I am reading 'The Three Musketeers'. At previous attempts I have never succeeded in passing the first chapter.

-=-

Tuesday April 12, 1983

 Up at 7 o'clock. A cold, but sunny day. Ally walked to Chestnut House at 8, and I have a terrible feeling when she has gone. ________. Out to see my jovial newsagent again and bought a Daily Telegraph. No scandal. Viscountess Bridgeman has had a son. She's a Turton from Whitby (landed gentry). 

Went out at 11 to town an appointment with the bronchil lady, who wants my P60 and national insurance number. I have to go back on Monday at 9:45 and report to bay 'C'. I wandered off whistling, and to HMV to look at the Spandau Ballet LP. I then went along to Kitchen Studios and saw a north country dwarf who told me that the new enamel sink is now on order and that he will phone me when it arrives. I then went into the marker and bought a half pound of Irish cheese for 50p. I'm sure you like to know that. 

Reading the blurb given to me by the bronchil lady it's very obvious that I am not entitled to any hand-out whilst I have £4,788 in the bank. Ally phoned at 2 and we discussed this. Would it be fraudulent of me to hide my redundancy money under an assumed name? I like the sound of Arthur Skeffington-Phipps. Mum is of the opinion that they will not investigate my severance money because I am trying to claim unemployment benefit, not supplementary benefit.

Sarah phoned and asked if I had received my cheque. She says she and Margo are miserable and that they keep looking over at my empty chair and sighing. Kathleen, they say, is being revoltingly cheerful in order to brighten the mood, but that it isn't working.

Phoned Horton. Joe and Anne Grunwell were there for the weekend, as were Lynn, Dave, Frances and Katie. They all had a riotous time. Mum says Sue had just phoned to report that Christopher has a hernia and is going in to hospital to have an operation later this week. For six months they have worried about his testicles, and when Jim inspected them at the weekend he insisted that something is seriously wrong. I am quite ignorant. What is a hernia, and how does one get one? Mum says the lad must have been born with it.

I created a fish pie and before you could say Norman Tebbit Ally was home. We sat reading and went up to bed disgustingly early. She was in a bit of a temper because she'd spoken to Frank who had annoyed her. He cannot understand what we want to do and seems to think we haven't seriously thought about the future. I think he sees her as a secretary behind a desk and doesn't understand she is bored of office life.

-=-

Monday April 11, 1983

 My first day as an unemployed layabout. In actual fact it was a day of great industry and activity. I wasn't bored for a second. Mind you, I am not the sort of person who could ever be bored. Some of my kinsmen might feel desolate and miserable when they are sitting at home, but not me. I was up at 6:54, and whilst Ally bathed I boiled the eggs and switched on the TV to avoid Steve Wright on Radio One. Selina Scott was presenting, but I switched off after three minutes. Ally went off to work at 8 and I went out and bought a Daily Telegraph to look at the BMDs. Not much really, other than the dishy Rachel Ward, actress niece of the Earl of Dudley, has married.

At 9:20 I phoned the YP and spoke to Paul Roberts in accounts. He told me that the mix up regarding my redundancy cheque is now sorted and so I told him I'd go in and collect it. I got the 72 bus at 11.I picked up a cheque for £4,788 from the pimply 17 year-old Mr Roberts, and returned immediately to Bradford. I made my way to the Employment exchange on Clifford Street where a cattle markert atmosphere prevailed. It could have been an acutely depressing experience for the sort of person easily depressed. Fortunately, I didn't let the place bother me. Queues of dejected 16 year-olds with holes in their jeans and with little hope of finding employment. I am to return tomorrow. I was dealt with by a girl with a very heavy cold, like a character from a Giles cartoon. I walked to the market - wonderfully empty - where I bought meat and vegetables. I returned home at 2 and prepared the dinner. I enjoyed putting the kidneys to marinade and mixing in the Yorkshire puddings, and making a strawberry jelly. Before you could say Robert Carrier it was 5:15 and Ally was home from her labours. I made her a dry Martini and fed her a good dinner. She smiled and said not many men could turn out such a repast. Later Ally wrote to Bessie sending her the £11 we owe for Anne's wedding present. Anne was Frank's secretary years ago. We counted the coins in the large whisky bottle which added up to £60.16. To bed after 10.

