Thursday March 31, 1983

 We were up eating bananas on toast and watching Breakfast TV. We switched around from the BBC to TV-am. All very trivial and boring. Intrigue at the YP. I keep emreging from behind the filing cabinets to find Sarah and Margo whispering. Later I saw Geoff and Bob in a corner with Kathleen, obviously discussing me. I am paranoid. I gave Geoff some material on tigers. He says you can keep a tiger at home by following the entry for tigers in the 1955 Encyclopaedia Britannica. Sarah left at 4.

I have an apology to make. Baroness Willoughby de Eresby is 27th holder of the peerage, not the 28th. The co-heirs to the peerage are her elderly aunts. I would like either to be a peerage lawyer or a publican. Not much difference really. One pulls peers and the other pulls beers.

I phoned Ally. She is miserable because she cannot take tomorrow off because Jean is. She went off at 5 for a trim and looked deliciously sweet tonight.  I bought her a chocolate egg for £1.99 and a sloppy Easter card. She deserves every bit of romantic clobber I can muster. I hid the egg on top of the wardrobe. 

I got in at 6 and made bacon and eggs whilst Ally made herself pretty in pink trousers and white top. She is feeling delicate _________. We cuddled up and watched 'Top of the Pops' and Kenny Everett. Up to bed at 10. Before dropping off Ally remembered that it's April Fool's Day tomorrow and wants to to do something appropriate. I'll ring Mum and tell her that the council have given approval to build an ASDA on the top of Pen-y-ghent.

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Wednesday March 30, 1983

 Scurry off to the YP full of glee. Saw Geoff. He gave me my application forms with additional flowing script.He must think I'm the bees knees. I am very flattered that he has taken such an interest in my future life. Kathleen asked if he is 'pushing me'. What can she mean? Told Sarah about my plans and she was pleasant. I think Kathleen had given her some idea.  I collected my £67.05 because it is Easter. Marched through Leeds this lunch time and sat in Park Square - probably for the last time. My God, what hours of solitary reflection have I spent in that peaceful liitle haven. The pigeons will miss me. 

Saw in The Times that Lady Jane Fellowes has had a son, Alexander, on March 23. A first nephew for the Princess of Wales. Lady Sarah McCorquodale expects in July. Viscount Head is dead. That would be a good opening line for an epitaph. The Earl of Ancaster has gone too. His daughter becomes the 28th Baroness Willoughby de Eresby. I would like to master the laws relating to (peerage) abeyance.

Home to Pig. She was unhappy at first with Geoff's re-wording, but after reading them a few times accepts his version. She didn't approve of his tatty typing.

Chicken and mushroom pie at 7:30. Jim, Margaret and Julie came for half an hour to collect a carpet knife. They inspected the kitchen closely. Watched Dallas and went to bed at 10.

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Tuesday March 29, 1983

 Wet. a daffodil is trying to flower in the garden. I have been watching it's progress with interest. (Hot Cross) buns for breakfast again. Ally spilled tea on her skirt and had to go change. 

At the YP I gave Geoff my application forms and he went away saying he will look at them tonight. Derek Foster says he will have to start looking at the births, marriages and deaths after my departure.

Told the EP that Sir William Brooksbank is dead. They did it this evening.

I felt the absence of Carol J today and shudder to think how the department will run with only three staff. People keep coming in and going away puzzled ats to what will be the procedure after April 8. I told an EP reporter that the place is going self service, with wire baskets and Johnny Mathis tapes playing on a loop only to be interrupted occasionally by an adenoidal announcement: 'Mr Hawkins to the cash desk please'.

Sarah probably won't get to my leaving party. Anne Goodyear, Michael Brown and Penny Wark look like certainties. Kathleen is panic stricken and scurries here and there. Home at 5:30. I hung around on Wellington Street for half an hour. Chicken again. We laid on the settee all night. A science fiction film. The Martians came, but they all caught cold and died. Silly.

Saw Sir Laurens van der Post interview the PM at No 10. What a remarkable woman she is. I find her very inspiring. 

Dave G phoned. He says Billy requires psychiatric treatment. I told him it's his age.

To bed at 11:44pm.

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Monday March 28, 1983

 Full Moon

Sweet Auntie Hilda celebrates another birthday. We sent her a cheeky card which I think will put a few naughty words into auntie's 47 year-old mouth. 

Ally and I had hot cross buns for breakfast. She is happy today because Derek (Jenkins) is basking in Torremolinos. Why a man in his exalted position wishes to holiday in Torremolinos is a mystery. He is a district works officer you know. 

Off to the YP where I learn that today is not my eighth last day, but my seventh. Sarah and I are having it off on Good Friday.

Just Margo and I in. Saw Geoff Hemingway, who says he will take down my particulars tomorrow. Phoned Mum. They had another walking couple in for B & B. We argued about  the identity of 'Philip Ashley' in the 1952 film 'My Cousin Rachel'. I told her Richard Burton played the part opposite Olivia de Havilland's 'Rachel' (sic). She swore blind it was Kieran Moore.

