Friday August 6, 1982

 Tired, sick and hungover all day. Not worth it really. Went out at lunch and had a massive salad roll and a salmon and cucumber sandwich. Sat in Park Square looking at pigeons. Why do we humans make life so hard for ourselves?  I want to be a pigeon. 

YP a sorry state. Found some composure at 2 or 3pm. Felt like I'd died and joined Jesus in his all encompassing bossom.

Home at 6. Joined at 6:30 by Sue, Pete and Christopher. The baby played for a while and then went to bed in the Flying Pigs Room, sleeping in his pram, A bonnie lad. A combination of his mother and Jim. Susie's smile, and Jim's nose. We ate curry and watched TV. Question: should Jim and Margaret be included in the PC1656 leaving party? I think that perhaps they should be made a special case. I am numb with exhaustion. Sue and Ally went up to bed. Pete and I watched a late film, and I snored in my armchair.

-=-

Thursday August 5, 1982

 Pine Tops has been sold to a sailor, for the asking price. Rejoice. 

Hot. A Jim and Margaret session.  They'd be called Jim and Margaret sessions even if they included Soraya Khashoggi, Lord Soames and Norman St John Stevas, MP. Mum and Dad came at 7:45 with Jim and Margaret. Tony and Hilda followed an hour later and we had fish and chips. We moved the piano from one end of the room to the other. Drank vast quantities. Handed around the Malcolm Fawbert letter and his Wilson kinswomen disowned him. 'He isn't one of us', they say. We made merry until well after 1am. Things could have become quite nasty when the conversation turned to John. ___________. We changed the subject. Cheese toasties. Bed at 2am.

-=-

Wednesday August 4, 1982

Diana: matronly

 The radio alarm sounded at 6:44 and Ally was up and in the bath without any persuasion on my part. I remained in bed singing 'God Save The Queen' [using the old traditional words because a new lefty, highly offensive version has been published this week]. Today is the 82nd birthday of Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother and the christening of Prince William of Wales.

Humid. YP dull. Saw a few photographs on the wire of the christening at Buckingham Palace. The Princess of W in a hat which made her look 'matronly'. Like someone on the platform at the Brighton conference. In her defence she cannot have had much free time to go out and buy one since her accouchement.

I sat outside writing this evening. Ally was assaulting the sitting room with the vacuum cleaner. News at Ten. Poor. Bed.

-=-

Tuesday August 3, 1982

 Extremely hot. Norman [our neighbour] told me that the temperature in his greenhouse is over 100 degrees F. "Too hot for my tomatoes", he grunted. Who cares about tomatoes?

Master Glynn is 28 today. We sent a silly card, but heard nothing. Plagued with filthy flies in the office. Margo squirmed every time one buzzed past.

Received a peculiar letter from Malcolm Fawbert who told me he can trace the Fawberts back to 1400, to one Alexander Titus Myles ffawbert de Grantley. Nonsense. It sounds like something out of 'Kind Hearts and Coronets'. The man woffled on, filling five large sheets of paper, without actually telling me anything. Ally furious and imaptient. She likes people to get straight to the point and 'our Malcolm' isn't one of this kind. ________.

Steaming hot. We had steak and kidney with dumplings. Good summer food. A mistake really. I cleaned the windows. We are the tidiest people on Club St. Too hot to go to bed. We sat looking at a book of impressionist paintings.

-=-

Monday August 2, 1982

 Bank Holiday in Scotland & the Republic of Ireland

Duke of York?

Hot and sticky. Ally up in leaps and bounds, singing in her bath. All's right with the world. We went outside at 8 and pecked at each other, somewhat sheepishly, in the street. We do not miss the car.

YP dismal. Sat contemplating my next published genealogical work. Could I fool Jonathan Margolis into thinking that Prince Andrew is to be created Duke of York on his return from the Falklands? I looked into the history of the dukedom and passed a few hours.

Hung more polystyrene lining paper whilst listening to someone on ITV blabbing on about police corruption. Annoying. Lynn phoned and asked whether it's wise to include David G in Dad's leaving party on Sept 14. I said it is. She wasn't impressed. Women. Giovanni's is booked. Bed. Hot and clammy. Restlessness.

