Saturday April 6, 1985

 5, Club Street, Lidget Green

Little Frances is 4. Fine day. Hideously hungover. I went and lay on Mum's bed. She was breathing very heavily as though she was fighting. She smiled and remarked that I was laid in a very similar position 30 years ago too. 

We packed and left at 10:30. Samuel, so very well behaved. A jolt saying goodbye to Mum. On the journey south I was sick on the hard shoulder of the M1. Last night's steak au poivre and broccoli. To Winchester without a break. A sunny arrival at about 3pm. Bessie was gardening. We had tea and cake. She doesn't go over the top or go bananas on seeing Samuel. She believes in re-introducing herself to her grandson very gradually. 

Tonight we had a turkey dinner. I phoned Dad. To bed very early.

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Friday April 5, 1985

 5 Club Street, Lidget Green, Bradford

Good Friday. My 30th birthday. Who would have ever thought it would be such a day? We woke up on the floor at Club St. Sleeping bags, &c. I took my birthday cards upstairs and we sat opening them on Mum & Dad's bed. Samuel loves singing 'happy birthday'. He always thinks it's for him. Mum's card was very touching with such weak handwriting. These anniversaries are a strain for her. The next big one is June 19. God knows what will be happening by then. I walked out to the bakery and bought two dozen hot cross buns. A good breakfast. We walked out with Samuel investigating Lidget Green. I steered clear of our usual haunt - the old cemetery.

My birthday visitors.

TV this afternoon. Bliss. Just flopped down in armchairs. Mum struggled out of bed at 5. I took some photographs. The others came here at 8. John and Janette last at 8:30. To the 'Fire Brigade' pub - awful Tetley's. Then at 9:30 to Mamma Mia's Pizzeria on Manningham Lane. The eight of us crammed around two very tiny tables. An excellent intimate dinner. Lashings of vino. Lynn appalled at my Bacchanalian attitude. ____. The Italian waiter came out with a small, round chocolate cake. All back to Club Street. I was violently sick on the garden wall. Went up to see Mum who was asleep and drugged. Downstairs I broke down and wept.

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Thursday April 4, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Our holiday is here. Andrew Snowden came breezing in at 9, and got in the way a good deal. His mother came too, puffing on a Woodbine. She'll be wearing the trousers. Mick Thompson did the stocktake and gave us a £15 surplus. We escaped at 1 o'clock in a packed car. Samuel buried beneath piles of clothing. To Club St. We left Samuel with Dad and went to buy Easter eggs for Mum for her grandchildren. Dad enjoys playing with Samuel.

Rain later. We watched TV. The Queen distributing Maundy Money at Ripon today.

Sit on Mum's bed. We say very little to each other. We just look. I ger choked for something to say.

Tonight we just festered in front of the TV. We watched 'Minder' and scoffing on a box of chocolates. Robin Day is ill and so another chap did 'Question Time'. Sad. We made a bed up and slept on the floor.

-=-

Wednesday April 3, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

To Club St this afternoon with Samuel's high chair. He had his tea there. Mum came down to see us and was propped up with pillows by the piano. Gone is that friendly amusing chatter. That lovable wit. She just sat and watched us. Sam kept making wild dashes to the kitchen and the cellar steps. He is happier in our enormous flat. 

Our last night (holiday looming). Marjorie. Quiet.

-=-

Tuesday April 2, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

I am such a dreary old pillock. I do not ask for sympathy, but you really cannot expect me to pen flowing prose. Here I am only days away from the commencement of my fortieth decade and life seems so pointless and futile. If I was in Mum's shoes I'd be so bitter and resentful. How can we all come smiling out of all this. God knows. That's if God really cares. Sometimes I do wonder.

-=-

Monday April 1, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Club St.

Mum and Dad moved out and went to Club Street. We went to Bradford in a convoy fashion. Mum did very well. It was horrible watching her struggling down the stairs to get to the car. We, that is Ally, Sam and I, went to Duckworth Lane to get Mum some 'Orovite 7', recommended by an old customer John, who lost his wife last year. Whilst we were out Mum climbed the stairs at Club St and wept at the sight of her bedroom. She thinks we have gone to too much trouble. I am a morbid old sod, but I look at her and wonder if she will ever leave our little cottage alive. She is so frail and burnt out. What torment.

