Saturday May 15, 1976

David L's renunciation of alcohol deters him from dwelling for long periods in public houses and I sympathise with him entirely. If I'd been told not to touch the stuff again (drink) a dimly lit ale house would be last place you'd find me. The poor sod must have suffered a lot because his diet now prevents him from eating virtually anything he ate prior to his illness.

Go see 'Cabaret' with David at 6.30 in Shipley. Excellent film. Four years old though, but much better than I thought it would be. Only about 20 people in the cinema.

Home at 10.45 and see 'The Hound of the Baskerville's' on the BBC. A pathetic film in which Peter Cushing gives a poor, half-hearted performance as Sherlock Holmes. Conan Doyle would be spinning in his grave I'm sure. Never once seen Cushing in a decent film.

Retire to bed at 1.30am or thereabouts and sit watching the moon which looks quite full.

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Friday May 14, 1976

Eileen and I go to the Ostlers at 1pm for yet another 'liquid' lunch. We havn't been out together for quite a long time and it certainly made a change. Leave work at 4.30 for yet another weekend.

David, out of hospital, collects me at 8 o'clock and we go to the Hare & Hounds. Christine Dibb and her boyfriend are holding court, and Judith R and Kathryn are in. J offered her condolences about Carole. I feel nervous and peculiar because I know Miss Phillips will be coming in. She arrives with Chris and says hello quite cordially. They're followed by Andy, Linda, Pete M and Denise, and then Keith B and John and Maria. CB comes in with Roger. Poor David cannot touch alcohol before Christmas and even after that he'll never be allowed to get pissed again. Horrific isnt it? He drank tomato juice, but this disagreed with him, and he had to drink water. We decide to go see Liza Minelli in 'Cabaret' tomorrow.

Move on to the Black Bull in Otley. ______________________________.

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Thursday May 13, 1976

Pay day. Meet Dave B for lunch at the Ostlers. Purchase the LP 'Elton John's Greatest Hits' and ordered 'Island Girl' and 'Someone Saved My Life Tonight'. Busy time really. Lunch 12.30-2pm. Writing it all in brief because I cannot be bothered with detail. Home on train at 6pm and hear that Harry Monkman died at Falmouth in the night. I last spoke to him a week last Wednesday when he passed comment that his lawn was in a far better condition than ours. He'd just put tons of fertilizer all over his, at great expense, and I'm saddened that he'll never see the lush growth that his labours will undoubtedly produce. He must have been 80, and I feel a bit sorry for Maud, who is almost blind. I was never fond of him.

Ring Dave L who came out of hospital today. He will be out and about tomorrow night - but no alcohol whatsoever. Glad he's home. Probably going to see 'Cabaret' on Saturday. Dave B brings me the 'Who Loves You' LP from Denise. She bought me it in return for the Cow & Calf excursion last week. Play both LPs - they're really great.

Hear that Uncle Peter came for lunch today. He's brilliant - salt of the earth.

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Wednesday May 12, 1976

At 9pm go down to the Hare with Chris. Denise and Marita are sat therein - Marita!!

Not a good a night really. Sickened off with things. Bugger off.

No, hang on a minute. Chris took Carole out on Monday and I bet she's worming her way into his affections now. ________________________________.


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Tuesday May 11, 1976

Another boring day at work. Sick to death of the damnable place. Should I run away to sea or not? What sort of lolly are Admirals of the Fleet on at the moment?

Leave (the YP) at 4.30 and get soaked in a bloody downpour. Home for dinner with Mum, Dad, Lynn & Sue. Mum and Dad discuss family marriages and things and say they want plenty of notice before the three of us take the plunge. I assure them they need not worry about me rushing down the aisle in a hurry. I'd like to be the last one in the family to be married off - the first to arrive and the last to leave.

Don't bother reading the papers today. They're all full of trash. 'The agony of Jeremy Thorpe', &c. and 'Marion keeping vigil at husband's graveside', &c.

