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Thursday November 23, 1978

Lynn phoned this morning. ____________________.

Out tonight with Pete, Gus and Frank. Poor Chippy is in hospital. He was taken ill with appendicitis last night. Otley Hospital is renowned for removing the wrong organs and so by now he is probably minus his liver and kidneys. Women have gone into that place for simple surgery ~ like varicose veins ~ and have emerged having had absolutely everything 'taken away'. That's the National Health Service for you. Let's hope Dr Chippy will be back with us very shortly.

Told the boys of my new situation. Gus suggested that I go with them to Israel in January. No fear. We set out from the Shoulder of Mutton on a 'Carole Phillips Hunt' ~ but the mission proved fruitless. No doubt she was out with Fogarty somewhere. However, her latest beau, Mick Lynch, was in the White Cross, and then the Fox, no doubt on a similar mission, and so we can write him off. I had a sober night. I definitely recall standing in an orderly manner, and in a sober state, at Oakwood Hall. ______________________.



Wednesday November 22, 1978

Moon's last quarter 21:24

A very historic and sad day. __________________________________________.

At 3pm Jacq phoned to ask if I want the (signet) ring which I ordered from Trixie. I said yes. She reminded me about all her records and belongings in storage at Pine Tops. ________________.

Watched television. Bed at 12:15.


Tuesday November 21, 1978

One Hell of a day. __________________________.

Monday November 20, 1978

________________. Dave and I left Stockport at 12 for Manchester. We had a drink at the Paddy's Goose pub and at 1:30 I left for Leeds. Got to Leeds at 3pm and I attempted to phone Carole at work. The bloody coins wouldn't go in the slot & I couldn't get through to her. Afterwards I went by bus to Menston and delivered a birthday card to her house. Margaret Philips spotted me and she kept me talking for 10 minutes or so. She says Carole is having a 21st birthday party at the Cow & Calf on Friday. "We didn't think she'd live to see another one, Michael," she said. No, neither did I.

Tonight: Christine and Doreen came at 8:30 and we went to the Shoulder of Mutton and then the Fox and Hounds. The old bitch of a landlady at the Fox wouldn't cash a cheque for Christine and we all had a heated argument on the subject. The girls threatened to resign, &c &c.

At 10:30 we went to the Elmer. The place was absolutely packed with Jill's friends, and we knew most of them. Carole was there looking gorgeous. She was with the nurse she met whilst in the infirmary. She thanked me for the birthday card and then disappeared with Mick Lynch. CB and I had a lengthy discussion about Carole. She had no idea how I felt about her. Tony, Pete M and Chris were there. They say John Grady is coming over in a couple of weeks.

Christine and I played at clowns and, to emphasise the point, she poured a full glass of cider down the front of my underpants. How we howled with laughter.


Sunday November 19, 1978

26th after Trinity 6th Sunday before Christmas

Out of bed at 11:30 feeling quite well, considering. Dave is in no state to do anything. He was pale, short of breath, and all conversation died when his grandfather placed a greasy, eggy breakfast before him. He started to make strange noises from the back of his throat and he quickly fled the room. He disappeared to his bedroom for half an hour.

I joined Bill, Garry, Steve and Paul (?) in the bar. All laughing at Dave's plight. Garry said his banana wine bottles are sticky and empty. Another marathon drinking session followed and we laughed at and abused the barmaids through the alcohol fumes and the clouds of green tobacco smoke. What a life! Dave joined us at 1:45 looking considerably better. He put down his new~found recovery to a turkey sandwich which I cannot see as being relevant. We had turkey for lunch afterwards.

Tonight we went to the Swan pub in Edgeley ~ our first port of call ~ and then to the Nelson, where Bill has worked in the bar for many years. We stayed there until about 11. Fish and chips on the way home. A film on the tv took us to about 1am. It definitely pays to stay over at Stockport on Sunday nights. I calculate that I have had 35 pints of lager since Friday!


Saturday November 18, 1978

Sun rises 07:23 Sun sets 16:08

Pisses down all day. At 12:30 Dave G and I went to Garry's where I wrote a couple of birthday cards ~ one to Carole and one to Jill, whose 21st (birthday party) is at the Elmer on Monday. The lads thought I'd taken leave of my senses. Followed by a fruitless quest for postage stamps. Why don't post offices open on Saturday afternoons?