-=-

Sunday April 10, 1983

 Low Sunday

Woke up in a sleeping bag on the floor at 10. Went to vomit. Janette went off to sell caravans whilst John, looking remarkably robust, washed the glasses and calmly swigged on a glass of beer. Ally and I climbed into John's bed, but didn't sleep. We both felt ghastly. I had to make several journeys to the bathroom to  vomit with great retchings and much grovelling. I blame it all on the lack of food. I ate none of the quiche, pies and other party sundries. When I did force myself to climb out of bed John gave me toast and tea which revived me. The paracetamols were out. Ally joined me about an hour later and we gathered our things together and headed for home, with John at the wheel, via 'Mother Hubbard's' fish and chip place were we all had a greasy lunch washed down with gallons of tea and piles of bread and butter. It was a cold, thankless day. John left us at home at 4:30. We sat in a heap watching Mastermind from Winchester. Later we snuggled blissfully in bed. There's nothing like a fresh made, crisp bed. We recall arranging to visit MM and Marita next Saturday, but forget the details. Will have to phone. Tomorrow is the start of a new existence.

-=-

Saturday April 9, 1983

 Up early, and while Ally was making breakfast I went out to queue at a bakery for French sticks. We spent the day cooking and turning out 5 quiches for tonight. At 1pm I walked down to Morrison's and spent £20 on wine and bread rolls, and struggled back with my load. The day was warm and I discarded my pullover. Ally put the finishing touches to the food and we had a beer. John came for us at 6 and we loaded up the car and went to Guiseley. _________. John and Janette gave me a (Rolling) Stones LP and a belated birthday card. Sue and Peter came in at 8 after Ally had spent another few hours in the kitchen making egg sandwiches and putting lumps of cheese on sticks, &c. We went over to the Station (Hotel) and Janette followed 10 minutes later. I had a feeling that everything was an anti-climax and I was feeling far from festive. Sarah, Trevor, Brian Kay, two reporters whose names escape me, Margo and and a friend were the only people from the office. The Pudsey mob came, and Jacq in one of her 'Bette Davis' moods. Oh, then Penny Wark and Jill Armstrong, then Peter Lazenby, who gave me a badge "Workers of the World Unite". Back to the flat at 11. MM, Marita (thinner) and Chris Ratcliffe were outside waiting. They had been to Denise's wedding reception at the Nunroyd. She is now Mrs Barker. (Denise had married Tony Barker). Dave L arrived at the pub looking weird with a George IV coiffeur. Memories back at the flat - blank. I enjoyed Peter Lazenby's rendering of 'In The English Royal Family' and 'Three Ha'pence a Foot'. Peter Mather came in and sat in a corner with a boring little woman and they didn't speak. Tim and Paul think I am insane taking redundancy. They say I will be bored by Wednesday. We shall see. To bed, or perhaps I should say, to the floor, at 3am. 

-=-

Friday April 8, 1983

 I did my usual work and finished at 12, and went out to buy films for my new camera and go the building society, &c. I was late back at the office, not intentionally, which was odd because in 9 years I have rarely returned late from lunch. I walked quickly through a damp Park Square thinking of the many solitary lunches I have spent in its boundaries. Back at the YP Sarah was exclaiming and gasping.She had bumped into Marilyn Wheeler in town who told her that Carol J and 'President Carter' were married in Leeds on March 31, and are now living in Middlesbrough. We suspected as much. 