CB rang at 2.30 and I told her about the weekend. She was amazed that Chris took Carole out. We had a good laugh at the general state of affairs. She is still going strong with Roger. No more to be said about that.

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Monday May 10, 1976

A bright warm day. Boring at work and uneventful. Jeremy Thorpe resigned as Liberal party leader this afternoon, which is no surprise really. After seeing several letters from him to Norman Scott published in this morning's papers it was obvious he had to go. No doubt Cyril Smith will be pushing his way to the front line now.

Meet Carole in Guiseley - quite accidentally of course, and walk with her to Ridgeway where she's going to see Maria. She seemed composed and calm. She was pale and drawn and I made no attempt to act soft with her. She asked me why, on learning of her suicide attempt, I had not sent her a bunch of flowers! I told her quite seriously that circumstances almost made it possible for me to send her a wreath. She called me a 'sod'. I ask her to pass on my regards to Maria, but don't think they'll be conveyed.

Home for tea at 5.30. The news is dominated with Mr Thorpe's resignation. I can't help feeling rather sorry for him. However, the world isn't quite ready for sexually deviant political leaders.

Watch TV all evening and have a bath at 10.15. Finish 'Service with a Smile' by Wodehouse and begin 'Bachelors Anonymous' and retire to bed after midnight.

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Sunday May 9, 1976

3rd after Easter. In contrast with yesterday it is wet, cold and dismal. A typical boring Sunday.

Denise rings at mid-day and says she's going to see the David Bowie film this afternoon and cannot come up to see me.

Do nothing but eat all day. Sometimes I wonder why my apetite is so large. Must be all this sexual activity and generally dissipated way of life. No such bloody luck!

See the D.H. Lawrence film 'Virgin and the Gypsy' which I first saw years ago with David L. A good film, but my memory of it was that it was much more 'dirty'. However, what is 'dirty' at 15 is very often tedius and insignificant at 21. Yes, it's senility creeping up on me.

Ring Chris and he says he took Carole to the Craven Heifer yesterday. He didn't go into great detail but tells me she was more 'cheerful and back to her usual self'. John and Maria went too. No doubt my name was dirt.

Bed at 11.40pm. Read P.G. Wodehouse's 'Service with a Smile'. Very funny indeed.

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Saturday May 8, 1976

A scorching hot day. 80F degrees in London and near that temperature up in the provinces.

Get up late and sit in the garden with P.G. Wodehouse, Mum and Lynn. David B comes up at 1.30 and we all have lunch together. Just as I was about to tuck in the phone rings and it's Carole. She hasn't gone to London because her Uncle Robert is having financial difficulties. She still sounds down in the dumps but I do not arrange to meet her. Back in the deckchair in the garden and an hour later CB drives up to lend me a fiver she promised me yesterday. She's going out with Roger tonight and so I won't be seeing her until next weekend.

Denise rings at 6 o'clock to say Peter is giving her a lift to the Hare at 8.45, and she adds that Chris is taking Carole out tonight! Quick worker. Carole rang Chris at lunchtime and she more or less twisted his arm. God knows how they'll get on together. I'll contact him tomorrow for a full unabridged match report.

Go to the Hare at 9 and Peter comes in with Denise ten minutes later. None of the
crowd in the Hare. Peter goes off with his cronies and at 9.30 just Denise and I are left wondering what to do. Ring for a taxi and go up to Oakwood Hall - £5.50 return. Horror of horrors though for on our arrival they don't let me in because I'm in jeans! We go on to the Cow & Calf for a further quid. £6.50 just to go to the bloody Cow! Disgusting evening. Never have I seen so many dregs of society under one roof. A revolting experience indeed but despite all this Denise and I try to enjoy ourselves. Peter comes in with his cronies but they keep themselves to themselves. Home at 2.30 and Dad arrives at about the same time.

Read P.G. Wodehouse in bed until the book falls from my hands.

