Tuesday October 21, 1980

Clementine Churchill.

_. Went to the Central library and fell victim to another book on the Windsors. I also got Mary Soames's biography of her mother Clem, and Thomas Hardy's 'The Trumpet Major'. It's about time I looked at some great works of 19th century fiction because in this area I am greatly ignorant. Dickens has been unable to worm his way in and as for Trollope I once picked up a Palliser novel and put it down again immediately.

I phoned Ally a couple of times. She refused to answer at 8 and I eventually gave the thing up as a bad job. We have decided to go to 'Time and Place' on Thursday.

Eileen and Michael brought baby Philip into the YP today. The usual blue-eyed bundle.

Dave G phoned tonight to discuss the '81 holiday. Ought we to be booking? I broke into a cold sweat at the thought of it. Ally will die when I say it's time to think about holidays. I expect fireworks of George Frederick Handel proportions. Dave didn't see the Duchess of Gloucester yesterday on her visit to Stepping Hill.

Sat reading about Clementine Churchill. I've said odious things about her in the past especially when she died and it was revealed she destroyed the Graham Sutherland portrait of Sir Winston, and I will not withdraw any comments until I finish the book. However, up to 1908 she seems quite a decent fellow.

Mum frightened me by announcing that Wedgwood Benn is to run [for Labour leader]. This isn't so. Cold sweat trickled down my brow.

Took a bath at 11. Bed with Clem at 11:15.

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Monday October 20, 1980

_. Damp and misty. Cowered beneath my sheets until after 7:30. To Leeds with Jim, Jennie and Donald Best. A raving little quartet. Gloomy day. Spoke to Ally who moaned about lack of money for her proposed decorating onslaught. It seems that her walls are to be bare indefinitely. It'll be like the Chateau d'If in Lidget Green. I posted a letter on similar lines to my diminutive lover.

Lady Barnett: suicide.

Lady [Isobel] Barnett, an ancient TV personality, fined for shoplifting on Thursday, has been found dead in her bath after committing suicide. It is a pity that people feel they have no option but to die after being found with 87p worth of stolen groceries concealed upon their person. Guilt is such a peculiar thing.

In other news: the Queen has been left a Louis XIV clock in the will of Sir Michael Duff. The half-crazed Michael Foot has joined the Labour leadership battle. He now stands against Peter Shore, John Silkin and Denis Healey. The old boy will be 70 before the next general election, but I believe he will become leader of the party despite this drawback. I'll eat my hat if Denis Healey beats him, I really will.

Home at 5:30. Mum's hair is better. She looks younger with it shaggy. Roast pork and Yorkshire pudding. Had a hot bath, and unlike Isobel Barnett I survived. At 9 I took to the dining room and watched 'Les Miserables', a recent film based on Victor Hugo's gripping novel. I have rarely used my new TV because I feel anti-social leaving Mum and Dad and sitting in another room. However, tonight I could not face the Monday evening 'movie' of the nymphomania and alcoholism problems facing a New York housewife.

Lynn phoned. She;s convinced her baby will come before April 4. A friend due to give birth on the same day is much smaller.

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Sunday October 19, 1980

_. 20th Sunday after Trinity

Up at 10:30. Made lashings of tea for the inmates. Ally dashed off in Andre Citroen to the Belfry. [We have changed the car's name to Andre from Charles, because the founder of the Citroen Car Co was Andre Citroen]. Breakfast with Mama and Papa. They talked about Norfolk. My mother's hairdresser really should be assassinated. Someone should phone Jack Ruby. Is he deceased?

Mum and Dad messed around in the kitchen with a sack of Arthur's cauliflowers. I sat grinning to myself. Last night Ally and I had an attack of giggling, really serious giggling. _______. She came at 3:15 and we watched Peter Sellers in 'Only Two Can Play' - a very funny film. She went back to the Belfry at 6:30.

Queen: Dowdy.

Her Majesty the Queen , on a State visit to Italy, has met the Pope. She visited the Papal See as Princess Elizabeth in 1951 meeting Pope Pius, and visited Pope John XXIII in 1961, but that wasn't a state visit. Dowdy, wearing a black mantilla, she resembled Queen Victoria.

Saturday October 18, 1980

Oliver Twist.