-=-

Sunday March 31, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Palm Sunday / British Summer Time Begins

I hate all this buggering around with the clocks. Felt tired all day. To Club St this evening to conclude the decorating. I thought we would be able to escape the pub at 9 o'clock, but by 10 we were still hard at it. I wanted to nip over to the Butcher's to look at Rob & Kath's baby. At 10:30pm Ally was complaining of feeling hungry and so I phoned the Berni Inn, but we were too late to eat. Instead we went to Giuseppi's Backyard in the centre of Bradford. We were the only customers. I had a cold trout followed by a marinara pizza washed down with a dry white wine. Ally demolished a corn on the cob. I spent my Grand National winnings. £4 in all. 

-=-

Saturday March 30, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Grand National day. Yes, and for the second year running I won the pub sweep. Much talk of a 'fix', &c. Hilarity.

Uncle Peter phoned to say that he and Auntie Jean and Beverley want to come and see Mum this evening. She viewed this with some trepidation. I was put in a spot, but told them to come. They came at 8. Mum was propped up in bed, with subdued lighting, but she looked quite bright. Ally was watching 'Dynasty' and we pointed Peter in the direction of the lounge, and after five minutes he said: "Come on, let's go and see auntie." In they went. Mum gave them a pile of old photographs to look at, and they sat with her for half an hour. Beverley is an attractive girl - leather pants, &c. They stayed until after 12 and went back to Pudsey in a taxi. I filled Peter in on my family tree developments. Amazingly, he knew nothing. 

-=-

Friday March 29, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

My cousin Sam is back looking frightening. Quite hideous. Frankenstein-like to say the least. Shaved head, mad, wild eyes, and a melancholic expression. Weird old fashioned clothes too. And he was smoking a pipe. Very reminiscent of Grandpapa Rhodes. A sad, pathetic figure. He asked for Great-Aunt Ann's address and went away with it saying he'll offer to do her garden and run errands. Like a boy scout. He will probably frighten the life out of the old girl. He asked to see Dad but I knew that Dad didn't want to come down. I suppose I should have let Sam go upstairs, but Mum was in no mood to see anyone.

-=-

Thursday March 28, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Sunny start, but dull by lunchtime. Up at 7 an hour before Samuel. We breakfasted on beans and poached eggs and went for a walk up Dewsbury Rd. Ally collected my anti-Tara pills from the chemist. 

Dear Auntie Hilda is 49 today. Mum slept well but felt horribly sick and vomited at the smell of the aroma of food and our cooking fat. She was down in the dumps too, like she was on Lynn's birthday. God knows what she must be going through. To have an imagination is always an asset, but not at a time like this. Dad was later pottering about making a sheep's head broth.

We were so very excited about our 'Greek' evening. We went out at 7:30 to town by bus. More or less the full company of our lounge customers. To a pub, I've forgotten which, and then on to Scorpio's for 9:30. A merry evening. Ally and I sat with Pam, Tina and Carole (daughter of one of the Bachelors group). Taramasalata  and lamb kebabs, &c. Much wine. Much dancing. They had me up limbo dancing, supposedly in celebration of my coming birthday. Quite jolly. 2:30am finish. Home in a taxi with a poor bugger who'd been on the ouzo. Really awful.

-=-

Wednesday March 27, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

An early start. Up at 7. Dad went to Horton and he deposited me at Beeston Medical Centre en route. I sat in one of those horrible queues full of wheezing old men and snotty-nosed wailing three year olds. Very lowering it all is. Saw Dr Danks at 8:30 who prescribed some pills which will prevent me going into an asthmatic attack on seeing Tara (the retriever) next week. I am told that they do not mix with alcohol. Back home for 9. Mum was bright and cheerful and I made a mug of Complan  and helped her to sit up. At lunchtime she poked at a beef curry, but didn't eat, and then had six fried scampi which she enjoyed.

-=-