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Friday May 7, 1976

Hilarious day. Get up at about 9 o'clock and Christine arrives about an hour later. Take a photograph of her wearing Dad's police helmet which should be brilliant.

Arrive Otley at 11 o'clock and have a greasy sandwich in an equally greasy cafe and then go straight in to the Black Bull. The weather is becoming really bright and warm, and we watch its progress from the cool darkness of the bar. Drink until 4 o'clock and then walk up to see David in hospital. The ward is boiling hot and most of the patients lay in semi-conscious exhaustion on top of their beds. We can only bear it for half an hour or so. David looks pounds better and says he may be out by next weekend. Walk back to Otley Market Square and once again into the Black Bull which opens for the evening onslaught. The bar staff are baffled as to why we aren't unconscious. Christine and I discuss our relationship and we come to the conclusion that we'll get married in twenty years time when we both look round and realise we've been left on the shelf.

Leave the Black Bull at 7.30 in a thunderstorm and go straight to the Hare in a taxi. Immediately on our arrival she throws herself into the arms of Roger Boughton - the blackguard - and I go sit with Chris, Denise, Andy, Linda, Sue & Peter. I begin to have a hangover at 9.30. Nearly got thrown out of the pub after groping with Denise for all to see. Chris brings me home and I go up to bed after cheese on toast.

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Thursday May 6, 1976

The phone got me out of bed at 9.10am. It was Carole. She sounded ever so pathetic and sad but wasn't making any attempt to get me to change my mind. She says she is very sorry for what she has done to herself, and she quite understands me not wishing to go and see her. Lynn and Sue have cheered her up tremendously and for that she is grateful. She is going to London tomorrow for a week.

Boring day really. Lounge about in the house and break off only for a nice, big lunch at 1.30 with Mum & Dad. Christine rings at 2.30 to say she and Chris finished last night in Horsforth. So that's why Chris rang me at 11.30 whilst I was still walking home from the Hare. Arrange to meet at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Chris rings ten minutes after Christine and we arrange to meet tonight. He collects me at 8.30 and we go to the Old Star at Collingham and then the Scotts Arms at Sickinghall. We had a good chat about things & it certainly felt odd. Who'd have thought the situation could alter so much in the space of three days? Come home through Otley where we had fish and chips and then on home. Later I had crab sandwiches in bed swilled down with cocoa.

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Wednesday May 5, 1976

I cannot believe that the events of the past few days have really taken place. Carole trying to kill herself? And God it is all my fault. If I had not ended everything she would never have contemplated such action. But no amount of wrist slashing will make me go back on my decision. How could anyone go out with a girl knowing that any upset or setback could result in her trying to do away with herself?
She must be unbalanced. I feel sick about the whole business.

Woke up at 8.30. Mum tells me she and Dad may go see Carole this lunchtime on my behalf. I will never go. Get up at 9 o'clock and want to ring someone. Chris is having a morning in bed and won't come to the phone; ring Denise, and she is on day-off, & so I'm totally foiled. Should I blame myself? Did I give her a false impression all those months? Did she expect more from me than she received? I have always made my position quite clear, but she may not have understood. She is not the perceptive kind. Poor girl.

Sit alone in complete silence for what seems like ages. Feel numb and sickened off.

Peter and Chris come up at 12.30 and I tell them the news. They are shocked. Chris says she must need pyschiatric treatment. They try to assure me that I am not to blame. The three of us go the Commercial for lunch and then to collect CB at 2.30.

Go see David in hospital and he looks greatly improved. Denise and Marita call in to see him and I tell them about Carole. __________________________. Home at 4.30.

Dad went to see Carole this lunchtime and found her in a terrible state. He lectures me on my treatment of women, and says the situation has been dynamite for a long time. However, he has no sympathy for what she did & is sickened by it all.

Lynn & Susan go see Carole this evening and I go to the Hare & Hounds with John, CB, Pete and Chris. CB says she and Chris have more or less finished but that they're both waiting for the first one to make a move.

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