Tuesday August 19, 1975

I wake up at about 10 but don't really think the others could possibly do the same after the events of this morning, i.e. from 2am onwards. After crawling past us last night in the bar they helped each other up to our room and dissolved into fits of laughter. When I'd rid myself of the women, and two cheese toasted sandwiches and several gallons of Coca Cola later, I went up to the room and John said he wanted another drink. We went down to the bar where he had a pernod and I had a beer. At 3am we came back to the room, and immediately John said he was going out again. This he did, and half an hour later he rolled in after even more drink. I helped him into bed and switched off the light. Chris hadn't stirred all the time this was going on.

At 10am then I was surprised to see Chris alive, well, and kicking. Leaving John deep in sleep we go down to the bar. Chris goes off to buy a newspaper and comes back with 'The Sun' of all things and shows me the headlines on page one. 'Princess Anne gets obscene phone calls'. This really is too much. First they try to kidnap and kill her, and now it's dirty phone calls. How did some pervert manage to lay hands on the princess's private number? The Post Office says that Special Branch are listening in to all her phone calls.

Stayed at the Manchester Arms until quite late in the evening and walked Denise and Diane home to their so-called hotel. No Caracola Club until dawn, and come back to the Osiris for a couple of drinks.

-=-

Sunday May 25, 1975

Trinity Sunday. Day Three at Grassington: Nice day. Beautiful weather, though probably just a bit windy. After waking up at the same hideous, and unusual time as yesterday we once again partook of a fried breakfast, which isn't agreeing with John at all.

We intended going off to Malham, but because of the time we changed our minds and decided to go swimming at Skipton Baths. Spend a good afternoon in Skipton, and feel greatly rejuvenated after my first splash around in a pool for what seems like decades.

Back at the tent we lounge around in deckchairs listening to the Top 20 on Radio One. Well, Pete and myself did this. John and Chris were busy frying tea.

After the traditional fried meal we bung a few stones in the river and collect wood for another camp fire and generally prepare ourselves for the coming onslaught of alcohol.

To Linton and Grassington drinking. John is back on form again and we manage to deplete the beer stocks of several Yorkshire pubs.

The second camp fire proved successful again, but we are all melancholy because it's our last night. Chris was acting daft when he saw the full moon, complaining that he believed in the likes of Dracula and other creations of Hammer Horror Inc. & Warner Brothers. It was impossible to make him see reason. We ate baked potatoes on the fire, and argued whether Princess Anne had done the right thing by marrying Mark Phillips.

Bed at 2.30.

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Thursday May 1, 1975

Almost completely recovered now. I thought I'd be laid low with pneumonia by the end of the week but luckily it won't be so. Pay day again. My wage isn't all that cronic really, and I know I'm always complaining of lack of funds, but if I earned £7,000,000 per week I'd still be moaning and groaning by Wednesday night.

I informed Kathleen today that I want, and indeed will have no matter what, Friday June 13, off. This will mean that I can travel down to Windsor on Friday morning - go out with John, Sheila and even Chris - then go into London early on the Saturday morning for the Trooping the Colour escapades in the Mall. It would mean me having to return home on the Sunday to be back at the YP on the following morning.

Chris goes to Windsor at the very beginning of June until December, and I can't help feeling envious. If Utopia or Paradise really exists I somehow think that Windsor will not be far away.

News items: Lady Sarah Armstrong-Jones is eleven years-old today. Saigon fell to the communists yesterday and is now Ho Chi Minh City or something equally hideous. Princess Anne and Capt Mark Phillips are stranded in the Australian outback after plane trouble. The Queen left Jamaica after the Commonwealth PM's Conference and is now on the way to Japan with the duke for an official visit.

This Princess Anne thing sounds funny. I can just imagine the Royal party stuck there with the sun blazing down. Is wallaby edible I wonder?

Papa is still doing the lounge, and I must admit it looks brilliant.

