20250108

Tuesday January 22, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Cold and quiet. Dave Glynn phoned tonight but Ally and I were in the cellar, and when we phoned back Lily said that David has some bad news. He came on the blower to tell us that his grandfather died in the early hours of yesterday morning. He'd been right as rain on Sunday and had cooked breakfast as he always did. Dave heard grandad go to the loo after midnight (Dave was watching American football). Lily couldn't wake him in the morning and Dave went in to see him and found him with a smile upon his face, and very much at sleep. That's the way to go. The funeral is on Monday. 

-=-

Monday January 21, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

New Moon

Dad went to Horton leaving Mum at Sue's for the day. We had a stocktake. It was Rob. It is two weeks since the last one. We are £12 down and the loss is in the Old Brewery Bitter. I tip too much away, and certainly cannot return all the spillages to the barrel. Ron stayed to lunch and had the steak and kidney. Discussed 'flexi-hours' which we are going to have pushed down our throats at the coming managers' meeting. The Scottish experiment has been a success. Before becoming a pub landlord I found the licensing laws totally ludicrous for the 20th century, but now I am at the other side of the bar I am undecided. Mum and Dad came back after 8. Mum laughed that it was the latest she's been out since her 'operation'. Mum is worried about Sue's gynaecological problems. She is awaiting a letter from Charing Cross Hospital. It is Lynn's opinion that Susan should have no further children. Pub quiet. Dull pool match. Ally drove Maureen home. I watched Ronald Reagan been sworn in for a further four years. It was an indoor job because of the weather.

-=-

Sunday January 20, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

2nd Sunday after Epiphany

One of those days where we were all tetchy, plans were adrift, tempers flew, &c. To Menston and John's, but didn't get away until after 1pm. We left Mum in bed. Dad looking forlorn with the Sunday Telegraph on his knees. John's new house is filthy. He was very Churchillian in his boiler suit demolishing the kitchen. A podgy JPH was dismantling a spacecraft and watching 'Top of the Pops' videos. I joined him. Apparently, I'd arrived too late to do any work, but had a guided tour. Janette came back from the shops with a giggling Catherine, and Ally played with her on the floor. I sat, almost in a coma, with my coat pulled over my ears, looking out at the snow-capped roofs of Menston. Then on to Lynn's. Had a whisky and watched a Doris Day film. Frances was smacked and put to bed for naughtiness. Poor Katie was flinching and covering her eyes expecting to be similarly punished. At home at 5 Mum and Dad were 'frosty' to say the least and must have had a bad day together. They didn't speak for the rest of the evening, and when they don't speak neither do we. We dined on pork chops. Watched the TV series 'By the Sword Divided'. Not a pleasant evening. Samuel refused to sleep and screeched at regular intervals. Ally was too tired to prepare the food for the pub lunches and went to bed at 10:30. T stayed up bottling and did the till.

-=-


20250107

Saturday January 19, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Samuel had a lousy night and kept us awake at intervals. This broken night gave Ally a touch of the screaming Adolf Hitlers. The girl cannot miss out on her sleep. We went out at 9 and had Samuel photographed in his sailor suit at Boots. He looked a little toff. On to the pine shop on Burley Road where we spent £240 on bedside cabinets and a large chest of drawers. The salesperson looked like a painted doll. Ally did her very best to get some discount but the painted doll turned a deaf ear. I have never been comfortable bartering. Such an un-English thing to do. The flea markets and bazaars of Casablanca maybe, but not Kirkstall. We also went to Morrison's and spent £50 on nothing. 

Back at the Moorhouse for 1 o'clock we found found Mum very bright and bustling around making lunch as in days of yore. She says the day had begun very badly because she had broken down catching sight of her reflection in the bathroom mirror. It's so cruel that she should look so ghastly when she has always been so self-conscious. At 2 we ate stew and Yorkshire puds together whilst listening to organ music from the Royal Albert Hall by Nicholas Kynaston (a cassette from David Howard). Ally found it very morbid. 

Mabel, Marlene, Frank and Debbie came at 4. Samuel was flustered by it all and hid behind the furniture. We ate toasted teacakes, scotch pancakes, crumpets, and drank gallons of tea. Ally was exhausted and sloped around in a dressing gown and could not go to bed because Samuel was playing up. I was downstairs with Mavis until after 12. 

-=-


Friday January 18, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

John and Janette moved to Leathley Crescent this morning. Dad went to help, dropping Mum at Lynn's. __________. They returned after 6. Hilda had phoned just before they came in and she asked me if Mum could have any medical treatment at all, and I felt choked, and just gargled down the blower. ________. I went down and stood with Leonard (or 'FA' as he is known because he resembles the famous football cup of that name). Ally went to bed, but Samuel kept her awake.

-=-

Thursday January 17, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

We expected Donna Lea all day but she didn't materialise. This evening we were preparing for our Guiseley excursion when in walked John and Janette. Ally and I went downstairs under the pretext of waiting for Donna and after a decent interval we returned to the family to find them all silent and sitting uncomfortably. We  went to Sue's leaving them staring blankly at Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in 'Road to Rio'.   ____________.

