Monday August 22, 1977

Phoned Anne at Smith's to enquire about a couple of free tickets for Tony and myself for the 'do' at Annabella's on Wednesday. She managed to get me some.

Tony came over after tea with a letter from the Health Authority informing him of his interment at Bradford Royal Infirmary on the morning of August 24. This means no 'do' on Wednesday for him and no bank holiday trip for him and Martyn at the weekend. He suggested Martyn and I go to Annabella's instead. He left at about 7 o'clock.

We (the family that is) watched a Frankie Howerd film 'Up the front' which is ghastly. He is a brilliant comedian but the scripts they give him to perform with are rubbish. Bed at approx. 11pm.

PS. While reading 'The Times' today I saw a letter on ancestry which claimed that going back to 1066 each person can claim to have 700 million ancestors. I just cannot believe it. The writer (a Mr D. Reid) also claims that every Briton is descended from King Edward III. This is rubbish.

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Sunday August 21, 1977

11th after Trinity. Woke at 11 feeling quite dead. Mr Brotherwood Senior, grinning broadly, deposited a cup of tea by my bed and made a quick exit from the room. Tony was outside beating his sheepskin car rugs with a large wire brush. He laughed on seeing me and joked about the pinkness of my eyes and deathly hue of my palid cheeks. We then attacked slices of hot buttered toast with Mrs B's constant chatter as a back drop.

Groucho.

See in the Sunday Times that the genius Groucho Marx is dead. Let us hope that, as in the case of the late, lamented Mr Presley, the BBC will now show all the Marx Brothers films because 'Duck Soup', 'A Day at the Races' and 'A Night at the Opera' are masterpieces of comedy. The Elvis films are starting on the BBC next Wednesday.

We went back to the White Horse taking Mrs Brotherwood with us. Tony and I drank tomato juice. Mrs B was on the sherry.

Sunday lunch was at 2 followed by a slight kip and then we hit the road for the north at 4pm. Home via Goodwood and picturesque Sussex and various other bits of that area of which I know nothing. We ate our packed picnic of cheese and spring onion sandwiches in the car, and I had mine as we passed Kew Gardens at about 6.30.  We were at Bradford and in the Bod at 9.30. At times Tony  had been doing over 100mph on the M1. Wendy and Anne were in the Bod and we planned to go to Annabella's with them on Wednesday and to the WH Smith party, I think. I'm surprised we weren't thrown out for all the attention we were drawing to ourselves. Three pints of Guinness, no money an one hour later I returned home to find everyone at Edith and Ernest's and in a state of intoxication. Even Lynn and David back from Italy - not as brown as they should be.

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Saturday August 20, 1977

Mr Brotherwood Senior brought me a cup of coffee at 10am. Tony and I had breakfast together and then he took me on a sight seeing walk around the town. Quite a nice little place. A typical seaside resort. Tony thinks it's all very quiet for the time of year. Is it because people now go to Ibiza instead?

Went on a deodorant purchasing expedition, looked at the beach, before succumbing to Tony's adopted aunt's pub, I think the White Horse. Back to lunch at 2 with the Brotherwoods. Later we went with Mrs B to collect Stephen from his mother's house. He's a marvellous child and is thrilled to see his 'Daddy'. To the park and then back to tea of salad. Very pleasant afternoon.

Good night. We had whisky after whisky and by the time we arrived at Dante's Discotheque I for one was pissed. The women were somewhat tight and non-committal and I managed to pinch somebody else's girlfriend, again. Tony told me afterwards that I was close to getting clobbered again. Home after 2 after doing a detour around a housing estate first. I vomited in a garden on Chestnut Avenue, which is now chestnut, mauve, light green and puce. Or is it puke? Oh what a bloody night!

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Thursday August 18, 1977

The YP took £5 from my wages today (National Savings Certificate) and it opened a new chapter in the life of Michael Rhodes. Yes, I have actually started saving some money for the first time in my long and varied life. By Christmas I'll have £100, and by next May £200. The holiday in 1978 will be no problem financially.

Jack Warner: 'Blue Lamp'

Tony came at 6.30 and collected my luggage and took it down to London, where he is at a conference for the day tomorrow.

