Tuesday August 19, 1980

_. YP: Kathleen's father hasn't succumbed to a heart attack. He had a diabetic collapse, whatever that is. K took the whole of last week as sick leave. Nobody else would have got away with this. Officially, you get three days off for a death in the immediate family, and one day for a birth.

My contributions to the People column are at a standstill owing to the absence, only temporarily, of Bob Cockroft. A Van Straubenzee girl has become engaged  to a nephew of the Marquess of Anglesey, but otherwise all is quiet in the bracken.

Susie phoned tonight and Mum and Dad went down to West End Terrace for an hour leaving me slouched in front of the TV.

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Monday August 18, 1980

_. To Pudsey at 5 from the YP. Auntie Mabel made me a large dinner including dumplings, which flattened me for the rest of the evening. I gloss painted her bedroom, but became unstuck on the bedroom door, and I lost all faith and interest in my life as a decorator. Was joined at 8 by Ally who howled with laughter at old photographs with Mum and Mabel. Auntie's laugh is very infectious. Uncle Tony, in overalls, put in an appearance, and so did Frank.

Auntie Mabel gave me a 1914 studio portrait of my great-grandmother, Sarah Ann Wood [nee Carling], who died in December, 1926, aged 60, and a pic of Uncle Albert and Uncle Oliver, in uniform, dating from the Great War. I will treasure both photos.

Home covered in white paint at 12. Ally onward to Bradford.

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Sunday August 17, 1980

_. 11th Sunday after Trinity

Ally was at the Belfry all day. Sunny at times, yet wet. To one of Graham's pubs at 1pm with Anthony [very humorous] and Philip and Carol, who being newly married talk of nothing but mortgages and pressure cookers. We collected Ally at 3 and went to a diabolical transport cafe in the heart of Bradford in order to feed Graham before his journey home. Ally, making a bad choice again, had moussaka, which tasted like bread pudding, and made her feel sick afterwards. We laughed a good deal. Anthony, disgusted at his surroundings, hid behind a plastic flower arrangement, in fear of being recognised in such a dive.

They all departed at 5, and at 6:15 Ally deposited me on Manningham Lane, and I returned home. Spent the evening in tranquil repose. Tomorrow I am going back to Auntie Mabel's to continue painting.

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Saturday August 16, 1980

_. Graham and Gill collected me at 12 and we had a drink at the Shoulder of Mutton, where they played on the space invader machine. We went at 1 to join Ally at Lidget Green. I was surprised to find Ally was visiting her next door neighbour on Club St, and we were called in to have an audience with Ethel Greenwood, 92, in her urine reeking chamber. Ally had a fit of inappropriate giggles when old Ethel announced: 'I buried my husband when he was 57.' Not a turn of phrase used these days, but the old are so fascinating, don't you think? She said that one day we should return to hear her vivid recollections of Bradford at the turn of the 20th century.

Graham's very amusing, yet effete, friend, Anthony came and we all went to Leeds, yes Leeds, first to a bar called The Bank, which was ridiculously expensive, and then to Bistro 5 for excellent pizzas. Ally chose the wrong dish and had a disappointing lasagne. From here we took a walk in the afternoon sun, and Ally and I broke away from the others and delving into a record shop I bought 'Private Life' by Grace Jones, and a book 'Do Butlers Burgle Banks?' by P.G. Wodehouse. We returned to Bistro 5 for coffee and cake and were back in Lidget Green for 6 o'clock.

Graham and Gill left for a dinner party with Philip and Carol Middlebrough, and Ally and I listened to Grace Jones. We later went to Baildon, and a pub [not a success], and the Bod on Manchester Rd, arriving back at 11. We listened to deafening, yet heavenly music, and were joined by the bloated lodgers at about 3am.

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Friday August 15, 1980

_. To Leeds from Bradford, again. Telephoned Mama to make her feel wanted. I have barely seen her or Papa since we returned from Ibiza. I suspect they are enjoying their new found long overdue seclusion.

Ally did a shift at the Belfry tonight and I went to 5, St Lawrence Close with Lynn, Dave, Hilda, Tony, Mum, Dad, Marlene, Frank, &c. We went to Standale Rise to remove the last of Auntie Mabel's furniture. We all struggled in the flat arranging her bulky furniture in the small square lounge. Like a silly scene from a silent movie. The women giggled so much that the Tv flickered with the peals of laughter.

Mum, Dad and I went on to Hilda's where we found ourselves locked out. Tim and Jill had locked up and gone boozing at St Lawrence Cricket Club. Hilda hoisted herself up onto a window ledge and squeezed herself through a tiny kitchen window, serenaded by the yelping of the confused Yorkshire Terrier below. I wish I could have captured the scene on camera.

