20100319

Wednesday April 2, 1975

Feeling much better today. The day flew by, and with Kathleen off (until tomorrow) I wassn't pestered or continually quizzed all the time about my movements.

Nothing spectacular in the news. Nasty Mr Shelepin, of the KGB, went home this afternoon after three or four days of ridiculous publicity. The newspapers went insane over his every move.

The poor Queen is to endure a gruelling state visit to Japan commencing May 7, and a rumpus is going on at the moment about whether or not she'll visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Japanese Warrior. I hope not. After all, the blackguard probably mutilated half the Green Howards with his sabre before some little private put a bullet in his brain. Keep Japan to the Japs and leave our Queen alone. That's what I say.

Christine B rang at lunchtime and I said I'd meet her in the Hare at about 8.30. She said she'd bring Maura with her. I must ask Miss Tobin if she wants to join the party on Saturday night. I'm crying out for folk to fill this 29 seater bus. I only hope and pray that it will be something of a success.

Aaarrghh! I'll only be a teenager now for a further two miserable days. Two days!! God, I'm becoming so old. My days are numbered. My hair is greying and falling out along with half my teeth. Poor, miserable looking sod that I am.

To the Hare, where Jane arrives shortly after me. Revolting, creepy Gillian comes over to us, but I don't egg her on about anything. Christine comes in, and we have a laugh, but unfortunately Gary got in the way. It's about time he went.

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20100318

Tuesday April 1, 1975

April Fool's Day, but didn't feel like doing anything foolish at all. In fact, I felt positively hideous all day. The Easter festivities must have taken too much out of me because I am incredibly tired throughout the whole miserable day. I had a headache too. OK, I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I don't do it often.

Home at 5.30 in a ravenous mood. Devour a massive lump of fish pie, and then have a fabulous complement paid to me by the most attractive lady residing in Guiseley at the moment, Miss Sandra Lawson that is. When I rang Dave, she answered the phone, and said: 'I immediately recognised you by your deep, sexy voice.' My heart thumped and thudded with such violence that I thought the end had come - most pleasant. Not to mention what a boost it gave my rapidly declining ego.

See episode one of 'Edward VII', a new ITV series. Excellent it was, with a good actress (Annette Crosbie) playing Queen Victoria.

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Monday March 31, 1975

Holiday in England, Ireland & Wales. Wake at a civilised hour and potter around over the breakfast table for several minutes before leaping back upstairs to prepare for this afternoon's jaunt to the cinema. Mama is in no amicable mood and makes herself heard throughout the British Empire that was - possibly with the exception of Australia - which isn't quite in her voice range.

At 1.15 Dave, Sandra and Gary collect me and we go to Yeadon to see 'What's Up Doc?' with Barbara Streisand and Ryan O'Neal. Bloody brilliant film. Nearly choked at one point. Believe it or not, I could quite fancy Sandra, who is very attractive with an exceptional personality. Yes, my heart could quite easily become embroiled with hers. Sense of humour is the main thing. Gary is such a laugh too - just like Dave was at that age.

Lynn and Dave make a sudden appearance in 'What's Up Doc?' and I accompanied them home at the end to save Dave L the journey. Poor Mr Baker threw up everywhere behind the cinema and he looked deathly on his arrival home. Lynn sent him off to bed where he kipped soundly for a few hours. Mum and Dad didn't come home until after 10 and I sat in front of the tv all night. Bed at about 1am, after a boring Peter Cushing film which was supposed to be horrific, but not.

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Sunday March 30, 1975

Easter Day. I'm sure Easter Sunday wasn't as early as this last year. I always thought it fell somewhere after my birthday, but it goes to show that even I can make the occasional mistake.

Do nothing all day other than eat chocolates and watch tv. The house was uncluttered with human bodies for the first time in years. Lynn, Dave, Sue and Peter went to the Lake District for the day. John was out on the booze. So, Easter Day lunch was a miserable event with just the three of us, i.e Mum, Dad and myself. Food very nice though.

At 8.15 Dave L comes for me in the car and I escape the horrors of Richard Harris and Vanessa Redgrave in 'Camelot', a revolting film on the BBC. King Arthur and all that. Meet MM and Marita and head for Leeds. The Three Bells, a nasty little pub in Headingley near Bryan's Fish and Chip Shop, is the first place to be patronised by us before moving on to the Skyrack, riddled with festering students and such like. At about 10 we all flee like big kids to the Woodhouse Moor Fair where, to our horror, we discover the bloody thing closing down for the night. After one go on the dodge 'ems the lights go out and the four of us console ourselves with chicken and chips in Headingley. Back to MM's for coffee until 1am. Sit telling tales of horror and fright. Home in the early hours in the Lawson-mobile. I can soon forsee a Matthews/Fountain engagement. Yes, Siree.

