Monday April 4, 1983

 Bank Holiday in the UK (Except Scotland)

Up early and wallowed 'neath a soapy fermament. It is Uncle Peter's birthday. He is 54.

Sue and Peter came at 10 with a bruised and battered Christopher, looking like a survivor from HMS Galahad. He had fallen whilst attacking the neighbour's cat. We motored up to Horton. With Mama and Papa for 11:30. Papa looks ten years younger and both are loving every minute of life at Waltergarth. They gave Christopher lunch and we went to the Crown with Karen & Steve. We had a fiasco over a missing cornish pasty. The bar staff were agitated and accused us of eating one pasty too many. The place was swarming with Japanese hikers. Afterwards Dad decided to take us on a stroll across a plouged field and I fell, measuring my length in the sheep turds. Poor Christopher, clinging hold of his pushchair hand rail, with white knuckles and bilging eyes as we hauled him over the drystone walls. We returned to Waltergarth looking like Turkish mud wrestlers. Wine, women and song this evening. Watched Dudley Moore's 'Ten', boring. Steve snored in the chair. Joined by John from Scotland looking well. Sue and Pete went off at dusk and Karen said they would drop us off , but the time ticked by and we wended up staying another night. I was hideously pissed.

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Sunday April 3, 1983

 Easter Day

Up at 9. Boiled eggs with toast. Phoned Susan and Lynn. Sue says they will go to Waltergarth tomorrow and take us along with them.  She was laughing saying I had broken her off from cleaning the lavatory. Such an odd thing to be doing in celebration of the risen Christ. Lynn is calling upon us later. Phoned Mum to say we will see her tomorrow. Karen and Steve are with them now. Mum has had a busy time. The place has been packed. She sounded pleased as Punch.

Lynn and Dave came before 2 with the girls and we passed half an hour in pleasant intercourse. Frances, leggy, thinks I am Alison and Alison is me. We exchanged birthday presents. They bought me two mirrors which will go well in the bathroom. We sat Frances on the piano stool and she banged around looking very much like the late Winifred Atwell, only white. Katie is very big and pink and extremely good, not making a single sound. Lynn fed her. They went off to see Audrey, and I think holding something back about her condition. Watched Richard Burton, aged about 16, in 'The Robe'. Awful really. Lasagne.

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Saturday April 2, 1983

 We woke after 10 both feeling groggy. I went out to the Co-op and bought butter and sugar. It wasn't until I was sauntering past the frozen peas that I discovered an icy draught blowing through my open flies. I must have given some morning shoppers a rude awakening.  We had our glass-free Hot Cross Buns and guzzled tea. I went out and hung out the washing as Ally splashed in her bath. I think that perhaps we have slipped up this Easter. We should have avoided the boring, mundane routine today. We went to town to buy something for Frances who is two on Wednesday. Two hours in revolting toy shops full of plastic junk on sale at exhorbitant prices. Eventually we bought some pink shorts and a little shirt to match.

Later, at home, we had salad sandwiches and watched 'Raid on Entebbe'. In fact we didn't move fom the TV all night. I shoved a breast of lamb in the oven with some potatoes. Watched John Alderton in one of those boring vet films.

It is a year since the Argentinians invaded the Falklands. I do miss Ian MacDonald's MOD broadcasts.

I have an Easter Card from my great-auntie Annie (Kirk), and she is 'ever so pleased' that I 'have had Grandma and Grandad framed'. Very amusing. Sounds like some despicable conspiracy. Watched another Woody Allen film but dropped off before the end and woke up to see Rod Stewart leaping around encased in tin foil like a Christmas turkey. To bed.

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Friday April 1, 1983

 The first day of April. The year is flying. Sunshine but cold. Up at 6:44. I dislike having a day off when Ally has to work, but I suppose I will have to get used to it. Off to the AHA she went in her tight jeans and green boots looking dishy. She got a lift with Les Hotchin.

 I made Hot Cross buns but smashed the [illegible] bowl showering the room with jagged glass and dough. I closely inspected the buns and found no shards of glass and thought it safe to bake them. Splashed in the bath and went out at 11:45 to meet Ally. I walked down as far as the pet shop and then got a bus to scale the heights of Squire Lane. I arrived at Chestnut House and found Ally keeping vigil at a window. She laughed because I was wearing a tie. We walked hand in hand to the Queen on Daisy Hill Bank, a Webster's house, where we spent two hours and a small fortune. I consumed five pints of bitter. The place is full of paintings by Stuart Hirst, son of the landlord. We had cheese and onion sandwiches and sat watching the other customers. It is most definitely the life for us. We went back to Chestnut House at 2:15 and I sat with until 4. John MacCabe came to inspect me as I sat typing on Patricia's electric typewriter, and then I helped Gillian make the tea. She didn't believe me when I told her I was 'retiring'. _______. We came home for 4:30 after phoning Lynn and David to see if we could go over and probably babysit for them. They didn't take us up on our suggestion. Lynn is obsessed with having babies and wants nothing in between. __________. We phoned Mum too. They had five men in last night and are having four tonight, who are also having dinner too. John called on them this morning on his way to Scotland with the offering of a dead rabbit which he's killed on the way up. Janette, who is working at Easter, is occupying the flat quite alone. Ally doesn't want to go to Horton if it's swarming with hikers, but I don't think it will ever become quieter. It's the walking season. 