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Wednesday January 15, 1975

The new Whitaker's Almanack for 1975 fails to give an accurate account of the order of succession to the throne. No mention is made of the little Lascelles baby who, according to the Sunday People, was born in September 1973. This babe of the Hon James and Mrs Lascelles is 21st in line of succession. I'm surprised that the YP haven't done anything on it. But I do suppose that Lord Harewood consulted Mr 'Call me God' Linacre and told him that no report at all would be welcomed by himself and Mrs Jeremy Thorpe and others.

On the subject of minor, forgotten royalty, I'd better mention something about Princess Anne and the new royal personage that never was - Capt. Phillips. The royal pair have recently visited Rowley Hall, ten miles from Hull, in good hunting country - with the intention of purchasing the place. Buckingham Palace officials who lie until they lie about the lies they're said already, say that the princess is looking for a place of her own before they're turned out of Oak Grove in 2 years time. Hull does seem a bit out of the way and off the royal beaten track, but I suppose Mark would like the peace and quiet.

A busy day. Sarah is in better spirits. Kathleen too cheerful - on the verge of hysteria. Argue, in a friendly vein, with Sarah this morning on the subject of that repulsive creature John Stonehouse. She said he's committed no crime in using the name of a dead man to creep off to Australia. Only the other day a bloke was sent to one of Her Majesty's Holiday Camps for doing the very same thing with someone elses passport.

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Tuesday December 31, 1974

My half-day. Come home at 12.30 where everyone is rushing around preparing for the party tonight. Our famous parties grow more and more popular each year and we'll have to hold it in a marquee before very long. I clear all the rubbish out of the garage which has been piled there since Christmas. John helps me to burn it.

Mum is upset by Auntie Hilda, who informs her by way of the telephone, that the Gadsbys will not be patronising our Hogmany orgy this year. Mrs Gadsby really is the limit.
A sad day for this volume today. This is my final entry upon these pages, and in a few short minutes the book will be closed forever. What can I possibly say to put a fitting end to it? I know, I'll give a list of events which I think have been the most important of the year.

January: Vic Feather is raised to the peerage.

February: The Rt Hon Edward Heath resigns as Prime Minister; the Rt Hon Harold Wilson becomes PM (March 4)

March: Ian Ball attempts to kidnap Princess Anne, March 20; Lynn is 16 (March 6)

April: I am 19 April 5

May: Meet Judith Beevers (May 3)

June: Death of the Duke of Gloucester (June 10); John and I visit John and Sheila in Windsor

July: Finish with Judith Beevers (July 21)

August: Princess Anne, 24; Queen Mother, 74.

September: Lynn starts going out with Dave Baker; John is 18, Sept 25

October: General Election, Oct 10. Start going out with Lynne Mather

November: Finish with Lynne Mather

December: Santa Claus comes Dec 25.

Mary had a little pig,
She put it in a bucket,
But every time she took it out,
the Bulldog tried to put it back

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them on the matlepiece,
to see if they'd fall off

Mary had a little Pig,
She couldn't stop it grunting,
she stood it up against the sty,
and kicked its little head in

So, the year is nearly over. A new diary becomes operative from midnight. Hope you've enjoyed reading it. Obviously, I'm a boring writer and I cannot expect you to have devoured every sentence with rellish. I can understand you skipping a couple of months here and there. You're only human after all. Well, I'm going now. If you want to read about the party see the book headed '1975' in which a full and proper account of tonight's goings on will be preserved for posterity. God Bless you all, and a happy and prosperous New Year, which ever one it is next. After all, you could be a little chap from the 22nd century who has stumbled upon this diary. Wishing you a Happy New Year for 1975 would be a bit pointless, wouldn't it?

-==-

Thursday October 17, 1974

See in the EP that Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia is having an affair with Richard Burton, the notorious profligate and actor. The princess is a first cousin of the Kents, being a niece of Princess Marina, Duchess of Kent; and thus is a second cousin of the Prince of Wales, Duke of Edinburgh, &c. A remarkable coincidence arises from this romance which the Press doesn't seem to have caught on to. It is that the Burtons are, or where before Liz (Taylor) got her divorce, good friends of President Tito of Yugoslavia. Putting two and two together Tito, in one of his discussions with Burton, could have intimated that on his retirement he was considering restoring the monarchy. Does he intend to place Princess Elizabeth on the throne and make Burton the Prince Consort of Yugoslavia? It is not impossible. The twice-wed princess took Burton to lunch with Princess Alexandra at the weekend.