At Sue's we found Lynn and Dave. I sat with Lynn on the settee and she cried buckets when I told her what conversation had passed between me and Dad last Thursday, and that he would live on alone at Waltergarth. What does she expect him to do? Lynn is so naive about life and death. Truly worrying. Move to a terrace house in Guiseley and mope around for the next 20 years? Sue looked slim and jovial, but is worried about her own condition and is undergoing tests. Chris was at a similar age to Ben now when she had that awful thing in Oct '82. John and Janette arrived and said that Mum had given them a 'rough ride' and Janette says she almost broke down at Mum's coldness. _______. The baby is due in July and they are going to live in unmarried bliss at Leathley Crescent, Menston, to where they flit tomorrow.  _________. We all did a good deal of drinking. I attacked the whisky with some gusto. Janette spoke of the harrowing aspects of cancer and recalled the gruelling deaths of people she has known. I did not find this helpful. We got home at 3am and cooked fish and chips. Both of us feel quite sick.

-=-


Wednesday January 16, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Mum had a very low day and stayed abed, refusing to get out. Dad was quiet and he didn't sit with her as he usually does. [Redaction].

Who should walk in at lunchtime but Graham John Dixon traveling from Doncaster and on his way to Manchester. He ate lunch and I stood swilling ale with him.

to Mabel's for tea. Samuel in his sailor suit. Thick snow everywhere. She spoke of Mum and spoke of faith in God. Dear auntie said she wishes she could take Mum's place. She is 16 years older. I sat like a cabbage eating lemon cake. Ally does most of the talking these days. We got home at about 6:30. Mum was still in bed. Mabel sent her a home grown daffodil.

I phoned Susan to say we would definitely go to Guiseley tomorrow because John and Janette are coming here to give their news to Mum and Dad. She said she would speak to John about his approach to Mama during the day tomorrow because he's going to Thorpe Lane to build a wardrobe.

Down in the bar I sat with Harold. Rob Piper came in. We are going with him and Kath to the managers meeting on January 28. Upstairs we ate cockles and mussels. Mum, laying wide awake in bed, says Dad has been out cold since 9:30.

-=-

20250105

Tuesday January 15, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Snow falling. Horribly cold.

Princess Michael is 40. She says she is known as 'MC' in the family and not as 'Our Val'. MC is of course Marie-Christine.

Mum pottered about in the kitchen making sheep's head broth and dumplings. It is an old Wilson family recipe and now more or less extinct because sheep's heads, like cod roes, are scarce. A great pity. The pub was quiet. Three old men supping ice-cold mild in sub-zero temperatures. We ate at 2. Afterwards Ally and I went out with Samuel and scaled Dewsbury Rd in arctic conditions to buy cod roes and other provisions. Samuel refused to wear gloves and had blue fingers. 

Ally went down and opened the pub at 5:30 and I went down at 8. We sat with Harold Wilkinson and Co. talking about regional dialects, and way that all Londoners think that Yorkshiremen 'work down't pit', eat tripe and onions and wear clogs on the cobbled streets, &c. 

Dad sat reading the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. He suggested to Mum that we might visit Auntie Mabel tomorrow, but she says she isn't up to it. Later I phoned auntie and she said they might come here at the weekend. Watched 'Edgar Wallace' until 12:30 and ate cheese and biscuits. Still no word from John and Janette. Little buggers.

-=-


Monday January 14, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Snow has fallen through the night and the moor looks like Gstaad today. Ally took Samuel out to the bank and the market at 9. Poor Maureen downstairs has had one hell of a weekend. Sam (her husband) suffered a heart attack in Rotherham on Friday night, only a mild one, but she's been traveling back and forth visiting. His singing days are numbered. 

Samuel's confidence is growing and he can totter around the lounge from one end to the other. He no longer looks like a baby especially in his short sleeved shirt. He looks like a boy. He brightens our day. God knows how glum we would all be if we didn't have him tottering around. Dave G has sent Sam a birthday card containing a £5 note. The proud godfather doing his duty. Donna Lea has spoken to Ally re toilet paper, &c. She might call in on Thursday evening. We have a list of things for her. 

Pool night. Six players. Christmas has made a mess of our routine 'games night'. Samuel woke at 10:30 and so Maureen had to walk home in the snow. The boy had a bad night, and so did we.

-=-

Sunday January 13, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

1st Sunday after Epiphany

News: Janette discovered on Thursday that she is pregnant. The news was whispered to Ally by Lynn in the midst of Samuel's party.

Mum and Samuel.
Our so-called 'day off'. I refer to is as an Irish day off because it is always busier than on a working day. Ally did a pile of washing and I cleaned out a greasy fryer. Then, who should appear but Hilda and Tony and little Hayley. We also expected John and Janette, to come break their news to Mum and Dad, but they didn't appear. Hilda and Tony stayed a couple of hours and the four of them messed around smelling each others hair after Mum had remarked that Dad's hair smelled 'doggy'. Her sense of smell is suddenly very acute. Mum asked after the health of Ruby's son-in-law to be told that he is having radium treatment and is very poorly. Hayley played with our wide-eyed Samuel and they both danced 'Ring a Ring 'o Roses' with Dad. We had a corned beef hash, and I scalded my knees with boiling lard making Yorkshire puddings and dancing around in the kitchen minus my trousers. I could easily become a naked chef. Mum was 'low' after her sister's departure. Her appetite is shocking.

