Wednesday June 17, 1981

 _. Full Moon.

I am detecting a dryness in my throat and a blockage in the nasal cavity. Going down with a cold. Shit and buggery, I'm getting married next week.

An 'Ally-less' night. We had several conversations. Auntie Mabel had been on the phone to her talking about the rug she's buying us. Bless her. We must call and see her at the weekend.

Shazzo Cohen was missing from the office today. No doubt on her way to Ankara with her new love. Can't say that I blame her. The YP library is no place for an adventure seeking, sex-crazed 20 year-old.

A letter in the Times reports that the forename Zara is very common in Arab countries. The author goes on to say that it is something of a coincidence that Miss Phillips should be given an Arab name when King Khalid of Saudi Arabia is about to arrive in London. What a startling coincidence, not.

The Prince of Wales is in New York leaving Lady Diana alone at Royal Ascot. She is looking stunning. A definite style is emerging.

Sue has been to see a doctor. She should know for certain by Friday. In other news, Frances now weights 11 pounds.

-=-

Tuesday June 16, 1981

 _. A fun-packed day at the office. All squabbling about holidays. Wendy Newton is quitting the library night staff, and once again we are in the doldrums. Sharon is behaving mysteriously. Ten days ago she met a Turk in the Intime Club in town and he has asked her to accompany him back to Istanbul next week. Is this the end of the ample Miss Cohen?

Didn't see Ally this evening but we spoke a couple of times. Garry has sent a response to Frank & Bessie. No, he won't be coming to the wedding. God knows why. 

Ally went for some sun-ray treatment and then to a hairdresser, who fiddled around with her hair in various styles for the wedding.

Sue is reporting feeling tired, sick and dizzy. It's a good sign, isn't it?

Battle Cruiser Zara.

A gent in a letter to the Times suggests that Miss Zara Phillips is so named because 40 years ago the Duke of Edinburgh, as a naval officer, contributed to the sinking of an Italian cruiser, Zara, at the Battle of Matapan. Laughter. Is Philip destined now to sink his own granddaughter?

-=-

Monday June 15, 1981

 _. Up at 6:30. Ally and I took a bus to Horsforth, collected the car, fiddled with the accelerator, and off she went, pale and bruised from yesterday's collapse. Sarah says we missed a good party. What a pity for us that it had such a premature end. 

Dined with Mum, Dad and Ally at 6. I mowed the lawns. Ally followed doing the edges. 

Marcus Simon Sarjeant appeared in court today charged under Section 2 of the 1848 Treason Act. The bastard was remanded in court until June 24. TV and newspapers have devoted so much time and newsprint to this boy. It's a green light for all the lunatics to go out and frighten the Sovereign.

-=-

Sunday June 14, 1981

 _. Trinity Sunday

Spent the morning pottering in the garden. Weeding, &c, to the sound of the church bells summoning Anglicans to church.

Ally: weak at the knees

To Delia's lunch party at 12:45. Ally in her yellow shorts, brown legs, white shoes. We had not been informed that it was an engagement party for Sarah and Trevor, and stood by as guests handed over spice racks, wine racks, heavy glass tumbers, &c.____. I spent some time in the kichen chatting to a young David Hirst about Benton Park School. Geoff Slater, the undertaker, cornered me and talked about official 'flag flying days'. Evidently I provided him with a list in 1975. Other guests included Jill Whittington, Olive, Olive's husband, Delia's florist, Delia's hairdresser, Barbara, Marilyn and Beverley Wheeler, &c. Just as the food was being served Ally began to feel dizzy and we went outside and propped up a coal bunker. She became weak at the knees. For us the party was over. I helped her to the car and set off down West End Lane, and had driven no further a mile when the accelerator pedal snapped beneath my foot. I pushed the car into a lay-by, Ally now unconscious, and walked to Horsforth roundabout and phoned Susan and Peter. They arrived at about 4 and brought us back to Pine Tops and we put her to bed. I spent the evening keeping vigil.

Mum and Dad dined at the Prachee.

-=-

Saturday June 13, 1981

 _. Shopping in Bradford. Ally bought some yellow shorts and matching shirt and now looks like a sexy canary. I bought a couple of pairs of socks.

Sarjeant: firing blanks.

Back at Ash Tree Cottage at 3. Hear on the radio that someone fired six blanks at the Queen as she was entering Horse Guards Parade this morning for the Trooping of the Colour ceremony. HM was unhurt and performed splendidly on her horse, Burmese. A 17 year-old youth, Marcus Sarjeant, from Kent, has been charged with offences under Section 2 of the 1848 Treason Act, and could face a prison sentence of up to seven years. At the Birthday Parade in 1936 a Scot threw a loaded revolver at King Edward VIII on Constitution Hill, and did a years 'hard labour' for his treacherous deed.

To Guiseley at 5. Stayed until after 12. Had fish and chips. Sue and Pete came at about 10 just as Ally was dishing up the food. Sue thinks she might be pregnant, and the baby due in February. Surely, this cannot be right? It means she's only two days pregnant. She's seeing a doctor on Wednesday. Much laughter. Peter took all the banter with his usual Nason composure. To Bradford after 12.

-=-

Friday June 12, 1981

Pine Tops: soon to be sold?

 _. Mum and Dad are inundated with enquiries about the sale of Pine Tops. People are flocking to view. No doubt the old place will be sold at the weekend. I phoned Mum this afternoon.

At the office I did point out to the [news] desk that Princess Anne's lady-in-waiting, the Hon Shan Legge-Bourke, also has a daughter, Zara, born in 1966.

To Club Street at 6. Another evening of tidying up in readiness for the visit of the duke and duchess on June 26, or is it June 25? Ally was in a highly emotional state tonight ___________.

-=-

Thursday June 11, 1981

 _. To the YP. Had my hair cut at Carlo & Jeffrey's  - £4. Princess Anne's daughter is not going to be called Tracy. Instead they've gone for Zara Anne Elizabeth. 

To Ash Tree Cottage for 6. We went to Morrison's and spent £7 on virtually nothing at all. Just a few provisions for tea and a tin of Heinz Ravioli 'in rich tomato sauce' for our post-honeymoon food supply.

Grayson: mantlepiece

At 8 I left Ally [yes folks, she's still 'Spring cleaning'] and walked up to St Wilfred's Church to collect a completed Banns certificate from the Denis Price-like Mr Nudds. He guided me into his study where he filled out the certificate. I was startled by the portrait adorning the chimney breast over the mantlepiece. A framed and signed portrait of no lesser person than Larry Grayson, the homosexual tv quiz master. After last Sunday's 'high church' experience I would have expected to see Pope John Paul up there. It was warming to see Robert Lacey's 'Majesty' on Mr Nudds's well stocked bookcase.

Back at Club St Ally was sneezing [because of the dust]. Phoned Dave G. He is going to collect us at Manchester Airport on July 12. Dave L phoned to ask about the 'stag night'. Bessie phoned Ally and spoke for hours on end. Wedding talk. I made a large tissue-paper shroud for the wedding dress hanging in the Flying Pig Suite. Obviously, I haven't seen the gown.

-=-

Wednesday June 10, 1981

 _. The 60th birthday of HRH The Duke of Edinburgh. 

Took a half-day and left the office at 12. I lingered in a book shop in town and then wandered to Pronuptia Bridal where I met a glowing Ally, in pink trousers, and white blouse. Like an ice-cream sundae in fact. We collected large boxes containg the bridal dress and bridesmaid dresses and paid out £200 [half the cost].

Charles in Bradford.