Don't feel too well today. My throat, chest, nose and other numerous parts are quite poorly and exhausted. Could do with a few days off really. At lunchtime I get more Windsor photos and copies of those taken at John's 18th birthday party - £3.70 they rushed me.

Amused by an article in 'Private Eye' which says that since Princess Anne married her 'stable lad' many people have traced the decline of our country's status from that shameful occasion. It also states, in its infinite wisdom, that since the princess was made a GCVO in August, she is 'Princess Anne, Dame Anne Phillips' and not 'Princess Anne, Mrs Mark Phillips'.

Ring Denny who isn't very informative, and speak to Marita who is visiting her. See 'Top of the Pops' then ring Lynne. Spend half an hour on the phone and poor Mummy was quite desolate at the thought of the coming phone bill. Have bath and see tv all evening. My voice feels like it's on the verge of collapse. Goodnight everyone.

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Sunday September 22, 1974

15th after Trinity. Up at nearly 12. Have little bacon for breakfast and discuss changing my driving test date with that of Mamas. Come upstairs and unpack and have a bath.

Today is the 26th birthday of Capt Mark Phillips. Let the Bells toll their Joyous News throughout the Kingdom! Some sort of public celebration really ought to be lavished upon the young captain who, after all, rescued Britain's favourite princess from spinsterhood.

The Gadsbys come after tea, and John and I go to the Hare in the 1100 after collecting Carol from her Yeadon residence.

Dave comes with Chris, and never do I fail to have hysterics when Mr Lawson is on the scene. Move on to that soddin' little pub in Askwith that doesn't sell crisps, peanuts 'or anything of that nature, sir'. Snobs! I wouldn't mind but it's only bloody Askwith, not Ascot.

Back to Westfield Fisheries where I dissolved into fits of laughter at Dave, who looking at the large, sprawling woman said: "She must eat two fish for every one she serves." Absolutely sick to death of laughing.

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Thursday August 15, 1974

Princess Anne was made a GCVO this morning - her 24th birthday. The Queen, in the citation, made reference to her daughter's "calm and braveness" throughout the kidnap attempt in the Mall on March 20, saying the same about Capt Phillips, who becomes a CVO, and Rowena Brassey, the lady-in-waiting, who becomes MVO. The lower class newspapers headed articles on this event "YES IT'S DAME ANNE", and "OH WHAT A DAME", etc. The papers no longer mention the fact that HRH is in line for the title Princess Royal. No doubt the princess dislikes this style and will not let Her Majesty revive it. Mind you, it is dowdy sounding for a young woman I do suppose.

Warm day. Sunny, but windy. Nothing of interest at the YP except my pay. Home at 6. Denny finally sent me the letter she owes me, and I decide to write back immediately. Mum is still not pleased about me going camping on Saturday, though she leaves the whole affair entirely in my hands.

John takes his driving test tomorrow and I only hope for the honour of the family that he will pass this time. He can do no more than try though. To change the subject, I now feel as though I made a mistake treating Judith Beevers the way I did. Recently I've missed our little 'tete-a-tetes' in front of the TV or in front of the TR6 - and in my own silly way I must have fancied her. Keep wondering whether or not to ring her. Don't suppose I will do. Hell, aren't I a burke when it comes to women? Look at the Bottomley Affair, which dragged on for months purely on my part, involving fantasies about the re-estabishment of a relationship, etc. Bloody well brainless, that's what am.

-==-

Monday June 17, 1974

Beautifully warm day. John and I take Hugo on the 'Long Walk', in order to avoid all the crowds who have flocked to Windsor to get a glimpse of the Garter ceremony. See Princess Anne in her speedy, little car and she smiled at John and I as she passed us on the Long Walk. Whilst recovering from seeing HRH, Lord Snowdon races past with a young lady in the passenger seat - not Princess Margaret either.

One year ago today I split my trousers in the gents of the Fleece in Horsforth, and I vowed to send June a safety pin on the anniversary of the occasion until either one of us ceased to be. I don't think she's dead so I'll have to send her one.