Later we had a liver and onion special and collapsed. Ally, feeling fragile, snoozed in my arms and went up to bed at 9. I stayed up until 12:30 and watched Woody Allen's 'Love & Death' - always worth seeing. To bed.

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Thursday March 31, 1983

 We were up eating bananas on toast and watching Breakfast TV. We switched around from the BBC to TV-am. All very trivial and boring. Intrigue at the YP. I keep emreging from behind the filing cabinets to find Sarah and Margo whispering. Later I saw Geoff and Bob in a corner with Kathleen, obviously discussing me. I am paranoid. I gave Geoff some material on tigers. He says you can keep a tiger at home by following the entry for tigers in the 1955 Encyclopaedia Britannica. Sarah left at 4.

I have an apology to make. Baroness Willoughby de Eresby is 27th holder of the peerage, not the 28th. The co-heirs to the peerage are her elderly aunts. I would like either to be a peerage lawyer or a publican. Not much difference really. One pulls peers and the other pulls beers.

I phoned Ally. She is miserable because she cannot take tomorrow off because Jean is. She went off at 5 for a trim and looked deliciously sweet tonight.  I bought her a chocolate egg for £1.99 and a sloppy Easter card. She deserves every bit of romantic clobber I can muster. I hid the egg on top of the wardrobe. 

I got in at 6 and made bacon and eggs whilst Ally made herself pretty in pink trousers and white top. She is feeling delicate _________. We cuddled up and watched 'Top of the Pops' and Kenny Everett. Up to bed at 10. Before dropping off Ally remembered that it's April Fool's Day tomorrow and wants to to do something appropriate. I'll ring Mum and tell her that the council have given approval to build an ASDA on the top of Pen-y-ghent.

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Wednesday March 30, 1983

 Scurry off to the YP full of glee. Saw Geoff. He gave me my application forms with additional flowing script.He must think I'm the bees knees. I am very flattered that he has taken such an interest in my future life. Kathleen asked if he is 'pushing me'. What can she mean? Told Sarah about my plans and she was pleasant. I think Kathleen had given her some idea.  I collected my £67.05 because it is Easter. Marched through Leeds this lunch time and sat in Park Square - probably for the last time. My God, what hours of solitary reflection have I spent in that peaceful liitle haven. The pigeons will miss me. 

Saw in The Times that Lady Jane Fellowes has had a son, Alexander, on March 23. A first nephew for the Princess of Wales. Lady Sarah McCorquodale expects in July. Viscount Head is dead. That would be a good opening line for an epitaph. The Earl of Ancaster has gone too. His daughter becomes the 28th Baroness Willoughby de Eresby. I would like to master the laws relating to (peerage) abeyance.

Home to Pig. She was unhappy at first with Geoff's re-wording, but after reading them a few times accepts his version. She didn't approve of his tatty typing.

Chicken and mushroom pie at 7:30. Jim, Margaret and Julie came for half an hour to collect a carpet knife. They inspected the kitchen closely. Watched Dallas and went to bed at 10.

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Tuesday March 29, 1983

 Wet. a daffodil is trying to flower in the garden. I have been watching it's progress with interest. (Hot Cross) buns for breakfast again. Ally spilled tea on her skirt and had to go change. 

At the YP I gave Geoff my application forms and he went away saying he will look at them tonight. Derek Foster says he will have to start looking at the births, marriages and deaths after my departure.

Told the EP that Sir William Brooksbank is dead. They did it this evening.

I felt the absence of Carol J today and shudder to think how the department will run with only three staff. People keep coming in and going away puzzled ats to what will be the procedure after April 8. I told an EP reporter that the place is going self service, with wire baskets and Johnny Mathis tapes playing on a loop only to be interrupted occasionally by an adenoidal announcement: 'Mr Hawkins to the cash desk please'.

Sarah probably won't get to my leaving party. Anne Goodyear, Michael Brown and Penny Wark look like certainties. Kathleen is panic stricken and scurries here and there. Home at 5:30. I hung around on Wellington Street for half an hour. Chicken again. We laid on the settee all night. A science fiction film. The Martians came, but they all caught cold and died. Silly.

Saw Sir Laurens van der Post interview the PM at No 10. What a remarkable woman she is. I find her very inspiring. 

Dave G phoned. He says Billy requires psychiatric treatment. I told him it's his age.

To bed at 11:44pm.

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Monday March 28, 1983

 Full Moon

Sweet Auntie Hilda celebrates another birthday. We sent her a cheeky card which I think will put a few naughty words into auntie's 47 year-old mouth. 

Ally and I had hot cross buns for breakfast. She is happy today because Derek (Jenkins) is basking in Torremolinos. Why a man in his exalted position wishes to holiday in Torremolinos is a mystery. He is a district works officer you know. 

Off to the YP where I learn that today is not my eighth last day, but my seventh. Sarah and I are having it off on Good Friday.

