Thursday March 17, 1977

St Patrick's Day. Drastic evening out. Well it was for Michael Rhodes. I worked evenings and met Tony and Martyn at 11.30pm outside the YP.  Martyn looked dead and slept peacefully in the front seat.

Martyn: like the Cheshire Cat.

To Il Trovatore for Tony's birthday drink. Whilst I'm at the bar ordering some drinks for the three of us they both have a dance with a couple of young ladies and desert me completely, leaving me helpless with a Coca Cola and a half of Guinness. I found some solace in the company of Denise, Naomi and Carol (that's Fat Carol who works in the Hare on Sunday nights). _______.The girls left at 12. Martyn came over for their drinks and eventually I'm introduced, but I've forgotten their names. Tony told them about our Brands Hatch trip and unbelievably they say they want to join us. Tony and Martyn were like the Cheshire Cat - Tony especially. Buggers. Spent about £5 and got pissed. Home at 2.30am.






-=-

Friday March 4, 1977

RING ILKLEY 3173 TONIGHT!!!

Re yesterday. Isn't it funny that when I said I was pissed and unable to put pen to paper I went on to write a ruddy essay? Oh, and re Sir Frank Marshall: he was once a big noise on (Leeds City) Council - that's about it really. Oh yes, and I saw June on the bus last night and had a terrific chat with her - great kid. It seems I'm spending more time talking about yesterday than discussing the events of today. On with the show anyway:

Christine Dibb.

To the Hare & Hounds with Tony and Martyn which is dull. CB is in minus Richard Marshall and seems her old, cheerful self. We go on to the King's Bar where Miss Dibb is behaving unusually friendly. She must be having her last fling before Wednesday. Chris and Pete M meet up with us but they go at 11. The three of us - quite sober - went back to the flat where I climbed into a pair of Tony's voluminous trousers and headed off in the direction of Il Trovatore. They picked up a couple wenches - Bradfordians I think, and I met up with Andy Dale.


Andy and I have a couple of dances with Naomi's large friend who lives in the gents toilets at the rear of the Hare. He also got his hands on Miss Moorhouse. Had quite a scream. Home with Andy at 2am hotly pursued by Naomi and Karen in N's new automobile. Our two cars rendezvous at the junction half way down the lane and both parties took the piss out of one another. Oh God I'm financially ruined.

-=-

Friday February 25, 1977

We had a good evening out. Tony and Martyn came up to Pine Tops at 9 o'clock. Mum and I were listening to 'Raphsody on a Theme by Paganini' by Serge Rachmaninov, and Tony shouted 'Oh great, it's Barry White'. This amused Mum.

Il Trovatore

We went to the Ukrainian Club in Bradford. I'm seriously thinking about adopting Ukrainian nationality. If the drinks prices over there compare with those in the clubs here I'm going on the next flight. We all had doubles, including Michelle and Keith,  and the price of the round came to £1. We departed quite drunk at 11 for Oakwood Hall, where only last week we vowed to miss for a couple of weeks. We must be addicted to the revolting place. We decide that nothing is to be lost in going on to Il Trovatore, and so we leave at 11.30 passing Chris, Peter M, and Laura's .boyfriend, Dave Paterson. At Il Trovatore Tony and Martyn make a dive for Naomi and Miss Moorhouse and I stand about like a spare part until 2am. I did approach a familiar looking lady from the Wikis era and received an immediate snub. Piss off the lot of you.

Raphsody on a Theme by Paganini by Rachmaninov

Wednesday February 23, 1977

Ash Wednesday. Nothing much to talk about other than politics. The Devolution Bill was defeated in the Commons yesterday and I had the misfortune to watch Margaret Thatcher discussing this on News at Ten. Let us pray to God she will never get to No 10, Downing Street. (Does my politics confuse you all? I don't aim to deceive you in any way, but please remember I don't vote or support 'personalities'. I shall always cast my vote with the Tories but as far as I'm concerned Margaret Thatcher is as capable of forming the next government as Queen Victoria Eugenie of Spain. So that settles that problem.) -=-

David Glynn.

I feel relieved about the content of this diary. If you lot think you're being badly done to enduring my scribblings, just consult the published journals of Evelyn Waugh. Positively sickening they are. You ought to take my volumes round to Sir George Weidenfeld and get them published. I am doing far better than the depraved Mr Waugh. Sadly however, I'm not a world-famous author or leading wit, am I? Well, not yet anyway. I have been notified by Papa that Mrs Margaret Phillips, mother of Carole, of ex-relationship with the author fame, appeared in court at Otley last Friday and was fined £40 or so for ______. I always said that Mrs P was a silly cow. Tony rings at 8. He and Martyn are off out with Miss Moorhouse and Naomi to the wine bar and he wants to know if I am endulging. I say 'no' because it's Barclaycard pay-up or bust day tomorrow. Dave G also phoned from Stockport to say he'll try to make it on April 2. He rang on Sunday when I was at the YP and again yesterday when I was at John & Maria's. Good lad is David.