-==-

Wednesday May 22, 1974

Dad wakes me at 11.30 - such a nice feeling that I don't have to go to the YP until Thursday night. Hear on the 10.30 that Ball, the man who tried to kidnap Princess Anne in March, has pleaded guilty and the chap is to be detained in a mental hospital 'during Her Majesty's Pleasure', which is quite appropriate. The swine sent a ransom note to the Queen demanding £3m. Lunch at 1.0pm.

Go to the Emmotts with John and sit with Martin V-B until 9 when Chris finally decides to arrive. Almost immediately we go outside to get a bus to the Hare and Hounds - we see Andy passing, and we tell him we are going to Menston and he says he'll take us - Keith rockets past us, skidding in the rain. Go to the H & H until 10.30.

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Monday May 13, 1974

Woken at 9.15 by the phone. It is Kathleen who asks if I was at the YP last night. I say of course not, then realise I should have been at work yesterday and then take a night off in the week. I feel dumbfounded. Kathleen is not at all mad, but she is expecting the complaints to roll in this morning. The fact that my working week begins on a Sunday never entered my head. Dress at 9.30 and then go for a walk into Guiseley. Buy a couple of newspapers and call in at the bank - deposit £4, and walk home feeling quite proud.

Old Mr Monkman comes round at 11 and asks if I can lend him an instrument which levers spark plugs out of sockets. I say I don't know what he's talking about and he'll have to wait and see Dad. Have a coffee and look around for something to read having finished 'Mrs Fitzherbert'. Find 'Have His Carcase' by Dorothy Sayers, which I still have not completed. At about 12 I ring the YP and speak to Kathleen and she says nobody's complained yet, but the night staff don't come into until 5 o'clock. She's taken it very well. This horrible forgetful incident has ruined my day.

Looking in the mirror, which, I hasten to add, is no regular pastime, I realise my hair is in a terrible condition and decide that Wednesday morning is to be the day of judgement. It's five months since I last had anything done with it! Hear on the 1.30 news that Princess Anne was thrown from her horse 'Doublet' at Windsor this morning and that the horse broke a leg and was later destroyed.

Go to the YP for 5. Quiet evening really.

-==-

Sunday May 5, 1974

3rd after Easter. Rise at 12. Weather is quite cheerful until about 1.30 when it suddenly dulls over and begins to rain. Have lunch and a beer and a couple of glasses of horribly sweet sherry. John and I have driving lessons at 2, and we both go together, that is John sitting in the back of the car until 3, and then me sitting in the back between 3 and 4. Get back for tea and find Mum and Dad gone, Sue and Peter doing homework, and Lynn watching tv. We all have tea together.

I read "Anne and the Princesses Royal" by Helen Cathcart, which is a shocking book and I'm sure that I could write better. Cathcart has written hundreds of books on royal personages but the authenticity I find doubtful - too gossipy by far.

No one rings in the evening and when Sue and Peter go and see 'Mash' and 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid' at Yeadon Cinema, only Lynn, John and myself remain all evening.

See Charles Laughton in 'Hobson's Choice' - a very good film indeed. Bed at 12. Mum and Dad are quite intoxicated, though more with high spirits than alcohol.

"Waterloo" by Abba.

-==-

Saturday May 4, 1974

Mum gets me up at 9 and I go to Leeds on the 9.20 55 bus. Kathleen, Anne and Janice are working, and I do my usual routine until 1.30 when I go, leaving horrid little Janice to fend for herself. I wander out into the Headrow and find myself deep into a march of the Leeds Communist Party, which is hardly my cup of tea. My intention is to go to Burton's Arcade, but the heat, crowds of communists, and my lack of patience makes me decide not to bother.

Home after 3 and have a couple of chicken sandwiches and two beers. Mum, Dad, Sue, Peter, John and one of Dad's police friends are watching the FA Cup Final between Newcastle and Liverpool. Princess Anne presented the cup to Liverpool who win 3-0. The poor princess looked disgusted when the crowds were singing their own version of the National Anthem.