Ally saw the Prince of Wales in Bradford this morning. He drove past her in his magnificent car, with crest fluttering, as she sped up Squire Lane, on the third day of her fake stomach upset. We went to Bradford and saw the prince leaving the Town Hall [where he'd lunched]. The immense popularity of the P of W is made very clear by the shear numbers who turned out to catch a glimpse. The city centre was at a standstill. HRH then drove to Yeadon where he flew home at 4:20. Officials at the airport say they cannot recall such a crowd massing to see someone fly out. 

Home to Pine Tops at 5. Saw Lynn and Frances. Mum and Dad were entertaining a couple of prospective buyers, and so Ally and I went to Burley, and came home at 11.

-=-

Tuesday June 9, 1981

Diana: 

 _. To the office. Ally, the naughty girl, coninued with her mock-illness and remained at Club St 'spring cleaning' in readiness for the wedding of the year. On the subject of the wedding of the year I'm slightly put out. Driving to Leeds with Jim today I remarked that 'the wedding is getting near now', to which Jim immediately replied 'oh yes, I'm dreading all that hideous TV coverage, their faces splattered all over every newspaper and magazine in the Kingdom for weeks on end ....' clearly thinking I was talking of the Royal wedding and not mine. Ours is quite lost in all the royal build up.

Sarah was missing yesterday at the YP too. Tummy upset. So, yesterday 'Mrs Slocombe' was left to do everything.

I'm having trouble sleeping you know [have I mentioned this before?] The wedding [ours] must be playing around, creeping upon my subconscious. I am not in any way frightened. Indeed, I long for it, the home life, and everything it entails.

-=-

Monday June 8, 1981

Haworth.

 _.Up at 8. We phoned our respective places of employment pleading illness. We took a leisurely breakfast, and phoned Mum at 10. I didn't want her phoning the office to be told I was at home in bed. We packed a picnic of egg mayonnaise sandwiches and went to Haworth at 12 for a tranquil afternoon at the 'Bronte Waterfalls'. A peaceful walk on the moors with my love disturbed only by schoolchildren squealing at the falls. We looked at the shops, and returned to Guiseley.

To Rawdon at 5:15 for a session with my bearded, garlic smelling dentist. Just a clean and polish and it cost me £3. Ally, sat in the waiting room saw Mr Miller, one of the AHA bosses, and so hid behind a four year old edition of Horse & Hound. On to Guiseley.

-=-

Sunday June 7, 1981

 _. Whit Sunday

To St Wilfred's Church, Lidget Green at 10:30 to hear the Banns on our marriage spoken by Mr Nudds, the vicar. He preached very solemnly from the pulpit, booming through his microphone of the perils of drug abuse and a tale of a Thalidomide child. Home at 11:30 for bacon and eggs.

Rachel, Anne and Penny.

After a soak and a change of clothes we walked to Chellow, armed with a bottle of Papa's apple wine, to Rachel Judson's afternoon party. Her live-in boyfriend Garry is a caterer and the display of food looked like something from the Savoy. A large salmon, turkey, &c. Some bitchiness enused between Rachel's Halifax friends and YP ladies. The Halifax girls all resembled desert island castaways, in shorts, with lots of tanned, bare flesh. Penny Wark likened the tans to 'gravy browning'. Evidently I provided some musical accompaniment to an old, scratched Abba LP, but this was after 9 when everyone seemed to be staggering drunk. Rachel was quite overcome by it all. I've always said she is a little girl at heart. This afternoon for instance she was in her kitchen sobbing because she thought nobody was enjoying the party. Eileen and Steve Burnip were fun, as was Gavin Summers. We staggered back home after 10, and in pouring rain, and sat by the fire in a state of undress listening to Dohnányi's 'Theme on a Nursery Song'. Hot toast and tea, and decide to skip work tomorrow.

-=-

Saturday June 6, 1981

 _. Because I am so rarely at home I find that compiling this journal is becoming more and more difficult. 

Ally and I had a fruitless day in Leeds drifting aimlessly around the shops. Saw 'Mrs Slocombe' and her sister Wendy. We went into the Ostlers chiefly to allow Ally to answer the call, or perhaps the scream, of nature. Obviously, we didn't leave the pub without sampling its excellent ales.

The afternoon was a catastrophe from start to finish. I had no enthusiasm for spending money, or more correctly, the bank's money. Ally took exception to my reticence. I did succumb to a pair of trousers costing £26 in Primo's. They're a bit military looking, not out of place on Moshe Dayan.

Back to Club Street. I made a Spanish omelette. First though I had to march down the High St looking for red peppers and onions. We went to see the Rev Calvin Ward at Esholt at 7. We had a full-scale wedding rehearsal - quite beautiful. He was so enthusiastic and cheerful, as if it was his first wedding. Back to Pine Tops. Mum packed me up with bacon and eggs, &c, and at 12 we returned to Club St.

-=-

Friday June 5, 1981

 _. Boring day at the YP. I cannot go on much longer. I am quite wasted doing what I'm doing. Thoroughly wasted. Sarah was so very happy about her invitation. I chastised her for not telling me sooner of the canceled Scottish trip.

Home at 6. No sign of Mum and Dad. They were out all evening at the Stonehouse compiling an inventory. This afternoon they visited an accountant in Harrogate.

Ally came for tea. Just beans, eggs, &c. To the Cow & Calf Hotel to discuss a few minor details with the management. You know, table flowers, wine &c. Took the wedding cake to be iced at Mrs Rusby's. She has a poor spastic daughter who must be my age. An only child too. Visited Lynn and Dave too, and baby Frances was frantically sucking upon a dummy.

At the office I picked up some free tickets for a late showing at the ABC Cinema, Leeds tonight, for 'The Exterminator' starring endless obscure actors, and Samantha Eggar, an almost obscure actress. I phoned Dave L and told him to be outside the cinema at 10:30. He complied with this request. It was a very poor film but amusing in places where probably it shouldn't have been. Would have felt robbed if I'd payed money to see it. Back to Bradford at 12:30.

-=-

Thursday June 4, 1981

 _. Feeling frivolous I bought two rump steaks and went to Bradford at 5. I now have my own key you know. I let myself into the empty house. Ally was at the hairdresser having her hair permed in readiness for the wedding. She was back looking extremely bonnie at 6:30, and we dined at 7. 

Bessie: 59.

My future mother-in-law, Bessie, is 59 today. It's a year since we had a mad four or five days in Winchester. The trip to Windsor and the t-bone steak there still makes my mouth water. And I'll always remember a sun-tanned Ally on Itchen Downs, a poppy arranged sexily behind one ear.

Afterwards we watched the increasingly snowy TV. Sarah has announced that she and Delia are not now away in Scotland on our wedding day. Communicating this to Ally she immediately phoned Bessie to add them to the guest list. I phoned Delia, who almost burst into tears saying she and Sarah had been quite 'heart broken' at the thought of missing the wedding. Obviously, Trevor is now on the list too.

-=-

Wednesday June 3, 1981

 _. Sarah appeared at the office wearing an engagement ring.

Ally came this evening and so too did Hilda and Tony. We debated, at length, the pros and cons of having an Access card, and the suitability of Lady Diana as a royal bride. Auntie Hilda is a comic. She can be very 'dead pan'. Tony attempted to rope Dad into attending a Rotary Club dinner in October. Obviously, Dad can never commit. The Gadsbys had been to see baby Frances before landing with us. 

-=-

Tuesday June 2, 1981

 _. New Moon

Sarah: engaged

Heavy rain at first, sun later. Good old Coronation Day, but I suspect that the Union flag fluttering above the YP is for quite a different reason. Sarah today announced her engagement to Trevor Abbott, or Abbot. I didn't go in to the YP until 10 [having worked the night shift last night]. Sarah was obviously gleeful about something which I didn't find unusual. She is always either very high or very low. She could hardly contain herself, and told that at 12 she and Trevor were going into town to buy an engagement ring. She returned at 2 and we howled with laughter all afternoon.