Martyn rang. He says Martyn Knipe is home and invites me out tonight to join them. I tell him no because Anthony Cawston's film 'Royal Family' is on TV at 9.55. The lads came here at 8.30 and we watched a chronic, yet amusing film 'Blue Lamp' starring Jack Warner. To say we demolished it is an under-statement. After some persuasion they set off for Oakwood Hall without me.

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Tuesday August 16, 1977

Tony came over this evening while I was in the midst of cutting the lawns and he procured me for drinking purposes. I'm flat broke, but he says he has more than enough cash to buy us both a couple of pints of Guinness.

Elvis: dead at 42.

We went over to Baildon but it was very quiet compared with the Bacchanalian reception we received last Tuesday. Darryl Wills and a friend came in.

We returned refreshed to Pine Tops at about 10.15. Mum informed us that Elvis Presley is dead. I find it hard to believe. He was only 42. He's six days younger than Mother to be precise. No doubt a flood of hysteria will sweep the world as is the general trend on the demise of a Super Star of Mr Presley's rank. (Rudolph) Valentino and Miss Marilyn Monroe for example.

We had our usual Tuesday night 'Panorama' type session with Dad and tonight it was crime and punishment and the death penalty (again). We all became somewhat heated.

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Sunday August 14, 1977

10th after Trinity. We all woke up in the same bed to the gay pealing of the bells of Ilkley Parish Church. Not a pleasant experience by any means. After eggs and bacon with the girls - who seem incredibly frail, we menfolk adjourned to the Commercial. We were joined by Graham Peel, who had been dumped at the party by other members of Denise's entourage and had spent a very noisy night in one of Tony's beds with a young lady strongly resembling Miss Dibb.

Lady Penelope and Parker ...

At 2pm Tony and Martyn returned to Ilkley and Graham brought me home just so that I could say 'hello' to Mummy and Daddy. They were busily messing around with the washing machine and seeing that Mr Peel is more than a bit sloshed and embarrassed by it we made a quick exit back to the flat. Tony and Martyn were asleep upstairs and so Graham and I finished off the left-over booze and  listened to the 'Thunderbirds' record. It was so good to hear the voices of 'Lady Penelope' and 'Parker' again.

Martyn emerged and we went for fish and chips - it was an Evel Knievel type car ride with Graham at the wheel. Frightful it was. Tony woke up for the game of indoor cricket and by 8.30 we were back to reality at the Craven Heifer. Stayed until about 10 listening to Jimmy Shand and others before returning to the Rose & Crown. Denise and entourage were in. Naomi and Carol too. Naomi was very friendly. In fact she and Carol, Graham and another anonymous guy went back to Southway for coffee and Bovril butties. Home at 1.15am with Naomi who saw a ghost on Hawksworth Lane.

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Saturday August 13, 1977

Yes, I definitely feel quite good about Mary. In fact I haven't had such a good time for a very long time. Out to Baildon again tonight with Tony and Martyn but don't see any crumpet worth collecting for yet another Brotherwood party. Moved on to Hare & Hounds at Heaton where we met Wendy and Anne and a couple of anonymous ladies from Smith's. Wendy is the perfect Hylda Baker. John Grady should have been here to see her.

The Sand Dance...

Returned to Ilkley with the anonymous shop assistants. A successful party. I drink Pernod & orange. Joke all night with the girls. I taught them the Egyptian sand-dance, immortalised by Wilson, Keppel and Betty in the 1940s. At about 6 Wendy, Anne, the two shop assistants, Martyn and I got into Tony's bed. He was shouting about something and banging around in the flat whilst the ladies removed me from my jeans, or in the words of Wendy, my 'clouts'. It must have been about 6.30am.





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Friday August 12, 1977

A good day. Eileen and I met Tony outside the YP at about 1pm and we had three or four drinks in the Central. Tony came back to the YP for the afternoon and had Carol J swooning all over him. In fact she did no work from when he arrived, sat, quite besotted, on her desk, with her legs rubbing up against his. It was bloody painful. Eileen was becoming quite violent about it and if I hadn't made the tea a full scale war could easily have broken out. Tony went off to a dental appointment at about 4. ________.

Tonight: Tony, Martyn and Stuart came up at 8.30 followed by Peter M and Chris. Sue, Pete N and Janet Simon joined us and we went to the Bod. Michelle, Toni and a girl called Mary came in. Mary was so fanciable you just wouldn't believe it. She was quite tanked up.