-=-

Sunday August 1, 1982

 8th Sunday after Trinity

So-called Yorkshire Day. Up with the larks. Ally managed to last out for the whole day. I hung polystyrene lining paper over the bare walls and before long we were cocooned inside a dazzling white sponge. Bessie phoned. She has a new car the colour of Cashmir [sic]. Does Kashmir begin with K? 

We are to have a 'Thursday Night' session on Thursday. It is quite difficult to have a Thursday night session on a Friday. I phoned Hilda and asked if she and Tony would be the 'star' guests. Much diary consulting was done and eventually I could hear Tony shouting: "I'm free". Thursday might be a good opportunity to move the piano. My maternal grandmother, Levinyer Wilson, could move a piano from room to room, quite unaided, at St James's Crescent when the whim took her. Not so much will-power as manpower. She weighed 16 stones.

We sat cuddling this afternoon swilling lager and moving books from the bookcase to the bedroom. Ate fish at 8. At 9 we watched Marilyn Monroe in 'Some Like It Hot'. She died 20 years ago next week. Ally thinks that she [Marilyn] is fat and revolting. I must admit that the ideal and desirable figure for a woman was different in the 1950s than today.

-=-

Saturday July 31, 1982

 A promising start at 9:30. Eggs and toast, &c. Ally was off it from the start and after cleaning away the breakfast things she went back upstairs and climbed into bed. I went outside with a paint brush and finished the windows which I began three months ago. Ally emerged at about 3 just in time for Dave and Lynn's arrival with a blond, bronzed Frances. They came to inspect Ally and make sure I am not maltreating her. Frances drank milk and gobbled a biscuit and says 'tick tock' and 'pick' for picture. She has fat little brown legs, but doesn't use them. She's still a replica of Dave. They left after an hour.

I went to buy fruit and veg from a Pakistani. Carried on painting. TV. Sleeps.

-=-

Friday July 30, 1982

 Ally's neck has recovered, but it's her tummy that's the culprit now. __________.

I returned from a hard day at the office to find her oblivious of the time reclining on the sofa beneath the ridiculous Susan Howatch tome. Her inner clock had switched off at 3 o'clock. We ate beef burgers in buns with chips and beans - good stodgy food. 

Freda Dudley Ward

A documentary on BBC2 featured Lord Mountbatten talking about his friendship with King Edward VIII. He stated that Freda Dudley Ward left the Prince of Wales [later Edward VIII] for the Marquis de Casa Maury. This is not so. Edward VIII jilted Freda after 18 years or so for the arms of Thelma, Viscountess Furness. Poor Louis [Mountbatten]. It's hard to imagine he's been dead for three years.

I varnished the new wood, and squabbled with Ally. We always fight when I work. She went off to bed quite jaded. I followed covered in varnish.

-=-

Thursday July 29, 1982

 Ally much better, though remains uncomfortable. She phoned the doctor where the high and mighty receptionist told her she cannot see a doctor today and she fixed an appointment for 12:40 tomorrow. Bought Ally 'Postern of Fate' by Agatha Christie. We always commemorate illness with Agatha Christie novels. __________________.

Photographs are released of Prince William of Wales with his beaming parents today celebrating one year of marriage. God willing, the infant will be wearing the crown of St Edward well into the 21st century.

-=-

Wednesday July 28, 1982

 Ally woke this morning and couldn't move her head. She fell asleep nursing Susan Howatch. It's given her a stiff neck. I went to work leaving her paralysed and in great pain.

Kathleen off. I told the EP newsdesk about the engagement of Viscount Ingleby's daughter, Sarah, to a Hervey-Bathurst.

I took a half day and returned to Piggy at 1 o'clock. I walked in and she took one look at me and burst into tears. It's hideous to see her so. I took a walk to the chemist and bought a tube of something to rub on the painful spot, and before long I was stripped to the waist rubbing away upon her like a Turkish masseur. She found some relief, but cut a sorry figure. 

