Thursday April 7, 1983

 My penultimate day at the YP. Unbelievable. Got in at 9 and found Sarah and Margo flapping about. Some ghastly homosexual is holding a 12 year-old boy hostage in Gipton.

Kathleen arrived at 9:45 with my camera and flash gun. She locked them away in a cupboard. I posted my Tetley's application form and Geoff says he will phone their PRO tomorrow. We'll see if it has any effect.

I went around the office asking people to attend on Saturday. Dave Pitts, Philip Thingy, Darryl Wills, &c. All were very nostalgic. 

At 12 I walked out as usual with Sarah and suggested having a quick one in Len's. She accepted. It's the first time we've done such a thing since either of us married. We talked about ___________ and the riotous night when Lynn & Dave got engaged. Even more nostalgia. ________. Back at 1. Spoke to Delia (who phoned for Sarah but I took the call). She was very gloomy. 

Kathleen was dull all afternoon and collected more money. £60 so far. Incredible and very touching. Later I phoned Dave L, who was sombre. He's coming on Saturday. Afterwards I phoned Marita, who is now living at 12 Rawdon Road, Horsforth, with MM of course. They are going to Denise's wedding on Saturday, but may come on afterwards.

Home for 6. We couldn't be bothered with the form filling. (I re-typed one to Sam Smiths). To bed at 9:30.

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Wednesday April 6, 1983

 Off to the YP for the last Wednesday of my library career. Kathleen came to see me and said they have collected £52 for me so far, and asks what I want them to do with the money. I am astounded. I didn't expect such a sum. Bloody hell, Carol J only got a dictionary. I have a brainwave and went out at lunch time and looked at the price of an Olympus trip. (£39.50), at Comet, and a Phillips flash gun for £13.  Phoned Ally.

Saw Jacq at Dacres and told her of my impending 'retirement' and gave her details of the party. No doubt she'll come along with Lynne. Back at the office I made tea for the girls. It's the least I can do when they have collected so much. Sarah says that Bob put a fiver in and wrote a great epistle on my leaving card. It's Margo's theory that people give more when you stare at them intently when they take out their wallets.

Sarah says we have been instructed to fly the Union flag one day next week, and no one knows why. Is Diana to be made a Lady of the Garter, she suggests? No. The King will make his Queen LG when he succeeds to the throne. Is Andrew to become Duke of York? No. Not while Koo (Stark) is vacant. That would never do. Yes, if he marries a nice aristo like his big brother. Davina Sheffield, now Morley, had a son the other day. That is no reason to put up the flag. I'm intrigued. I am not going to be in on these things anymore, but to be honest I've had enough. I desperately need a change.

Home at 6:30 in sunshine. Complete Tetley's and Younger application forms, and agree to send them tomorrow. I phoned Auntie Mabel. She says she will pray for us in our redundant state. I get the impression that she thinks I am making a mistake. To bed at 10:52. Ally reading about a guest house for sale at Haworth for £46,000.

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Tuesday April 5, 1983

 My 28th birthday. Snow on the ground, but sunshine. We had a bad night in bed and I hardly slept a wink. Nylon sheets are the worst thing since sackcloth and ashes. We slid around like Torvill & Dean. Eggs and bacon. Mum gave me a card and £5. They came into the bedroom singing 'Happy Birthday' Dad playing the spoons like an old music hall act. At 12 we went into Settle. It's market day and seething. Saw Alan Bennett, the playwright,  who came so close I could have reached out and touched him in ladies underwear. The ladies underwear stall at the open air market that is. We fell into the Royal Oak to celebrate the commencement of my 29th year. The place was doing a roaring trade. Ally say eyeing the bar staff. She is saddened because my presents are at home. Things like that do not worry me. We said our goodbyes and returned to Bradford. Karen and Steve are great fun.  We drove past the house in Haworth Road where, Steve says, a woman groped with his genitalia, in 1975. We collapsed. Ally gave me a card full of beautiful verse she had found in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. Socks, underwear, a book on home wine making, and a pullover, but says I can have the main present, an Olympus Trip 35mm camera next week. Went into a coma in the bath, and couldn't get out to speak to Dave G who phoned at 9. In bed for 9:30.

