Monday November 11, 1974

Nice day. Eileen promises me the use of her camera for Wednesdays conquering of Bradford by the Queen of England. Talking about conquering, I wonder whether Bradford was actually ever conquered by the Normans, or indeed by anyone else? London, York, Hastings and Wessex were over-run by different tribes of foreigners throughout the Medieval and Dark Ages, but what about grimy little Bradford? I feel very strongly about this. Certainly, William the Conqueror would have cared very little about whether the dwelling of Bradford was a safe catch or not. Had he ever heard of the place? One pictures the scene:-
(enter messenger, falling on his knees)
Messenger: "Sire, I have news from the North".
Conqueror: "Speak, dog."
Messenger: "Oh Sire! Tis news, My Lord, of Bradford!"
Conqueror: "Where?"
Messenger: "Bradford, Sire!"
Conqueror: "Piss off, mate. I've got more urgent things to worry about than news from such northerly parts. Anyway, I thought you'd had the 'flu of late?"
Messenger: Oh, it was nothing, Your Grace. Just a touch of cold it was. Nice of you to mention it though, Sire. It's always such a pleasure to be able to work for such a fab regime. Did you see that in the papers about the nasty King Harold? It was so awful....."
Conqueror: "Off with his head."

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