Just Margo and I in. Saw Geoff Hemingway, who says he will take down my particulars tomorrow. Phoned Mum. They had another walking couple in for B & B. We argued about  the identity of 'Philip Ashley' in the 1952 film 'My Cousin Rachel'. I told her Richard Burton played the part opposite Olivia de Havilland's 'Rachel' (sic). She swore blind it was Kieran Moore.

Ally and I have yet to decide what we are doing at Easter. She doesn't want to spend the whole of the break at Horton.

Tonight we had roast chicken. Afterwards I typed application forms to Tetley's and Samuel Smith's breweries. Made a good job of them too. Ally's typing is abysmal on my machine. Saw 'Coronation Street' and 'Brass'. Mike Baldwin wants to build a discotheque in Rosamund Street. Annie Walker will be livid.

Royal News: The Prince and Princess of Wales dancing at a charity ball in Sydney. They moved excellently. Diana has really captured the impressionable little Aussies. 

David L phoned to see if we fancied a rock concert on Wednesday. I didn't recognise the group and so said no. A pleasant chat.

De Haviland has only one L.

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Sunday March 27, 1983

 Palm Sunday

We were awake at about 10 o'clock and Ally got up first and I lay watching her dress. She was in her tight jeans and white shirt. Her hair isn't as curly as it has been recently. I had two kippers for breakfast washed down with tea. Ally marvels at my capacity for fish, and takes me for something of an expert in removing bones. She ironed afterwards. Believe it or not, I made 12 Hot Cross buns and a gallon of apple wine. We had a phone call from Susie and they arrived at 2 o'clock. We had a drink. We also forgot to alter the clocks to British Summer Time. This threw us for the remainder of the day. Christopher wasn't quite as boisterous as usual and he beamed like the devil when he saw the piano. We have never thought to show the piano to a baby before. He banged away merrily. Sue looked really well and put away some red wine. They left at 4 to visit Pamela. It's Pamela and Peter's wedding anniversary and they are going to the Damn Yankee tonight. We ate Hot Cross buns at 5. Fish pie at 7. Saw a film about the Berlin Wall. Bed after the news. The royal progress of Australia puts back any talk of a republic until 2167.

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Saturday March 26, 1983

 I woke very early and something delicious happened. For a few seconds I thought it was a weekday and that I would have to get up, only then to find it is in fact a Saturday morning. We ate breakfast in our night attire and switched on the TV to watch cartoons. An odd thing for me to do. Ally especially at 9am finds the TV offensive. Afterwards I finished the letter to the Smiths of Weeke and took it out to post with Auntie Hilda's birthday card, only to find that I have missed the last post of the day by ten minutes. How infuriating. Ally, in a white T-shirt, looking bonnie, was washing and cleaning.

A cold day. We couldn't feel the ends of our fingers. John phoned last night. The party is still on and he wants me to brew some ale for him. Poor Janette is working hideously long hours. I fail to see why anybody would want to buy a caravan at 9:30 on a cold wintry night. John assures me that they do.

Went to town by bus and did the shopping and then walked back up - quite a haul with 48 tons of King Edward potatoes. A pleasant afternoon with a weak sun. At home we cuddled and had a beer and listened to Michael Jackson. Ally was restless and wanted visitors and so we phoned Jill and Tim who cannot come because they are going out with Tim's Dad. Phoned Karen. They come at 8:30. Karen looks fit and not too big. The baby is due on August 18, but will be three weeks late, she says. We sat and watched Terry Wogan interview Dolly Parton. Ugh. Steve fell asleep on the floor and Karen saw no point in letting him get settled, and so they left at about 11:30. Bed.

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Friday March 25, 1983

 Rain at first, brighter later. I was forced to make a quick exit from my bed to turn off a particularly loud alarm clock, and silence the offending Mike Read. Boiled eggs and toast. We looked in at breakfast TV. It is such a bore. Saw the Prince and Princess of Wales with the ghastly Bob Hawke in Australia. When will it become a republic?

To the YP. I have eight days to work. Labour held Darlington last night. Tories second. SDP third. Work stopped at 2:30 and we gave Carol a bouquet and a Collins dictonary. She produced a bottle of wine and Eileen Jones came in with a bottle of bubbly too and we celebrated the termination of Carol's thirteen year 'career' with cream buns. These are always very flat affairs. I suppose I'll have to go through it very soon. _______. Home for 5:30 feeling slightly groggy. Drinking wine on an afternoon does one no good. Fish and chips with Poodle. I ate like a starving wild cat. Ally posed a question: 'Name the only mammal that lays eggs?' Immediately and without hesitation I replied: 'Duck Billed Platypus'. She sighs 'you are so clever'. 

Have I told you that last Saturday David Frost married Lady Carina Fitzalan Howard? It was on the cards. I cannot imagine that the Duke of Norfolk will be chuffed about this.

I sat down and typed a letter to Graham and Charlotte Smith. We haven't heard from them since last June. Ally wallowed in the bath. Watched a documentary on the life of Noel Coward. To bed at 10:30. I told Bob C that the Bishop of Whitby has announced his engagement to the daughter of Judge Herrod, a Yorkshire QC. 

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