_______. Afternoon TV is most odd. Things about wild birds followed by family quiz shows. 

Spoke to Mum who expressed concern at Ally's condition. I think Lynn might have been spreading doom and despondency.

-=-

Tuesday July 27, 1982

 Ally came home from work this afternoon feeling sick and faint. The girls in the office were giving her 'funny, knowing looks'. She staggered out and managed to get a bus home. I found her at tea time snuggled down with a book looking pale and tired. __________. Lynn phoned, and hearing that Ally was 'off colour'  asked whether she's pregnant.

To bed early. Ally reading the ghastly Susan Howatch who she says, is 'good to read when you aren't really reading'.

-=-

Monday July 26, 1982

 Up and out leaving John and Janette in bed. Today is Maria's 24th birthday. We didn't send a [birthday] card. This has nothing to do with her current marital status. She didn't send us cards, and so we returned the slight. Buggered all day. Phoned Mama who was cool about Janette. Her mind is made up ________. Ally and I think differently. Dad had been sent to the Stones concert, in an official capacity, and was very unimpressed and particularly took offence to Mick Jagger's bad language. He had to work overtime, poor man.

_________. Ally and I had a peaceful dinner and sat in the quiet of our tiny parlour watching TV. Dave G phoned to ask about the [Rolling] Stones.

-=-

Sunday July 25, 1982

 7th Sunday after Trinity

Up at 8. A hot day. Ally felt sick and looked like death. Oh, dear! We seem to have done it again. Bacon sandwiches and mugs of tea later things were no better. John and Janette do not agree with this dawn start to this historic day but I am adamant. We were out at 9:45 and joined Sarah and Trevor at Horsforth, and they took us on to Roundhay Park. The scene there was incredible. I did not know what to expect but found the stage an amazing sight. We spent the day sitting around eating sandwiches and laughing at the crowds of fans filling the park. A constant stream of people until after 5pm. Not many weirdos or hippy types, but the majority seemed to be 20-30 year-olds. Saw warm up acts including George Thorogood and the Destroyers, the J Geils Band, all good, and yet very far away like ants. The [Rolling] Stones came out at 6 and were incredible. The only experience that might come close to the power of this is perhaps the Coronation of the Sovereign. [Mick] Jagger looking out at the crowds like Christ must have done at the feeding of the 5,000. We were all tip-toed with eagerness as Jagger strutted and leapt around covering hundreds of yards during each number clad in his baseball trousers and various jackets. We clapped and danced knowing we'll perhaps never see the likes of this again. John's face was a picture. He beamed like a child. We left Sarah at 8:30 after incredible fireworks and drove to Bradford and the Fire Brigade for a much needed pint, all wearing our 'Stones at Roundhay' T-shirts, and all eyes were upon us. Janette had been quiet as a mouse all day, but back in Bradford she brightened up _______. An old girl in the pub asked how the concert had been and said; 'He's such a talented boy [Jagger], and such a pity that not many people think so.' Oh dear. On to a Chinese fish and chip shop and then home for coffee and 'Emotional Rescue'. Say goodbye to Janette.

-=-

Saturday July 24, 1982

Janette.

 Up for a fried repast. Tony Blackburn on the radio, dreadful stuff. We went to Leeds at 9:30 to collect Janette on Wellington Street. I was very pleasantly surprised and found her very attractive, clad in her red jeans and white ankle boots. Ally and I walked with John to the bus station  but afterwards regretted it because we felt 'in the way'. John insisted that we should all have a [Rolling] Stones t-shirt and spent £11 buying one for the four of us. Back to Bradford. Janette sat quietly smoking, her eyes fixed on John. He banged around with a hammer. 

At 11:30 we went to town to buy veg at the market returning at 1pm with fish and chips. Janette didn't eat. John's carpentry continued this afternoon, and Janette went for a sleep [she's been on the go since midnight]. Out at 7 to the Fire Brigade, and then for a pizza with two bottles of wine, at a place on Manningham Lane. I was intoxicated, but very full. John and I shared half of Janette's pizza. It was her first Italian. Not much call for it in Stranraer. Onward to Chaplin's. Saw Dave Porritt. Humid and noisy, but fun. Janette is a discoholic. Home after 11 and we clowned around playing records and swilling beer. I did a Mick Jagger impersonation. Laughter.