Saturday February 19, 1977

My alarm sounds at 10.45. Sit about with some crumpets and tea waiting for Tony. He comes at 11.30 looking worse for wear. Go down to Ilkley with his car packed with belongings and unload it at his new apartment. We then go off in the direction of Doncaster to collect some so-called furniture from his friend Peter. Bugger all it is really. Just three broken down old chairs and something closely resembling a table. Hardly worth trailing all that way to Doncaster for. Tony isn't too happy about it either. Have a cup of tea and watch TV before returning to civilization.

Tony Crosland: snuffed it.

Hear that the Foreign Secretary snuffed it this morning. Is it bye bye to Denis Healey at the Treasury?

Back to Bradford and fill the car with more bric-a-brac. I get home for 8 and am back out again at 9. Tony, Martyn and me down to the Hare. Joined by Chris and Pete M and go down to the Crown at Ilkley. Get pissed and ring Judith, who is serving at the Hare. She says she will come to the flat if she can find Kathryn. Oh do we get pissed!  Back to the flat: Naomi, Karen (Moorhouse), Chris, Pete, and eventually Judith and Kathryn - the hilarious Miss Kathryn Young.I end up getting engaged to Judith and we exchange rings and shirts, &c. Martyn was horribly seduced by his lady and I've never seen Tony get in such a state. We polished off a bottle of gin and a couple of bottles of wine.




-==-

Thursday February 17, 1977

Good night out with Tony, Martyn, Judith, Kathryn and a loud, outspoken maiden who's taken up a post at the Hare & Hounds. After having a few drinks at the Hare we go to Ilkley - to the Crescent - where we're all hysterical at different jokes. Judith laughs at the speed, or lack of speed, shown by the bar staff here, and the loud girl with prospects at the Hare keeps asking for a 'slice with the ice'. Nothing out of the ordinary, because we aren't out of the ordinary people. We just enjoy ourselves.

With Judith.

At 10.30 we go to Il Trovatore - Kathryn included, where Naomi and Miss Moorhouse confront us. Miss Moorhouse falls immediately into Martyn's clutches and within minutes they're bogged down behind a table doing more than talk politics. I saved Judith from a pissed geriatric who asked her the age-old question: "Do you come here often?" She (Judith) takes to Tony like David Wilkie takes to water and I drift off with Naomi into the corner where Martyn is conducting his affair. Nice girl is Naomi.  By 1.30 I think Mr Brotherwood had stomached enough and so he suggested we make a move. Martyn and Karen went off with him and Naomi ferried me back to Guiseley. Don't I pick the women with transportation facilities? Yes, I do. Pissing down when I get home.

-==-

Saturday February 5, 1977

'I may have the body of a weak and
feeble woman'

Rang Lynne this morning with every intention of 'calling it a day'. By 'It' I of course mean our love life, and by 'love life' I of course mean going down the pub three or four times a week and behaving quite respectably and boring. That famous Rhodes cowardice raised it's famous head, and I was sat on Mama's bed dialling. I just couldn't do it and we ended up discussing the weather and rising sugar prices. Oh, why am I such a feeble man? Indeed 'I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman' applies just as much to me as it did to the Empress Josephine*** or whoever coined the phrase in the first place. I am always in some kind of shitting mess, aren't I, dear, patient readers? If you are reading this please deposit this diary in the nearest dustbin because it just isn't worth it at all.

With the lovely Naomi Downing ...

Out to the Hare with Chris and Tony at 8.30. Tony is in a rotten mood._______.We move on to the Vineyard at Ilkley and then Oakwood Hall and he cheers up. Susan Hollins was at Oakwood celebrating her 21st birthday, but no one else. Not even Naomi and Co. I like Miss Downing a good deal. She makes me feel that I'm not the only piss artist in the country. A good girl all the same, and I like to have Maria on about her.


***Elizabeth the First, you idiot.

Friday February 4, 1977

Sorry about all this. It's an accident (referring to scribblings and crossings out at the head of the page). Anyway, to get down to business.: Lynne doesn't arrive until 8 and we don'e get to the Hare until NINE. Have a rotten couple of hours. Feel 'off it' and completely shagged out and Lynne looks like 2lb of wet haddock.