Ally and I have yet to decide what we are doing at Easter. She doesn't want to spend the whole of the break at Horton.

Tonight we had roast chicken. Afterwards I typed application forms to Tetley's and Samuel Smith's breweries. Made a good job of them too. Ally's typing is abysmal on my machine. Saw 'Coronation Street' and 'Brass'. Mike Baldwin wants to build a discotheque in Rosamund Street. Annie Walker will be livid.

Royal News: The Prince and Princess of Wales dancing at a charity ball in Sydney. They moved excellently. Diana has really captured the impressionable little Aussies. 

David L phoned to see if we fancied a rock concert on Wednesday. I didn't recognise the group and so said no. A pleasant chat.

De Haviland has only one L.

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Sunday March 27, 1983

 Palm Sunday

We were awake at about 10 o'clock and Ally got up first and I lay watching her dress. She was in her tight jeans and white shirt. Her hair isn't as curly as it has been recently. I had two kippers for breakfast washed down with tea. Ally marvels at my capacity for fish, and takes me for something of an expert in removing bones. She ironed afterwards. Believe it or not, I made 12 Hot Cross buns and a gallon of apple wine. We had a phone call from Susie and they arrived at 2 o'clock. We had a drink. We also forgot to alter the clocks to British Summer Time. This threw us for the remainder of the day. Christopher wasn't quite as boisterous as usual and he beamed like the devil when he saw the piano. We have never thought to show the piano to a baby before. He banged away merrily. Sue looked really well and put away some red wine. They left at 4 to visit Pamela. It's Pamela and Peter's wedding anniversary and they are going to the Damn Yankee tonight. We ate Hot Cross buns at 5. Fish pie at 7. Saw a film about the Berlin Wall. Bed after the news. The royal progress of Australia puts back any talk of a republic until 2167.

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Saturday March 26, 1983

 I woke very early and something delicious happened. For a few seconds I thought it was a weekday and that I would have to get up, only then to find it is in fact a Saturday morning. We ate breakfast in our night attire and switched on the TV to watch cartoons. An odd thing for me to do. Ally especially at 9am finds the TV offensive. Afterwards I finished the letter to the Smiths of Weeke and took it out to post with Auntie Hilda's birthday card, only to find that I have missed the last post of the day by ten minutes. How infuriating. Ally, in a white T-shirt, looking bonnie, was washing and cleaning.

A cold day. We couldn't feel the ends of our fingers. John phoned last night. The party is still on and he wants me to brew some ale for him. Poor Janette is working hideously long hours. I fail to see why anybody would want to buy a caravan at 9:30 on a cold wintry night. John assures me that they do.

Went to town by bus and did the shopping and then walked back up - quite a haul with 48 tons of King Edward potatoes. A pleasant afternoon with a weak sun. At home we cuddled and had a beer and listened to Michael Jackson. Ally was restless and wanted visitors and so we phoned Jill and Tim who cannot come because they are going out with Tim's Dad. Phoned Karen. They come at 8:30. Karen looks fit and not too big. The baby is due on August 18, but will be three weeks late, she says. We sat and watched Terry Wogan interview Dolly Parton. Ugh. Steve fell asleep on the floor and Karen saw no point in letting him get settled, and so they left at about 11:30. Bed.

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Friday March 25, 1983

 Rain at first, brighter later. I was forced to make a quick exit from my bed to turn off a particularly loud alarm clock, and silence the offending Mike Read. Boiled eggs and toast. We looked in at breakfast TV. It is such a bore. Saw the Prince and Princess of Wales with the ghastly Bob Hawke in Australia. When will it become a republic?

To the YP. I have eight days to work. Labour held Darlington last night. Tories second. SDP third. Work stopped at 2:30 and we gave Carol a bouquet and a Collins dictonary. She produced a bottle of wine and Eileen Jones came in with a bottle of bubbly too and we celebrated the termination of Carol's thirteen year 'career' with cream buns. These are always very flat affairs. I suppose I'll have to go through it very soon. _______. Home for 5:30 feeling slightly groggy. Drinking wine on an afternoon does one no good. Fish and chips with Poodle. I ate like a starving wild cat. Ally posed a question: 'Name the only mammal that lays eggs?' Immediately and without hesitation I replied: 'Duck Billed Platypus'. She sighs 'you are so clever'. 

Have I told you that last Saturday David Frost married Lady Carina Fitzalan Howard? It was on the cards. I cannot imagine that the Duke of Norfolk will be chuffed about this.

I sat down and typed a letter to Graham and Charlotte Smith. We haven't heard from them since last June. Ally wallowed in the bath. Watched a documentary on the life of Noel Coward. To bed at 10:30. I told Bob C that the Bishop of Whitby has announced his engagement to the daughter of Judge Herrod, a Yorkshire QC. 

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Thursday March 24, 1983

 More cold and more wet. 

YP abysmal. Carol's penultimate day. Kathleen and Sarah discussing what present to buy Carol. They are going to give her flowers too. Our office is reminiscent of ancient Rome. The machinations. Went out to the building society at lunch time.The balance now stands at £100.30. 

