Friday August 27, 1976

Mum is bedridden with her back. I don't like being at home when a member of the family is ill. I have a pathological hatred of poorly people. I'd walk round Lourdes slapping cripples.

Poor Molly Macdonald is at death's door. John told Dad today that she burst a blood vessel in her arm yesterday evening and a doctor told Jim [Macdonald] that 'she could go at any minute.'

Sarah told me today that she and Peter [Baker] have finished. Pity really because he was quite a good laugh, but at least I stand a chance once again. Oh, I might have been going out with Lynne M since June, but that devilment still exists. You can't keep a good man down.

Out with Lynne at 8 o'clock to the Hare. A dead, miserable hole it is too. Sit with Sue and Peter all night, and then David L and the delectable CB arrive at 10 o'clock. Whenever she's around I go wild with exuberence and excitement and our eyes seldom drift from each other for long. Why is this? Is it cruel to Lynne? Do I really think anything at all of Lynne? What the Hell have I been doing since the beginning of June? Oh God. Have I been leading L down the garden path? After Carole, will I ever have a normal affair again? [I'm not offering any apologies for all these questions because you lot have nothing better to do than to attempt to answer them, anyway.]

Home at midnight and Lynne goes off to Bramhope to collect Karl from a party and they drive to Thornton-le-Dale. Won't see her now until next week.

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Friday April 20, 1973

Good Friday. I feel really terrible. My conscience will never let me rest. And all because of the BBC.

Yes, the BBC put on a film which stirred my religious feelings. Dad frowned when I told him that I believed St Bernadette really saw the Virgin Mary at Lourdes. He went on to query why it was only Roman Catholics who have these visitations. Poor man. He must think that all the people in the Bible were Roman Catholics too - when of course they were Jews. I was so interested in the film that I was half an hour late for the CW. Sue was having eggs - thinking I wasn't going to turn up. Toffer merely laughed. Sue was in an awful fluster at about 9 o'clock. She hardly spoke for the remainder of the evening - unlike Sue altogether. I was in a daze for the largest part of the evening - due to the fact that the film was tearing at my conscience. What pain I was going through. At least my faith in God was boosted, which can never be a bad thing.

Came home at 1.30. Had 2 boiled eggs and retired.

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