2lb of wet haddock.

 

I try and liven myself up by going to talk to Judith. It's no good - things are going to have to drastically change. Home in a downpour when the pub shuts and Lynne leaves for Thornton-le-Dale. I push Peter's car down the road (I always assumed cars had engines?) Change hurriedly and go with Tony and Martyn to Il Trovatore dropping off Janet Simon at home on the way. See Denise, Carole, Karen Moorhouse, Naomi Downing, &c. Oh and Chris and Pete M. Chris and Pete storm off when C sees Martyn with Miss Moorhouse. What a mix-up. I chat seriously with Carole and tell her she's fabulous and that Lynne and I virtually through. Home pissed.

-==-

Thursday January 27, 1977

Don't ask me how I felt today. Oh, my head! Oh my eyes! Oh, my throat &c! To be honest, I think I'm going to die. Yes, it's that bad.

Chris Ratcliffe.

To the Hare at the usual time after taking a whole day to recover. Joined at the pub by Martyn & Chris and at first we're somewhat lethargic. I even sup tomato juice. Our indifference to enjoyment and total lack of vitality is reduced by the arrival of Denise, Naomi, Carole and Karen (a vassal of Miss Akroyd and a pupil of Fieldhead in days long gone by). The reason for the glut of female revellers can be put down to the fact that Miss Downing is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. At 10.30 in snow, shit and hail we all go to the former Minstrel's Gallery (Il Trovatore) again. Martyn wrapped himself around Naomi all night and I paid more attention to Denise than I should have done. Talked with Carole and she seems to think that I loathe her and frowns, scowls, and passes doubtful glances in my direction all night saying I've 'changed'. Well, we all have to change, don't we?

Il Trovatore, Ilkley.

Blimey, we can't go on living life exactly like we did the year before. We come home at 2.30 and Chris and I have a nasty incident in the van over the moors. He just lost control of the vehicle, went into a skid and left the road. A sobering little move it was.

--

Friday December 17, 1976

See in the Daily Mail that the Prince of Wales and Davina Sheffield are attending the wedding of Richard Beckett and Elizabeth Waterhouse in Derbyshire today. It's the first we've heard of Miss S for quite some time now, but I can't help thinking that she and the heir apparent will one day 'tie the knot'. Will report on developments later.

To the Hare & Hounds with Susan and Peter at 8.30. Carole is in with Naomi again. [They were in yesterday]. I have the feeling that Carole is gloating about something. I'm willing to bet you a million quid that ____ has told her of my recent revision of my feelings, &c. 

Tony, Mandy, Martyn, Stuart, Kathryn, Chris, Pete M, and Denise all flock in. Lynne is far from pleased and goes on about being ignored by Carole & Denise. What does she expect? ________. 

We decide to go to Oakwood Hall. Tony, Mandy, Lynne and I go to the Vineyard in Ilkley until after 11. I purchased the wine [£2.20]. From here we go to Martyn's where I change into one of his suits - like a male Cinderella really. Borrow £5 from Lynne too! God, have I taken leave of my senses? All at Oakwood Hall. Speak to Carole, not in the presence of Lynne of course, and she questions me on the whereabouts of my crucifix and asks why I've taken to wearing my ring on my left hand. Mundane, but a massive improvement on previous meetings. ___must have said something to bring Carole back on the scene.

-==-

Friday October 8, 1976

To Oakwood Hall with Tony, Stuart and Simon. The first hour is somewhat boring and I feel a bit 'left out' if you know what I mean, the three others being employees of W.H.Smith & Sons Ltd. However, Naomi [Downing] makes a grand entrance with Lynne [the Comtesse de Oval] and a few other whores. Naomi is a nice girl. In fact we danced all night. Stuart seemed to be enjoying himself with the comtesse, and 18 year-old Simon was seduced by a 24 year-old unmarried mum with a four year-old daughter, Vanessa. Tony was the only one who kept saying he felt miserable. Drink quite a lot of lager and some unspecified quantity of gin. Not too pissed though. Mucky Stuart and Mucky Simon leave with Lynne de Oval and the unmarried mum, and so Tony and I are left to fend for ourselves. Discarding Naomi at 2am the two of us return to Pine Tops for coffee. He says he's not sure he's doing the right thing giving Smith's retail the push. "Twelve years is a lot to throw away" he kept saying. ________________.

-==-

Thursday September 9, 1976

The day that could have been the most eventful day of the year went by without any news from Maria. Dad saw her this lunchtime and he says she had visited the doctor and he's now arranged to see her on Tuesday. Oh God I can't stand all this waiting. Anyone would think it was my baby she is having [don't even think about it].

