Saturday October 1, 1977

One of the most blank parties I've ever attended took place this evening ... or at least I think it did. Anyway, I'd better begin at the beginning. At what seemed like the crack of dawn I was taken  off against my will, in pouring rain, to Bradford by Alison, John, Lynn and David. (Oh God. I failed to mention that Alison and John (Pinder) arrived late last night from the depths of darkest Hampshire). Oh, how it poured down.

We messed around for a while buying records and flash cubes for tonight, and then after a brief lapse of time we found solace in the nearest pub. From here we found the Bod, which was unbelievable. We were the only inhabitants of what usually is the busiest tavern in West Yorkshire. It was here where we squabbled about surnames. Lynn said that after her marriage she wouldn't mind being 'Lynn Rhodes-Baker'. This made David blow his top for some obscure reason, and banging his glass of ale on the table he yelled: "If you intend keeping that name after we are married you might as well not bother with a party tonight because I'll call the whole thing off". It took ages to calm him down. It was such a silly thing for us all to become argumentative about, but it was David's attitude that fed my niggling. Lynn was very annoyed.

At Esholt: Sarah,Peter,Sue,David,Lynn and John.

Back home by 4pm. I began drinking bilberry wine and continued to do so until Sarah arrived at about 7.45. I was under the impression that we all were indulging in this wondrous wine, but from reports told to me later, I discovered I had been the 'Lone Boozer'. Sarah's arrival I remember well. She looked divine. What happened next though I just don't know. We all went to the Commercial where I spilt lager over everyone and swore in a disgusting manner. Mum and Dad asked me to be a little quieter. My next memory is back at home smashing eggs in the kitchen and breaking my camera. Mum joined in the egg breaking and went to town sticking them down Peter's shirt.

Because of the mess I changed into David's Fred Perry shorts and then became enraptured with Sarah. We seemed to be quite alone in the dining room dancing to Donna Summer and ending with Rachmaninov's 2nd Piano concerto. _______. We kissed, Everyone else just seemed to fade away. God knows what state I was in. Normally it wouldn't concern me but for the presence of Mr & Mrs Henry Baker and family. Sarah stayed very late and I escorted her to her car when she left. I really do fancy her to death you know. It's been in my blood now for a couple of years or more. What about John Macmurray though? I am sure she fancies me - so why are we always pretending nothing exists? Why indeed.

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Wednesday September 28, 1977

Lynn and Dave became engaged. He presented her with a ring at about 7.30 and then took her off to Flashman's for a feast. Before this, however, we put away three or four bottles of that champagne substitute which tastes even better than the real thing.

Rt Hon David Steel: cause of nausea.

Lynn looked sublimely happy and I am sure it was a great relief to poor David, who just wants to settle down without any hullabaloo. Mum, Dad and I put away a few lagers after Lynn & Dave had left and then opened the Pernod. They returned at about midnight and we continued with the celebration session. Lynn especially was somewhat pissed and confided in her fiance to feelings of nausea. I was in a similar position too, but it was not all down to alcohol. David Steel and the Liberal party conference on the BBC was the cause of my intermittent vomiting, which completely flattened the whole occasion.

I took quite a few photographs of the happy couple, and so too did David. He now refers to me as 'Our Kid' and I'm sure he'd really like me for a brother. His own brothers are very sober, serious young men.







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Wednesday September 14, 1977

Lynn and Dave: engaged

One of the most historic days to affect the House of Rhodes. Dad was working 2-10 for the first time since April and when Lynn and Dave came in at 8.30 they seemed very concerned that Papa was absent. When Dad eventually got back at 10 - it happened. Yes, you'll never guess what "it" was. Susan called me from the lounge and said: "David wants a word with you in the kitchen". I had no idea what all this cloak and dagger stuff was about but on entering the kitchen it hit me right in the face. A pale and drawn looking Dave, holding a bottle of Scots Mac, asked: "Can you stay in here for a while because I want a word with your Mum and Dad?" "Oh God" I exclaimed, "you cannot be serious?". I couldn't stop laughing. He was actually asking for Lynn's hand in marriage. It had happened at last. Within minutes Sue and I are back with the happy couple. They are to become engaged on September 28 - the third anniversary of the start of their relationship. We celebrated with a couple of bottles of wine, gallons of lager and of course the Scots Mac. They are planning to marry next September. It is all top secret, of course, until September 28. Mum and Dad took it marvellously. Dad thought an engagement might take place when they came back from Italy.