Wedding talks with Ally. At 2:30 we squabbled about items on the wedding list. I want nothing to do with wedding lists and the compiling thereof.

Ally came over at 7:30. Mum was in a miserable mood and so we escaped with a copy of The Times to West End Terrace so that Sue and Pete could look at the foreign holidays on the back page. They have recently inherited £200 each from the estate of Pete's grandmother, Florence Nason, who died last June. Back to Pine Tops at 10:30. Ally stayed over.

-=-

Monday June 1, 1981

 _. Bank Holiday in Rep. of Ireland

Ally went to work and 9 but Dave and I took a leisurely breakfast before joining her for lunch at the Reservoir pub, Chellow Dene. We sat with pints and prawn sandwiches from 12 until 2. Ally went back to labour for Derek Jenkins at 2, and Dave and I scaled Squire Lane, beneath a hard, burning sun. Back at Ash Tree Cottage we had pots of tea and blasted some 'Police' on the stereo. Dave, very quiet, is worried about Garry. He forked out Garry's £300 for their forthcoming holiday, and has yet to get it back. He also says that Garry might not be able to get to our wedding because it clashes with Mr & Mrs Barratt's Atomic wedding anniversary, or whatever. 

Bus to Leeds with Dave at 4. He got the 4:30 train to Stockport. I did the YP 5pm-12. It was quite dead. Home to Guiseley with a comical taxi driver who assumed that because I live on Hawksworth Lane I must be a pools winner. 

-=-

Sunday May 31, 1981

 _. Sunday after Ascension

Hot. Marathon breakfast for the Pudsey mob who had slept over. They did a good deal of laughing at the naughty books Christine B sent me years ago, you know, the Janet and John type books, with the pervy inscriptions inside. Karen, Steve, Jill, Tim, Diane and Paul left after 11, or was it 12?

We took Dave to Pine Tops for an audience with mother. This went on longer than expected and we didn't leave to peep at the Stonehouse Inn until 4. The sun had disappeared and a gloom descended, but it didn't detract from the beauty of Thruscross. David was non-commital. We didn't go into the pub. A ratty little man [Jack], and a young man in Wellington boots [Granville] were surveying the acres and eyeing us suspiciously.

Back to Club St for 7 for carrot soup, and liver casserole. Ally, too exhausted, went to bed leaving Dave and I watching a film entitled Sweet William. Bed after 12:30.

-=-

Saturday May 30, 1981

 _. Ally went for a sun-ray session. She returned looking sexy and tinted. We had breakfast with Dave G. Afterwards he helped Ally make a coleslaw. I went into Lidget Green to do some shopping for tonight's orgy.

We went to the Brown Cow at Horsforth [Stella Artois, &c] and then on to see Denise and pay our honeymoon insurance money.  We called at Pine Tops and then went to Charles the tailor in Menston [my suit], and back to Club St for 5:30. 

Our house party began at 9. Karen, Steve, Jill, Tim, Diane, Paul Edwards, Sue Pete, Jacq, Paul C, Eileen and Steve Burnip, Anne Goodyear, Lynn, Dave, Rachel Judson and Garry, Gillian and Tom, &c. Not a full list by any means because people saw the party from the Kebab take-away across the road and joined us, plus Ally's cronies from the AHA. An excellent night. Warm too, and the overflow of revellers poured into the front garden [probably because we don't have a back garden]. Good to see some YP people. Horribly pissed. All a bit of a blank.

-=-

Friday May 29, 1981

 _. Muggy again. Ally and Lynn spent the afternoon shopping in Leeds. Ally had a fitting for her wedding dress and Lynn went crazy in Mothercare. At 2 I met then at Stylo where we were fixed up with wedding shoes. 

Dave G.

To the railway station at 5 and collected a bearded Dave G from Stockport. To Pine Tops for dinner. Dave had his first showing of baby Frances. We all over-fed, so much so that our drinking capacity was severely impaired for the night. At 8 we went to Chaplin's [that used to be the Belfry]. A silly, bitty, place, with numerous bars, and full of pimply 15 year-old youths. Saw Dave Porritt, and Robert [Janet Simon's ex]. We went on to Mucky Willies. Dave is worried about Garry, who is slow in paying up his £300 holiday money. Mr Barratt is having second thoughts. Back at Ash Tree Cottage Dave occupied a bunk in the pig's room.

-=-

Thursday May 28, 1981

 _. Ascension Day

Had a restless night. Up at 6:45 feeling uncomfortable, unrefreshed. We'd been to bed leaving the sitting room windows wide open to all the thieves and crooks of Tranmere Park.

Pine Tops is to be advertised for sale at £38,000 in Saturday's YP. It is a bit steep, don't you think?

Phoned Ally at 7am. She wants me to meet her in Bradford at 5pm so that she can show me a suit she'd like to wear as a 'going away' outfit after the wedding reception. Butterflies have started. Just four weeks to go now. Last night Mum said how much she'll miss me after June 27. I've been with them throughout their married life, the first to arrive, and the last one to leave.

Dave L.

To Leeds with Jim R. To Lidget Green at 6. A warm, muggy evening. Dave L came at 8:30 bringing Rowan, his Gordon Setter. I immediately began to splutter and dribble into my lager. My allergy to dog hairs. It was a gasping couple of hours. He left at about 10 to get a good night's sleep. He has a busy day at school tomorrow inseminating the pigs.

Primarily to take the air Ally and I walked to Mucky Willie's for a couple of drinks. She looked incredible in her very short pink mini skirt, and dangling gold earrings. 

-=-

Wednesday May 27, 1981

 _. Stonehouse: Joyce phoned to say they had received a letter from the solicitor yesterday, and now the sale is in official hands. Mum and Dad are going tomorrow morning.

Sticky, thunder too. Mum says it shook the house this afternoon. Home at 6. Saw Lynn and Frances on Hawksworth Lane. [F was of course strapped in the back seat of the car in her bonnet, and was scowling at me through the window]. 

with Jackie and a rasher of bacon.

Mum was sipping whisky, she says for her chill. Dad was being objectionable saying he is going to devote his time re-laying the patio instead of turning his attention to the house interior. Silly sod. Ally [who entertained Catherine Brook for lunch] phoned enquiring about my cousin Jackie's address, for a wedding invitation. I phoned Auntie Eleanor, who gave me Jackie's new number. She [Jacqueline]
moved into a new flat on Saturday and was busy decorating. She says she is coming without Peter to the wedding.

Saw 'Private Schulz'. Drank whisky. Went to bed at 11:30 with a plate of salad sandwiches.

-=-

Tuesday May 26, 1981

 _. Up at 7:45 and out at 8:45. Ally waved me off, pressing her face against the glass panel on the door, making hideous, ghoulish faces. Obviously I arrived at the YP late. The bus service is in a state of collapse. One would think we were living in Somalia or an Eastern bloc country.

Lady Diana.

Just Kathleen and I at the office. She was in her usual fluster. Details of the royal wedding were released today. Lady Diana will leave from Clarence House in the state coach, whilst Charles [weather permitting] will travel in an open landau. After the marriage, and once again, depending on the weather, the Prince and Princess of Wales will travel back to Buckingham Palace in the landau, open to all snipers, H-block sympathisers, and psychopaths who will converge upon the capital for the spectacle. And let's not forget right-wing Turkish terrorists. How brave our royal family are. The Queen insists upon close contact with the public and has made it known that to cocoon her in armour plated vehicles would defeat the whole object of monarchy. All the same, I suspect that security people will be experiencing severe attacks of diarrhoea in the final weeks leading to the wedding of the century. In other royal news, Lady Romsey gave birth to a future Earl Mountbatten of Burma on May 15.

Ally came to dinner. Avocado prawns and then chicken. I mowed the lawns and put undercoat on the kitchen door. Ally stayed the night.