-=-

Friday July 23 1982

 John arrived at 5:30 as we were tucking into chilli con carne. He set about measuring wood and performing his feats of carpentry. Throughout he suggested that we go out for a drink, but Ally just wasn't in the mood, and in her washer woman mode. She said I should go out without her, but it's something we never do, and I don't want to start. We sat watching the Royal Tournament and drinking beer. At 10 John bought us a curry from over the road. It's so good to be close to him again. To bed quite early, and not intoxicated.

-=-

Thursday July 22, 1982

St Paul's House.

 Felt dreadful all day and on the verge of collapse. The alarm clock in John's room didn't function and yet I managed to wake up at 7. Walked around the house like something from a Peter Cushing Hammer film. John similarly incapacitated. Ally and I walked down the lane at 7:30 and straight away she got a bus to Bradford. I walked to the Station Hotel and got a 33 [bus]. Leeds at 9. Grew streadily worse through the day, sat with my head hanging. At lunchtime I forced myself to go find Silvio's confectioners and spent the best part of 90p on two sandwiches. I sat on a bench in Park Square eating salmon and cucumber sandwiches and admiring St Paul's House. Taking deep breaths I made my way back to the YP. Dissipation does one no good.

At home Ally was white and preparing food with heavy eyes. She also had to go out and eat at lunchtime. We had salad sandwiches and poached eggs. Bessie phoned. Bed with books. Difficulty sleeping - typical after the exhaustion of the day.

-=-

Wednesday July 21, 1982

 Susie is 23 today. She was born at 11:55am and I can vividly recall the scene. It makes one feel extremely old.

Left the YP at 4. John collected us at 5:30, and surprisingly we were ready and waiting for him. Over to Guiseley to find Mum and Dad in high spirits. We ate grilled ham and new potatoes. Thirsty business, and thankfully we were out at 8 at the Fox & Hounds, Menston. Sue and Pete were already in the bar. Joined by Lynn, David, Margaret and Jim. After a few drinks David cleared his throat and asked us to raise a glass to Frances's brother or sister. Yes, Lynn is pregnant and expecting a baby circa December 31. Such very good news. Ally had guessed as much when she saw Lynn walking into the pub. She has put on so much weight. Ally said: 'She didn't look me in the eyes. Lynn always has some important thing to say when she doesn't look me in the eyes.' A jovial party. Margaret can be very amusing when manipulated from the start. Back to Sue's for red wine. Ally went up to peep at Christopher. Slept at Pine Tops.

-=-

Tuesday July 20, 1982

 This morning 10 guardsmen of the Blues and Royals and Royal Green Jackets were killed by a bomb in London near Rotten Row whilst riding in full ceremonial to change the guard at Buckingham Palace.

Rotten Row bomb.

Our poor monarch must surely be at her wits end. The past ten days have been dreadful. On July 9 she had the intruder in her bedroom, and then yesterday it was revealed that her personal detective, Commander Trestrail, has been conducting a long standing affair with a male prostitute. Sat with my coffee looking at the Times I saw that Her Majesty's old friend, Lord Rupert Nevill, who was only 59, died on Sunday. Lord Rupert, heir to the Marquess of Abergavenny, was private secretary to Prince Philip, and has been in the Queen's close circle of friends since the 1940s. Princess Margaret and Group Capt Peter Townsend ended their traumatic affair at the Nevill's Uckfield home in 1955. He was also a godfather of Viscount Linley.

Couldn't phone Ally because of the strike. Phoned Mum. She hasn't really been the same since I told her of Janette's coming. They were at [Auntie] Hilda's last night. It does look as though John has told them nothing. Lynn and David returned from Wales on Saturday and we are going for dinner tomorrow before Susie's birthday drink session at some as yet unnamed hostelry.

