Friday March 21, 1986

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds LS11 5NQ

Dear Joy Critoph came here for lunch with Terry, her boyfriend, and they stayed until after 4 o'clock. She is quite unchanged in the eight or nine years since I last saw her, and still a Sandie Shaw look-alike. Terry is a bearded, bespectacled Londoner. Possibly 35. We were hungover and frantically busy and so Ally didn't go over to collect Samuel from Hilda's until 2pm. She has enjoyed having him, saying he is so well behaved. When we left he called his great-aunt "sweetheart". He came bounding into the pub to meet Joy, and was very shy. Joy is Jacq's bridesmaid tomorrow and her dress she says is 'shocking mauve'. We threaten to giggle in church. Dad came here tonight. In the bar Jack Speight was the victim of a 'coppergram' and was 'arrested' by a naughty, nubile stripper in the guise of a WPC who stripped down to her undies. A jovial evening. Copies of my family tree did the rounds. Much Diet Pils. A hooligan attempted to spoil things, but out he went.

-=-

Thursday March 20, 1986

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds LS11 5NQ

LG phoned to ask how I am coping with fame. Some good publicity after the recent 'piss in the beer' saga of recent weeks. My Andrew/Fergie family tree is in today's YP. I have a love of genealogical tables second to none. High winds. We went to town and on opening the door the wind almost took it off its hinges. A man at Appleyard's garage but the damage at £100. Ally and I were out tonight, separately of course, to Jacq and Ian's bachelor night party. To the Town Hall Tavern and then the Vic and then Ritzes. Pete Sate is a giggle. I became hopelessly pissed. I got home at 2 and Ally was out until 3. I sat eating scampi and watching myself on the telly. So good for ones ego. Ally came back having done the Crown at Yeadon, Brummels, &c. She says Lynn is very much back on form.

-=-

Wednesday March 19, 1986

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds LS11 5NQ

Bright. Breakfast TV is saturated with Fergie and we sat with bated breath. The YP carries my Sarah Ferguson/New Grange Hall connection and Helen Scott phoned me from the EP followed by Andrew Sheldon from 'Calendar'. I rattled on about Andrew becoming Duke of York on his marriage and he was beside himself with glee and asked me to go across to YTV at 5pm. Fame at last. Ally was just going out at 10:30 when she heard on the car radio of the royal betrothal and she came scampering back in. We videoed everything. The couple were interviewed at Buckingham Palace. They want a summer wedding, and seem besotted. Sarah Margaret Ferguson is a boisterous red-headed freckled type that I would have thought the prince would have steered clear of, but thankfully no. They will, says the court correspondent at the BBC, be known as Prince and Princess Andrew, but the lad will be created Duke of York and Earl of Inverness before the wedding, if you ask me. Since the beginning of February I have been confident of the union, and her lineage is impeccable. She is no shy virgin. The arrival of princes Willian and Henry have made it possible for Prince Andrew to marry Sarah. She wouldn't have done for Charles. She has had two lovers at least, and one old enough to be her father. Ally is ecstatic and she phoned LG to warn of my emerging TV stardom. By taxi to YTV at 5 where I sat in an ante room with the weather forecaster and two tarts. Lashings of coffee, &c. At 5:45 in came Richard Whiteley and we watched the ITN news together. He laughed and ejaculated throughout and obviously has republican sentiments. Cynical ____. We went on air at 6pm and I attempted to keep cool. He said most of the things I wanted to say in his intro leaving me almost high and dry, but in fact I didn't dry up. "Surely we are all related to each other way back" he interjected, unhelpfully. The whole of the news programme was based on my information. They showed old film of the previous Duke and Duchess of York at Fountains Abbey in 1932. At the climax of the programme Whiteley said that as a county we do not do too well for royal connections. I jumped in with the late Princess Royal and Earl of Harewood, and of course the Duchess of Kent. Stardom over. Back to the pub at 8 after and hour in the bar at the YTV with Andrew Sheldon and S. Benedic (?). Taxi home. My TV appearance has been good for publicity. Jack Collett was speechless.

-=-

Tuesday March 18, 1986

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds LS11 5NQ

It was just like old times today. A royal engagement is looming. Mike Brown phoned. It's his day off but he says he has contacted Jill Parkin re Sarah Ferguson's connection to New Grange Hall, Headingley, and sure enough she phoned with breathless fascination. I gave her the details and then later she phoned asking for my family tree showing the prince and Sarah's descent from King James VI & I. Jill is the daughter of ___ Parkin, who was a big noise at the EP and probably still is. The piece will be in the YP tomorrow. I do hope that my brewery connection gets a mention because Sam Smiths have had some very bad publicity in recent days. A gang from the Cambridge at Middlesbrough recently visited the brewery and whilst visiting the fermenting tanks some tattooed yobs pissed in the vat despoiling £7,000 worth of ale. Future brewery visits are now in jeopardy. Even the Daily Mirror picked up on this. "Two Pee On Beer" was the ghastly headline.

-=-