Lynn is like a changed person. For days now she's been uptight and sharp tempered. We all noticed it. Now we know why. The nerves must have got to her. Good old Dave joining the family is a great thing. Mum and Dad of course think he's marvellous. Blimey, another wedding in the clan! I always thought that Lynn and Dave would do the obvious but ___________________.

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Wednesday June 22, 1977

Phoned Carole and talked about very little. Not fraternising with her until next week and I can't say I'm bothered. Not exactly like Anthony and Cleopatra are we?

Tony and Cleo.

The poor dear Queen is in Wales on her jubilee tour of that boring pin-prick of a principality.

John and JPH came at tea time and we all sat on the lawn. He (JPH that is) has picked up quite a few new tricks and now sings every time his grandpapa rattles his key ring.

Lynn and David went to Salvo's (that's young David, not old David). They came home half sozzled with tales of wonderment about the size of the pizzas consumed. I became quite hungry at the thought of it.

My great-grandmother Rella Wilson was born 122 years ago today and my grandmother, Ruth Ellen Rhodes died 18 years ago today.

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Sunday March 6, 1977

2nd in Lent. Lynne's birthday. Oh God I've just called my sister by a strange name. It's her bloody birthday too. I am sorry. She's just been in my bedroom looking quite ravishing showing me the presents she's bought David for his 21st.  I bought her a bottle of French perfume which she seems to like. Her boss comes round at 10.30 with a bouquet making overtures of affection to her in the kitchen. ________.

Lynn: 19th birthday.

The Prince of Wales has gone off to Kenya shooting the wildlife. Good for him. This gives a good two fingers to these thoroughly boring conservationists, environmentalists, &c.

John, Maria and JPH come up at 2. Baby is making a bit more noise and says "Da Da" and then "Da Da Da" when provoked. Eat turkey, pate, ham - and sup glass after glass of Cinzano. The mean contingent keep reminding me that I have to go to work in a couple of hours and I sit sombrely contemplating the clock. Chris Baker and his girlfriend Julie Harris drop in for half an hour or so.

The YP tonight was absolutely dead. Just Ursula and I. No news. No catastrophe has struck East Ardsley or anything like that. Reading the paper I see that the Prince of Wales is not shooting crocodiles. He is in fact taking photographs of them with Claire Watson, and maybe Miss Sheffield.

Hon Claire Watson: shooting crocodiles.

Home by taxi at 12.30 with a little driver who is a leading authority on snake bites.












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Wednesday March 2, 1977

54F in Leeds today. Is bloody summer here already? I'll be 22 before you can say Takeo Miki. Anyway, it was quite a good day all in all.

At lunchtime I met Martyn at Dormie Dress Hire and we're both togged up for evening wear for David B's 21st. The suits are going to cost us £9.50 each to hire, which neither of us can afford, but it will be so worth it for the laughs we'll get and to see the look on the faces of the other guests. Very smart we'll be. I'm not telling anyone at home so as to enhance my spectacular entry into the Aero Club. Tony is getting his gear from Moss Bros. in Bradford.

Sir Frank, later Lord Marshall.

This evening Sarah and I were closeted together in our tiny lift at the YP with that great personage Sir Frank Marshall. By way of conversation I discussed our air conditioning system with him and he told us that his 'members' had enjoyed their visit too. Who or what are his members? Who, or what is Sir Frank Marshall anyway?

I have a couple of quid left over from last night's extravaganza and am sorely tempted to go out tonight for a drink. Let us pray I can withstand the temptation and may God guide me through this sinful evening.