Work stopped at 2:30 when Kathleen returned and place the camera on my desk and a large card signed by everyone on the editorial floor. No fanfare and no Eamonn Andrews leaping out from behind a potted palm. All very low key. I know I said I didn't want a fuss but this is ridiculous. At 4 I took Geoff a paper cup full of wine and he was surprised that I haven't been presented with my gifts in the usual way. He came over to Kathleen who said: 'Oh, I didn't want a fuss'. To which he replied: 'But you aren't the one who is leaving.' Then, the real nail in the coffin came when I didn't collect my severance cheque. Kathleen phoned personnel to be told that the man who deals with the redundancy cheques is on holiday and 'can he come back on Monday for it?' With that I packed up my things and left. I kissed Kathleen goodbye as I departed. I may never go back. I want to see Geoff again and will find him at the Town Hall Tavern. I blame Kathleen for my shoddy treatment.

Home with my camera. All excited. We ate and retired early. The end of an era.

-=-

Thursday April 7, 1983

 My penultimate day at the YP. Unbelievable. Got in at 9 and found Sarah and Margo flapping about. Some ghastly homosexual is holding a 12 year-old boy hostage in Gipton.

Kathleen arrived at 9:45 with my camera and flash gun. She locked them away in a cupboard. I posted my Tetley's application form and Geoff says he will phone their PRO tomorrow. We'll see if it has any effect.

I went around the office asking people to attend on Saturday. Dave Pitts, Philip Thingy, Darryl Wills, &c. All were very nostalgic. 

At 12 I walked out as usual with Sarah and suggested having a quick one in Len's. She accepted. It's the first time we've done such a thing since either of us married. We talked about ___________ and the riotous night when Lynn & Dave got engaged. Even more nostalgia. ________. Back at 1. Spoke to Delia (who phoned for Sarah but I took the call). She was very gloomy. 

Kathleen was dull all afternoon and collected more money. £60 so far. Incredible and very touching. Later I phoned Dave L, who was sombre. He's coming on Saturday. Afterwards I phoned Marita, who is now living at 12 Rawdon Road, Horsforth, with MM of course. They are going to Denise's wedding on Saturday, but may come on afterwards.

Home for 6. We couldn't be bothered with the form filling. (I re-typed one to Sam Smiths). To bed at 9:30.

-=-

Wednesday April 6, 1983

 Off to the YP for the last Wednesday of my library career. Kathleen came to see me and said they have collected £52 for me so far, and asks what I want them to do with the money. I am astounded. I didn't expect such a sum. Bloody hell, Carol J only got a dictionary. I have a brainwave and went out at lunch time and looked at the price of an Olympus trip. (£39.50), at Comet, and a Phillips flash gun for £13.  Phoned Ally.

Saw Jacq at Dacres and told her of my impending 'retirement' and gave her details of the party. No doubt she'll come along with Lynne. Back at the office I made tea for the girls. It's the least I can do when they have collected so much. Sarah says that Bob put a fiver in and wrote a great epistle on my leaving card. It's Margo's theory that people give more when you stare at them intently when they take out their wallets.

Sarah says we have been instructed to fly the Union flag one day next week, and no one knows why. Is Diana to be made a Lady of the Garter, she suggests? No. The King will make his Queen LG when he succeeds to the throne. Is Andrew to become Duke of York? No. Not while Koo (Stark) is vacant. That would never do. Yes, if he marries a nice aristo like his big brother. Davina Sheffield, now Morley, had a son the other day. That is no reason to put up the flag. I'm intrigued. I am not going to be in on these things anymore, but to be honest I've had enough. I desperately need a change.

Home at 6:30 in sunshine. Complete Tetley's and Younger application forms, and agree to send them tomorrow. I phoned Auntie Mabel. She says she will pray for us in our redundant state. I get the impression that she thinks I am making a mistake. To bed at 10:52. Ally reading about a guest house for sale at Haworth for £46,000.