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Saturday March 29, 1975

A drunken day to end all drunken days. John, Chris and I chauffeured by Mr Ratcliffe go to the Black Bull in Otley where I consume 5 pints of Carlsberg Special Brew in the space of 2 hours and proceed to look horribly ill in the back of the Ratlciffe __. Very nearly spewed up, but my genius for self-control prevented me from doing so. They bomb off in the direction of Harrogate with me spread-eagled in the rear of the automobile and on arrival in the township they search the area for a gentleman's bog. I am thrust therein, but nothing happens. No vomit. No ill effects at all. They marvel at my quick recovery. I see 'What's Up Doc?' advertised over a cinema, but they refuse to accompany me in. After a heated argument lasting half an hour I concede defeat and go home with them.

Back out at 8 with a hangover. See Christine and Gary, and then Dave L arrives with a college mate, Rich. Peter M, Chris and John make up the party, and we go to the Hare, the Westbourne, Bowling Green, Black Bull and back to the Hare again. Pubs are open until 11.30 and we have a brilliant night. I entertain myself with a Rag mag and Dave nearly crashed the car laughing at the wheel. John bumped into Peter Nason and a pal in the Hare and brings them home for a coffee with all the others.

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Friday March 28, 1975

Good Friday. No work - just pure, unadulterated bone-idleness. At 12.30 on a beautifully sunny, but cold afternoon Dave, Lynn, Helen and I gather in the Hare & Hounds, Menston, Yorkshire, for a little drink before departing, in Mr Baker's car, to Woodhouse Moor Fair for the afternoon. Prior to embarking on the afternoon of childish entertainment, the four of us satisfied our refreshment buds in the Hyde Park public house, upon which I'd rather not pass comment at this moment in time and feel that the comments I would surely be called upon to make are unfit to languish on the page for this holy day.

Spend all afternoon in the fairground and return with fish and chips to Helen's at about 4.30. Home after 5 where Mummmy makes us yet another tea. Mum and Dad walked from our house to Ilkley this morning in just two hours and then came back on the bus.

Down to the Hare & Hounds where Miss Christine Mary Dacre-Braithwaite joins us unaccompanied. Pass a pleasant few hours and plan to go to Wikis, but alas and alack, Gary comes in at about 10.0 o'clock. Blast and Damn him! However, still set on the idea of going to Wikis, John, Gillian and I depart thereunto. Kicked out at 12.30 - Sunday licensing on Good Fridays - bah - and back to Gillian's to see a film. I tried to have sex with her without much success.

-=-

Thursday March 27, 1975

Maundy Thursday. Yet another bloody busy day. Chaos and Hell Fire all rolled into one. Curious about something on the Court page of the Daily Telegraph. The Queen, Queen Mother and Princess Anne yesterday attended a memorial service for Her Majesty's cousin, Rev the Hon Andrew Elphinstone. No where have I seen anything to the effect that he has actually died. So, being highly curious I rang the Daily Telegraph to be informed that he had passed away on or about March 21. Obviously such information is of little interest to sane people, but it means a lot to me.

Sarah was in a good mood for a change and leapt to my aid when I had written a letter to Christine only to discover I had no postage stamps. She suggested I route around in the waste paper basket to salvage a respectable looking unfranked stamp to glue onto my epistle. And to think her Papa is the head postmaster at York.

In my letter to Christine I woffled on for ages about nothing. Well, when I say nothing I mean woffling on about Gary's surname - Walters. Being absolutely insane I connect Gary with Lucy Walters, the mistress of King Charles II, by making out he was her grandson.

Home at 5.15, my usual hour of late, and sit in front of the tv making little attempt to prepare for my meeting with Helen at the Hare. Both John and Papa refused to take me to the pub, so I go by bus, arriving at about 8.45. Sit with Helen, and Naomi (who John thought wasn't going out) brought us home at kicking out time.

I departed for bed after being quizzed as to what I'd been doing out with Naomi.

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Wednesday March 26, 1975

Another day of toil and labour. Cut the YP for a change. So much better than the nasty little EP, which sinks even lower than the lowest rags - the Sun and Daily Mirror.

A certain gentleman writer with the Yorkshire Post today expressed bafflement that no news cuttings were to be found on the new King of Saudi Arabia or Crown Prince. The mentality of some people amazes me! Everyone knows that the Arabian Royals come and go like flies, and that they have at least 300 children each, and the fact that they all have the same name makes it all the more diffucult to keep tabs on them. Khamel Hamed Aziz Woz Ben Fhadi is a prime example.

Amused by a piece in today's paper announcing that the 87-year-old Earl of Midleton is seeking a divorce in order to marry his mistress. I only hope I'll be still getting up to the usual tricks at that ripe old age. It must be a fantastic feeling.