Later that same night: Slip into a coma in an armchair. Tired and shagged out. When did I last go to bed before bewitching hour? You'll be flicking over the pages for the last couple of years to find the answer to that one. No phone calls and feel too lazy to make any. Must write to Judith and get something sorted for March 12.

Had a bath and returned to the TV. A programme glorifying the comedian Tommy Cooper. Must have my hair cropped tomorrow. I can't even afford to do that! Suicide is the only way out.

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Sunday February 27, 1977

1st in Lent. Awakened at 10.30 by Maria and baby. Give him a nurse sat naked in bed sheets. Me naked  in bed sheets that is. JPH was fully clothed. I think he was expecting me to breast feed him. Babies are a wonder. I wouldn't mind having a few myself shortly - ones begotten on the wrong side of the sheet, or is it blanket? You know what I'm getting at anyway.

Out at 8 o'clock to the Hare with Tony and Martyn. We fall upon Judith and Kathryn. I ask if she's made any attempt to get March 12 off work to accompany me to David B's 21st. She seems to favour the idea. The three of us go to the Craven Heifer again. It's ridiculously packed - like a London air raid shelter in 1942. All very friendly. Meet three schoolgirls who work as Saturday girls at Smith's in Ilkley. One is a bespectacled Arien and is nice and witty. We are joined by an uncouth cad who has nine endorsements for various motoring offences. The women regard him as something of a sex object. We all go back to the flat for a quick coffee. The girls refer to the absent Barry as 'Mr Munnings' which is thoroughly hilarious. Home by 11.30. To bed.


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Thursday February 10, 1977

My first full day without Her Majesty Queen Lynne as my consort and help-meet. In many ways a sad day. The Lynnian era is no more, and with it goes all the security, brilliance and power. The days of convenient car rides to the pub and pleasant weekends at Ty-Onnen have automatically ceased. Once again, I am nothing more than a pleasant, roving peasant.

David Baker

Work is unmentionable. Meet Dave B at the Yorkshire Crown at 12.45 after wading through several feet of water on Wellington Street. Boards outside the office (EP ones) proclaimed 'CHARLES AND DAVINA - PALACE STATEMENT' which is fact a denial of any imminent marital alliance. The Buckingham Palace spokesman says 'it's preposterous to suggest any engagement could take place whilst the Queen is out of the country'. She's in Australia, of course. These palace spokesmen are nothing more than paid liars.

To the dentist for a check up. I have to go back next month for a couple of fillings. Nip to Marita's with a box of chocolates for her birthday, which was a couple of weeks ago, and sit for half an hour or so. She said she'd heard on Monday that I'd finished with Lynne. Coo, didn't that get round quickly?

Down to the Hare with Tony and Martyn at 8.30. John is in with a lad called Steve (Hudson?), & Carole, Naomi and Karen Moorhouse are in. Barry (from Smith's at Ilkley), Judith and Kathryn roll up. John says Chris hates Martyn's guts for 'pinching Karen off him'. Howls of laughter. Karen looked like a deckchair actually - all stripes. Killer. We all go the Il Trovatore in Ilkley. Quite a good night but by 1am we'd developed a 'Darby & Joan' complex. Home with Tony and I sit laughing to myself whilst he and Karen look on as if I'm raving mad.

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Tuesday September 28, 1976

The news in brief: Maria was taken into Hyde Terrace Hospital at lunchtime and I fully expect to be an uncle before Friday or it, the baby, will have my wrath to contend with.

Miss Lynn Rhodes and Mr David Baker have been deeply in love now for exactly two years and a celebration to mark the event was held accordingly.

Lynne rang from Thornton-le-Dale at 8.30 and I say I'll meet her at the airport at 9am tomorrow. The line was bad, at her end anyway, and she doesn't hear a word I say.

Lucy Lindsay-Hogg was in some of the papers over the weekend. Will she be Countess of Snowdon one day? You never can tell.