From the Bod most of us went to Il Trovatore. I was with Mary all night and it proved to be one of the most successful in ages. We got on like a house on fire. The only thing is that she has a ruddy boyfriend stashed away somewhere.  So attractive too. I told her she looked like the singer Dana, but she said Vera Lynn was closer to the mark.

Back to Tony's at 2am, and the ladies brought me home at something like 4 o'clock. A diabolical time. Don't know what sort of reception I'll get if I see Mary again but one thing's for sure folks - Michael's in love again.



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Tuesday August 9, 1977

Happy Birthday Miss Jacqueline Myers - my dearest and sexiest cousin. 21 today.

Malt Shovel, Baildon (c) itsart.co.uk

Out tonight to the Malt Shovel at Baildon which was packed out with crumpet galore. Who'd have thought that women would go to all that trouble to get themselves tarted up and actually go out on a Tuesday evening? It never would have happened at one time. Tonight the place was seething with them.

Back at Pine Tops Tony and I 'argued' with Dad on such controversial subjects as his Late Holiness Sir Winston Churchill and the National Union of Mineworkers. ________________.


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Sunday August 7, 1977

9th after Trinity. No hangover or ill effects. Phil looks diabolical but the rest seem to be fine. John G is a bundle of joy even first thing on a morning - it's quite amazing.

Chris & Steve.

We went to the Commercial at 12. (Martyn, Tony, Sue, Pete N, Pete M, John G, Steve, Phil, Charlie and me that is). Joined by Mum and Dad at 1pm and we all sat outside until 2. Poor Chris arrived at about five minutes to closing time just as Martyn was driving Tony home __________.

Everyone back to Pine Tops for luncheon and Edith & Ernest came round afterwards and we all played twenty questions and drank lager and made merry. The lads from Lancashire had a marvellous time. They kept saying what fantastic people Mum & Dad are. _________.

To the Bod tonight and the lads set off back home at about 10. It's gone very quiet now without John Grady's constant joking. Tony had a good time chatting with Wendy and Anne. We took the girls home at 10.30 Wendy travelling on my knee in the front seat. Quite a laugh. In fact the whole weekend has been a riot. Can hardly wait to get a Rawtenstall trip arranged so that once again we can hear the pub ring to the sound Hylda Baker, Shirley Bassey and Diana Ross.

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Saturday August 6, 1977

Sue, Pete and I went to Ilkley at lunchtime. Linda W was busy making sausage rolls and Tony was out shopping. Peter just stood with his eyes glued firmly to the Rose & Crown across the road, and it was a very tempting sight. On Tony's return he suggested we go over the road 'for a few'. Peter's dream was fulfilled.

Peter M & John Grady.

Three pints and several Max Miller jokes later we were back at the flat cleaning away months of filth and devastation. Spent £11 at Hillard's on booze, would you believe. Tony had 'words' with Linda just before she left after preparing the food. It all started when she said "I'm not coming if Denise is". __________.

Andy and Linda: married Aug 6 1977.

Home by tea time. I have a message from John Grady in Rawtenstall. He and Steve want to come over for the night - is it all right? Oh My God it's bloody perfect. I waited at home for them to arrive. Mum and Dad went out for dinner and Sue and Pete went on to Ilkley. The lads arrived at about 9.30 with Phil and Charlie - a couple of friends and the 5 of us went to the Crescent and on to the Rose & Crown before going to the party. All a bit pissed. Mum and Dad came to the flat and stayed for quite a while. They were laughing with John, who is riotous. Denise arrived and left at about 2.30 with Ron. ____________.The festivities went on until about 6.30am.









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Thursday August 4, 1977

The great Queen Mum is 77 today. Saw the usual TV news of the crowd singing "Happy Birthday to You" outside Clarence House. Marvellous she is.

The Queen Mum.

A good night out in Baildon with Martyn and Tony. All in high spirits. The females in the pub were numerous. We named a few of them after famous celebrities of similar appearance. One in the corner was Liz Taylor, Janette Scott was drinking something like lemonade, and a sexy young thing near the juke box who brushed past me several times was Brigitte Bardot.

Tony was out with Denise last night. He stayed the night at Naomi's. He beamed all evening like a young boy. __________. Martyn is still smoking Tony's cigarettes. He's getting through 40 a day but hasn't bought a packet yet. (Just a joke). Home at about 11. A bit pissed.