Home at 6. I had been under the impression that we were going to the Chevin this evening to pick bilberries with David and Jean [Watts]. Ally, sombre and pale, says she forgot to make the arrangements with Jean, I think that Derek [Jenkins] has been annoying her, again. We ate quiche and salad and brewed beer. There's supposed to be a partial eclipse of the sun tonight. It was a glorious evening and I sat looking up at it. The next such eclipse isn't until 1998. Ally went upstairs with the vacuum cleaner. Why do they make such a bloody noise?

Mum phoned to say John will collect Ally and I tomorrow. To bed quite early. We would have been depressed watching a documentary on something about 'asbestossness' [an Ally quote]. Didn't bother.

-=-

Monday July 19, 1982

King Edward: bastards?

 Warm. YP. Still no cheque from Malcolm [Barker]. Mark Parry came in as bold as brass, and didn't mention it either. Read in one of the Sunday papers the reviews of George Melly's biography of Edward James. I thought Mrs Willie James had been Edward VII's mistress but according to Melly she was the king's illegitimate daughter. How many bastards did Edward VII have? Will we ever be informed?

Phoned Mum. She was cutting the lawns. She talked about everything except what I wanted to hear, and obviously hasn't been told of Janette's visit. Then right at the end of the conversation she asked whether John had mentioned Janette this weekend. I had to say yes, and the whole thing came out. She was far from happy and complained of the secrecy and intrigue which has sprung up since John came south. She amazed me by saying that she thought the arrival of the baby next month might bring John and Maria back together. John has made it quite clear that the birth will not alter the relationship. Mind you, he has also said that he and Janette are not all that serious, but simply very good friends. Do you travel 250 miles to visit someone who is 'just a friend'?  Confusion reigns. 

Ally and I walked to the public library and ate pie and peas. Bed at 8:30. Cocoa at 10. Ally unconscious at 10:25.

-=-

Sunday July, 18, 1982

 Hangover. Up at 10:30 and we sat in the sun. Went back to bed for an hour.Knackered. Phoned John and told him to tell Mum about Janette's visit. Ate fish. Watched a Royal Command performance in aid of the [Falkland's] Task Force. 

The Queen has spent the weekend in hospital having her wisdom teeth extracted.

-=-

Saturday July 17, 1982

 John came at 10:30 in the poor Toyota which is close to death from the weight of the stone in the car. We went and bought building sand at 86p per bag which turned John a shade of green. He can get it for nothing when the wind is in the right direction. Ally went off on the bus into town leaving us with our mammoth building task until after 4. John is very good and constructs some fine pieces of symetrical masonry. He has a good eye. On Ally's return John took a hot bath, and afterwards I phoned people to see about a night out - without success. At 8 he drove us in the Toyota to Mucky Willie's [now re-christened the Coachman's], and from there we went to the Fire Brigade. Merriment, music and all. We finally got round to asking him about hisn arrangements for next weekend. He says he thinks Janette will have to stay in a hotel in Leeds, but I quashed this saying she must stay with us. I see no reason why not. It's not as though we are helping to destroy his marriage. It's already floundered. Obviously, Mum will be wild about this. John says Janette will have to take us out for dinner to repay us. _________.

Had a flaming hot prawn curry and sat arguing with John about his disastrous life. __________.

-=-

Friday July 16, 1982

 Geoff Hemingway went to conference with the ed to complain that my Prince William posters are selling for 50p whilst I am only receiving £50. I sent some information to Jonathan Margolis this afternoon, and received £30 for help I gave the YP People column on June 17. Struggle to think what it was for. Perhaps it was Carina Fitzalan-Howard's on-off engagement. Never look a gift Czech in the mouth.

Ally and I dined on liver on our knees, too lazy to sit at the table. John arrived in the rattling Toyota bringing 48 tons of Yorkshire stone. He got lost on the way and came via Cleckheaton, Naples and Juan Les Pins. He's unshaven and podgy. Maria was supposed to be coming down to Yorkshire, but has now postponed her visit until after the baby comes. Mum has knit something for her latest grandchild. 

To bed at 8:30 after John's departure. Plunged in the bath and took up Ken Follett. Ally is pink and edible.