Bed at 12.04am on Wednesday morning. Read Wodehouse's 'Do Butlers Burgle Banks?'

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Friday August 20, 1976

Mum and Dad go up to see Uncle Harry for the weekend. Lynn and David are entertaining Alison and her man friend, and Lynne and I arrange to meet Sarah and Peter [Baker]. Lynne comes over at 7.30 - 8 o'clock and we drive to Follifoot where we sit outside the Lascelles Arms sipping lager & watching the sunset. How romantic!
But then Lynne just about smashed my teeth out after almost knocking my glass down my throat[accidentally] and then spilt cider over my trousers. Sarah and Peter arrive and we move inside for a further couple of rounds. Lynne doesn't seem to take exception to Peter's eccentricities,and they hit it off quite nicely. We go on to the Damn Yankee in Harrogate where I have one of those enormous pizzas again. A great meal. Back to our place for coffee. Drink lime juice. We called at Ty-Gwyn to inspect the old place on the way home. Sit in the dining room and have hysterics at Peter's recital of bits from last night's Evening Post. A misprint proclaimed 'Lord Haw Haw Haw Haw re-buried'. William Joyce wouldn't be amused I'm sure. Two Haws too many. We roared with laughter. We also had fun with the alabaster elephant in the dining room. But the less said about that the better. They all departed at 1am. I passed a pleasant night sleeping on the settee.

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Sunday July 25, 1976

6th after Trinity. Do not see the light of day until 2pm. The day is warm and sunny and I go straight out into the garden and sit with Mum, Dad and Lynn until 3 o'clock when we have a Chinese meal for luncheon. Back sitting in the sun until 7.30. Laugh listening to Lynn and Mum pulling relations and loved ones to pieces. They do this every so often just to clear the air. Mum and Dad go off for a drive shortly afterwards and Lynn and I go inside with glasses of apricot wine & listen to records. She tells me that David cleared off in a temper last night and that he probably won't be coming round tonight but as she is talking the door opens and in he walks. I leave the room and go get ready to go out but hear nothing coming from downstairs. I eventually have to join them in the lounge and we sit watching a Bogart/Audrey Hepburn film (surely, Katherine Hepburn?). Lynn & Dave don't speak at all and I'm relieved when Lynne comes in at 9.30 to break the silence. The two of us go to the Commercial.

Lynne asks me if I regret ever going out with Carole and when I say "yes" she responds that one should never regret anything. I expected her to burst into an Edith Piaf impersonation, but thankfully she held off. It would be very nice to go through life with no regrets, but it just doesn't turn out that way does it? Lynne's attitude to life is very philosophical almost as if it's been formed by things she's read in books. One day she'll learn that very often people make ghastly errors and regretable events do occurr.

Mum and Dad came in at 11.30. Dad looked a bit pissed.

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Tuesday May 25, 1976

A Traumatic evening. At about 7 o'clock Lynn cut her finger on a corned beef tin and collapsed in the kitchen while Sue and I looked on in horror. Lynn isn't the squeamish type at all, and I am startled to see a normal, level headed girl flaking out at the sight of a splash of blood. She was soon conscious and pulled round. The poor thing shed a few tears, but David was clowning around in his usual fashion in order to revive her. When she was fully recovered she and Sue entertained David and Peter to a meal whilst I languished in the bath 'to keep out of the way'. See a film on BBC1 - 'Three Into One Won't Go', or perhaps 'Two into One Won't Go' or was it three? Starring Rod Steiger and one of the Geeson tarts. I have seen it before and cannot say that I am impressed by it. Better than 'Coronation Street' anyway.

Bed after eleven.

(Go on, I bet you're all asking bed after eleven what? Well it isn't what you think. It wasn't eleven women, or men for that matter. Neither did I devour eleven oranges or take eleven peeps at my life-sized colour photograph of a naked Angela Rippon - in fact it was after the hour of eleven o'clock. Goodnight to one and all.)