Had a few drinks at the Nelson and Little Jack Horner's and then headed back to the Hollywood where we were joined by Bill and Steve B. A pissed~up lunch was followed by an afternoon sitting in front of a dull tv. I couldn't survive for long in this environment. Lily Glynn says it's because I'm not a 'townie'.

Billy predicts I will be married within twelve months. I shuddered at this hideous prophecy.

Tonight we left the Hollywood by taxi and went to Rotter's Disco at 11. A pleasant night but I wasn't on top form. In fact I felt down right bloody miserable. Back to Garry's for banana wine until 4:30am.



Friday November 17, 1978

Up at 7 feeling slightly groggy. It became steadily worse as the day went on. Sarah and Carol J are going to London for the weekend and so Ursula came in to do a daytime shift. It was good to see her again. For a thirty year~old mother of two she remains quite sexy.

At lunchtime I drank Eno's, the 'tummy settling' concoction. It worked quite well. At 3:30 I left for Manchester and got there in record time. I was bashing on the door of the Hollywood Hotel by 5:30.

Had a mixed grill. Watched Alastair Burnett reading the evening news on the ITV. Jeremy Thorpe's case comes up at Minehead on Monday. Some of us are making bets that Thorpe's clothes will soon be found piled up by some fast flowing river or picturesque ocean seascape. He could well follow the example set by John Stonehouse.

Dave G is bearded and in fine form. We went with Bill, Garry and Steve to see Stockport County play Newport. It was a diabolical game which ended in a 1-1 draw. Watching the planes circling above waiting to land at Manchester was a far more interesting pastime.

Back to the Hollywood with a select mob of football supporters. We drank about 10 pints each and generally had a riot. Bed at 1:30 or so after watching 'The L~Shaped Room' on Granada TV.



Thursday November 16, 1978

A Brief Encounter. Tonight went with Pete, Chippy, Frank and Gus to the Shoulder and from there we decided to go for one at the White Cross. It was fateful. Who should walk in but Naomi and Carole. My heart missed a beat ________________. She smiled, sighed and said it was entirely my fault that she wasn't still with me. _________.

When we left Chippy commented that Carole is the sort of girl he cannot stand. I took exception to this. He can say what he likes about about anybody, but nobody insults my darling Carole.

To the social club at High Royds and then on to Oakwood Hall. I hated every minute of it. ___________________.



Wednesday November 15, 1978

Phoned Christine and asked her what she was planning to do next Monday. Unfortunately, she has been invited to a party, but the sadness soon turned to joy and thanksgiving when we discovered ~ to our delight ~ that we have been invited to one and the same function. This so called buxom Jill ~ whoever she is ~ deserves some kind of payment for managing to throw CB and me together on a Monday evening.

Lynn phoned me. __________________________.

Jacq and I went to the Ostler's at 1pm for revolting toasted cheese sandwiches and warm lager. __________________.

John phoned tonight. It was good to hear him. He was cheerful and blustery. The caravan is bearing up and hasn't collapsed yet. He wanted to know when we are going north to see him. Susan and Pete always decline to discuss the venture. We really must go before December.


Tuesday November 14, 1978

Full Moon 20:00 Birthday of the Prince of Wales

Thirtieth Birthday if His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales. Once again the poor guy is being bombarded by the Press and tv on the painful subject of Her future Royal Highness The Princess of Wales. It's quite obvious that the prince is biding his time and if you ask me I believe he has yet to meet the love of his life. Once he finds her I am sure he won't dither for long because the press will soon sniff her out. Come home Davina Sheffield ~ all is forgiven. She was my favourite. Poor old Wales, he must be totally sick of this idle nattering and speculation.

At the YP Kathleen remarked that I was being quiet and subdued. Why is this depression hanging so heavily over my over~worked brain? ___________________. Jacq phoned at 11. We are meeting at the Ostler's tomorrow.

Sue gave me an invitation from Naomi's friend Jill to attend her 21st (birthday party) at the Elmer next Monday night. I believe Jill is the large, well~made buxom maiden, with the big, pink, flaccid spectacles. (Ah, you thought I was going to say thighs, didn't you?)

Which lucky lady will have the honour of acting as my escort? Christine is an obvious candidate, but sadly she knows nothing of my plans as yet. Things could prove awkward, for instance, if she's down to work at the Fox (and Hounds) or is committed to a previous engagement with one of the many fellows would could be called rivals if it wasn't for the fact that Michael Rhodes has no rivals. The Philip Birdgarden's of this world grovel in the mud and slime at the foot of the colossus of my column. However, in the event of Christine making the wrong decision I could always see if Sarah will come along. She'd like the Elmer I'm sure, and I do believe Mondays are quite free (entry).