-=-

Thursday July 15, 1982

 Hot, yet dull. Met Dad at the Leeds Police HQ and we climbed across three building sites to get to Len's Bar. Leeds is now like London after the Great Fire. Erections springing up everywhere. But once erected these towering properties stand empty for seven years. We sat in the gloom on a Chesterfield sofa sinking Stone's bitter. It seems most odd to me that Dad should be attending a 'trainer' or 'refresher' course when he has only 34 and a half days remaining in the [police] force. That's bureaucracy for you. Talked about John. Dad is very choked about the divorce. When, half way through a pint, he talked about 'the collapse of family life and all we hold dear' he was reminiscent of Dr Runcie. God bless Dad. He is such a good man. I love him more and more. I hated him so when I was younger. At the time I convinced myself that my loathing of the man was not because of adolescence. All youths fall out with parents, but always thought my case was different. Sitting in Len's we seemed so close. He has such humour and is eccentric. I told him we were going to see the [Rolling] Stones and took out his pocket book and made a note of it. YP pissed. 

David and Jean [Watts] came back this evening. By 10:30 we had hot water restored. Praise be to God.

-=-

Wednesday July 14, 1982

 Thundery. Felt grotty all day. Headache which is peculiar. I only ever get pains of this nature after a night on the piss.

Further shocking details of the Queen's recent ordeal. Her Majesty at one point telephoned the police office at Buck House and discreetly asked for assistance so not to disturb her 'guest', only to wait for ten minutes without response. I think that Lord Maclean [Lord Chamberlain], William Whitelaw [Home Secretary] and the Captain of the Yeomen of the Guard should all be sacked. A dreadful state of affairs when the Sovereign is potentially murdered in her bed by a man who walked in from the street unchallenged. I grow more annoyed at this as the days go by. I bet the Duke [of Edinburgh] is livid.

Home to Piglet at 5. [Left the YP at 4 because of Ray Buckton and Sid Weighell -- a future Viscount Weighell, CH]. Saw Dad on Wellington Street. He had been square-bashing at Wakefield.

Ally was very wet, walking home in a storm. Audrey, the Citroen, went to the knacker's yard this afternoon. We got £100 for her, and we're well rid. No more French cars for us. In fact nothing French will ever enter my house, with the exception of Brigitte Bardot. Certainly nothing mechanical.

Mum, Dad and John came at 7:30 to deliver a pile of stone. Sat until 9 talking about palace intruders. Frank phoned. They are back from Corfu. We went to bed at 9:30 with a big, glossy Diana book.

-=-

Tuesday July 13, 1982

Tree: with my name restored

 I'm peeved about my 'royal baby' family tree which is now a glorious technicolour poster hanging in Malcolm Barker's office. Geoff Hemingway came over at 12 and asked me to accompany him to view the poster. My name is notoriously absent from the impressive genealogical table, and we both exclaimed at the cheek of it. They haven't even had the decency to bring me a copy. Geoff filled in a lineage form for me and under his breath referred to Mark Parry as a 'bastard'. Malcolm offered me £50, but that was three weeks ago, and nothing has materialised. Good old Geoff. He does look after my interests.

More deep sea diving tonight. Mr & Mrs Watts returned to inspect the heating. No developments. Phoned Mum. John has seen a house in Yeadon within a stone's throw of eight pubs. Saw Lord Home on the telly.

Bed at 11.

-=-

Monday July 12, 1982

 Bank Holiday in Ireland

We have had no hot water since the meeting of the Jacques Cousteau fan club here on Saturday. Tonight David and Jean Watts came here [he's an engineer friend from the AHA], and he sat, head in hands, baffling over our extensive water pipes. They went away to pick berries on [Otley] Chevin puzzling over our system. We were left without hot water but bathed all the same using the emergency heater. Sod it.