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Sunday May 16, 1976

4th after Easter. A long, typically tiresome Sunday. Watch television until 5pm with Mum, Lynn and David. Kept enthralled by 'The Best of Upstairs, Downstairs' and part 96 of 'World at War'. Fall into a nice bath at 5 and wallow listening to the radio until 7.

Worried about my photo albums. Should I dismantle them and send Carole a selection? She did pay for some of them after all. Can't make my mind up what to do.

Chat with Lynn and Dave about the holiday. They question me about Cala Millor.

To the Clapgate at 8.30 with Chris and Peter. Chris drives to Bramhope then we go the rest of the way in Pete's van. A good time. My first visit to the pub, somewhere near Sicklinghall or Kirby Overblow. They (C & P) were both out with John and Maria last night. Home at 11. Ugh, Monday tomorrow.

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Thursday May 13, 1976

Pay day. Meet Dave B for lunch at the Ostlers. Purchase the LP 'Elton John's Greatest Hits' and ordered 'Island Girl' and 'Someone Saved My Life Tonight'. Busy time really. Lunch 12.30-2pm. Writing it all in brief because I cannot be bothered with detail. Home on train at 6pm and hear that Harry Monkman died at Falmouth in the night. I last spoke to him a week last Wednesday when he passed comment that his lawn was in a far better condition than ours. He'd just put tons of fertilizer all over his, at great expense, and I'm saddened that he'll never see the lush growth that his labours will undoubtedly produce. He must have been 80, and I feel a bit sorry for Maud, who is almost blind. I was never fond of him.

Ring Dave L who came out of hospital today. He will be out and about tomorrow night - but no alcohol whatsoever. Glad he's home. Probably going to see 'Cabaret' on Saturday. Dave B brings me the 'Who Loves You' LP from Denise. She bought me it in return for the Cow & Calf excursion last week. Play both LPs - they're really great.

Hear that Uncle Peter came for lunch today. He's brilliant - salt of the earth.

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Wednesday August 21, 1974

Yes, my eye is much better this morning, thank you. Bright, clear day. Both Phyllis Whitethighs and Her Royal Highness The Princess Margaret celebrate birthdays today.

To the Hare & Hounds at 8.15 with Lynn and John. Lynn wears her new Marilyn Monroe-style pullover. All the crowd are within by 8.30. I go home with David B to collect some records which he lent me when we were at his place two weeks ago, then we come back to the Hare. Denny brings me a new single 'Queen of Clubs' by KC and the Sunshine Band and lends me a James Brown LP. MM and Marita come in and ____. Denny seeks refuge in the charms of Graham Pease, who takes her to distant places. Don't really know why Denny and ____.

Phyllis drinks approximately ten shorts before landing flat on her face in the Hare's car park. A frantic departure and Andy, Linda, Carol and Phyllis go home - the remainder coming back to Pine Tops for a coffee. David B is quite attached to Lynn and I harbour secret hopes of a future romance. Bed at midnight. Good day really.

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Friday August 16, 1974

Very warm and sunny. My half-day. John passed his test at 2 o'clock this afternoon and the events of this evening confirmed my long held opinion that dear Daddy is a bastard. I know it's not a nice thing to say about the man responsible for bringing me onto this earth but there it is. A typical Rhodes through and through. He refused to allow John out in the car on his own, making feeble excuses about it being dangerous____.To the Hare & Hounds with John at 7.30 and we attempt to get drunk before all the others come an hour later. John gets fresh within the first half hour but I stay quite normal. Gang comes between 8.30 and 9. Sit with Marita, MM and Denny. Decide to to Appletreewick tomorrow for the remainder of the weekend. John, in the meantime, is becoming all the more drunk, until 10.30 arrives and he finds himself unable to move. Chris takes him home and my designs to get MM and Marita into Wikis fails. I go alone. But inside meet Andy, Linda, David B & Carol & Christine. Home at 1.30 then pack a bag ready for tomorrow.

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Friday August 9, 1974

Rains like hell all day. Get soaked to the skin whilst walking up Hawksworth Lane.