-=-

Saturday January 12, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Mum: Jan, 1985

Samuel Lawrence Dixon Rhodes is one year old today. We are very proud parents. A busy morning. Ally opened Samuel's presents and cards in Mum and Dad's bedroom and we all sang 'Happy Birthday To You'. A bitterly cold day and I took Samuel out in his pushchair to Grandways to buy vol au vent cases and frozen sausage rolls. The little boy slumbered peacefully in his bright yellow snow suit. Back at the Moorhouse Ally met me to say Auntie Hilda had just phoned Mum, and she'd broken down afterwards. We made sandwiches and mushroom vol au vent and pottered around until 2.  After his sleep Samuel was dressed in his sailor suit to receive his guests at 2:30. Lynn and Sue and Co. A splendid tea. Samuel blew out the candles on his sticky cake, and then all the other children had a turn. Little Katie was sat with a large slice of boiled ham glued over her face, like a mask. Mum surprised the girls by her brightness and they thought she looks so much better than on Jan 2. Sam was mesmerized by his cousins. Dad, so good at parties, organised a game of 'cowboys and Indians'. It all fell apart by about 6pm. Downstairs, Karen, Steve, Jill and Tim came at 9 o'clock. Jill, pregnant, looked remarkably well but suffers from morning sickness and was violently sick over one of the mighty stone lions protecting the entrance of Leeds Town Hall recently. They went upstairs, but in pairs, to see Mum and Dad, who went to bed at 12. Our guests stayed until about 2 and the lads disposed of the birthday party left-overs. I went through the dictionary with Jill selecting suitable boys christian names. Her baby is due on July 12.

-=-

Friday January 11, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Out this morning into town to swap things at Marks and Spencers. Bought our son a pair of blue shoes for £8.99. Daylight bloody robbery.

Mr Tebbit has returned to work, three months after the Brighton bomb. Samuel Rhodes is growing in confidence on his feet and spends more and more time tottering around. Hard to believe he is one year-old tomorrow. 

Mum has made it quite clear she wants to say at the Moorhouse and not return to Swaledale or Guiseley. However, the brewery won't like the idea of us taking in lodgers, but we'll keep our cards close to our chest and not inform them. I do not want Rob Piper knowing because the dear boy is such a blabber-mouth. 

Ally stayed upstairs tonight, cleaning furiously. Cousin Sam appeared and asked about seeing Dad and he went away long-faced when I said he wasn't coming downstairs and into the pub tonight. Mum was watching a James Garner film. Ally and I do a good deal of whispering in corners these days.

-=-

Thursday January 10, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

A horrible, sad day. A quiet lunchtime in the pub. At 1:30 Dad and I set off for Horton and from the start our emotions were damp to say the least. It was getting away from Mum, you see. We didn't have to keep smiles on our faces and we both blubbered in the Renault on the drive up. We stopped at the Anchor Inn at Gargrave for a pint of Theakston's. Dad spoke of the future. He will stay on at Waltergarth regardless, and carry on with bed and breakfasts without Mum. The sight of Pen-y-Ghent shrouded in snow was quite beautiful. The house, in darkness, was so sad. I was choked. I haven't ever seen the house without Mum bustling around. The neighbour Frances appeared and as she was leaving a woman phoned to book a week in August, and I had to tell her we could take no bookings due to Mum's illness. At this I crumbled. We packed up Mum's clothes. A nightmare. We left at 5:30 and returned to Club Street, then stopped off at the White Cross for a drink. Home for 6:30. Mum was bright. She had mixed some pancake mixture for her evening repast. Mum and Dad offered to baby-sit and Ally and I went over to the Butcher's Arms at Pudsey at 8:30. Saw Phil (of Phil and Denise fame), and then my cousin, Derek Myers. On at 10:30 to Jacomelli's on Boar Lane (Leeds) for T-bone steaks and a bottle of wine. Quite pissed. Ally says that Sarh phoned at 2 to say that a couple had been to the front desk at the YP asking for me. But who?

-=-


20250103

Wednesday January 9, 1985

Sailor Samuel.

 Moorhouse Inn

Mum and Dad got up and decided to to to Guiseley for the day to see Sue. ______. Mum borrowed Ally's pearl necklace to adorn her precious throat. Lots of kisses goodbye and off they went. They returned this evening and looked exhausted after lunching with Sue and dining with Lynn. They had a good day, and both girls had been delighted to see them. Dad says these outings are very important because Mum needs exercise. Sitting too long makes her lethargic. We decided to drive to Horton tomorrow to collect more clothes for Mum. Her wardrobe consists of Lynn's large maternity clothes, a wrinkled pinafore dress and boots.

We went into town and spent a fortune buying clothes for Samuel at Schofield's. Lots didn't fit, but we found a sailor suit which fits to perfection. Back at home for tea Samuel was showing off his new outfit and suddenly set off and WALKED HIS FIRST UNAIDED STEPS. A miraculous sight. Our squeals of delight penetrated down to Maureen in the tap room. You should have seen the beam on his little face. Ally stood ironing tonight and I went down at intervals to see Audrey. 

-=-

Tuesday January 8, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Dray day. It came at about 9 o'clock. Ally did the bar at 11, and then from 5:30. She seems to be avoiding me, but says she's leaving me to be with Mum and Dad. Auntie Mabel phoned this morning and spoke to Ally. She has finally been discharged from hospital care ten years after her mastectomy. She asked Ally to pass this news on to Mum, but instead she told Dad who for some reason kept the news to himself. It seems that Mum is to be cocooned from any news these days and I am sure it is very wrong. 

