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Saturday May 8, 1976

A scorching hot day. 80F degrees in London and near that temperature up in the provinces.

Get up late and sit in the garden with P.G. Wodehouse, Mum and Lynn. David B comes up at 1.30 and we all have lunch together. Just as I was about to tuck in the phone rings and it's Carole. She hasn't gone to London because her Uncle Robert is having financial difficulties. She still sounds down in the dumps but I do not arrange to meet her. Back in the deckchair in the garden and an hour later CB drives up to lend me a fiver she promised me yesterday. She's going out with Roger tonight and so I won't be seeing her until next weekend.

Denise rings at 6 o'clock to say Peter is giving her a lift to the Hare at 8.45, and she adds that Chris is taking Carole out tonight! Quick worker. Carole rang Chris at lunchtime and she more or less twisted his arm. God knows how they'll get on together. I'll contact him tomorrow for a full unabridged match report.

Go to the Hare at 9 and Peter comes in with Denise ten minutes later. None of the
crowd in the Hare. Peter goes off with his cronies and at 9.30 just Denise and I are left wondering what to do. Ring for a taxi and go up to Oakwood Hall - £5.50 return. Horror of horrors though for on our arrival they don't let me in because I'm in jeans! We go on to the Cow & Calf for a further quid. £6.50 just to go to the bloody Cow! Disgusting evening. Never have I seen so many dregs of society under one roof. A revolting experience indeed but despite all this Denise and I try to enjoy ourselves. Peter comes in with his cronies but they keep themselves to themselves. Home at 2.30 and Dad arrives at about the same time.

Read P.G. Wodehouse in bed until the book falls from my hands.


Friday May 7, 1976

Hilarious day. Get up at about 9 o'clock and Christine arrives about an hour later. Take a photograph of her wearing Dad's police helmet which should be brilliant.

Arrive Otley at 11 o'clock and have a greasy sandwich in an equally greasy cafe and then go straight in to the Black Bull. The weather is becoming really bright and warm, and we watch its progress from the cool darkness of the bar. Drink until 4 o'clock and then walk up to see David in hospital. The ward is boiling hot and most of the patients lay in semi-conscious exhaustion on top of their beds. We can only bear it for half an hour or so. David looks pounds better and says he may be out by next weekend. Walk back to Otley Market Square and once again into the Black Bull which opens for the evening onslaught. The bar staff are baffled as to why we aren't unconscious. Christine and I discuss our relationship and we come to the conclusion that we'll get married in twenty years time when we both look round and realise we've been left on the shelf.

Leave the Black Bull at 7.30 in a thunderstorm and go straight to the Hare in a taxi. Immediately on our arrival she throws herself into the arms of Roger Boughton - the blackguard - and I go sit with Chris, Denise, Andy, Linda, Sue & Peter. I begin to have a hangover at 9.30. Nearly got thrown out of the pub after groping with Denise for all to see. Chris brings me home and I go up to bed after cheese on toast.


Thursday May 6, 1976

The phone got me out of bed at 9.10am. It was Carole. She sounded ever so pathetic and sad but wasn't making any attempt to get me to change my mind. She says she is very sorry for what she has done to herself, and she quite understands me not wishing to go and see her. Lynn and Sue have cheered her up tremendously and for that she is grateful. She is going to London tomorrow for a week.

Boring day really. Lounge about in the house and break off only for a nice, big lunch at 1.30 with Mum & Dad. Christine rings at 2.30 to say she and Chris finished last night in Horsforth. So that's why Chris rang me at 11.30 whilst I was still walking home from the Hare. Arrange to meet at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Chris rings ten minutes after Christine and we arrange to meet tonight. He collects me at 8.30 and we go to the Old Star at Collingham and then the Scotts Arms at Sickinghall. We had a good chat about things & it certainly felt odd. Who'd have thought the situation could alter so much in the space of three days? Come home through Otley where we had fish and chips and then on home. Later I had crab sandwiches in bed swilled down with cocoa.


Wednesday May 5, 1976

I cannot believe that the events of the past few days have really taken place. Carole trying to kill herself? And God it is all my fault. If I had not ended everything she would never have contemplated such action. But no amount of wrist slashing will make me go back on my decision. How could anyone go out with a girl knowing that any upset or setback could result in her trying to do away with herself?
She must be unbalanced. I feel sick about the whole business.

Woke up at 8.30. Mum tells me she and Dad may go see Carole this lunchtime on my behalf. I will never go. Get up at 9 o'clock and want to ring someone. Chris is having a morning in bed and won't come to the phone; ring Denise, and she is on day-off, & so I'm totally foiled. Should I blame myself? Did I give her a false impression all those months? Did she expect more from me than she received? I have always made my position quite clear, but she may not have understood. She is not the perceptive kind. Poor girl.