Stagger to work with what might be termed a 'hangover'. Feel bloody awful. Tell Kathleen my decision to pack in at noon and she offers up no opposition. I get a bus at 12 o'clock and get home for lunch at 12.45. Mum is on edge about Maria. It must be a terrible experience becoming a grandparent at 41. Blimey, in 20 years time I could be 'grandad' material!

By late afternoon I've recovered and by the time Lynne gets here at 7pm I'm in good shape. We go to the Red Lion at Burley [in Whafredale] with Sue & Pete where we see Naomi, Carole and another girl. On to the Rose & Crown in Ilkley and meet Tony and Stuart. At 10 o'clock the four of us go on to Oakwood Hall for a couple of hours. It resembles a scene from the new Hitchcock epic 'Carry On Up the Black Hole of Calcutta'. Ghastly. Tempers were frayed. Home at 12.30 and to bed with Hunter Davies's The Beatles'.

-==-

Sunday August 29, 1976

11th after Trinity. CB stayed the night at Pine Tops and we entertained her to luncheon. Mum remained in bed throughout and I received some icy looks from her on the few occasions I ventured into her [bed]room to see her. I don't think she approves of me entertaining young ladies when Lynne is away. Am I married? Am I a bachelor?

Carole was at the Stoney Lea last night with her new found friend, Naomi [Downing]. CB had a bit of a chat with her, and so did Tony. I think she fully expects to get back with me one day.

Straight after lunch we drop CB off in Guiseley and Dad and I go back to Silverdale Dr to do some decorating for John & Maria. Stay until 7.30 and do the hall and staircase a green colour.

At home I fall into a coma at about 10.30 and miss the end of a thrilling episode of 'The Avengers'. Stagger up to bed and into a deep sleep.

Monday January 26, 1976

Mum wasn't feeling too well on Saturday and the shock of John's announcement last night has just about finished her off altogether. She had a day in bed, but by the time I arrived home she was cheery and discussing engagement presents with Susan.

John and Maria went too see the priest at the RC church in Burley-in-Wharfedale this evening and came home with tales of hilarity about the old devil. They think the 'big day' is to be March 13, but I don't think it's definate yet. (Our great-grandfather John Wilson was born on March 13, 1853 - just thought I'd mention it.)

John asked me to be his 'best man' and I'm on the edge of my seat with the excitement and terror of it all. God only knows where it is all going to end - and I hope that the wedding bells aren't going to give Carole any ideas because she's going to be disappointed if she expects similar treatment. __________.

To think I have always had John 'married off' as it were, in these pages, to Carol Smith, Naomi Downing and of course dear Christine White, but I don't think I've mentioned the 'does this mean wedding bells?' with him and Miss Maria Christine Macdonald.... or have I?

See the Peter Sellers film 'What's New Pussycat' or something. A brilliant film, and as far as I am concerned Peter Sellers can do no wrong.

Carole rang at 7 and we talked for half an hour or so. I don't think we'll be going out until Thursday night and am surprised to hear that she hasn't spoken to Mrs Phillips since the latter told Molly Macdonald that I had short arms and long pockets. No doubt all will be patched up between them in good time.

-==-

Wednesday July 23, 1975

Another queer day. More like April. It's pissing it down and I'll not dwell on the subject any more.

Work was uneventful and Sarah wasn't feeling too well. I'm willing to bet a small fortune on the subject of Sarah attending my party on Saturday. She's been very secretive about the whole business and every time I mention it she quickly changes the subject. Who cares anyway?

Home at 5.30. Mum is having tantrums about everyone and everything again. She didn't improve much either when Lynn put her foot in it and mentioned we might be having a party on Saturday night. I cringed at the mention of it. Women! Give me a family of boys any day.

The weather is horrible and I'm not looking forward to this evening's orgy with Carole at the Hare. She is all very well, but when the Queen is on TV no competition arises. I am rotten, aren't I?

Down to the Hare with John at 8.15. See Gillian and Naomi who are back from Newquay, where they had two hours of sunshine last week. John collects 'George' and Helen comes long of her own free will. Carole arrives at 8.30. She tells me her name is Phillips. Just think, if she'd been a boy and called Mark and joined the Queen's Dragoon Guards I'd now be a friend of royalty. Back to her place, just the two of us, at 10.30 and I stayed until 12.20. Walk home in pouring rain with her Dad's umberella. Don't get too wet, and on my arrival home I devour a bowl of chicken soup with plenty of pepper on.