Rob Piper came in at lunch full of cold. He had two large sandwiches and I told him about Mum. He says he has been obsessed by the thoughts of death recently and that he now drives slower on the roads and suffers from attacks of severe morbidity. It is his great age. He is 33. We promised to go see them at the Butchers Arms on Thursday.

A very overpowering health visitor came to look at Samuel and declared him to be perfection. It was a waste of time really.

Quiet tonight/ Saw a chunk of 'Gregory's Girl' on Channel 4. A sloppy tale of adolescent love. Mum enjoyed it. A few beers downstairs with Ally. Audrey worked. 

-=-

Monday January 7, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Cold. Snow lying here. Dad walked with Mum across Hunslet Moor for 10 minutes and I watched them from the kitchen window. It was very touching. 

We had a stocktake. A £3 deficit over a 48 day period and £15,000 takings. Very good.

Princess Margaret had an operation yesterday on her left lung and the bulletin says tissue was removed which is benign. They would say this though, wouldn't they? Here we are watching the lunchtime news and the possibility that Princess Margaret has cancer and Mum sits there apparently oblivious to her own condition. I have been reading about Princess Michael of Kent in the Sunday Telegraph. She is 40 next week.

Dead again downstairs. Had a handful of folk in tonight for the pool knockout and we provided the usual sandwiches. Kitty, the old crow, wanted pork pie, and so I purposely avoided her. I am like that. I only give pork pie to people I'm especially fond of. 

Ally opened up from 5:30._______. We have seriously talked about another baby. Samuel needs a sibling. He is obsessed by other babies.

-=-

Sunday January 6, 1985

 Epiphany

Moorhouse Inn

Princess Margaret has gone into a London hospital for tests. The Brompton specialises in lung and heart problems. The TV news tells us that the princess smokes 40 cigs a day, and drinks gin by day and Scotch by night. Poor Princess Margaret. She never has any luck. At 54 she has that drawn look so reminiscent of her father King George VI. 

Lynn, David and girls called in during the afternoon. We had a quiet day upstairs with Mum and Dad and after Samuel's departure to bed we had roast beef and Yorkshire puds, &c off Minton china. Mum did very well and managed to eat a moderate portion. She has been cheerful today and determined to be brave for our benefit, I am sure. It cuts Dad to pieces to see Mum upset.

-=-

Saturday January 5, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds

Mum had a very low day and sat in her chair weeping __________. Uncle John phoned and spoke to Dad.  She is worried about possible visitors. She only wants to see people whom she loves and who love her.

Our Christmas decorations came down today. Auntie Hilda phoned to say that Jill is three months pregnant. Joyous news. John and Janette came this afternoon (and drank lemonade!). Ally was out shopping. They talked about washing machines and passed furtive glances to each other when Mum told them of Jill's pregnancy.

-=-

20250102

Friday January 4, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Gentleman David's funeral. His girlfriend, a Mrs MacDermott, came here at 2:30 with a party of funeral attendees and we gave them sandwiches and coffee for £12. Ally was embarrassed to give Mrs MacD the bill and so I had to perform the task. They drank off Jessie Lapsley's china. I felt rough and shivery, no doubt going down with something. I stayed upstairs for as long as possible tonight but went down on the look-out for soccer rowdies because Leeds Utd are playing at home this evening (against Everton?). I sat in a corner looking like death warmed up. The customers were still eating David's funeral sandwiches this evening. Cousin Sam appeared and sat with us. He has been decorating for a week. He gave Uncle Harry a set of keys to his house - as a Christmas present.

-=-

Thursday January 3, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Katie Baker is two. Ally took Samuel over to Guiseley this afternoon to Lynn's where she's having a tea party. I snoozed on the settee which was pushed up to the gas fire. Mum and Dad sat holding hands together. Ally came back at 5 o'clock with a tale that Janette had seen a doctor who told her she must be pregnant, when in fact she isn't. _____________ .

-=-

Wednesday January 2, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Bank Holiday in Scotland

Mum and Dad's birthday. Mum's 50th. They came back here this afternoon and it was agony watching Mum puffing and panting climbing the stairs to the flat. We gave a party this evening and the family came over with presents and cards. Mum has developed a craving for seafood, particularly for crab meat. We had no prawns in the freezer and sent Audrey home to inspect her pantry without success. Janette and I went to the Junction and then the club in search of cockles and mussels but came back empty handed. Mum's appetite is adrift. They all left at 11 and we went to Mum and Dad's room and sat on the bed reminiscing about times gone by. Earl Stevens, &c. We didn't take note of the passage of time and we found ourselves wallowing in nostalgia until after one.

-=-

Tuesday January 1, 1985

 New Year's Day - Bank Holiday in UK

Moorhouse Inn

The usual ghastly hangover. Bloody hell, Maureen didn't turn in and at 10:30 Ally and I were downstairs mopping and polishing. My hair was standing on end & I thought that the end of the world was upon us. We didn't go to bed until 5am. Sue is an angel. She took Samuel and gave him his breakfast and looked after the boy as Ally and I struggled below. Janette sat almost on top of the gas fire shivering. She really should see a doctor. Sam Snr came in with Uncle H fresh from Majorca. He gave us a Don Quixote wooden statue. Spain, he says, was cold and bleak. Audrey was dancing around in the bar - if not pissed then in very high spirits. We all had scampi for lunch and then the family left us in peace. I opened up at 5:30 but didn't see a customer until about 7. Maureen worked tonight and took a lot of hammer for 'knocking' this morning. Phoned Mum this afternoon.