-=-

Tuesday April 5, 1983

 My 28th birthday. Snow on the ground, but sunshine. We had a bad night in bed and I hardly slept a wink. Nylon sheets are the worst thing since sackcloth and ashes. We slid around like Torvill & Dean. Eggs and bacon. Mum gave me a card and £5. They came into the bedroom singing 'Happy Birthday' Dad playing the spoons like an old music hall act. At 12 we went into Settle. It's market day and seething. Saw Alan Bennett, the playwright,  who came so close I could have reached out and touched him in ladies underwear. The ladies underwear stall at the open air market that is. We fell into the Royal Oak to celebrate the commencement of my 29th year. The place was doing a roaring trade. Ally say eyeing the bar staff. She is saddened because my presents are at home. Things like that do not worry me. We said our goodbyes and returned to Bradford. Karen and Steve are great fun.  We drove past the house in Haworth Road where, Steve says, a woman groped with his genitalia, in 1975. We collapsed. Ally gave me a card full of beautiful verse she had found in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. Socks, underwear, a book on home wine making, and a pullover, but says I can have the main present, an Olympus Trip 35mm camera next week. Went into a coma in the bath, and couldn't get out to speak to Dave G who phoned at 9. In bed for 9:30.

-=-

Monday April 4, 1983

 Bank Holiday in the UK (Except Scotland)

Up early and wallowed 'neath a soapy fermament. It is Uncle Peter's birthday. He is 54.

Sue and Peter came at 10 with a bruised and battered Christopher, looking like a survivor from HMS Galahad. He had fallen whilst attacking the neighbour's cat. We motored up to Horton. With Mama and Papa for 11:30. Papa looks ten years younger and both are loving every minute of life at Waltergarth. They gave Christopher lunch and we went to the Crown with Karen & Steve. We had a fiasco over a missing cornish pasty. The bar staff were agitated and accused us of eating one pasty too many. The place was swarming with Japanese hikers. Afterwards Dad decided to take us on a stroll across a plouged field and I fell, measuring my length in the sheep turds. Poor Christopher, clinging hold of his pushchair hand rail, with white knuckles and bilging eyes as we hauled him over the drystone walls. We returned to Waltergarth looking like Turkish mud wrestlers. Wine, women and song this evening. Watched Dudley Moore's 'Ten', boring. Steve snored in the chair. Joined by John from Scotland looking well. Sue and Pete went off at dusk and Karen said they would drop us off , but the time ticked by and we wended up staying another night. I was hideously pissed.

-=-

Sunday April 3, 1983

 Easter Day

Up at 9. Boiled eggs with toast. Phoned Susan and Lynn. Sue says they will go to Waltergarth tomorrow and take us along with them.  She was laughing saying I had broken her off from cleaning the lavatory. Such an odd thing to be doing in celebration of the risen Christ. Lynn is calling upon us later. Phoned Mum to say we will see her tomorrow. Karen and Steve are with them now. Mum has had a busy time. The place has been packed. She sounded pleased as Punch.

Lynn and Dave came before 2 with the girls and we passed half an hour in pleasant intercourse. Frances, leggy, thinks I am Alison and Alison is me. We exchanged birthday presents. They bought me two mirrors which will go well in the bathroom. We sat Frances on the piano stool and she banged around looking very much like the late Winifred Atwell, only white. Katie is very big and pink and extremely good, not making a single sound. Lynn fed her. They went off to see Audrey, and I think holding something back about her condition. Watched Richard Burton, aged about 16, in 'The Robe'. Awful really. Lasagne.

-=-=

Saturday April 2, 1983

 We woke after 10 both feeling groggy. I went out to the Co-op and bought butter and sugar. It wasn't until I was sauntering past the frozen peas that I discovered an icy draught blowing through my open flies. I must have given some morning shoppers a rude awakening.  We had our glass-free Hot Cross Buns and guzzled tea. I went out and hung out the washing as Ally splashed in her bath. I think that perhaps we have slipped up this Easter. We should have avoided the boring, mundane routine today. We went to town to buy something for Frances who is two on Wednesday. Two hours in revolting toy shops full of plastic junk on sale at exhorbitant prices. Eventually we bought some pink shorts and a little shirt to match.

Later, at home, we had salad sandwiches and watched 'Raid on Entebbe'. In fact we didn't move fom the TV all night. I shoved a breast of lamb in the oven with some potatoes. Watched John Alderton in one of those boring vet films.

It is a year since the Argentinians invaded the Falklands. I do miss Ian MacDonald's MOD broadcasts.