-=-

Monday May 25, 1981

 _. Bank Holiday in UK, USA & Canada

More bloody rain. Spent the dry bits in the water-logged garden tying up bedraggled honeysuckle and climbing rose trees. Is this perhaps the worst May on record?

Ally and I attempted to make the lunch. Mama remained reclining upstairs, and Papa was trundling around in a romper suit looking like a working man's Winston Churchill. The kitchen was submerged in cauliflower cheese and we somehow managed to use every pan whilst cooking. Mum sat there musing at our inefficiency. However, the food was delicious when we eventually served it up.

Ally drove me to the YP at 5 for my evening shift. A dull and very quiet night. Polish Joe came to see me looking for a photo, and two hours later a peculiar looking sub-editor came in asking for an atlas. That was my evening's work, other than the filing of course. Phoned Ally a couple of times and afterwards took a taxi to Ash Tree Cottage. My driver was something of an authority on road construction, and gave me a lengthy talk on the history of Leeds slip roads, by passes and dual carriageways.

Ally was wrapped in a dressing gown reading 'Ten Little Niggers'. We drank cocoa and had chocolate cake.

-=-

Sunday May 24, 1981

At Thruscross.

 _. Rogation Sunday

Pine Tops: for sale sign erected

Headache. Ally and I concocted a breakfast for Sue and Pete. I took coffee up to their room and laughed at them snuggled together in the bottom bunk. We all went to Guiseley afterwards and were surprised to find John and JPH there [Maria & Catherine followed on later]. John was pale. He's had trouble with a tooth. Mum was propped up in bed looking like death warned up. She was cheerful as JPH had been keeping her amused with Scottish tales. Sue and Pete drove Ally and I to the Stonehouse Inn, not to go inside but to walk near the reservoir and soak in the scenery. It is hard to imagine that Mum and Dad will be living here before the summer is out. The coloured sails of the yachts floating above the sunken village of West End made what I hope is a fine photograph.

Back to Pine Tops for the usual chaos of a John and Maria visit. Catherine has started to walk. John said she got going in Stranraer yesterday just before heading south. A 'for sale' sign has been erected on the front lawn. To think Pine Tops is to go after all these years.

-=-

Saturday May 23, 1981

 _. Ally was up and out at 9am, trundling off to the metropolis for the first of a series of sun-ray sessions. I lay buried in the pink marshmallow of her bed until she returned at 11:30. She'd also been for a fitting for the bridesmaid dress she'll be wearing at Catherine & David's wedding on Sept 5.

We went back into Bradford but our expedition was largely unsuccessful. We did a good deal of squabbling in the street, and disagreed on most things. I did manage to buy a pair of jeans and a good shirt. Shopping isn't an easy pastime. 

The Oddfellows: poker incident

Back at Ash Tree Cottage for 5. Ally so beautiful in her yellow dungarees and blond curls. She phoned Sue and invited her and Pete to join us for the night. They haven't been to Club St since before Christmas. They joined us at 8. We went to the Fiddlers Three for one drink, and then to Wilsden, to a Tetley's pub, then back to the Oddfellows, which was hideous. Rough. A drunk was running amok brandishing a poker. We downed our drink very quickly then went on to Mucky Willie's at Lidget Green. They stayed the night. It was back to ours for more drinks.

-=-

Friday May 22, 1981

 _. Felt more than slightly ghastly this morning, and exhausted. 

The Ripper Trial ended today and Peter William Sutcliffe was jailed for life for 13 murders and 7 attempted murders. The judge recommended that he serves no less than 30 years in prison. What in God's name are we going to put in the YP now that Jack's gone for good?

To Ash Tree Cottage at 6. A Ripper extravaganza dominates the BBC. Phoned Dave G. We have decided to throw a party on May 30. A pre-wedding thrash. I have put the word around the office, and believe it or not, some show an interest. Michael Brown, Sue Pape, Bob Cockroft, Rachel Judson, &c. Whether they'll turn up is another matter.

Bed at almost 12.

-=-

Thursday May 21, 1981

 _. A bright sunny start. The 23rd birthday of my beloved fiancée. 

Up at 6:30 so that we can have a birthday present opening session. I gave her earrings, some unpronounceable perfume from France - 'Eau de Mitterrand' or something, 'Ten Little Niggers' by Agatha Christie, and of course a large, romantic birthday card, a tipsy rat in a champagne glass, you know the sort. Unusual for me. Ally bounced around like a little girl, her eyes shining gloriously.

I headed for the YP and Ally came and collected me at 12:30 and we went to the Bank Wine Bar in town, and had quiche and salad, and a litre of rosé wine, in a dark, cosy corner. We went shopping afterwards, more earrings, two records, and she found a mini skirt which will look good with the tanned legs.

Rain by 4. To Ash Tree Cottage and then to Burley-in-W to see Lynn, Dave and Frances. They bought Ally two nice plants. Ferns I think. The two of us to the Hare & Hounds at 9:30 for gigantic Porterhouse steaks and another litre of wine, this time red.

Back to Pine Tops. Saw Jim and Margaret but were too pissed to speak.

-=-

Wednesday May 20, 1981

Auntie Elsie.

Auntie Annie.

_. Thunder. Waited all day for news about the loan for the Stonehouse, bur heard nothing. Home at 6. Mum was sat with a long face, but immediately brightened and said Barclays will give them a loan, and all that remains is for them to sell Pine Tops. She played the same trick, with the mournful face, when Ally came in at 6:30. 

Ally and I went over to Colne to visit two of her aunts. First to Elsie, her father's sister, who is very grand. It was the first time Ally had set foor in her house. Uncle Ernest, who didn't have a clue who we were, poured me a large whisky. They have bought us an electric deep fat fryer as a wedding present. On to see Auntie Annie, Frank's other sister, and Uncle Bert. A sweet, old couple. He suffers from Parkinson's disease and can hardly move. They gave us a mirror, but say it's for Ally's birthday. For a wedding present they are buying sheets.

Home to Ash Tree Cottage at 12.

-=-

Tuesday May 19, 1981

 _. Full Moon.

Ash Tree Cottage.

Mum and Dad came to Club St for dinner. I went there straight from the YP. Carrot soup [again] and lasagne. Very pleasurable. Ally excels in her almost derelict kitchen. Mainly pub talk. They are going to see Houldsworth at Barclays at 3pm tomorrow. They left after 12 and Ally and I drained the remaining wine bottles. We are christening the house 'Ash Tree Cottage' thanks to the sapling at the bottom of the garden. It's so much more welcoming than 'number 5'.

-=-

Monday May 18, 1981

 _. Rain. Walking through town at lunchtime, looking in the window of an electrical shop, I saw, on the telly there, Princess Anne leaving hospital with baby Tracy. The infant is yet to be named. Elizabeth is bound to be in there. Kathleen says Joanna. I say Kathleen. In the end the opinion of the office is that it's wide open.

Mum and Dad went to the Stonehouse and had a showdown with Joyce and the shifty, Godfrey. Hands were clasped and shaken, yet again. These queer little people are obviously ruled by the moon.

Saw Ally tonight.

--=-

Sunday May 17, 1981

 _. 4th Sunday after Easter

Steve Sanderson's birthday. Another substantial breakfast at 9. Charlotte is obviously 'cutting down' on her food intake. Back to the Dales, but in Graham's car, in search of Malham. We took a few wrong turns and finished up at Aysgarth and then Hawes at 1:30. By now we were hungry, but several pubs refused us food because of the hour. We were there, in the street, howling like injured wolves. Graham, in booming tones, told one landlord that he much prefers Lancashire. Oh dear. Back to Club St we finished off the carrot soup, made a salad, and then the Smiths disappeared. We have agreed to make a return visit to see them in Hampshire.