Gerald Ford became president of the United States at noon today. Can't say I know anything about the bloke really but I suppose he'll do a good job till election time in '76.

Dave L collects John and I at 8.0 and we go to the Hare. Everyone comes too and we remain until 10.30 when we all - except Chris - go back to Dave B's for a so-called party. Peter Mather and I go to Harry Ramsden's first where I see Ronnie, who is having a night free from the clutches of Lynn. Back to Dave's in a torrential downpour for 11. See Christopher Lee in "Dracula - Prince of Darkness" - a load of old rubbish which wastes the best part of two hours. After seeing tv we play tapes, and Denny gets stoned on a full bottle of Dave L's port. "Al Capone" a reggae record will forever be imprinted upon my mind. Don't drink much really and actually tip one whisky down the sink because it makes my stomach feel suicidal. Peter takes Denny home (or so I'm told) and Andy and Linda go too. John, Dave L, Dave B and I sit listening to rubbish like Diana Ross till after 3. Home in torrential rain - again and to bed immediately. Feel uncertain about Scarborough tomorrow.

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Wednesday August 7, 1974

Tremendous evening. Lynn joins John and myself, or perhaps I should say joins John, Peter Mather, Carol and Anne S, Dave (Bless Him)Baker, and voluptuous Carol Smith down at the Hare and Hounds.

Lynn drinks no alcohol whatsoever, and we move on to the Malt Shovel, then on to Dave's where we go through a bottle of Pernod and a massive bottle of whisky. I drink whisky from a pint glass, and I don't really mind admitting that more than the required limit passed through my person. Stay till about 1.30 - just Lynn, Carol S and Chris and myself then Dave brings us home. Coming through Yeadon at nearly 2am we were stopped by PC Copsey in his cop car who just asked Dave the preliminaries etc. Quite frightening really and it's the first time I've been in a car nabbed by the cops.

Back to Pine Tops where John and Peter M entertain their American friends for the last time. I become slowly more intoxicated until at 2 I stagger upstairs and sleep.


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Saturday August 3, 1974

Mum wakes me at 12 with the news that Andy is waiting for me -she's not too pleased that I'm going out drinking on an empty stomach, though she doesn't give Andy that impression. To the Commercial with Andy, Bruno and Keith, then the Emmotts, then the Dyneley Arms. Back to Bruno's for spaghetti on toast and listen to the Beachboys Greatest Hits LP. A and I then go on to Dave Brown's in order that A can buy some cheap jewellry for Linda's holiday present. Have a good laugh. Back home for 5.

Denny comes with Lynn at 6.30 and we book a taxi, or I should say 2 taxis, for 8.45. All leave for Pudsey - John, Denny, Carol and self in one car, and Susan, Peter, Ronnie and Lynn in the other.
Super party. Jackie looks great, and we have a good time with Neil, her fiance from Xmas. Never will I criticise Peter Nason again. He may be shy but he loves my sister more than I could have imagined. If I ever see a couple who love each other like that again I will be surprised. Drink until about 3am, though Auntie Eleanor was a large dampener on events when she separated the sexes into different rooms at 3. Sit with Peter getting him drunk and to take his mind of Susan, who is slightly ill with drink. Finally sleep after 6am, and wake up at 10.30am Sunday morning.

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Friday August 2, 1974

Typical Friday. To Hare & Hounds and Wikis. John is enraptured by Carol Smith, whom he asks to accompany him to Jackie's 18th birthday party tomorrow. Poor Denny was not with us tonight. She rings and tells me she is babysitting for her wealthy friends with the £46,000 house.

Andy, Bruno and Keith came straight to Wikis from their Cornwall holiday. Poor Bruno seemed peeved about John and Carol and he questioned him about how long they'd been going out. Not an outstanding evening and the only highlight was the rude attitude of Chris Ratcliffe______.

Home with Keith after 2. Arrange to see Andy in the Commercial tomorrow afternoon. Should be a laugh anyway.

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