I have an Easter Card from my great-auntie Annie (Kirk), and she is 'ever so pleased' that I 'have had Grandma and Grandad framed'. Very amusing. Sounds like some despicable conspiracy. Watched another Woody Allen film but dropped off before the end and woke up to see Rod Stewart leaping around encased in tin foil like a Christmas turkey. To bed.

-=-

Friday April 1, 1983

 The first day of April. The year is flying. Sunshine but cold. Up at 6:44. I dislike having a day off when Ally has to work, but I suppose I will have to get used to it. Off to the AHA she went in her tight jeans and green boots looking dishy. She got a lift with Les Hotchin.

 I made Hot Cross buns but smashed the [illegible] bowl showering the room with jagged glass and dough. I closely inspected the buns and found no shards of glass and thought it safe to bake them. Splashed in the bath and went out at 11:45 to meet Ally. I walked down as far as the pet shop and then got a bus to scale the heights of Squire Lane. I arrived at Chestnut House and found Ally keeping vigil at a window. She laughed because I was wearing a tie. We walked hand in hand to the Queen on Daisy Hill Bank, a Webster's house, where we spent two hours and a small fortune. I consumed five pints of bitter. The place is full of paintings by Stuart Hirst, son of the landlord. We had cheese and onion sandwiches and sat watching the other customers. It is most definitely the life for us. We went back to Chestnut House at 2:15 and I sat with until 4. John MacCabe came to inspect me as I sat typing on Patricia's electric typewriter, and then I helped Gillian make the tea. She didn't believe me when I told her I was 'retiring'. _______. We came home for 4:30 after phoning Lynn and David to see if we could go over and probably babysit for them. They didn't take us up on our suggestion. Lynn is obsessed with having babies and wants nothing in between. __________. We phoned Mum too. They had five men in last night and are having four tonight, who are also having dinner too. John called on them this morning on his way to Scotland with the offering of a dead rabbit which he's killed on the way up. Janette, who is working at Easter, is occupying the flat quite alone. Ally doesn't want to go to Horton if it's swarming with hikers, but I don't think it will ever become quieter. It's the walking season. 

Later we had a liver and onion special and collapsed. Ally, feeling fragile, snoozed in my arms and went up to bed at 9. I stayed up until 12:30 and watched Woody Allen's 'Love & Death' - always worth seeing. To bed.

-=-

Thursday March 31, 1983

 We were up eating bananas on toast and watching Breakfast TV. We switched around from the BBC to TV-am. All very trivial and boring. Intrigue at the YP. I keep emreging from behind the filing cabinets to find Sarah and Margo whispering. Later I saw Geoff and Bob in a corner with Kathleen, obviously discussing me. I am paranoid. I gave Geoff some material on tigers. He says you can keep a tiger at home by following the entry for tigers in the 1955 Encyclopaedia Britannica. Sarah left at 4.

I have an apology to make. Baroness Willoughby de Eresby is 27th holder of the peerage, not the 28th. The co-heirs to the peerage are her elderly aunts. I would like either to be a peerage lawyer or a publican. Not much difference really. One pulls peers and the other pulls beers.

I phoned Ally. She is miserable because she cannot take tomorrow off because Jean is. She went off at 5 for a trim and looked deliciously sweet tonight.  I bought her a chocolate egg for £1.99 and a sloppy Easter card. She deserves every bit of romantic clobber I can muster. I hid the egg on top of the wardrobe. 

I got in at 6 and made bacon and eggs whilst Ally made herself pretty in pink trousers and white top. She is feeling delicate _________. We cuddled up and watched 'Top of the Pops' and Kenny Everett. Up to bed at 10. Before dropping off Ally remembered that it's April Fool's Day tomorrow and wants to to do something appropriate. I'll ring Mum and tell her that the council have given approval to build an ASDA on the top of Pen-y-ghent.