_. Sunny, bright, but cold. Up at 10 for another large, grilled breakfast. Pine Tops is taking on the aura of Marlborough House in the days of Albert Edward, Prince of Wales.

Afterwards we went to Yeadon to buy more bacon and orange juice. Back to the liquid delights of the New Inn. A pleasant few hours propping up the bar. Saw Tony Briggs and Peter Phillips. At 3 we returned home to find Sue and Pete drinking beer and watching John Howard Davies in 'Tom Brown's Schooldays'. They left shortly afterwards. Ally and I made an omelette, and watched 'Oliver Twist', also starring John Howard Davies. Some old films are such tear jerkers.

We clowned around in my wardrobe looking for something for Ally to wear, and at 7:45 we went to the Malt Shovel in Menston. Margaret Nason's sister, Phyllis, works behind the bar. On to the Shoulder to meet Gus, Dave W, Mick Thingy, Debbie, Chippy. No sign of Sue and Pete. At 9:30, at Chippy's suggestion, we all went to Platform One, a newly opened hostelry, on the site of an old railway station at Pannal. Too crowded. I put my pint down on a table to have it swiped by the landlord when I was relieving myself in the gents. Not a very pleasant experience. Back to the New Inn in Guiseley for 10:30. Marian and Maura were there with Rick Hartley. I invited them to the party on Nov 1. Also saw Martyn & Fay Cole.  Home at 11:30.

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Friday October 17, 1980

_. Wet, dark and dismal. Up at 6:30 and cooked a massive breakfast for Ally and I. You know, bacon, eggs, sausages and beans, preceded by cornflakes, and followed by lashings of hot tea. Dave Lee Travis on Radio One. He is appalling. I am growing old and conservative [with a small 'c' of course. Everyone knows I am a Conservative with a big 'c'].

At the office I phoned Ally a few times. Catherine has found another job. Poor girl. Ally phoned me twice, once at 3, and again at 6:30. In the latter call she asked me to think of something to get her off working at the Belfry. How about a broken neck?

Phoned Dave L twice. The first time he was out. He is going to Gloucester tomorrow to stay with a Tony. In the political section of our chat he declared that Peter Shore is a worthless drip who doesn't stand a cat in Hell's chance of leading the Opposition. Denis Healey is such an obvious choice I have every faith he will be defeated. Personally I'd like to see the former broadcaster Austin Mitchell at the helm.

Sue and Pete.

Spoke to Susie [I also spoke to her yesterday. She was going to the White Cross with Janet and Audrey]. She and Pete agreed to collect me at 8:45 and befriend me for a couple of hours in a local hostelry. I sat waiting, quite alone, listening to Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' to keep me company. They picked me up at 9 and we went to the Shoulder of Mutton. Joined by Gerald and Deborah. On to the Cross and met Chris and Audrey Rycroft. Finally to the New Inn, where we found Gus, Dave W and Ken. Home at 11:30. Ally arrived at midnight.

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Thursday October 16, 1980

_. I spoke to Dave G the other day, and forgot to mention. He's coming on Nov 1, with Garry, Billy and Steve. He had hoped to come tomorrow but the Duchess of Gloucester is making a visit to Stepping Hill Hospital and he has to be there to receive HRH. Poor woman.

Ally came here at 6:30 for fish fingers and three tons of potatoes. What will become of us? Ally looked good, with her hair sticking out in all directions. Half close your eyes, dim and lights and what do you have? Kate Bush.

An expanding Lynn and bad-tempered Dave came at 8:30 and we went to the Commercial, which is a hole. So boring. We sat eavesdropping on three middle-aged mothers on the next table discussing the trials and tribulations of Christmas shopping. On to the New Inn, where Lynn and Dave looked out of place. David insisted on referring to the place as a 'knocking shop'. The place is always full of ex-cons, but a Bohemian atmosphere prevailed throughout.

Home at 11. We sprawled on the dining room floor drinking wine and listening to Strauss until 2:30.

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Wednesday October 15, 1980

Sally Oppenheim: double life?

_. Sunny, Wednesday. James Callaghan is resigning as Labour leader to enable him to undergo treatment preparing for a sex-change operation after Christmas. It seems that for some years he's been enjoying a double life masquerading as both the bluff Left-wing Labour sea dog, and as the peroxide blond Sally Oppenheim, Minister for Prices and Consumer Affairs. You have never seen them in the same room together. He really had me fooled.