Ally and I, alone at last, opened a bottle of red wine, and then phoned Mum. She was greatly distressed. She took Mabel, Marlene and Frank to the Stonehouse yesterday [without Dad], and Joyce turned on Mama threatening that if they don't come up with the money and quickly within the next few days, they'll sell the pub to a more willing buyer. Depressing.

The Bankhouse.

We drove to Pudsey in gloom. To the Bankhouse pub with Karen, Steve, Jill, Tim, Diane, Paul, Tracey and Eugene. On to the Royal at Stanningley, where we met Hilda and Tony. Back to Wilsby at 11pm for an hour. Then back to Pine Tops. My great Aunt Annie has bought us a tea set.

-=-

Saturday May 16, 1981

The Strid.

 _. Woke with a thundering headache which remained with me for the day. Graham and Charlotte had been up for hours and were banging around downstairs. Charlotte was already half way through her third Agatha Christie novel. We all had a big breakfast before piling into the Citroen and heading off to the sights of the Yorkshire Dales. We went to Bolton Abbey and walked to the Strid, which has shrunk, surely? I always think of it as a large thunderous, force of water, a breathtaking sight, second only to the St Lawrence Seaway. Obviously not. Graham took a few photographs with his enormous and very expensive camera. We drove past the Stonehouse on our way home, didn't stop, only two cars in the carpark. To Otley and Curlew Pottery there.

Later, to Leeds and met Sue, Pete, Barbara and Frank Makin and Fiona [Ally's bridesmaid]. Sue and Fiona had a fitting for their bridesmaid dresses, and Pete, Graham and I went to buy Ally a new stylus for her record player.

Home to Club St at 6:30. Took Anadin. Felt better. Barbara, Frank and Fiona left, and we and the Smiths had a sing-song around the piano. You name it, we sang it. On to Pizzeria Mama Mia's [Manningham Lane]. A long dinner.

-=-

Friday May 15, 1981

 _. A fun packed day. Kathleen, becoming increasingly madder, predicts that I will be departing the library staff within the year. No men, she says, have ever stayed long on the staff after marriage. Obviously, I am going to require more money. Let us hope the Stonehouse project comes off. It could be my salvation.

Home at 5:30. Mum and Dad had a good afternoon with George and Joyce and Co at the Stonehouse. The old boy promised them a piano each and told them a tale about 'Witchy Waite's Chair'. All good stuff. Mum and Dad were in high spirits.

Princess Anne and Tracy.

Ally came at 7 looking gorgeous. We went on to Club St, and we prepared dinner together. The Smiths, Graham and Charlotte, arrived at 9. We had carrot soup, chicken sweet and sour, washed down with our own wine and the inevitable lager. They are so eccentric and great fun.  We listened to the radio during dinner and heard that Princess Anne had given birth to a daughter at 8:15 at St Mary's Hospital, Paddington. We debated what forename the royal infant will be blessed with. Charlotte insists that the little mite will be 'Our Tracy'. We all became quite intoxicated, and took to our beds at some forgotten hour. Charlotte hopes to bring forth a child next year.

-=-

Thursday May 14, 1981

 _. To Club St at 6. Had fish and chips. Ally is going mad cleaning in readiness for Graham and Charlotte's arrival. We watched 'Top of the Pops' and then went shopping to Morrison's. 

Dave G phoned. He's coming May 28-29, and so we have decided to throw a party, a belated birthday party combined with a pre-nuptial orgy.

Bessie, not Mrs D.

Mrs D phoned. I musn't call her Mrs D. I shall have to call her Bessie. Obviously, I could never call her mother. Ally's aunt, Elsie Swire, also phoned. We are commanded to go into the depths of Lancashire to visit her next Wednesday. We will also call on Auntie Annie in Colne. 

Mum and Dad saw Mr Houldsworth at Barclays Bank, Otley. He seemed very interested, but hasn't given the go-ahead as yet. He would like a timber survey.

Church news: the Pope is making very slow progress.

-=-

Wednesday May 13, 1981

Mad Turk shoots Pope.

 _. A mad Turk has attempted to assassinate the Pope in Rome. He failed miserably. Typical of the Turks, don't you think? I was traveling home at the time of the shooting quite oblivious of this anti-papal attack. Caught up with it on the news: crowds of wailing nuns running amok beneath the Basilica in St Peter's Square.

Back to this morning. I forced Ally out of bed at 6:50 because she had to do something with the mounds of bread in the kitchen. Her ears have gone into decline now. She can hear nothing, and as I sat with my humble breakfast looking across the table at her I could hear the wax squelching around in the labyrinths of her gorgeous ears. She left for Bradford at 7:50. Dave B came shortly afterwards with the Oliver, Kitchen and Flynn report [he's been looking at it to make a structural survey]. Jim Rawnsley is on business in London and so I went to Leeds with Dave. A hot day.

Frank D phoned Mum and told her to make an appointment with a Mr Houldsworth at Barclays Bank, Otley. She did as directed. Frank has had a word with him, and they are seeing him at 10:30 tomorrow. It's now in the lap of the Gods. I do not think Frank would have set this up if he didn't think they stood a chance.

Denise has sent me a bill for a further £15 for the Ios honeymoon. I phoned her at 3. She had been to lunch with C. Ratcliffe and Lynne Mather and they'd just been talking about me. My ears were burning.

Had a couple of talks with Ally. We are like Mrs Thatcher and Helmut Schmidt these days. Watched 'Private Schulz'. Bed 12.

-=-

Tuesday May 12, 1981

 _. Mum phoned me at 1:30. Clive Osborne at the Yorkshire Bank isn't prepared to give them a loan to purchase the Stonehouse Inn. Banks, he says, are not lending money on licensed premises.

Later at 8pm Dad spoke to Frank Dixon who says the Yorkshire bank have mishandled the whole thing and assures him that he will find them a a good business manager. Dad was embarrassed contacting Frank, but I do not share his qualms. Doesn't this world function on the lines of who you know, not what you know?

Ally came at 7:30. We had a drive around Menston and Hawksworth. Back at Pine Tops Ally baked three disastrous cakes, and a heap of brown bread. Indigestion. 

Tension tonight after a day of nail biting terror. Ally stayed. Bed after 12:30.

A judge was murdered today. Quite a rare thing.

-=-

Monday May 11, 1981

 _. Ally is feeling slightly better. She drove off in the coughing, spluttering Audrey at 7:50. 

New president: Mitterrand

Francois Marie Mitterrand, 55, is the new president of France. Why are world leaders getting older when they come into office? Giscard d'Estaing was 55. Carter was 55. Reagan is 71. Foot is older than Callaghan and Wilson. Why not bring back George Lansbury and have done?

The IRA exploded a bomb close to the Queen at a Scottish oil refinery at the weekend.

Home at 6. Dad is now full of woe about their prospects of taking the Stonehouse following a telephone conversation with Clive Osborne. The bank manager is grumbling about the valuation and is demanding the accounts, &c. They're seeing Mr Osborne at 11 tomorrow. Mum phoned her 'friend' Joyce and asked for the accounts. She wasn't happy.I smell a rat.

Phoned Ally at 6:30. Graham Smith and Charlotte are coming at the weekend. We are told that Charlotte has shed 2 stone. 

-=-

Sunday May 10, 1981

 _. 3rd Sunday after Easter - Mother's Day, U.S.A & Canada

Spent the day discussing the Stonehouse. The excitement blots out talk of family weddings and new babies. It's all consuming. Whilst Ally sat knitting baby clothes this afternoon I took down a few home made wine recipes for us to dabble with at Rue Club.  Rita Hayworth on the telly - a ghastly 1940s movie. We puzzle as to why it was ever made. 