Home to a grumpy Ally who is furious about work and in a temper all night because of it. I phoned a pub at Shipley for a part-time job advertised in the T & A. Phoned Jim Rawnsley who only returned from India yesterday. He will readily give me a reference and told me that he had been told in strictest confidence that certain people at the YP didn't want me to go. He had seen John Thorpe. Good old Jim. I knew he would hate India and he found the food and general poverty something of an ordeal. The remainder of the delegation from Leeds went on to the Taj Mahal but Jim escaped to home after ten days. I phoned a French restaurant who want bar staff. They said I would have to see the manager at 4pm tomorrow. No way. To bed at 10. I look at 'Black Mischief' by Mr Waugh. Don't read much.

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Wednesday March 23, 1983

 Still wet. We awoke in our little bunk at 6:30 and had the traditional hot bath. I concocted breakfast for Piglet, who came bustling in looking like a peach. ________. I must be a frightening sight leering over my boiled egg looking like some unwashed Dickens character. 

At the YP. Told Bob Cockcroft that Lord Yarborough's daughter is engaged. Just think, it might be my very last tip. Went to buy a metro card at lunch and called on cousin Jill. I said: "I have news", and she squealed amidst the slingback shoes "Oh, Ally is pregnant!" No, it's not that exciting I assured her. I told her I am 'retiring' from the YP and she looked at me as though I am raving mad. Tim is working in London. I told her about the party and went off on my bedraggled way.

A chilli extravaganza. Ally is sick of the sniping and in-fighting at Chestnut House. The health service is now like El Salvador. Even Jean is sneaky. It looks like the meal we owe them isn't going to materialise. Ally, speaking very generally, loathes women. Coronation Street tremendously funny. Hilda Ogden should stand for parliament. Saw Dallas too. We are soap opera fanatics. Ally washed out, and we contemplated bed at 9pm. 

News: the pound has fallen against the dollar to an all-time low. I have never been able to understand international finance. Tomorrow is Michael Foot's Waterloo - the Darlington by-election. Michael Foot is of course the horrid Mr Bonaparte. Did you know that the Belgian royal family descends from the 3rd Earl of Elgin & Ailesbury, a Jacobite? And, oh yes, poor Prince Claus. He's really flipped this time. Bed at 9:15.

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Tuesday March 22, 1983

Bitterly cold. The snow has gone but it is here in spirit. Eleven days to go at the YP. It's hard to believe that I am finally escaping. You, dear reader, must be relieved too because I've groused on and on about the place since I started 10 long years ago. As they say on Coronation Street 'You are a long time dead'. Why spend life doing the mundane. I am going from unemployed library assistant to an unemployed author, or rock star.

Ally phoned. She has got £160 'back pay'. The swines at the AHA may be down grading her from higher clerical officer to personal secretary, but her salary is supposedly guaranteed for five years. However, if she is there at Chestnut House in 1988 something will have gone hideously wrong with our plans.

I told Sarah that I am leaving to go work in a bar and she smiled weakly in disbelief. Home at 6. Ally cooking. Mum and Dad came at 6:30 from the Queen's on Daisy Hill Lane where Dad had been engaged in conversation with a former military policeman who had been at the training academy with Dad in Surrey in 1954. Dined on Yorkshire puddings and a liver thingy. Saw the second bit of a film about Saints Peter and Paul, like Monty Python's Life of Brian. Raymond 'Perry Mason' Burr played Herod Agrippa. Farcical. Papa slept throughout. We afterwards studied my grandmother Rhodes's birth certificate. Ruth Allen Upton. Could the father have been a Mr Allen? Sadly, we'll never know. We surrendered our room and retired at 12-ish. They have had a couple of _______ from Magdalen College Oxford staying at Waltergarth. A case of Waltergarth Revisited.

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Monday March 21, 1983

 Thunder, lightning, snow, hail, and rain. What a start to the first day of Spring. Ally went out to the bus stop and stood in the deluge. I stood at the window watching her. It was a heart rending sight, looking at her bedraggled and forlorn form.

The YP rotten. Sarah came down from her brainwashing course upstairs. Carol showing Margo how to classify the YP. ______.Carol was received in audience by Austin-Clarke this afternoon and she told him in no uncertain terms that she had been shoddily treated re her forthcoming departure. She is going on Friday and doesn't know whether or not to bring a wheelbarrow for the money. 

Didn't speak to Ally. Remiss of me. Left at 4. Bitterly cold. Snow fell this evening and when I looked out at 11:30 it was thick, white, and Christmas-card-like. Ally loves it.

News: Saw the Waleses 'down under' on the news. Prince William's favourite toy is a stuffed Koala. I am so cynical. When they go to India it will be a cuddly toy elephant, and in China a panda, and in Barnsley a red toy Arthur Scargill that shoots himself at the throw of a switch.  The Queen Mother and Princess Margaret arriving for a film premiere. PM looking trim and well. Other royal news: I have been reading the serialised memoirs of Princess Alice, Duchess of Gloucester. She skirts around important events with barely a mention and is bogged down with trivialities.

To bed at 11:30.

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