Unbelievably, an intruder broke into Buckingham Palace in the early hours of Friday morning and made his way to the Queen's bedchamber where he engaged Her Majesty in conversation for ten minutes before he was apprehended. It is disgusting and appalling. The intruder, Michael Fagan, asked the Queen for a cigarette and under the pretext of going to find a Woodbine she managed to summon assistance. Thank goodness she remained calm. Eventually, a chamber maid entered upon the scene and exclaimed: 'Bloody Hell, Ma'am, what's he doin' in here?' Heads really should roll. Mrs Thatcher visited the Queen this afternoon. HM is said to be angry. I'd be stark, raving furious. What's the bloody point employing guards to stand with fixed bayonets at the palace gates when the riff raff of London's east end is allowed to roam the palace corridors at will? 

Bed at 10:30.

-=-

Sunday July 11, 1982

 5th Sunday after Trinity

Horrid day. For much of the morning Ally strutted around like Benito Mussolini giving orders right, left and centre. I was reduced to the role of a serf and was sent to the garden to smash an old sink, much to the amusement of Miss Whincup, sitting in a chair in her garden. Went to the tip. Ally was much happier later. It's the heat that turned her into a fascist dictator. We took a quick constitutional 'around the block'. It's horrific to view the squalor which is so close to our own doorstep. 

Later I sat with Ken Follett, and Ally sat looking at me. Up to bed, then down again for lasagne. Watched the World Cup final. Italy beat West Germany. It was worth watching just to see President Pertini leaping around in the royal box. Bed again.

-=-

Saturday July 10, 1982

 A family gathering. Mum, Dad and John came at 12, and Sue, Pete, and Christopher followed at 12:30. John, with the help of Dad, plastered a wall, and then while boxing in some pipes they fractured one, and had to do some some sub-aqua joinery and plumbing. Welding equipment was sent for and the murky waters eventually subsided. The ladies, oblivious to the life and death underwater struggle, were cooing over Christopher in the garden. I passed glasses of sherry to them through the window. Beer flowed like Bacchanalia too. Sue, Pete and the adonis baby left after the hapless workforce had sent the central heating into oblivion. Christopher is blond and blue eyed and raring to make a bolt for it. He is one of the healthiest, robust specimens I have ever seen. We ate salad sandwiches and swilled ale and coffee and watched someting called 'The Professionals' on ITV.

-=-

Friday July 9, 1982

 Hot sticky day. Left at 4:30 thanks to Ray Buckton and went to Pudsey to collect dear Auntie Mabel. She was watching the golf on a terrible blurred TV. It's amazing how one can get so used to a bad set. Mabel took me to a bus stop [waving at Marlene in her cake shop en route] and went to Bradford in about 10 minutes. The God of Traffic was looking favourably down upon us. We sat sweating profusely, slurping shandy. A splendid dinner. Prawn cocktail, steak, celery, strawberries and cream. Mabel touched by the way we had 'gone to such trouble'. But we eat like this all the time, don't we? We steered clear of talk of John. We took auntie back to Pudsey in a storm and a Citroen at 10. I was buggered all night. Pleasant though.

News: Prince William is to be baptized on Aug 4 [the Queen Mother's birthday] at Buckingham Palace.

Thursday July 8, 1982

 Ally and I went to see Jack Simon to collect our wedding album and prints. £148. Jack was in his garden stripped to the waist building a wall. Brenda talked for ages about Wales. On to Pine Tops and sat with Mum and Dad looking at the photos - very favourable. Pamela and Peter Huddleston, and Pauline Sanderson, came at 9. Pauline's lover is a 50 year-old skeleton. Home to a lasagne at 10. Bed, quite exhausted.

-=-

Wednesday July 7, 1982

 Up at 6:44. Ally took her morning bath. Jacq came down and beat the hell out of her five-minute boiled egg. Isn't it funny how different people crack open their eggs? Jacq and I left at 7:45 and we parted an hour later on the 72 bus.

Fred Willis [EP newsdesk] asked me when I can do another family tree for the EP. This sets me thinking. What about the Queen Mother's 82nd birthday?

Alexandra Berry, a first cousin of the Princess of Wales, has married a German today. Bartz is his name.