At 6.15 MM rings. He says that David, Marita and himself are going to the ABC Cinema in Leeds and asks me to join them. I say I'll ring Marita which I do at 6.30 after first contacting Chris. Marita picks me up at 6.45, with her mother, and we then get David, then MM. We go see 'The Great Gatsby' - starring Mia Farrow and Robert Redford. The others hate it, but somehow it doesn't have the same effect on me, and I enjoyed it. We all go back to MMs_____. Marita looked dead. David seems to have something wrong with his eyes. Marita brings me back at 1.30.

-==-

Friday May 3, 1974

Off all day. Go to Morrison's with Dad and get the weekly supply in. Poor Mummy is still ill and remains in bed until lunchtime. A warm afternoon, but do absolutely nothing at all. Go to the YP on a 33 bus, but do not get to the office until 5.15 and Kathleen, who is chatting with one of the lads, doesn't seem too pleased at my lateness. She goes at 5.30 and I carry on until midnight. An excellent evening and hardly no interference from any of the lads, except one who wanted pictures to illustrate an article on alcoholism, which I couldn't find anywhere.

At around 11 a party of ladies came inspecting the place on a guided tour and I displayed a large selection of coloured photos of Princess Anne's wedding on my desk to give them something to rave about. I never fail to satisfy these visitors, and the guide never suspects that I am only doing these things in order to make his tour all the more exciting.

At 12 I get a taxi on account and get out near Wikis. Find John drunk inside, and see Chris being pestered by Helen, who immediately accosts me and makes me buy her a drink. I pick up two girls and at 2 they take me to their flat on Apperley Lane in a white Alfa Romeo, if that is how one spells it, and Philip Cartwright and Paul also come. At 3 Philip brings me to Hawksworth Lane. John was mad at not being invited.

-==-

Saturday April 27, 1974

Rise, if that is what you can call crawling out of bed with a hangover, at 7.45. Lynn and Sue say I look 'shocking' and I certainly feel it. Work was terrible and I was glad to get out at 11.55. Walk to the station with Anne who tells me she is leaving in June. I tell her that the YP will not be the same without her, but she laughs and thinks I am making fun of her. The poor devil is going to Cheshire to do social work or something of that type of charitable nature.

Have lunch and listen with Sue and John to 'Radio 5' which isn't so funny as it was last week.

Capt Mark Phillips is the victor of this years Badminton Horse Trials and I watched the final stages of the tournament on tv this afternoon. Capt Phillips rode the Queen's horse, and Her Majesty gave the cup to her son-in-law. Princess Anne was fourth I think. The Queen looked remarkably fashionable again and over the past 2 years everyone has noticed that HM is becoming more and more well dressed.

John goes to the H & H and Mum and Dad go to Burley. The girls go out and leave me alone with the tv. See 2 good films and read 'Have his Carcase' by Dorothy L. Sayers, which is another edition of the Lord Peter Wimsey saga - very good. Bed after 1am.

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Thursday March 21, 1974

Papers are all full of Princess Anne and Capt Phillips. I think that the whole response is overdone. We all know, or at least should do, that the Royal Family are in constant danger from extremists, maniacs, etc. The BBC say that security will have to be revised but anyone who knows anything about the Royal Family knows that the Queen will never concede to armoured vehicles or masses of armed bodyguards - I am quite sure of this. A man, if that is what you can call the monster, appeared in court this morning charged with the attempted murder of Inspector Beaton, the princesses detective. Crowds of people flocked to Bow Street to catch a glimpse of the fiend. Poor, shaken Anne and Mark are now at Oak Grove near Sandhurst. It is reported that the Queen and the duke were "horrified", but Sir Martin Charteris says her Majesty took the news with great calm, "like a queen."

--==--

Wednesday March 20, 1974

As assassination attempt was made on the life of Princess Anne and Capt Phillips this evening. We are all horrified. The incident occurred in the Mall at about 8 o'clock, and four people are in hospital suffering from gunshot wounds. The princesses detective and chauffeur and two by-standers are the wounded. The lives of the royal couple have been remarkably saved. The weapon used destroyed all the windows in the Rolls and the poor princess is now at Buckingham Palace. I'll wager any amount of money that this foul deed is the work of the bloody IRA.