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Monday April 4, 1983

 Bank Holiday in the UK (Except Scotland)

Up early and wallowed 'neath a soapy fermament. It is Uncle Peter's birthday. He is 54.

Sue and Peter came at 10 with a bruised and battered Christopher, looking like a survivor from HMS Galahad. He had fallen whilst attacking the neighbour's cat. We motored up to Horton. With Mama and Papa for 11:30. Papa looks ten years younger and both are loving every minute of life at Waltergarth. They gave Christopher lunch and we went to the Crown with Karen & Steve. We had a fiasco over a missing cornish pasty. The bar staff were agitated and accused us of eating one pasty too many. The place was swarming with Japanese hikers. Afterwards Dad decided to take us on a stroll across a plouged field and I fell, measuring my length in the sheep turds. Poor Christopher, clinging hold of his pushchair hand rail, with white knuckles and bilging eyes as we hauled him over the drystone walls. We returned to Waltergarth looking like Turkish mud wrestlers. Wine, women and song this evening. Watched Dudley Moore's 'Ten', boring. Steve snored in the chair. Joined by John from Scotland looking well. Sue and Pete went off at dusk and Karen said they would drop us off , but the time ticked by and we wended up staying another night. I was hideously pissed.

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Sunday April 3, 1983

 Easter Day

Up at 9. Boiled eggs with toast. Phoned Susan and Lynn. Sue says they will go to Waltergarth tomorrow and take us along with them.  She was laughing saying I had broken her off from cleaning the lavatory. Such an odd thing to be doing in celebration of the risen Christ. Lynn is calling upon us later. Phoned Mum to say we will see her tomorrow. Karen and Steve are with them now. Mum has had a busy time. The place has been packed. She sounded pleased as Punch.

Lynn and Dave came before 2 with the girls and we passed half an hour in pleasant intercourse. Frances, leggy, thinks I am Alison and Alison is me. We exchanged birthday presents. They bought me two mirrors which will go well in the bathroom. We sat Frances on the piano stool and she banged around looking very much like the late Winifred Atwell, only white. Katie is very big and pink and extremely good, not making a single sound. Lynn fed her. They went off to see Audrey, and I think holding something back about her condition. Watched Richard Burton, aged about 16, in 'The Robe'. Awful really. Lasagne.

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Saturday April 2, 1983

 We woke after 10 both feeling groggy. I went out to the Co-op and bought butter and sugar. It wasn't until I was sauntering past the frozen peas that I discovered an icy draught blowing through my open flies. I must have given some morning shoppers a rude awakening.  We had our glass-free Hot Cross Buns and guzzled tea. I went out and hung out the washing as Ally splashed in her bath. I think that perhaps we have slipped up this Easter. We should have avoided the boring, mundane routine today. We went to town to buy something for Frances who is two on Wednesday. Two hours in revolting toy shops full of plastic junk on sale at exhorbitant prices. Eventually we bought some pink shorts and a little shirt to match.

Later, at home, we had salad sandwiches and watched 'Raid on Entebbe'. In fact we didn't move fom the TV all night. I shoved a breast of lamb in the oven with some potatoes. Watched John Alderton in one of those boring vet films.

It is a year since the Argentinians invaded the Falklands. I do miss Ian MacDonald's MOD broadcasts.

I have an Easter Card from my great-auntie Annie (Kirk), and she is 'ever so pleased' that I 'have had Grandma and Grandad framed'. Very amusing. Sounds like some despicable conspiracy. Watched another Woody Allen film but dropped off before the end and woke up to see Rod Stewart leaping around encased in tin foil like a Christmas turkey. To bed.