Home to Ally at 6. She's exhausted and slept in the chair after her salad, and went to bed at 8. Mum phoned. They looked at the Fountain at Linton and want it. John has received notice of his divorce. Maria is suing him for his adultery with Janette, who according to Mum is a niece of Alec McHarrie, who has been seeing Maria for some time. John isn't going to counter-sue Maria for her behaviour and will sit back and take everything ___________. Mum is unaware that Janette is is coming down here to see the [Rolling] Stones in 2 weeks. She will not have her at Guiseley. It's a Queen Mary-Mrs Simpson situation. __________. No word from Glynnie. I had a bath at 9 and went to bed. Ally has a headache and is hot. A muggy night and she kicked off the bedding. She is a delight.

-=-

Tuesday July 6, 1982

 Warm and sunny. The YP like an asylum again now that Kathleen is back. Left at 4:30 and met Jacq at Dacre Son & Hartley. We went by bus to Bradford. She was horrified at the length of the journey. At home Ally was like a peach, busying herself in the kitchen. We dined on steak and kidney pudding. Not too much booze. Jacq brought wine, and we had sherry, which was very dry. I drank shandy. Talked about property, damp patches and Frances. I did the washing up and the photo albums came out. Coffee. Yawns. We chatted until after 1am, and then went off to bed.

-=-

Monday July 5, 1982

 Up at 6:44. Bath. Toast. Bus. ASLEF on strike, but no ill effects. Went to buy John another [Rolling] Stones ticket at 11, and went to see Jacq afterwards. We joked about the journey to Bradford and I told her to have the enterovioform tablets ready. She is also going to see the Stones. This gave me an idea. Why don't I ask everyone I know to join us at the concert? Rang Dave G. He was encouraging and will let me know tomorrow.

At home I sat for a couple of hours patriotically watching England v. Spain. It was a 0 - 0 draw which knocked us out of the World Cup. We needed 17 goals to remain in, or something. Ally, like a mad beaver, cleaning. Bed after 11, hot and restless.

-=-

Sunday July 4, 1982

 4th Sunday after Trinity - Independence Day, USA

A day of rest. Out of bed for a full-English breakfast with lashings of hot tea. We laughed about Jill. She should be on the stage. John took a torch and climbed up to look in the loft, but threw it down to me saying it wasn't needed because there is plenty of daylight coming in through the roof. It is going to have to be re-pointed. Not too drastic though. Watched TV: 'The Avengers' and a football match, Northern Ireland v. France. We avoided Wimbledon, much to Ally's chagrin. [Jimmy] Connors won his match.

Chicken for dinner. John lapses into long silences. Maria phoned to discuss finances. Ally and I left the room so that they could talk without witnesses. Corner House Cottage has been sold to Molly and Jim. I spoke to Catherine but couldn't understand what she was saying.

To Guiseley at 8 and had a burst tyre en route, not 100 yards from the scene of our last puncture. Fucking roads! Why do we pay rates? Hilda and Tony with Mum and Dad. Janette phoned John and Mum sat tight lipped. Nothing was said. We left at 11:30 in the middle of a Rod Steiger film. He was playing W.C. Fields.

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Saturday July 3, 1982

 Hangover. John demolished ths sitting room [in fact the only room] and we are now midst rubble and plaster. The scene is strongly reminiscent of the Christian sector of Beirut. He did an excellent job, and already the room looks better. The fitted cupboards were unsightly objects. Went off to the tip with the waste and spent an amusing half hour throwing the debris over the fence.

Chilli con carne for lunch. Phoned Jill to see if she wanted visitors for a night on the town in Pudsey. She enthused. At 8 we went to Valley Rd and then to the King's Arms at Tong for a riotous session. Jill is the greatest comedienne since Mae West. I find her a delight to be with. John, who barely knows her, was fascinated. Poor Tim still much out of it with his leg. Drank gallons of Stones bitter [ale]. Back to Valley Rd and then home at 2am.

John is angry with Mum and Dad about the Toyota. When they gave him the car three weeks ago they implied it was his if he could get in fixed and back on the road. He has achieved this remarkable fete and now they've taken the car back from him. Oh dear. He wants another [Rolling] Stones ticket for Janette, his lady friend. Where will she stay when she comes down from Scotland? Guiseley is definitely out and so I suppose Ally and I will be hosts to this adulterous liaison. Mother will be livid.

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