-=-

Monday December 31, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

New Year's Eve is upon us. Ally fuming at the lack of interest in our so-called party. Peter phoned to say they cannot get transport and so we volunteered to go to Guiseley and collect them  which we did at 4. _____Back here we opened up at 7, and the evening proved quiet and was a typical Monday evening. Jacq Sate came in with the Winston Churchill look-alike. Both dressed as Romany gypsies and went on to a party on York Rd. She landed me a smacking kiss on the way out. I tried to tell Jacq that Mum is very poorly, but it didn't seem to sink in. Lynn, Dave, John, Janette, Sue, Pete, Marlene and Frank &c, all gathered. It was a very low key affair. Mum was only mentioned when absolutely necessary. Frank, sadly spoke of 'auntie Nora' possibly phoning with a new year message, but we know she won't be. I locked the pub door at 11:30, locking in the regulars, and Robert Millar stood guard at the door. Ally carried food downstairs, and we had a festive celebration. The tap room was dead. Three old men singing 'Auld Lang Syne' together. The lounge lot seemed jovial enough. Just the family went upstairs at 1am to attack our private booze supply. Sue desperately wanted to go to bed but we made her sit with us and drink brandy. We all talked about Mum, nobody wept, and we were very level headed about it. Lynn and Dave slept in the bunks in the office. Sue and Peter had a double bed with Christopher. John and Janette had the settee. She still isn't well. So, a year which began so full of magic has ended in tragedy and despair. God knows what '85 will bring. Poor Mother.

-=-

Sunday December 30, 1984

 1st Sunday after Christmas

Moorhouse Inn

Auntie Mabel phoned and we had a long, chatty conversation. Hilda phoned too and was glad to hear that Mum and Dad are having a quiet weekend at Horton. Later, I phoned Horton. Dad was trying to persuade Mum to eat some roast chicken. Dad says the house is damp, cold and forbidding and they want to be back with us as soon as possible. He loves Waltergarth and the village, that is easily observed, and yet for some reason Mum, he says, is very bitter about the place. She enjoyed guest house life at first but this year has been disillusioned and recently yearning for Guiseley. Poor Pine Tops. How convenient would that be now. Nightmare, a bloody nightmare.

-=-

Saturday December 29, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Uncle Albert died 15 years ago today. Mum and Dad got up early and went to Airedale Hospital where Mum saw Mr Hall and her stitches removed quite painlessly. I had an awful day after they had gone and wept hopelessly at the little things. I had been brave and void of hysterical emotion whilst they were here. ________. Drank a lot of whisky. Ally did the ironing and scurried around like a washer woman. Mavis worked this evening and I ran up and down the stairs to see Ally and top up with Bell's Whisky. Phoned everyone. David didn't put me on to Lynn because she was far away in a distant corner of the house. Do they perhaps live in Blenheim Palace, or what? He told me they'd been with friends last night to the Menston Arms and was surprised when I told him that Mum and Dad have returned to Horton. We were going to have a family party for New Year's Eve, but now Lynn and Dave might stay away -- 'We only wanted to come see Mum and Dad' was the remark. Susan is of a similar opinion, but John will come. Ally stood fuming over her ironing board.....

-=-

Friday December 28, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

I am compiling this by candle light, dear reader. We neglected the pub today, again. I do not feel guilty. We are 'coddling' Mum, as Dad says. Ally feels cold and shivery and she sat huddled on the settee. Tonight we all watched TV together, Mum and Dad holding hands by the fireside. Watched a ridiculous 'Miss Marple' play and I didn't go down to the bar until the very end. Mum stayed up to watch Barry Manilow. I find him quite horrific. This was followed by a chunk of 'Brief Encounter', Frankenstein and Count Dracula. I watched the horror films alone, clutching a glass of whisky and with a box of Milk Tray upon my knees.

-=-

Thursday December 27, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

We are still sitting around in festive paper party hats cracking nuts and scoffing chocolates. I never get the chance to speak to Papa in private and I do not know whether he thinks Mum is progressing, if at all. Her appetite is non-existent now. At lunchtime Auntie Hilda and Uncle Tony appeared and seemed stunned by Mum's appearance. Mum sat in a high-backed chair, her long, thin fingers resting on the arms. Hilda seemed to fix her eyes on them for ages, aghast at the yellowness. Mum was bright and laughing and drank several Beachcomber Creams. She now finds alcohol distasteful. Lynn, Dave and the children came in and Mum promptly went to bed. They had been to the 'January Sales' in Leeds. _________. I showed Hilda to the door and she looked quite dreadful and asked: "We are never going to have any results from these tests, are we, Michael." I shrugged and shuffled from foot to foot in the cold. The afternoon had taken it's toll on Mum's strength and for the rest of the day she was weary.

-=-

Wednesday December 26, 1984

Moorhouse Inn

A quiet day. It was hardly worth opening. Mum and Dad stayed in bed late. She became more hideously yellow this afternoon, even her scalp where the yellow glowed through her hair. We went down to see Audrey in the bar but I came back upstairs at 2 and lay on the bed chatting to Mum. We ate a carbon-copy Christmas lunch at 3:30. Ally cracked a tooth on the Christmas pudding which had become brittle being over-cooked in the microwave. The piece of tooth hit the table with a crack and then disappeared. Archie came in pissed tonight and I gave him a few harsh words and off he went in a huff. A quiet gloomy evening.