Sue and Pete came for half an hour before tea. Chippy, Gus, Johnny and Tony Smith have taken a rented house at Chapel Allerton in close proximity to the Regent pub.

An evening of repeats on the telly. Part one of 'Pride and Prejudice' and part one of 'Private Schulz' [last seen on Wednesday]. Watched just half of a Tennessee Williams film, which was gruesome.

Retired to bed at 12.

-=-

Saturday May 9, 1981

 _. Rain. Ally and I had a successful day in Bradford looking at the shops, drooling over the fashions. We walked hand in hand around the damp city. Ally had to have a toilet break in Rackham's.

Bought a couple of birthday cards for Steve S and Dave L. Ally booked £15 of sunray treatment so that she'll be brown in June for our big day. She says she wants people to see where the dress stops and the skin starts. It's hard to believe it's only weeks away. 

Hutchison: scored at both ends

Home to Guiseley at 4. Saw the end of the FA Cup Final. It ended in a 1-1 draw for Tottenham Hotspur v. Manchester City. Amazingly enough the same player, the hapless Tommy Hutchison, scored both goals. He put one in at each end. Silly sod. Lynn, Dave, Jim and Margaret were watching the game, but all were gone at 6:30.

At 8 we went with Mum & Dad to the Stonehouse [in John's ailing Escort], where we met George Deacon and his daughter, Joyce. The old man had Mum behind the bar pulling pints, and applauding her finished effort. Joyce said how much she wanted Mum and Dad to have the pub, adding that she regards Mum as a 'close friend'. Oh dear. We were there until 11:45 and came home quite confident.

-=-

Friday May 8, 1981

 _. Oliver, Kitchen & Flynn, the valuers, have given Mum and Dad a glowing report on the Stonehouse Inn. They say the pub values at £70,000, but at auction it could raise considerably more. Dad has taken the report to Clive Osborne at the Yorkshire Bank. We await the outcome with eager anticipation.

To Club Street at 6. Sausages. Ally feels horrible. Dizziness and nausea.______.

Dave G phoned with Bill's address.

Jane Lapotaire: Cleopatra

By 10 we decided to call it a day. We went to bed and Ally buried herself beneath the sheets. I plugged the tv in the bedroom and watched 'Antony and Cleopatra' by W.Shakespeare, adapted for the telly by Jonathan Miller, and starring Jane Lapotaire as the Egyptian queen. Quite good. 

-=-

Thursday May 7, 1981

 _. To Club St from the YP. It poured with rain and I had to run, coatless, yes run, from the bus station to meet Ally waiting for me in the car. She looked very pretty wearing her hair up. She isn't feeling too bright.

Had lamb chops for dinner. Spoke to Dave G afterwards. Frank requires Billy's address for the wedding invitations, but David is none the wiser, and says he'll phone back tomorrow.

The Trade and Industry Secretary is to ban sales of  'Die Aktuelle', the naughty German magazine. The Prince of Wales and Lady Diana say that the transcripts are of conversations that didn't take place between them, and yet they are still to be published in Australia, the Irish Republic and in Europe. The British journalist involved, Simon Regan, has been forced to quit his Suffolk cottage because of the numerous death threats and barrages of abuse from his otherwise genteel neighbours. It is heartening, and shows we still have some patriots left. 

Other royal news: Roddy Llewellyn is marrying his ladyfriend, Tatiana, on June 27. Peter Phillips, the Queen's grandson, is a page boy on Saturday at the wedding of his aunt, Sarah Phillips and Frank Staples, a seemingly octogenarian stockbroker.

-=-

Wednesday May 6, 1981

 _. Stonehouse Inn excitement is escalating. Mum cannot sleep because of it. Dad too lays awake thinking of his snug bar and individual pork pies. I only hope they pull it off. One more disappointment and they'll give up the pub idea forever.

Watched 'Private Schulz' by the late Jack Pulman on BBC2. I was in fits of laughter.

To bed with Robinson Crusoe. I'm going simple.

-=-

Tuesday May 5, 1981

_. Ally has woken up with a cold sore, and is very grumpy because of this. She drove off after breakfast looking like misery personified. 

Bobby Sands, the IRA hunger-striking MP for Fermanagh and South Tyrone died this morning in the Maze Prison. No doubt senseless bloodshed will follow. Unless legislation is hurriedly enacted I envisage another IRA hunger striker taking the seat at the coming by-election. What a mess.

It is alleged that on the recent royal visit to Australia the Prince of Wales's phone was tapped and a tape was made of HRH talking to Lady Diana Spencer and the Queen. Furthermore, it transpires that transcripts of the intimate conversations are to be published next week in a West German magazine. It seems that some are determined to ruin the royal wedding. Poor Lady Diana's first month in the full glare of royal limelight has not been pleasant. The poor girl must feel threatened. The papers are full of the bugging scandal. The prince's office has been in touch with our ambassador in Bonn and Charles is seeking an injunction against the unpronouncable magazine in the West German high court. 

Ripper: schizophrenic?

The [Yorkshire] Ripper was back at the Old Bailey today. Sutcliffe's defence says he is schizophrenic. Fun and games, eh?

Hilda and Tony came for drinks. Pub speculation grows.

-=-

Monday May 4, 1981

St George: Bank holiday?

 _. Bank Holiday in the UK -- New Moon

Climbed out of bed at about 10 o'clock. I am far from happy about celebrating this May Day bank holiday. It shrieks of communism. Why can't we celebrate on St George's Day instead, or the Queen's Birthday?

We took a completed banns form to Mr Nudds, vicar of St Wilfred's, Lidget Green, and then went aimlessly towards Otley, where we had a brisk walk in the deserted streets. Driving back to Guiseley we spied Susie and Pete driving into the Fox & Hounds car park, and so we joined them for a couple of drinks. Afterwards we went on to West End Terrace and she made us fish fingers and chips. We washed it all down with lager.

Back to Pine Tops after 7.

-=-

Sunday May 3, 1981

 _. 2nd Sunday after Easter

St Paul's: loony congregation

Family party this afternoon. They seem to be becoming a regular thing. But first Ally and I went to church. To St Paul's, Esholt, to participate in the morning service and hear our banns read. One realises at times like this why the Church of England is crumbling into obscurity. The goings on at St Paul's had nothing whatsoever to do with life here on earth in the latter part of the 20th century. It was as though Mr Ward and his loony congregation are cocooned in a time-warp. The new-fangled Alternative Service Book was used and the congregation have to do more hailing and chanting than the vicar. Since last year the Lord's Prayer is now almost unrecognisable. What a bloody shambles.

Back at 12 for a family party. JPH, obsessed with Richard, spent the day next door. Catherine took her first steps across the room walking from auntie to auntie.

Mum and Dad went to the Stonehouse Inn at 7:30 with John and Maria, calling at the Roebuck [at Otley afterwards]. Ally and I went on to Lidget Green.

-=-

Saturday May 2, 1981

 _. Despite what I said earlier in the week I gave in and spent the day on a ladder painting the house white. Life went on quite normally beneath me. JPH is making a big impact. Maria came and then went [she seems to be obsessed with Otley]. John spent the day under his car on the drive, and was joined by Jimmy Macdonald, and his wife, Karim. Ally occupied herself with Mum and Catherine. My little niece calls me 'Mikey' or 'Micah'. Finished daubing paint at 6:30.

Ally and I went to Burley-in-W to 'baby sit' for Frances whilst Lynn and Dave went to join Sue and Pete at the White Cross. The baby decided she wanted to feed in the middle of 'Dallas', and so the US saga had to wait while Ally found a bottle. Lynn phoned twice from the pub and came back feeling guilty at abandoning her daughter.

Home to Pine Tops after 12.

-=-

Friday May 1, 1981

 _. May Day, for what it's worth.