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Friday April 1, 1983

 The first day of April. The year is flying. Sunshine but cold. Up at 6:44. I dislike having a day off when Ally has to work, but I suppose I will have to get used to it. Off to the AHA she went in her tight jeans and green boots looking dishy. She got a lift with Les Hotchin.

 I made Hot Cross buns but smashed the [illegible] bowl showering the room with jagged glass and dough. I closely inspected the buns and found no shards of glass and thought it safe to bake them. Splashed in the bath and went out at 11:45 to meet Ally. I walked down as far as the pet shop and then got a bus to scale the heights of Squire Lane. I arrived at Chestnut House and found Ally keeping vigil at a window. She laughed because I was wearing a tie. We walked hand in hand to the Queen on Daisy Hill Bank, a Webster's house, where we spent two hours and a small fortune. I consumed five pints of bitter. The place is full of paintings by Stuart Hirst, son of the landlord. We had cheese and onion sandwiches and sat watching the other customers. It is most definitely the life for us. We went back to Chestnut House at 2:15 and I sat with until 4. John MacCabe came to inspect me as I sat typing on Patricia's electric typewriter, and then I helped Gillian make the tea. She didn't believe me when I told her I was 'retiring'. _______. We came home for 4:30 after phoning Lynn and David to see if we could go over and probably babysit for them. They didn't take us up on our suggestion. Lynn is obsessed with having babies and wants nothing in between. __________. We phoned Mum too. They had five men in last night and are having four tonight, who are also having dinner too. John called on them this morning on his way to Scotland with the offering of a dead rabbit which he's killed on the way up. Janette, who is working at Easter, is occupying the flat quite alone. Ally doesn't want to go to Horton if it's swarming with hikers, but I don't think it will ever become quieter. It's the walking season. 

Later we had a liver and onion special and collapsed. Ally, feeling fragile, snoozed in my arms and went up to bed at 9. I stayed up until 12:30 and watched Woody Allen's 'Love & Death' - always worth seeing. To bed.

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Thursday March 31, 1983

 We were up eating bananas on toast and watching Breakfast TV. We switched around from the BBC to TV-am. All very trivial and boring. Intrigue at the YP. I keep emreging from behind the filing cabinets to find Sarah and Margo whispering. Later I saw Geoff and Bob in a corner with Kathleen, obviously discussing me. I am paranoid. I gave Geoff some material on tigers. He says you can keep a tiger at home by following the entry for tigers in the 1955 Encyclopaedia Britannica. Sarah left at 4.

I have an apology to make. Baroness Willoughby de Eresby is 27th holder of the peerage, not the 28th. The co-heirs to the peerage are her elderly aunts. I would like either to be a peerage lawyer or a publican. Not much difference really. One pulls peers and the other pulls beers.

I phoned Ally. She is miserable because she cannot take tomorrow off because Jean is. She went off at 5 for a trim and looked deliciously sweet tonight.  I bought her a chocolate egg for £1.99 and a sloppy Easter card. She deserves every bit of romantic clobber I can muster. I hid the egg on top of the wardrobe. 

I got in at 6 and made bacon and eggs whilst Ally made herself pretty in pink trousers and white top. She is feeling delicate _________. We cuddled up and watched 'Top of the Pops' and Kenny Everett. Up to bed at 10. Before dropping off Ally remembered that it's April Fool's Day tomorrow and wants to to do something appropriate. I'll ring Mum and tell her that the council have given approval to build an ASDA on the top of Pen-y-ghent.

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Wednesday March 30, 1983

 Scurry off to the YP full of glee. Saw Geoff. He gave me my application forms with additional flowing script.He must think I'm the bees knees. I am very flattered that he has taken such an interest in my future life. Kathleen asked if he is 'pushing me'. What can she mean? Told Sarah about my plans and she was pleasant. I think Kathleen had given her some idea.  I collected my £67.05 because it is Easter. Marched through Leeds this lunch time and sat in Park Square - probably for the last time. My God, what hours of solitary reflection have I spent in that peaceful liitle haven. The pigeons will miss me. 