-=-

Wednesday March 30, 1983

 Scurry off to the YP full of glee. Saw Geoff. He gave me my application forms with additional flowing script.He must think I'm the bees knees. I am very flattered that he has taken such an interest in my future life. Kathleen asked if he is 'pushing me'. What can she mean? Told Sarah about my plans and she was pleasant. I think Kathleen had given her some idea.  I collected my £67.05 because it is Easter. Marched through Leeds this lunch time and sat in Park Square - probably for the last time. My God, what hours of solitary reflection have I spent in that peaceful liitle haven. The pigeons will miss me. 

Saw in The Times that Lady Jane Fellowes has had a son, Alexander, on March 23. A first nephew for the Princess of Wales. Lady Sarah McCorquodale expects in July. Viscount Head is dead. That would be a good opening line for an epitaph. The Earl of Ancaster has gone too. His daughter becomes the 28th Baroness Willoughby de Eresby. I would like to master the laws relating to (peerage) abeyance.

Home to Pig. She was unhappy at first with Geoff's re-wording, but after reading them a few times accepts his version. She didn't approve of his tatty typing.

Chicken and mushroom pie at 7:30. Jim, Margaret and Julie came for half an hour to collect a carpet knife. They inspected the kitchen closely. Watched Dallas and went to bed at 10.

-=-

Tuesday March 29, 1983

 Wet. a daffodil is trying to flower in the garden. I have been watching it's progress with interest. (Hot Cross) buns for breakfast again. Ally spilled tea on her skirt and had to go change. 

At the YP I gave Geoff my application forms and he went away saying he will look at them tonight. Derek Foster says he will have to start looking at the births, marriages and deaths after my departure.

Told the EP that Sir William Brooksbank is dead. They did it this evening.

I felt the absence of Carol J today and shudder to think how the department will run with only three staff. People keep coming in and going away puzzled ats to what will be the procedure after April 8. I told an EP reporter that the place is going self service, with wire baskets and Johnny Mathis tapes playing on a loop only to be interrupted occasionally by an adenoidal announcement: 'Mr Hawkins to the cash desk please'.

Sarah probably won't get to my leaving party. Anne Goodyear, Michael Brown and Penny Wark look like certainties. Kathleen is panic stricken and scurries here and there. Home at 5:30. I hung around on Wellington Street for half an hour. Chicken again. We laid on the settee all night. A science fiction film. The Martians came, but they all caught cold and died. Silly.

Saw Sir Laurens van der Post interview the PM at No 10. What a remarkable woman she is. I find her very inspiring. 

Dave G phoned. He says Billy requires psychiatric treatment. I told him it's his age.

To bed at 11:44pm.

-=-

Monday March 28, 1983

 Full Moon

Sweet Auntie Hilda celebrates another birthday. We sent her a cheeky card which I think will put a few naughty words into auntie's 47 year-old mouth. 

Ally and I had hot cross buns for breakfast. She is happy today because Derek (Jenkins) is basking in Torremolinos. Why a man in his exalted position wishes to holiday in Torremolinos is a mystery. He is a district works officer you know. 

Off to the YP where I learn that today is not my eighth last day, but my seventh. Sarah and I are having it off on Good Friday.

Just Margo and I in. Saw Geoff Hemingway, who says he will take down my particulars tomorrow. Phoned Mum. They had another walking couple in for B & B. We argued about  the identity of 'Philip Ashley' in the 1952 film 'My Cousin Rachel'. I told her Richard Burton played the part opposite Olivia de Havilland's 'Rachel' (sic). She swore blind it was Kieran Moore.

Ally and I have yet to decide what we are doing at Easter. She doesn't want to spend the whole of the break at Horton.

Tonight we had roast chicken. Afterwards I typed application forms to Tetley's and Samuel Smith's breweries. Made a good job of them too. Ally's typing is abysmal on my machine. Saw 'Coronation Street' and 'Brass'. Mike Baldwin wants to build a discotheque in Rosamund Street. Annie Walker will be livid.

Royal News: The Prince and Princess of Wales dancing at a charity ball in Sydney. They moved excellently. Diana has really captured the impressionable little Aussies. 

David L phoned to see if we fancied a rock concert on Wednesday. I didn't recognise the group and so said no. A pleasant chat.

De Haviland has only one L.

-=-