Uneventful at the YP. Carol J's birthday passed once again into the annals of history. She has become quite impossible in recent times. We cannot take much more. 

To Guiseley for 6. Mum and Dad went to Pudsey. Ally came here. John was here too, covered in oil underneath his ailing Ford Escort 1300, on the drive. Good to see him. JPH was next door visiting his friend Richard, and no doubt organising things.

Tea time was a bit of a circus. Dave B called in with some plans of the Stonehouse Inn and surrounding land. He was downcast. The seven acres, he says, are worthless. We had sausages, eggs and chips with John, still covered in engine oil, and JPH prodded an egg, ate half a chip, and demanded we release him to go play with Richard. John made no attempt to make the lad eat, and so I gave him his liberty. JPH reminds me so much of his father at a similar age. He attracts dirt like a magnet and is the epitome of the naughty child portrayed in childrens story books.

Ally and I spent the evening watching tv. Mum and Dad returned from Pudsey at 9:30.

-=-

Thursday April 30, 1981

 _. Went shopping to Safeways. Carried bags of goodies onto the bus for the journey to Bradford. To Club St for 6pm. Ally waiting hungrily for my arrival. We had a curry with rice [not hot enough] but pleasant all the same. Afterwards we sat reading 'The Further Letters of Henry Root', another hilarious volume of his letters to the rich and famous illustrating just how easy it is to fool people. Not many years ago such a book would not have been tolerated. We ignored the dull tv. 'Top of the Pops' is becoming more hideous. Just who does Jimmy Savile think he is, anyway?

Spoke to Mummy. She and Dad are going to see Marlene tomorrow. Bed at 12.

-=-

Wednesday April 29, 1981

 _. Sunny with the odd shower. Cousin Jill's 19th birthday. Went to the office wearing a tie and gave some of the members of staff heart failure. Shazzo says I'm projecting a 'futurist' image, whatever that means. 

Ally's food supplies are virtually gone. She has eggs and mushy peas in her cupboard. She has despatched a shopping list in the post for me to spend my pay on the likes of washing up liquid and toilet rolls.

Auntie Mabel phoned Mum. __________. 

The Ripper trial opened, and was adjourned until Tuesday.

Jean Rook, in her newspaper column over two days has been interviewing Lord and Lady Spencer in an attempt to throw light on reports that they are cashing in on the forthcoming Royal wedding. Both made it clear that they are not doing this and are very upset at the rumours. Gossip of this nature is going to spoil things for the family on July 29, and the Prince of Wales and Lady Diana will have no happy start to married life if the press are going to pursue the character assassination of family members.

A report in the Sun suggests that Lady Diana's wedding dress might be pink. Bollocks.

Lord Cambridge died last week, and now Prince Philip's sister Princess Margarita of Hohenlohe-Langenburg, has died in Germany, aged 76. She was the eldest child of Prince Andrew of Greece and his wife Princess Alice.

This evening Dad and I painted the garage, and then adjourned to watch the Lloyd George drama. Philip Madoc is excellent in the part.

Bed at 12:50.

-=-

Tuesday April 28, 1981

 _. We are like nervous wrecks waiting for something to happen about the Stonehouse Inn. The valuers are now on the case and George has sent for his accounts from Skipton, or Berkshire. Some background: the pub is at Thruscross [from the Danish word Thorscross] on the outskirts of the sunken village of West End [which is beneath Thruscross Reservoir]. The pub was built in the 1790s as a farm, but an adventurous farmer and home brewer did such great things selling his ginger beer that it soon became a public house. For 54 years from circa 1868 one Jesse Peel was the landlord/owner, and he was succeeded by his daughter. George Deacon bought the place in 1947. The Stonehouse is the last of five pubs that were in the Washburn Valley, all the others are now submerged beneath the reservoir. The Gate was the last to go in 1964. I only hope and pray that they manage to get this place. It will suit them down to the ground.

Wrote to Ally and phoned. She is busily knitting. Cousin Tricia is her current victim, or rather her baby is. I phoned her again when Mum and Dad went to see Sue and Pete.

I went to bed with Robinson Crusoe. I get the impression that he and Man Friday were on the peculiar side.

-=-

Monday April 27, 1981

 _.Sun came and melted the snow. Britian is now knee deep in rotting, dead lambs, all caught unaware in the snow surprise of the weekend. We are also swimming in something else. I'm talking about canine excretia. Alighting from my bus this evening I proceeded to skid and slide, like a male version of Robin Cousins, in the numerous dog turds evenly spread over my homeward route. Britain is indeed in decline. The BBC 9 o'clock news failed to mention that Princess Michael of Kent had left hopsital with her newly named daughter. Kenneth Kendall went on and on about Bobby Sands [and the battle for his 'Slimmer of the Year' title], and Ringo Starr getting married, and listing endless boring Scottish League football results, but not one mention of the royal infant. She's been named Gabriella Marina Alexandra Ophelia Windsor. Gabriella is a good European RC name, and one of the baby's Austrian ancestors. Marina is for her grandmother the late Duchess of Kent. Alexandra for her aunt Mrs Ogilvy. Ophelia for the character in Hamlet who went bonkers and drowned herself bedecked in garlands. The baby was of course born on Shakespeare's birthday. We are told, in the press and not of course by the BBC, that the Lady Gabriella, eighteenth in line of succession to the throne, is to be known as 'Ella'. I'm unhappy with this. Sounds very un-English and calls to mind the wobbly, and collapsed 'Ruritarian' thrones of Europe.

The YP was a drag. Spoke to Ally. She had been in Bradford looking at baby clothes. Phoned her at 8:30 and our chat ended on a note of discord on the subject of money. Why is money the cause of all our problems? Why do I ask such stupid questions? Appropriately enough, the Monday film on the telly is 'For a Few Dollars More' - Clint Eastwood again.

Mum and Dad had been to the bank, and to the valuers, Oliver, Kitchen & Flynn, who are visiting the Stonehouse this week. At £75,000 I cannot see any difficulties. 

To bed at 12.

-=-

Sunday April 26, 1981

 _. Low Sunday

I eventually went outside and shifted a bit of snow just to let the neighbours know we aren't taking Alaskan citizenship. Ate beans and eggs and things for breakfast, and tolerate Sir Jimmy Savile, KG, OBE, on the radio. [No doubt he'll soon be Lord Savile of Stoke Mandeville]. 

Ally made herself beautiful - a rhapsody in blue no less, and at 3:30 we climbed into her coughing little French car, and onward to Guiseley. Snow has devastated the Pine Tops garden. Like a Mount St Helen's eruption. Conifers flattened, daffs squashed, &c.

Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Mum and Dad went with David B at 7 to the Stonehouse Inn, where a deal was made. George is selling the inn for £75,000 and it's now down to Mum and Dad to come up with the cash. Valuers and bankers on the case. Ally and I, laden with sherry, went on to Burley and sat holding the baby for a couple of hours. Home at 11. Pub talk. Too exciting. 

Ally leapt into my bed. I've been reading Robinson Crusoe.

-=-

Saturday April 25, 1981

 _. Club Street has disappeared beneath a white blanket of snow which persists throughout the day. We ventured outside and walked down the middle of the road [the paths being too heaped with snow] to Morrison's to buy minced beef and other vital provisions. Ally looked a belter in her blue wellies. All was well until a large, fat rat emerged from a snowdrift and ran across our path. Ally took off like Mary Peters at the 1972 Olympics. Back at Club Street for 3:15. Ally made one of her delicious lasagnes. It is a dish that I'm sure would convince any IRA hunger striker to change his mind. Ally and her Prestige Crock-pot could be the saviour of Anglo-Irish relations.

A marathon tv session with a box of Mr Kipling's French Fancies. Randolph Scott in two westerns, Dennis Weaver in a Hawaiian-themed thriller. Shelley Winters in a ludicrous 'black magic' type thriller, and then a Hammer Dracula epic.