Saw in The Times that Lady Jane Fellowes has had a son, Alexander, on March 23. A first nephew for the Princess of Wales. Lady Sarah McCorquodale expects in July. Viscount Head is dead. That would be a good opening line for an epitaph. The Earl of Ancaster has gone too. His daughter becomes the 28th Baroness Willoughby de Eresby. I would like to master the laws relating to (peerage) abeyance.

Home to Pig. She was unhappy at first with Geoff's re-wording, but after reading them a few times accepts his version. She didn't approve of his tatty typing.

Chicken and mushroom pie at 7:30. Jim, Margaret and Julie came for half an hour to collect a carpet knife. They inspected the kitchen closely. Watched Dallas and went to bed at 10.

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Tuesday March 29, 1983

 Wet. a daffodil is trying to flower in the garden. I have been watching it's progress with interest. (Hot Cross) buns for breakfast again. Ally spilled tea on her skirt and had to go change. 

At the YP I gave Geoff my application forms and he went away saying he will look at them tonight. Derek Foster says he will have to start looking at the births, marriages and deaths after my departure.

Told the EP that Sir William Brooksbank is dead. They did it this evening.

I felt the absence of Carol J today and shudder to think how the department will run with only three staff. People keep coming in and going away puzzled ats to what will be the procedure after April 8. I told an EP reporter that the place is going self service, with wire baskets and Johnny Mathis tapes playing on a loop only to be interrupted occasionally by an adenoidal announcement: 'Mr Hawkins to the cash desk please'.

Sarah probably won't get to my leaving party. Anne Goodyear, Michael Brown and Penny Wark look like certainties. Kathleen is panic stricken and scurries here and there. Home at 5:30. I hung around on Wellington Street for half an hour. Chicken again. We laid on the settee all night. A science fiction film. The Martians came, but they all caught cold and died. Silly.

Saw Sir Laurens van der Post interview the PM at No 10. What a remarkable woman she is. I find her very inspiring. 

Dave G phoned. He says Billy requires psychiatric treatment. I told him it's his age.

To bed at 11:44pm.

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Monday March 28, 1983

 Full Moon

Sweet Auntie Hilda celebrates another birthday. We sent her a cheeky card which I think will put a few naughty words into auntie's 47 year-old mouth. 

Ally and I had hot cross buns for breakfast. She is happy today because Derek (Jenkins) is basking in Torremolinos. Why a man in his exalted position wishes to holiday in Torremolinos is a mystery. He is a district works officer you know. 

Off to the YP where I learn that today is not my eighth last day, but my seventh. Sarah and I are having it off on Good Friday.

Just Margo and I in. Saw Geoff Hemingway, who says he will take down my particulars tomorrow. Phoned Mum. They had another walking couple in for B & B. We argued about  the identity of 'Philip Ashley' in the 1952 film 'My Cousin Rachel'. I told her Richard Burton played the part opposite Olivia de Havilland's 'Rachel' (sic). She swore blind it was Kieran Moore.

Ally and I have yet to decide what we are doing at Easter. She doesn't want to spend the whole of the break at Horton.

Tonight we had roast chicken. Afterwards I typed application forms to Tetley's and Samuel Smith's breweries. Made a good job of them too. Ally's typing is abysmal on my machine. Saw 'Coronation Street' and 'Brass'. Mike Baldwin wants to build a discotheque in Rosamund Street. Annie Walker will be livid.

Royal News: The Prince and Princess of Wales dancing at a charity ball in Sydney. They moved excellently. Diana has really captured the impressionable little Aussies. 

David L phoned to see if we fancied a rock concert on Wednesday. I didn't recognise the group and so said no. A pleasant chat.

De Haviland has only one L.

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