Miss Braithwaite rang tonight and we arranged to meet at the Hare at 8.30. Oh, by the way, last night I booked Kiko's Disco for Friday April 5, and today I managed to get a coach with Rhodes's Coaches of Guiseley - £20 will be the cost - but everyone will contribute I hope. Helen will be chuffed. I'm almost certain she gave up the idea of ever seeing those plans finalised.

John took me to the Hare at 8. He stayed for one drink then took Naomi to Bradford. Chris, Andy, Linda, Carol, Christine B and Gary are at the Hare. Moved on to that revolting pub, The Drop. Home at about 11.

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Tuesday March 25, 1975

Busy, but pleasant day at the YP. Kathleen, as usual at times of great stress and panic, lost her sanity and walked around the building cursing everything that moved and screaming on the top of her voice. I managed to calm her down with a packet of cigs and a cup of revolting coffee. My behaviour this morning was reminiscent of Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler in 1938.

See the Crossman diaries in the Sunday Times again - the final batch. More detail about him and the Queen. In 1966 Crossman had an argument with Lord Porchester (a close friend of the Queen) on the subject of the monarchy. Crossman was highly critical of the institution. Embarrassment for Crossman came several weeks later when he was summoned to the palace on his appointment as Lord President of the Council. The Queen mischievously told him she'd been 'hearing' all about him.

Items in the news: King Feisal of Saudi Arabia was assassinated today by his loony nephew. The revered Prime Minister visited Uslter. The eldest son of the 9th Earl of Carrick plunged himself into matrimony - I know that's not really news at all, but you know what a sense of humour I have. Mr Peart, the Agriculture minister thinks that the dockers are all crackers and wants them to go back to work.

Mama drew her £50 winnings out of the bank this morning. Unaccountable wealth really makes me sick. Christina Onassis herself looks like a pauper in comparison with my venerable mother.

Just noticed that Good Friday coincides with the __________, a latter day John the Baptist. Millions throughout the western world regard her as a God. This world of ours would be a sad place without her love and guidance shining down from the foothills of Pudsey where her priestesses have worshipped her for well over 48 million years.

-==--

Monday March 24, 1975

Rather a nervous day today. On my arrival at the YP Lynn rings me from home to say that a Mr Simpson from Greenwood's wants me to contact him about the job vacancy. I immediately do so and he asks me to go for an interview at 10.30 tomorrow morning. Eileen takes her driving test then, so I ask whether I can go today. We plan a meeting for 5pm. I receive Royal permission from Sarah to leave at 1 o'clock, and come home for lunch.

Mum says that poor Sue didn't get into Nursing College, and that Lynn is having at interview at Barclays Bank at 4.30 today.

At 3 I leap into the bath to make myself presentable for the coming onslaught. You never know, it might be Bye Bye YP before the month is out.

Meanwhile: Later the same day. No, it won't be Bye Bye to the YP at all. In fact, the Yorkshire Post is like Heaven in comparison with the Greenwood Empire. On my arrival at the dreaded place I met a Mr Simpson. He informs me that 'Mr Denis' (whom I presume is Mr Denis Greenwood) 'doesn't like long hair' and so if I should be employed therein, it would all have to go. This didn't amuse me much. I nearly died with laughter on being informed that my wage would amount to £18 at the start and would increase to the vast Onassis-like £20 on my 20th birthday. In other words, a slump of £6 would be awaiting me at the Greenwood's Empire. The prospects too are non-existant. I'll dwell on the subject no more today. I can't wait for the cheerful call of the Yorkshire Post tomorrow morning.

-==-

Sunday March 23, 1975

Palm Sunday. Wake up to a beautiful morning and a beautiful hangover. Palm Sunday too.

The beauty of the weather draws John and I out to the car. We go in the direction of Otley Chevin. Stopping at the Chevin Inn for a quick one we encounter Andy Graham's papa. He buys us a pint each before departing for his lunch. We then go down to the Station in Yeadon - a bloody awful place - where I indulge in one half pint. Back for lunch.

Mum had her hair flashed yesterday and looks like a different person now. She no longer tries to antagonise me. I wonder why?

Dave Baker makes his traditional visit for Sunday tea. Lynn admitted to me tonight that this weekend is the first time they've quarrelled about anything. Nothing serious though.

John and I go with Naomi to the Hare and none of the regulars are in. We're bored stiff and leave at 10 o'clock. He and Naomi go on to Wikis. Aaarrghh! Yes, Wikis on a Sunday! Whatever next? I see tv until 12.15. Tired out, stagger to bed.


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Monday May 21, 1984

 Bank Holiday in Canada Moorhouse Inn, Leeds Lord Willoughby de Broke is 88; Lord Clydesmuir 67; Lord Maxwell 65, Mr J. Malcolm Fraser 54, a...