-==-

Friday June 20, 1975

A scorching day. Too hot by far to stand around in pubs and such like, but I do all the same.

Because of the closure of the Hare we all meet in the Fox again and I nearly pass out in the heat. Christine and Mary come down, and the drivers consult one another about the choice of the next pub on which to pay a call. They decide on the Malt Shovel in Menston, so we all depart thereto. Stand with Christine and Mary all night really, because John is so taken over by 'George' - it's quite incredible. How he's managed to forget Naomi so soon astounds me. Sue and Peter are also with us, and they are absolutely first class. No complaints at all about them.

Eight people were allocated to the cortina for the return journey, and you'll have to see tomorrow's entry for the consequences. John took Christine to Mary's place in Yeadon, where she's spending the night, and he also ferries Christine D to her villa on Thorpe Lane.

Sue, Pete and me fall about at home in hysterics in the lounge. I was rather intoxicated. High spirits ruled the closing events of the day.

-==-

Thursday June 5, 1975

Clammy day. Rains on my way down the lane at 8am, and is scorching hot on my return at 5.15. Bloody British weather.

It's Referendum Day I know, but I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing about it.

Busy day at the YP. Mrs Johnson, who is now separated from Mick, leaves early 'full of pneumonia' or something. We'll all go down with it in the office.

Home at 5.30 for tea. Believe now that I have no choice other than to vote 'yes' in the referendum. I find the very thought of doing so distasteful, but if I do not do so, the weight of an overall 'no' vote would be on my conscience for the rest of my days.

John and I go vote 'yes' at 8.30. We then go to the Hare where Gillian, Naomi, even CB and Gary are to be found. We also call in at the Fox & Hounds for a quick one at about 9.30. Back to the Hare I arrange to meet CB therein on the morrow. It's now two months to the very day since I told her how I feel about her, and I still feel exactly the same. Gary must go.

-==-

Thursday May 22, 1975

Gillian and I go see 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', a full-length feature film, at the ABC Cinema in Bradford. Really hilarious. We both sat snorting like pigs throughout, and ached with the strain of laughing all the way home on the bus.

We called in on Naomi for ten minutes or so, and I walked Gillian home.

Home at about 11pm to see the new CAR!! A Toyota Corona or something. A beautiful shade of red, and quite the joy of Papa, who vows he's never seen anything like it. He never imagined that the day would dawn when he was the owner of a car free from rust!

-==-

Friday May 16, 1975

Have a good time with Sarah today and I'm sure she is aware that I quite like her. When I say quite like her I mean a bit more than that, but mourning for Christine prevents me from saying what I feel.

Oh, I don't think I've told you that Gary seems to have hypnotised poor Christine again and they are 'going out' once more. I put 'going out' in inverted commas because they don't actually 'go out'. In fact, he 'goes out' somewhere and Christine 'goes out' to the Hare & Hounds and stands about all evening making excuses for him. The day I see them enjoying themselves 'together' I will run up a Union Flag and sit in the middle of Hawksworth Lane in a naked condition, blowing bubbles.

In town today I bought a shirt. Brilliant it is, with a little man on the front. He's riding a bicycle or something. Went to the Hare and Hounds and of course Wikis and everyone seemed to be interested in it (the shirt). Drank quite a sizeable amount of alcohol & revelled in the delights of a drunken Gillian and weird Marian. Naomi was drunk and goes to London to a party on the morrow, and I can't help feeling disappointed that she isn't going to be my sister-in-law.

Home in Laura's car at 2am or thereabouts and stagger straight into the pit. Sleep soundly.

-==-

Friday May 9, 1975

To Wikis with Christine. We walked from the Hare & Hounds. At first I thought I stood a chance of winning her over, but Gary is still very much on her mind.

Sue went to Wikis for the first time, and quite a failure it turned out to be. A failure for me and Christine anyway. At 1am we noticed the small detail that she'd had her purse knicked by some creep in our midst. About £5 and her Barclaycard plus all her photographs and a key. We spend the last hour working out when it was last seen and so on and so forth - all to no use. Not to be found anywhere.

Anyway, she is staying at Pine Tops and so we walked up Thorpe Lane with only one tearful incident.

Uncle Harry came at tea time and he, along with Mum and Dad, paid us a flying visit to the Hare & Hounds at about nine o'clock. John didn't stand a chance with Naomi, and likewise I didn't stand a chance with Christine. I don't really want to be woeful but I'm doomed to bachelorhood from the very start. Women have a jinx on me, and I'd be a lot better joining the Roman Catholic Church. What sort of pay does a Pope get, I wonder?

-==-