Sit alone in complete silence for what seems like ages. Feel numb and sickened off.

Peter and Chris come up at 12.30 and I tell them the news. They are shocked. Chris says she must need pyschiatric treatment. They try to assure me that I am not to blame. The three of us go the Commercial for lunch and then to collect CB at 2.30.

Go see David in hospital and he looks greatly improved. Denise and Marita call in to see him and I tell them about Carole. __________________________. Home at 4.30.

Dad went to see Carole this lunchtime and found her in a terrible state. He lectures me on my treatment of women, and says the situation has been dynamite for a long time. However, he has no sympathy for what she did & is sickened by it all.

Lynn & Susan go see Carole this evening and I go to the Hare & Hounds with John, CB, Pete and Chris. CB says she and Chris have more or less finished but that they're both waiting for the first one to make a move.


Tuesday May 4, 1976

I got up at 9.30 and Chris and Christine came at 10.30 and persuaded me to go to Scarborough after all. I am miserable and upset about last night, but C & C show me no sympathy and I am soon quite cheerful.

Scarborough was quite pleasant and we stayed until about 5pm. Scampi and chips at a pub at Stamford Bridge and home in pouring rain at about 10.30.

A terrible thing has happened. Carole made an attempt on her life this morning and was saved from death by her brother when he came home for lunch. She slashed her wrists.

Mum told me the news when I came in. Mrs P phoned to say C has had 18 stitches in one wrist and 15 in the other. Peter definately saved her life. I didn't speak to Mrs P but she told Mum that Carole would like to see me tomorrow afternoon. I will never go. How can I meet somebody who is quite prepared to have her death on my conscience for the rest of my life? The suicidal person will never get sympathy from me. I am shattered all the same. Mum is in a terrible state. Traumatic day.


Monday May 3, 1976

Go to Bradford with my holiday money and meet Denise at the Painted Wagon. She tells me she and Tony finished on Easter Saturday which surprised me. I tell her it's only a matter of time before Carole and I are also washed up on the rocks.

Glad that the holiday is paid for anyway. Came home on the bus brooding about Carole.
Yesterday she was like a cabbage. Her moronic appearance is getting me down. I decide to break it off once and for all.

Dad takes me to see David in hospital at 4 o'clock. He looks terrible. A bottle of blood hangs above his bed with a tube leading to his arm. Five pints (of blood) he's had since last night. A hemorrhaged duodenal ulcer at 21 is a rare thing I think. He still managed to crack the occasional joke though.

Meet Carole at 7.30 and by 8 o'clock I've made my feelings known to her. Four hours of tears from both of us and hysterics from her which included a spectacular battle in the pouring rain at 1.15am. She looked heart broken and desperate but how could we have continued in a 'relationship' when I feel so bored & uninterested ?


Sunday May 2, 1976

2nd after Easter. To Mallory Park in Derbyshire or Leicestershire. It's at Kirby Mallory anyway. See a few good motor races and get a glimpse of Noel Edmonds, who was surrounded by nine million female admirers (Christine and Carole included). It is nauseating the way women find him so attractive. (Jealousy).

Leave at about 4.30 and come back to the Menston Arms where Carole has an accident with a ham sandwich and slops the filling all over the carpet. Move hurriedly on to the Black Bull in Otley. From 9 o'clock until 10.30 Carole said nothing at all. Everyone remarks on her sullen, dull witted appearance.

Home at closing time. Carole fell out of Chris's van and hurt her leg. What a state. She was still covered in the remnants of the the Menston Arms sandwich too. She's so accident prone.

Get home where Sue tells me David L is in hospital again. Lynn is going on at me for not having visited him since he started being ill, but David isn't the type to appreciate wailing friends and relatives at the foot of his bed. However, he'll have to grin and bear it tomorrow because I will descend on the hospital with due ceremony.


Saturday May 1, 1976

To the Hare as usual with Sue and Pete, and of course Carole. The beer and lager pumps are not functioning and so I drink Campari. Chris and Christine come in and we decide to venture to Oakwood Hall. Sue & Pete wait for John and Maria to give them a lift. Carole and I go with Chris. Boring night. Carole and I say the absolute minimum to each other and Chris and Christine argue like cat and dog. John and Maria come in with Sue & Pete but they leave after an hour or so. John was quiet, and wore a look of contentment on his cherubic face. Maria was animated and chatty.

Leave Oakwood at 1.30 but feel as though it's 4.30am. Carole and I are still silent on the journey home. Mallory Park tomorrow holds little rellish for me because of my crumbling romance.