Later: Further developments show that the atrocity was in fact a kidnap attempt, and a letter stating this was received by Her Majesty, but I do suppose that the poor Queen receives thousands of these absurd notes every day.

My half-day. At 12.30 I went to the Commercial with Mum and Dad, where we have pie and peas and several pints of beer, which is quite overpowering at lunchtime. The weather is beautiful and Dad and I spend an hour in the garden. Harry Monkman is furious when Dad cuts the lawn. "Do you realise that you are the first person on the lane to cut your lawns this year?"

-==-

Friday March 1, 1974

St David's Day. Climb into bed after 4am cursing the fact that Wilson will probably be Prime Minister before night is with us once again. Awake at 7am feeling quite awake and unaffected by the late night. The BBC announce that deadlock exists with the result of the election. It seems as though neither party is capable of achieving the necessary 318 seats in order to obtain a working majority in the Commons. Jeremy Thorpe suddenly becomes important because he holds the balance of power between the two major parties. The poor Queen rushed home from Australasia with Princess Anne and Capt Phillips in order to let the nasty Mr Wilson kiss her hands. However, it isn't as simple as that, and by midnight no call from the palace has been made to either of the party leaders. Nothing like this has occurred since 1929 or something. I should know when, but the actual date slips my mind for the moment.

-==-

Monday February 4, 1974

Climb out of bed at 7.30. Hear on the news that 11 people were killed by a bomb in Leeds early this morning. The dead were travelling on a coach from Manchester to Catterick. The victims are obviously army personnel and families.

Spend the afternoon tracing the address of a Leeds woman who collects everything she can lay her hands on about the Queen - eventually make a discovery. Quite an interesting read in the meantime reading through old royal headlines. The announcement of Her Majesty's birth took approximately eight lines of an inside page of the YP when she came into the world in 1926 - they cannot have known then that the baby would one day be the mother of Princess Anne!

The Court Circular in The Times refers to to the Queen's daughter as "The Princess Anne, Mrs Mark Phillips" - a romantic, but hideous notion.

On my arrival home I see that I have had no luck with my exams again - failure. Don't particularly worry about not attaining immortal fame as a historian. If being good at history turns you into an AJP Taylor I'd rather not bother! MM rings at 6.30. Chris passed! (According to Christine B anyway). He ring me (Chris) from London and I tell him that he's passed. He is very sceptical about it all. He cannot really trust messages from MM and Christine.

See 'Colditz' in the evening. Bed at 11. Having having a shower first. PS - the miners voted 81 per cent in favour of a strike. The TUC leaders met Mr Heath and Mr Whitelaw at 10, Downing Street this evening. The Government can't make the miners change their minds, and poor little Willie Whitelaw couldn't even appease his grandmother.

--==--

Tuesday January 29, 1974

Dad points out that in the present 'crisis' the Royal Family know what to do and that is to get out! It seems as though the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince of Wales, Princess Anne and Capt Phillips are all out of the UK. Even Lord Snowdon seems to have deserted the sinking ship. However, the good old Queen Mother is still moving among us, and what we woulod do without that dear lady I shudder to think.

Quite a busy day. Typed the paper up this morning. Janice was on half-day. I am taking Thursday and intend goint to Rawdon Library and calling in at Benton Park.

Train strikes will take place next week, and I am now beginning to seriously wonder whether the whole country will live to see the first daffodil of Spring. A General Strike cannot now be avoided. Lord Carrington made suggestions that a 'Two Day Week' will be seriously considered by the Cabinet. The Confederation of British Industry says economic collapse of unprecedented proportions can only arise from such an action...and all MPs can find to argue about is whether it is immoral for a man and his wife to take a bath together! I think it's a very good thing. The poor woman who suggested the idea must think that is an original idea! All the best couples have bathed together since the beginning of time.

Mum and Dad go to Esholt at 9. Sue and I make beans on toast. See a good tv programme about Hugh Heffner, owner of the magazine 'Playboy'. Oh, what it must be like to own all that wealth!

(Greed, greed, envy envy, etc).

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