-=-

Friday April 24, 1981

 _. Snow fell over night throwing everything into chaos. Sat giggling with Ally at breakfast watching the snow swirling across the Bradford landscape. One wouldn't believe it's May next week. To the YP. Phoned Mummy. She expressed surprise that I wouldn't be going home tonight, but I do want to spend the weekend at Club St. Women! Only days ago I was treating home like a hotel.

I escaped the office at 4 to battle on to Bradford on a smoke-filled omnibus. Didn't get to Club St until after 6. Had a huge dinner, steak and kidney with dumplings. A romantic evening looking out at the falling snow. Snuggled down watching our tiny, black and white, and illegal tv. 

News: Sick of hearing about the IRA hunger striking MP Bobby Sands. _________.

-=-

Thursday April 23, 1981

 _. St George's Day

Harry, England and St George, and all that. Spent an hour in Leeds Market looking for suitable pork chops and new potatoes. I approached a little red faced woman on a veg stall and asked for some spuds. 'What quantity?' Floundering, I came away with 2lb. 

Whilst Lord Cambridge was being planted at Frogmore at 2:30 Princess Michael of Kent was giving birth to a daughter at St Mary's Hospital, Paddington. What we have lost in the Cambridges we have gained in the Kents. No names for the latest Windsor have been announced as yet, but Marina is bound to feature in there, and your Elizabeths, Victorias, Alexandras and Dianas are inevitable.

To Lidget Green at 5:30. Dined with darling Ally. Dave G phoned. He wants us to accompany him and the lads to Steak Kebabs on May 2, but I say this is out of the question.

Mum phoned. Our wedding invitations have arrived at Rhodeses stationers.

-=-

Wednesday April 22, 1981

 _. Mum took one of her monthly swings at me which I took with my usual bluffness  and ill-humour. She objected to the way Ally and I had 'moved into' Pine Tops for the Easter weekend and had treated the place 'like a hotel'. How on earth can you treat your own home like a hotel? I sat brooding in front of the TV. The David Lloyd George series has improved with age.

I took to my bed with Burke's Peerage. Frances was a very popular name until the early years of this century and was abundant in the 17th and 18th centuries, but has since given way to Eileen, Brenda and Yvonne. 

-=-

Tuesday April 21, 1981

 _. Miserable day really. I can do nothing right. Dad did nothing but complain about the painting I did in his absence yesterday. I am very annoyed at his attitude. In future he can get on with his bloody work alone. The man is fastidious to the point of insanity.

Back to the YP after my Easter break. Kathleen, in her lengthy absence from us has been thinking up ways to destroy our perfectly good filing system. All the numers relating to files are to go, and we are going all alphabetical, she has announced. In other words Princess Anne will come before apples, and muscular dystrophy will come before music. I've worked with the numbered system for eight years, but now Divorce [2192], Iran [187], Greece [682], Sex[4768], Spiritualism [1063], Sheep [1E], Films [516], the Conservative Government [937H], and such, are to go.

Today is the fifty-fifth anniversary of the birth of Her Majesty the Queen, who is celebrating quietly at Windsor Castle. The Marquess of Cambridge, 85, a cousin of Her Majesty, died last Thursday without a male heir. It is my belief that one day HM will bestow the dukedom of Cambridge upon Prince Edward, a title long associated with the Royal Family over hundreds of years, and cousin George's demise makes this all the more real. Speculation is also growing in the Press that the Prince of Wales is to become the Governor General of Australia after his marriage. I think not. It would never do for Charles to become bogged down in colonial politics, and it wouldn't be right for Lady Diana to bring up a family 'down under'. The future cherubic Wales babies will require Gloucestershire air.

-=-

Monday April 20, 1981

 _. Bank Holiday in the UK [Except Scotland] & Canada

Mum and Dad went off with John at 8:30am to Penrith to tow his car back. I spent the day up a ladder painting the house. Got more paint on myself than the walls. Ally cleaned her car.

Mum, Dad and John came home at 6:30 and Dad wasn't happy with my painting. Bloody charming. Later, watched [for the eighteenth time] 'Where Eagles Dare'. They show this film every Bank Holiday, and every time they think Richard Burton is about to die. Buggered.

-=-

Sunday April 19, 1981

 _. Easter Day. Full Moon

Crippled with a hangover. I switched onto the BBC and watched the Pope's 'Urbi et Orbi' address, in no fewer than forty nine languages, and felt much better afterwards.

Mum made a spectacular buffet. All the family gathered. Catherine calls her brother 'the boy'. Lynn and David brought baby Frances, and Maria held her for hours. Sue and Pete came very late. Pete was somewhat reminiscent of a dummy in Madame Tussaud's. 

The party was over by 6 and Ally and I stayed with Mum and Dad and we watched 'Murder on the Orient Express' from the book by Agatha Christie. I like the book, but the film is dull. Retired at 12.

-=-

Saturday April 18, 1981

 _. Up at 8 and out helping Papa who is painting the house white. He began this ridiculous task yesterday. John and JPH came to breakfast, and Maria followed later with Catherine. Both children looked excellent and although Catherine will be 2 in June she still cannot walk unaided. John found a boiler suit and took up a paint brush to help. It was warm enough for Ally, Mum and Maria to sit on the lawn in deckchairs.

In the afternoon I took an hour off and went with Ally to pay Denise the remainder of our Ios money. Gulp.

Painting continued until after 6. We ate prawn sandwiches with the others. Karen, Steve, Jill and Tim came at 8 and we went to Dave L's 'Christmas' party at Tennyson Street. A successful party, and good turn-out, with far more attending that our miserable nine guests at Christmas. We danced until our legs ached. Hazel O'Connor was perhaps the most played record. John came minus Maria, who was too tired. He consumed vast quantities of whisky. Ally squealed with excitement at the arrival of Jacq and Paul [on a motor bike]. Teachers from Dave's school came in abundance. I sneezed a good deal thanks to the presence of Rowan, the Gordon Setter. The Dibbs came, as did Ian Appleyard, who expects his second child on or around April 27. Joan Lawson, Dave's Mum, wanted to play Debussy's 'Clair de Lune' on the organ, but was out-voted. Shame. Home at 2:30, pissed.  

-=-

Friday April 17, 1981

 _. Good Friday

We had coffee in bed with Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

Spent the day industriously at Club St. Brewing ale, digging amongst the daffodils, cleaning out the cellar, gathering litter. Sunny and warm throughout.

We went over to Guiseley at 6. Mother was in a foul temper. She did improve later. John phoned to say his car has broken down in Penrith and that Jim Macdonald, Snr, had gone to collect them.

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Thursday April 16, 1981

 _. Bought steak at Atkinson's in readiness for tonight's dinner for Mr David Lawson. He is coming primarily to borrow records for his annual Christmas party, taking place this year on Easter Saturday.

Royal News: Roddy Llewellyn has, supposedly with the blessing of Princess Margaret, become engaged to a wealthy travel writer called Tatiana Soskin. I am glad about this because the Llewellyns are a hideous band of renegades, degenerates and bounders. 

Escaped from the YP at 4pm and arrived at Club St before Ally and sat on the wall. The neighbours, who all appear to be elderly spinsters, smile and wave at me. Ally has recently informed some of them about her coming nuptials, and you know how old ladies like a wedding. I could almost taste the excitement in the thick, Bradford air. 

Dave L came at 6:30 and we dined on grilled steak, baked potatoes and salad. A very enjoyable dinner. Dave amused us with tales of modern comprehensive school life. Afterwards we sat in a heap by the fire, and he left at about 9. We settled down in an ancient chair, the one with the Chintz wild roses and gladioli covers.

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