Friday April 30, 1976

Carole, Chris, Christine, Martyn and I escape from the Hare & Hounds quite early and head for the Red Lion at Burley-in-Wharfedale which personally I don't like, but I'm not driving am I? We have a good laugh and Martyn and I discuss the events of last Friday. He was violently sick on Saturday too - which makes me feel a lot better. I loathe being the odd one out.

Carole was happy enough in the pub but her temperament changed dramatically on the way home and she left me without so much as a 'goodbye'. Miserable lady, that's what she is.

Cannot help raving about Elton John. He was the sole topic of discussion the whole day at work and we are all now confirmed EJ addicts for life from now on. Even Carole enjoyed it. I expected the usual bitchy comments from the library staff of their first sighting of my girlfriend, but received none whatsoever.


Thursday April 29, 1976

The Elton John concert tonight was indescribable. Brilliant, and the absolute ultimate in sound. For £6 Carole and I had immaculate entertainment. He came on stage at 8.30 and stayed until after eleven. He did all his famous pieces, and only a minimum of obscure ones. Missed the last bus home and had to walk from Rawdon. Carole stayed at our house because I din't want her walking to Menston. Saw a woman pissing all over a bus shelter in Guiseley, and laughed all the way home. Home for 1am absolutely deafened by fantastic Elton, and crippled. Shagged out entirely.


Wednesday April 28, 1976

Buy a pair of jeans and go out wearing them tonight in order to give them a trial run for tomorrow night's Elton John concert. Meet Carole near the Hare & Hounds at 8 o'clock and spend a boring, unimaginative, speechless evening propping up the juke box. On the rare occasions we do speak it's only to hurl silly, childish insults at one another. I'm cheesed off with the whole rigmarole. She knows it too. Carole thinks that all couples behave the same way as we do. Look at her bloody family.


Tuesday April 27, 1976

Dad and I get a lift to Leeds with Jim at 8 o'clock. Jim attempts to describe in full, scene by scene, a fill he watched on TV on Saturday night, which takes up the entire half hour journey. I don't like second hand films.

Busy day. Work through luncheon and leave at 3.30. Collect 'Feelings' by Maurice Albert from the EMI shop and get a bus at 3.50. Bright, sunny journey home, and meet Dad in Guiseley. I don't know how we managed to miss one another. Only two buses leave Leeds in any one day and he was on one and I the other. Typical.


Monday April 26, 1976

For the first time in months I passed a whole day without seeing or hearing from Carole. I feel better for it really because at times I'm close to suffocation with it all. I need to feel free and uncaged. Not that she imposes any restrictions on me understand. Oh to be Robinson Crusoe.

Busy at the YP. Kathleen is on holiday for the week. See on the 9 o'clock news that Sid James, the comedian, has died. A fan of the 'Carry On' films as I once was - in my youth - cannot help feeling sad at this loss. Best remembered for his haggard face and dirty laugh.

See a good film 'If' starring Malcolm McDowell. I've seen it before and enjoyed it the first time. Shows the public school system in a bad light. Any parent who sends an impressionable child away to a boarding school can only expect to get a feeble, perverted, homosexual back at the end of the 5 or 6 year stint because the places are dens of sadistic cruelty.


Sunday April 25, 1976

Low Sunday. Out of bed at 11.30am feeling quite fit. I am worried about yesterday's performance (vomit, &c) and realise only too well that I may be getting out of the habit of being pissed. Friday night was always a good night at Wikis and the following day rarely saw me with such after effects and ailments. Am I just getting out of the habit or simply too old for staying up half the night? It can't be the latter.

Sue and Lynn go out at lunchtime which leaves me alone with Mum & Dad. I wash the dishes and clear up in general which must be a flag day. Carole comes at 3pm and after sitting for half an hour without uttering a single syllable we drift off down Thorpe Lane and into Guiseley - an action packed place on Sunday afternoons.

I get a bus at about 4.30. Carole and I are definately heading for the rocks and even she is realising it now. Work 5-11. Scive off an hour early and arrive home to find everyone fast asleep. Devour half a can of baked beans. Certainly a thrilling, exciting day to remember isn't it?


Saturday April 24, 1976

Wake up at approx. 10.30 and vomit. Unusual I know, because if any vomiting's to be done it usually makes itself apparent much earlier. But that's what happened. Stagger downstairs, but return immediately to bed on smelling the breakfast. Lay in bed until 4.30pm and regret it because the weather is beautiful. Susan and Peter were even managing to sprawl on the lawn - the first time this year that a family member has made an attempt to sunbathe.

Carole came at 3.30 or thereabouts. We decide to have a quiet night at home in front of the television. Carole comes up at 8 and we send Dave out to buy a bottle of apricot wine. Watch TV until it closes down and sup the whole bottle of wine in the process. The two of us don't speak much.