Ally arrived at 6 and we ate soup. [Or do you drink soup?] This was followed by fried liver and onions and mounds of chips. To much really. Spoke to Lynn, and arranged to go out with them tomorrow.

Later, the two of us took the couch for an evening of gripping TV. Coronation Street, a play, and a programme about a large, flaccid transsexual preparing for a sex-change operation. I made some derogatory comments, at which Ally raised her eyebrows and cast her eyes to the large pair of stiletto heeled shoes that I'd worn only days before. My drag act at a fancy dress dress party is a different matter.

To bed in the region of 12.

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Tuesday October 14, 1980

_. Bright Tuesday.

Phoned Mama. They left for Diss early this morning.

To Ally's at 6 for dead rabbit stew.  Joined at 8:30 by Catherine Brook, and the recumbent David, who immediately fell asleep on the sofa. Her really threw himself into the 'dead man lying on the floor' routine. I sat clutching a glass whilst Ally and Catherine pored over some of my photo albums dating back to 1971, Boring, and quite embarrassing at times. I write very revealing picture captions. It is Ally's theory that I have a different album for each of my 'bits of stuff'. They left at 12, and we had a much needed drink. ________.

To bed at about 1.

Monday October 13, 1980

Beloved Führer ?

_. Monday. Ally came to see me and we sat huddled on the settee watching the telly. What else? It helps when a diarist has total powers of recall, but alas my powers have dried tonight. Ally left at 10:30, and I departed immediately to my chamber where I scowled angrily at my alarm clock which is refusing to work properly. It rings at a time of its own choosing and has developed an irregular tick.

Mrs Thatcher, our beloved Führer, is 55 today. However, it now seems that everyone regrets voting her into power. It's hard to find anyone who backs her. Even Cabinet ministers are red faced and cowering. A sign of the times. And, what is happening to the Labour party? Will Sir Alfred Broughton [Batley & Morley] succeed 'Sunny Jim' ?

Did you know that Michael Bentine once almost had a leg amputated because of a thrombosis? Dreadful, eh?

Sunday October 12, 1980

_. 19th Sunday after Trinity

Home to Bradford from the Browns at three, four or five. I discarded everything female and returned to the sanity of manhood. Slept. Ally went to the Belfry at 11:30. I walked home in the sun to Guiseley. I didn't walk all the way, but most of it.

A family gathering. Sue, Pete, Lynn and Dave came for tea and buns. We giggled at a Peter Sellers film from 1963 where he played a Scouse clergyman. Ally dropped in mid-afternoon, but left just as I was getting used to her. I felt buggered and slept in a chair to the backcloth of 'Songs of Praise' on the BBC, which in my twilight existence made me think I was ascending into Heaven, but serenaded by out of tune choristers from a provincial town. Eventually I went up to bed.

Mama and Papa are going to see Ruby and Arthur in Norfolk on Wednesday. The Gadsbys are in Norfolk now, and so it might be quite wild.

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Saturday October 11, 1980

Brown, Nicola Gould, Dame Edna.

_. Up at 12. Had a message via Mama from Lynn that she will be coming with Dave's Cub Scout cap for Ally this afternoon. I hung around and waited until 3. I phoned Ally at 2:45 and she was still in bed. I went to Bradford at 4pm buying a pair of young, firm turnips en route. These, as you can imagine, are to form my cleavage. Ally makes a splendid cub. Horribly sexy.

Carol, Dame Edna, Cub Scout & Laurie Mercer.

To the Bod for a couple of hours at 6:30 and then back to Club St to dress for Brown's party. When dressed I do look more like Dame Edna than the Queen of Denmark, in my blond wig, Crimplene frock, and aquamarine clip-on earrings. Ally did my makeup and clad in pewter coloured tights I set out with a Cub Scout at the wheel to Brown's in Chapel Allerton, arriving at 11. I was, with all modesty, a roaring success. My appearance heralded a series of sexual assaults open my person, and I was the butt of many bawdy jokes. Ally was gorgeous. She does put up with such a lot. No sign of Sarah. Carol J came with Gavin [Summers], a new YP reporter. Drank gallons of red wine and ate nothing but sticks of celery. Home to Bradford from the Brown's at three, four or five.

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