Tim, Jill, Karen and Steve came with Tony's former Liberal party agent, Peter. We had a Chinese takeaway. I went into Bradford with Tony and Steve to collect curry for some of them, from a filthy looking place there. Home at one, or was it 2?

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Thursday August 14, 1980

_. Breakfast with Ally leaving Graham and Gill in bed, and then went to the YP by bus.

A foul, wet day. Home to tea with Mum and Dad. The house is quiet without Susan. Her laughter is missed.

Graham, Gill and Ally came for me at 8 and they met Mum and Dad for the first time. Out over the moors to Baildon, where we met Philip and Carol Middlebrough again. From there we visited several grossly miserable pubs where Ally and I would never patronise in a million years if left to our own devices.

Gill told us tales of her life as a teacher at Andover Girls' School, or whatever they call the public school where she teaches. It's all very reminiscent of Evelyn Waugh's 'Decline and Fall.' I am sure that Graham regards me as something of an idiot. I do like him.

We had fish and chips in Lidget Green and drank all Ally's Ibiza gin. To bed quite late, and quite drunk. Graham marvelled at the way Ally and I fit into such a tiny bed.

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Wednesday August 13, 1980

_. Graham and Gill arrived at Ally's, taking her by surprise. They are staying with her until Sunday.

This evening we went to Haworth meeting Philip and Carol Middlebrough en route. Ally played wealthy benefactor, owing to my lack of cash.

Graham was on top form. Silly as ever and so delightfully opinionated. We went to The Old Silent Inn, but didn't eat because the prices were too steep. On to a more reasonably priced, nameless pub for scampi and chips, and then a pub at Harden near Bingley. In Graham's car we listened to 'Derek and Clive Live' by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - funny, in places.

Back to Ally's for the night.

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Tuesday August 12, 1980

_. To Pudsey with Mum and Dad at 10:30 and spent the day painting Auntie Mabel's bedroom. I left them at 4:30 and got a bus to Leeds. Saw Sarah, who looked exhausted. She is back with RL superstar John Holmes. I am informed that Kathleen's papa suffered a heart attack yesterday and that subsequently the boss won't be putting in an appearance for the rest of the week.

A dull night at the YP. Home at 12:15am. Something has happened that I've been expecting with trepidation for some time. My taxi driver is years younger than me. A mere boy. I sat in silence brooding about the passage of time. I think I can appreciate now how one reads of 80 year-olds who insist that only feel 21. Time just rockets by. I clearly remember being 17 and feel no different now. Cruel, isn't it?

Had salad sandwiches and swigged tea, reading The Times, such a wonderful newspaper.

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Monday August 11, 1980

_. Rain. Still reeking of garlic from three thousand miles away.

Eileen had a baby boy on August 5, weighing something in the region of 6lb. He is to be Philip Michael.

Auntie Mabel has finally found a flat at 5, St Lawrence Close, Pudsey. Ally and I went to see her, in driving rain, after depositing her luggage at Club St. It's a decent flat with only one drawback, a tiny bath designed for a dwarf. Cousin Jackie was there, and Marlene and Frank were beavering around with paint brushes and rolls of wallpaper.

Home at 7. Fish and chips. We had every intention of going out, but I had an attack of diarrhoea. Susan suggested I might be going into labour.

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Sunday August 10, 1980

_. 10th Sunday after Trinity

End of our holiday. Spent an hour packing my suitcase and clearing the room. We deposited our luggage in reception and went to a bar where I made the mistake of eating grilled prawns in garlic. For the rest of the day I was ostracised.

We left for Ibiza airport at about 5 and flew at something in the vicinity of 7. Back at the Hollywood at 10 gasping for a drink. Surprised to see Lynn and Dave there. They had thoughtfully driven over to give Ally and I a lift back to Guiseley. Left for home after 12. On the drive home Lynn filled us in on two weeks news including the Chippy trauma. Mum and Dad were in bed but we went in for a chat.

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Saturday August 9, 1980

_. On San Antonio beach until 6. Party in room 305 until after 10. A wild, hilarious party. Dave and I wore bright nail polish, and we went out wearing the outfits with stuffed birds stitched to the shoulders. In the square the bandit photographer with the chimpanzee told me that my birds are more eye catching than his pathetic animal. To the OK Coral with tits [birds] and nails. They all ate but I had gin and tonic instead. To Chac Mool - seething, then Nito's and home at 5am. I took a dip in the pool with some Germans, and Ally persuaded me to get out.

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