-=-

Tuesday December 25, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Christmas Day. Up bright and cheerful, 'O Come All Ye Faithful' blasting away on the stereo followed by Nat King Cole which choked me a bit. Mum was up and dressed in red and wearing a party hat for 10 o'clock when Lynn, Dave, Sue and Peter arrived with their multitude of offspring. Samuel was stunned at the sight of all the other children ripping open presents and playing with Christmas wrapping paper. We opened the pub from 11 until 1, and the day downstairs felt like a Sunday lunch type of day and wasn't over-festive. We were upstairs again by 2 o'clock and all the others left us, departing to Guiseley, and leaving us in peace. Mum cannot really cope with too much activity. I suppose it's very frustrating for her. Just as we sat down to lunch at 3 John and Janette came in with the children, except Hannah of course. Mum ate a good dinner but we didn't do anything too heavy. Turkey, new potatoes, asparagus, &c. We watched the Queen and then switched the box off. The TV is a nuisance at Christmas. The Queen spoke of family and showed a clip of the royal christening from last Friday (Prince Harry). A hoo-ha apparently because Princess Anne wasn't asked to be a godmother and so instead she went out to shoot rabbits on her Gatcombe Park estate. What rot. Collapsed after dinner. Mum becomes snappy on an afternoon, and realises this but can do nothing about it. Janette got her head bitten off for calling Dad 'Dad'. 'He's not your Dad', she growled. _________. Mum drifted back to bed at intervals. Dad was very pleased at the amount of lunch she consumed because her appetite is now non-existent. When Mum is out of the room Dad becomes very emotional. We gave them a Sam Chadwick print of Pen-y-Ghent and he knows exactly where it was painted from in Horton. F & B phoned and we all chattered. They sent us a gold carriage clock and we spent ages trying to get it to go. The battery was dead. A blissful evening with our feet up eating chocolates and drinking. I snored in an armchair for an hour or so. Mum enjoyed a sip of something called 'Beachcomber Cream' . By 11 we were all bushed. Dad and I had a pile of salmon sandwiches after Mum and Ally had retired and he very touched at our Christmas together and despite the sadness we all have etched upon us it has been a Christmas day of peace and thankfulness because we are so fearful of what next year might bring.

-=-


Monday December 24, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Christmas Eve, and strange as it may seem it wasn't horrible. Out to the shops at dawn to buy booze, poultry and more booze. The car groaned beneath the vast weight. Ally went out again at 11, and I blew up balloons to festoon the tap room. Mum phoned to say they'd be with us for 12, and they did just that. Mum negotiated the stairs and puffed and panted to the top. We sat in the sun drenched lounge eating salmon sandwiches from the Minton china. Well, why not. Mum looked shocking in the afternoon. It is so good to have them here. The greatest Christmas present we could have asked for. Let us hope to God it won't be Mum's last. Life without Mum will be one Hell of a lot gloomier. It isn't until something like this happens that you realise how much you like your life for the other people in it. I have always done things to please her. The void will be unbearable. We only have one mother, don't we? Not hideously busy in the bars. I kept nipping upstairs this evening. Placido Domingo or Pavarotti was on the telly. It is a shock for me to see Mum slumped in a chair with no energy or bounce. Will she ever regain strength or is this the beginning of her deterioration? 

-=-

Sunday December 23, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Frances Baker.
We phoned Lynn and arranged to meet David at Club Street at 2:30 to collect our double bed. This all went to schedule and we were back at the Moorhouse for 4. David helped me erect it, and we put up bunk beds in the office for any Christmas visitors. Ally had an enlightening time around our (Christmas) tree with Frances. After studying it for a while (the tree) Frances exclaimed: "They are very big balls ... but not as big as ours ...". It's the Tranmere syndrome, you know. She also spotted crumbs on the floor and asked if they were from Samuel's lunch, but then said "Oh no, they can't be because lunch was such a long time ago." Katie is very sweet and seems to be in her own private little world. Lynn didn't come and was at home. I am numb with shock. At times I go into uncontrollable fits of shaking and break down crying, and at other times I can talk about Mum quite calmly. I feel guilty smiling and laughing with customers. Mum's life is over at 50.

-=-

Saturday December 22, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

New Moon

We decided today to go back to Airedale Hospital to see Mum but as We were steaming about she phoned to say they are releasing her for Christmas and asks if she can still come here as originally planned. What joy. This really put the Christmas spirit back into us. We went to Airedale. Dad was elated that Mum can 'go home' as he put it, although at the mention of Waltergarth she turned up her nose saying it will not be very festive at Horton-in-Ribblesdale. Poor Mum is hideously yellow, but we no longer mention it. All the joking about it has gone. Dad gave us £20 to contribute to the Christmas fayre which I took reluctantly. We have decided to bring our bed from Club Street. Mum finds it comfortable.


Friday December 21, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

A party for the bar staff tonight. We have to keep going. I smoke and drank like a fish. Do fish drink? My knowledge of fish isn't good. They might not even smoke either. It was only staff and Karma & Co, John, Janette, Tina, and Sam Rhodes Snr. Very late night and we ended upstairs listening to records. Janette was violently sick, but not because of booze. Apparently she has a kidney disorder. The girl refuses to visit a doctor. Very foolish.