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Saturday July 30, 1977

Tony, Lynn and me went shopping to Bradford this afternoon. She bought a sexy nightie to take on holiday next week. Tony picked it for her of course. It's a flimsy, sideless, frontless object that I'm sure would make even the plainest female look like Dana Gillespie.

The lovely Dana Gillespie.

'I remember Yesterday'

Ate mussels from the fish market and fish and chips too. Went to Smith's and bought the Donna Summer LP 'I Remember Yesterday' on some sort of Smith's account where you don't actually pay for it.

Tony left at about 5 after having a coffee at our place. He phoned at 6. He is constantly being sick and his head is terrible. He goes off to ring the doctor and rang back at 7 and said 'you're too late for visiting time'. Eh? Yep, he's in Ilkley Hospital. It could be his appendix, or something completely different. Poor old Tony.

Sue and Pete and I went to Martyn's at 8.30 and on to the newly done-up Cow & Calf pub which isn't all that good. I'm in no mood for drinking tonight. On to the Rose and Crown where we broke the news of Tony's illness to Linda. She was quite taken aback and went into a bit of a flap.

At 10.30, even before closing time, we went back to the Cole residence to see two horrific films. Perhaps I should have said horror films, but that is just what they were not. Horrific is more apt. I fell asleep in the armchair much to amusement of the others.

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Thursday July 28, 1977

Took the knackered camera back to Boots at lunchtime. Got back to the office at 1.20 and Eileen informed me that Jacqui had phoned just after I'd left and could I ring her back? Oh Christ I've lost her phone number. I can tell you that she resides at 102 Grosvenor Road, Muswell Hill, but as to her phone number, no. However, at 3.30 she rang back to see how I am and to to ask whether I made it home safely.

Jacqui.

Miss Phillips phoned at 4 o'clock. "Are you nice and brown?" she asked. She is going to Newquay tomorrow for two weeks. _______.

Called in at Guiseley Police station to get a lift home. Standing outside reading my copy of 'The Times' I espy Martyn. He tells me he's been to Manchester to get a job as an encyclopedia salesman. Evidently, after ten weeks he'll be able to go sell his wares in the Bahamas with  phenomenal salary, and no doubt on his private jet. Dad laughed when I told him. He said he's rather sweep the roads. Martyn had bumped into Maria in the chemists shop.

Tony phoned tonight but I said I wasn't going out. He fancied a pint at the Rose & Crown. I just couldn't stand the pace. Watched tv all night instead.

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Sunday July 24, 1977

7th after Trinity. Up at about ten to pack. Martyn is nowhere to be seen. A search of the hotel finds him with a bird from Otley in her room. Our room is in a diabolical condition. A red wine stain three feet high runs round the bottom of the bedroom walls. Booze and broken bottles all over the floor.

Slumbering at the airport

I loathe going home. Left for the airport at 12 noon and had hysterics on the coach with Kathyn. At Ibiza Airport we are told to prepare for an indefinite delay due to some sort of mechanical problem on board our aircraft. Allcock & Brown made their historic flight in this self same bone-shaker.

I got blind drunk. Disgustingly so. I stole a bottle of gin from the airport bar and drank most of it myself. Needless to say I vomited. My recollections of the journey home are somewhat vague other than drinking a couple of whiskies and, according to Peter Mather, fondling the air hostess.

Tony picked us up at Manchester and brought me home at about 1am. Still intoxicated.



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Friday July 8, 1977

To the Harrogate Arms with Martyn and Tony. Carole's in with Fogarty. We didn't speak.

June Bottomley is 21 today. I remember John and I taking her and Sue Bottomley out on their seventeenth! How time flies. Happy Birthday, anyway, Pet.

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Wednesday July 6, 1977

Even warmer.  Out of bed late and didn't get into the YP until 9.30. No one cares though and people roll in and out at all times of the day and night. Worked until 4.30 with no break and got out into the sun.

Marita brought me to Guiseley where I collected a couple of pairs of trousers from the cleaners and winded my way home through the heat. Sat in the garden with Susan. She tells me Peter doesn't want to marry until he's 26 because he wants a better car in a few years time and cannot afford to do both. We discuss the names of future children. Jason Nason! Really zany is Susan.

We sat and laughed until the sun sank behind the Rawnsley residence. Susan was covered in goose pimples.

Community constable ....