-=-

Thursday December 20, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

In the midst of this grief we are expected to make Christmas dinners for the public. We go about like automatons. Today I decided not to cry because we are seeing Mum this evening and I am drained. We went to John's at 5pm via Marlene's where we deposited Samuel. The Harwoods asked no questions, but looks say it all. With John & Janette to Airedale (Hospital). We found Dad in the day room making whoopee with the nurses having a seasonal fuddle. He took us to Mum's room. She was very yellow and in bed wrapped in a blue woolly cardigan and exceedingly cheerful. The conversation was superficial. She explained the rudiments of Ludo and Postman's Knock to an innocent Janette and chattered about anything but her illness or situation. The terrible thing is that she has to stay in hospital for Christmas. It could be her last Christmas. Dad kept up his usual jovial banter, but he must be going through Hell. He told Mr Hall, on being given the news, that 'you have just shattered our family'. Mum did appear frail, but where does her operation end and her illness begin? After lots of kisses we left at 8:30. Mum told us she had seen an announcement in the local paper that Edith Blackwell had died on Dec. 4th. 'Poor old Edith', she kept repeating. My mother will never be old. I feel eaten away inside.

-=-

20250101

Wednesday December 19, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Last night we called in on Auntie Mabel before going to Guiseley. She was very optimistic about Mum and wouldn't accept our bulletin that she is 'very poorly'. Dad has decided to tell no one of the seriousness of Mum's condition. We are told we can say her condition is serious but the word 'cancer' is outlawed. Mabel spoke of God and of having faith, &c. She says Hilda has been phoning throughout the day with nothing but doom and gloom. We cannot convince Mabel that Hilda's fears are so much closer to the truth. _________. On to Hilda's but they were at Macro, and we saw Diane. We called back at Hilda's at midnight. Samuel slept on the settee and they gave us a stiff drink but Mum was barely touched upon but by the look on her face  we can see that she knows.

-=-

Tuesday December 18, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

John took Dad to see Mr Hall at 7:30am and he told him no more than what he told him so bluntly on the phone yesterday. Dad stayed until 9pm with Mum. She was expecting to see gallstones in a jar next to the bed and was told they had 'crumbled to nothing' in the operation . Dad says she just gave Mr Hall a long, hard look, but said nothing. He did tell her that she has a 'tumour' and that they are sending tissues for tests, when in actuality they are going to do nothing, because nothing can be done. 

(large redaction).

I am at a complete and utter loss.

-=-

Monday December 17, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

The worst day of my life. Nervous all day about Mum's operation and she phoned bravely in the morning to say she was already on a drip and ready for the surgeon at 2pm. We had to cook and be friendly downstairs when all day our thoughts were with Mum and Dad. Dad went to Sue's to await the result. I phoned him at 3 and said something silly which made him break down. He is wallpapering Sue's loo to take his mind off things. We were having tea later at 4:30 or so when Dad phoned and he seemed cold and without emotion and told us that the news is bad and that Mum has cancer in her stomach, liver and pancreas. I dropped the phone and went into the kitchen crying. Ally screamed and when she picked up the phone Dad couldn't speak. I fell onto the bed. (Large emotional segment redacted). Ally asked Audrey to open the bar and we drove to Guiseley. _________________. Dad went to Airedale at 7:30 where Mum is conscious and oblivious to her condition. Dad will see Mr Hall at 7:30am tomorrow. 

-=-

Sunday December 16, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

3rd Sunday in Advent

We slept until the phone rang at 8:45. It was a nurse from Airedale (hospital) summoning Dad to see Mr Hall at 10am. He went off leaving me in a state of turmoil. What could have happened? Ally went to Linfood and I did my cellar work. Mum phoned at 11 to say Hall only wanted to see Dad to tell him they're operating on Monday at 2pm and that they are 90 per cent certain that the blockage in a drain to the liver is a dislodged gall-stone. Ninety per cent isn't good enough though. I cannot share Mum's calmness. How brave she is. We phoned her this evening to wish her luck for tomorrow. She was nervous. Who wouldn't be? Jill and Tim came here.

-=-

Saturday December 15, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Fog. To Bradford where we collected books to take to Mum in Airedale Hosp. (She phoned this morning to say the gall bladder op is fixed for Monday or Wednesday, and we told her we'd visit this afternoon. She asked Ally to buy her a nightie, en route). We arrived at 2pm and Mum was waiting for us at a large window and stood waving down. God Bless her. She is in a tiny little room, with a colour TV, loo, and personal consultant on stand by. Poor Mum looked thinner, and bright yellow. We stayed for almost two hours chatting by the bedside. Dad joined us after about 10 minutes and he came in carrying a couple of cream cakes and the newspapers. Mum talked about the poor Bucks Fizz singer lying in a coma, and went with Samuel to look at the hospital Christmas decorations. She and Dad waved us goodbye and we drove away feeling sad. She is such a real brick about it all. To Lynn's where we argued about visiting Mum on Christmas day. They don't seem to think it's a priority. They annoyed us by talking about Pam's fancy dress party set for tonight and how drunk they will all be. _________. Dad came to Guiseley at 10 and immediately worried me by saying that the surgeon is now saying that the problem is not just gall stones and that a recent x-ray reveals 'something else'. He talked about Mildred Werrett, who was yellow before she died of cancer in 1978, and he sat giving us long and soulful looks. Oh God. Mum is seriously ill, I think. To bed late. I cried myself into oblivion. Very fearful.