Watched TV until about 10.30. Tony phoned and I told him Carole and I were going out tomorrow. He suggests Carole and I should get to the bottom of things. Quite right, Tony lad.

Poor Mr Bhutto has been chucked out of office in Pakistan and Papa made headlines in the Telegraph & Bogus as well as in the Yorkshire Evening Post tonight. Just a few paragraphs on his appointment as Community Constable. "LAURIE SOCKS IT TO 'EM" all over the front page wasn't to be unfortunately.

Seeing Dad's name in newsprint made me wonder how the relations of celebrities cope with the publicity. Does Mrs Bob Monkhouse quiver all over with excitement every time she reads Bob's name in the Radio Times?

What else can I tell you? Edward VI went to meet his maker on this day in 1553 and George V was dragged down the aisle by Princess May of Teck in 1893.

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Sunday July 3, 1977

4th after Trinity. Sat in the garden from 11.30 until nearly 3. Wonderful day. Mr Ratcliffe and Mr Mather called in with the flight tickets and holiday itinery.

Chris & Pete.

I entertained them in the lounge while attempting to devour a salad and speak to Tony on the blower at the same time. Chris and Peter still push the idea that we should go to Denise's party and then go to Manchester with them but I'm adamant. Besides, the flight has been altered to 9.35am - so they'll have to set off at about 5am to get the airport in time.

At the YP tonight I phoned Dave G to tell him Mr Mather would be contacting him to secure garage space for his van. We had a really good chat. How great is this holiday going to be? Work was dead. Wendy is nice though.

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Saturday July 2, 1977

A day in the garden doing bugger all. John called in this afternoon to enquire about my destination this evening. I told him I was supposed to be going out with Carole but not having heard from her I told him this now seemed unlikely. He says, with puzzled expression, that Carole has been playing hell all week because I hadn't phoned and that she would now be going out with John, Maria and Chris R tonight instead. Naturally! I began to feel rather angry with the darling who is the object of my affections.

with Martyn.

John wanted Mum and Dad to babysit for JPH but they're out tonight with Sue, Pete and the Nason's to Flashman's. Lynn and Dave offered to 'sit' instead and David drove down to Silverdale Dr and came back ten minutes later saying Carole was going to babysit instead and that she was playing hell about me. This is the bloody ultimate!

I am not really sure what game Carole is playing but whatever it is I'm not participating.No bloody way.

Tony went to assist John & Jill Cameron move to Beverley and Martyn and I walked down to the Hare. We then went and stood in the car park at the Fox and Hounds where an incident of horrific proportions took place. George and Jane pulled in followed by John and Maria and on seeing us they all drove straight out of the car park and back up the road. Is this Carole Phillips's polluted mind for you? Is she now poisoning John & Maria?

On the bus taking us back to White Cross we encountered a band of drunken youths who indecently exposed themselves to the queue of people at Harry Ramsden's. Amazing. Back home through Tranmere. I uprooted a 'No Tresspassing' sign and I told Martyn just where I intend to insert it. Or perhaps I should say in whom I intend inserting it.

We watched a Dracula film and then a Frankenstein film. Retired to bed at 3am. Martyn slept on a camp bed in my room.

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Friday July 1, 1977

Dominion Day, Canada. Nice hot day for a change. Revolting day at the office with no time at all to speak to anyone. Coming home on the bus I realised I hadn't phoned Carole. Sod it.  No doubt she'll contact me before our date tomorrow.

Meanwhile that night: To a few pubs in Baildon with Tony and Martyn. Then to the Bod. Tony says I'm subdued, but I don't feel miserable at all.

Muggy, overpowering heat in the taverns and clothing was discarded by many. It was refreshing to see a bit of thigh for a change. Nothing quite like a half clothed female. In the Bod Maxine and Sue were to be found. The latter, in Tony's words, is a 'cock teaser'. She fondled Martyn's genitals as though she was handling 2lb of King Edward's. They propositioned them to go to Il Trovatore but after Maxine asked mummy's permission and was refused the glint faded from Martyn's eye. His evil plan had been thwarted.

They dropped me off at Pine Tops and then went on the pilage.

No message from Carole. Tony offered to call in and see her tomorrow morning but I told him not to. We need no go-between and if she can't be bothered to enquire as to my reasons for not phoning her, especially after her deceit, cheating and lies she can just piss-off.

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