-=-

Friday December 14, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Uncle Tony's birthday. King George VI's birthday. Mikhail Gorbachev is visiting Britain, &c. I cannot write much. Pie and Pea evening. A dead one. Samuel was awake when we wanted to go to bed. Recently we've been too tired to deal with him in the middle of the night and he's been ending up in the middle of the bed with us. We are going to see Mum if not tomorrow then Sunday. She seems exceptionally cheerful and one would think she was speaking from Waltergarth. Sadly, she says she'll be in hospital for Christmas and therefor cannot be festive here. Mr Hall says the gall bladder will have to go next week.

-=-

Thursday December 13, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Sam doesn't sleep as easily as he used to and our days, and nights of tranquillity are surely numbered. We have another 'Christopher' on our hands.  Cousin Sam appeared and he showed me a letter from Uncle H. He'll be here on December 22 before flying off to spend Yuletide in Majorca. I have instructions to inform Papa of this information, but I do not think he will act on it.

-=-

Wednesday December 12, 1984

Moorhouse Inn

Mum goes to hospital. Susan phoned  and gave us Mum's private extension phone number and when Ally and I went down at 8 we phoned and found her cheerful and bubbly. Picking up her phone she said: 'Good evening. The Hilton Hotel.' She says she is in a nice little room with a colour TV, and on a quiet ward. This puts our minds at rest. I couldn't stand the thought of her wailing down the phone. She places much confidence in Dr Hall, the consultant. She finds him likeable though I suspect he's quite used to buttering up to middle-aged ladies in hospital beds. 

Rob Piper appeared. He had heard that Ally had been violently sick outside the Brown Hare after the works 'do'. We put him straight. Had a few drinks. Taff and Carol were in after their daughter's funeral. What a peculiar little Welshman he is. Afterwards Ally and I sat by the Christmas tree slurping those sticky little drinks one associates with Christmas. Late to bed.

-=-

Tuesday December 11, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

We have two Christmas trees. A small rooted one in the downstairs lounge (from Club St) and a large six footer upstairs which took me hours of labouring to erect. Samuel isn't too bothered by it, and is probably too young to appreciate it. The balls are very much a temptation though for him. 

Lunchtimes are dead. All staying home saving for next week's festivities, eh? 

-=-

Monday December 10, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Mum saw the Mr Hall, the surgeon, at Keighley at 10am and phoned later to say that she has to go into Airedale (hospital) for tests on Wednesday and may be in for a week or so. She is going to the private clinic at Airedale. They have been in BUPA or something similar since Dad was a PC. Poor Mum will have to be very brave. She will be fifty next month and has never spent a night in a hospital bed. We were all born on home ground, and her visits to hospitals have been as a visitor only. Don't want to write any more. I do worry about poor Mum. I love her deeply.

-=-

Sunday December 9, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

2nd Sunday in Advent

We festooned the pub in Yuletide finery with the Harwoods and Auntie Mabel this afternoon. They arrived at about 1pm. Mabel brought Samuel a present for Christmas, whispering that he is the only member of the extended family to be so honoured. Flagrant favouritism is a dominant factor in auntie's character. Mum phoned at 4 to say she has to go to Airedale Hospital tomorrow to see a consultant regarding her gall-bladder bother. This came as something of a shock to Mabel, who had no idea she was even ill. Mum doesn't want a fuss making and is obsessive about hiding her 'yellowness'. Upstairs tied out at 6. Sam was black bright. See the TV. 'Tenko' &c.

-=-

Saturday December 8, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds

Full Moon

Ally cleaned furiously because Lynn has promised to come here today and she cannot be expected to be subjected to the sight of our porridge-spattered lounge. Samuel is very much into modern art. His favourite medium is breakfast cereal which he arranges beautifully on carpets and soft furnishings. I began the day with a bad head, but don't know why. Decorators came to size up the place. Honeysuckle ceilings and rose-red walls, &c. Anything will be better than the present miserable grime. Ally took Samuel to the shops and he came back with hair all wild like Ken Dodd. Lynn and Dave arrived at 3:10 as the pub closed. The bustled in after spending the afternoon in a furniture warehouse. Lynn hasn't been here since July 22. David played with our malfunctioning Christmas lights and he took me to Morrison's to buy cables to extend our illuminations. _____________. They stayed to tea and left at 6, vaguely saying they will come for a night in January. Lynn told Ally that she doesn't ask Mum anything about her illness because it is too upsetting. Lynn buries her head in the sand. Dead evening. Bernie (McCarron) was pissed.

-=-

Friday December 7, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn, Leeds

More bad news today. Michael Pirie's mother, Edith, dropped dead last night after returning from Aberdeen. Once again the pub is plunged into morbid reflection. This does nothing for our pie and pea sales. The Piries are returning to lodge with Audrey. Needless to say, the Egans were in sipping brandy and discussing the futility of life, &c. Ally took a call from a wailing female in Chapel Allerton Hospital announcing that 'Old Gentleman David', a regular and a pain, is also on his last legs. It is too much. I will have to quickly erect the Christmas tree to cheer everyone up.

-=-


Tuesday January 22, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn Cold and quiet. Dave Glynn phoned tonight but Ally and I were in the cellar, and when we phoned back Lily said that David has...