Monday November 13, 1978

Bright, windy day. Sarah and I decided we should do something exciting and so at 12 we went to Da Mario's Pizzeria and noshed our heads off. Yes, dining out, lunching out ~ call it what you will ~ on a bloody Monday! It only cost us £1.70 each which is no great loss. Afterwards we both had our footwear repaired at the cobbler next to the restaurant, and we stood around, both bare foot, until about 1. My boots were re~vamped for £3.25. Bloody Hell, I'm going through money like Howard Hughes. (Did he actually spend money, or was he just a recluse? Oh, go on then, I'll say Paul Getty, just to be on the safe side). Money is still something of a novelty to me, and so you'll have to forgive me frittering it away so eagerly. Let's hope the passion will die before very long.

Speaking of passion ~ and who isn't these days? ~ Christine phoned this afternoon and we exchanged weekend reminiscences. Her coach, which left Victoria at about 5:30, went north via Sheffield, and they didn't get into Leeds until well after 11. How weird of our beloved National Coach service.

Tonight we endured three hours of the Royal Variety Performance which was transmitted live. It was in the presence of Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother and at the finale she seemed to be touched by the loyalty and emotion of the generally nauseating cast. It worried me slightly. It looked like some sort of semi-official 'send off'. Does Lord Delfont think that perhaps Her Majesty won't be in a fit state to attend 1979's offering?

To bed at 12:31am



Sunday November 12, 1978

25th Sunday after Trinity

7th Sunday before Christmas

Remembrance Sunday

Slept until 10:30 and then devoured breakfast. Switched on the telly to watch the Queen at the Cenotaph at 11am. Pete Sate arrived at the start of the two minutes silence so in fact we had two minutes of noise and chaos to commemorate the dead of two world wars.

Derek had me washing his Lotus (which I did willingly). I wouldn't wash any old car you know.

At 12 Jacq, Pete S and I wandered down to the real Northwood hostelry where we had a few before the 2pm curfew. Pete is 21 and recounting his adventures he makes my life sound positively 'monk~like'.

Sunday lunch was heavily punctuated with political argument. At one point Derek put it to me that I might be a socialist. I told him I am more Tory than the most far~right Tory which puzzled him. He couldn't grasp my argument. He is a stubborn man and in discussion he won't be moved by anything anybody else has to say. He and Pete squabbled about work too. _______.

Pete drove us to Victoria at 5 and we only just made it for six o'clock. The bus carrying Christine and Mrs B was pulling out of the station. I did my spectacular 'dead man lying on the floor' routine in front of the offending and already departing vehicle, to halt it's progress. But all was in vain. A bus carrying only 15 or 20 people eventually left and Jacq and I grabbed the whole of the back seat for ourselves. Uncomfortable and cold journey. Saw the hideous and ridiculous 'green beam' lighting up Oxford Street as part of the Christmas lights.

Home to a cold, wintry Leeds at just before 11. Jim and Margaret Nason are at home. Bed at 1:30.


Saturday November 11, 1978

Sun rises 07:11 Sun sets 16:18

Up at 7:30 and breakfast on eggs and bacon and things. I have a bedroom with my own little sink (or wash basin). Just like staying at Chequers or the Royal Lodge, Windsor. Unfortunately, no headed note paper in the bedroom.

At 9:30 or 10 we were in the heart of London. Derek and Carol went off to the Mansion House to see Sir Kenneth Cork set out in his gilt coach, while Jacq and I found our way to St Paul's where we had seats in the stand at the rear of the cathedral & opposite the BBC cameras. All very exciting. The procession came by us at about 11:30 and it went on for an hour. We didn't have a good view of the Lord Mayor because he was waving to the crowds out of the far side of his carriage when he past us. Just a glimpse of his arse~clad red robes. A cold, foggy day.

After endless floats and marching bands Jacq and I pushed our way through the crowds to the Cockpit pub in the shadow of St Paul's. From here we wandered into Fleet Street and into the Old Cheshire Cheese, which was re~built in 1667! Saw dust on the floors and old war veterans propping up the bar. Quite pissed by 3pm. Joined Derek and Carol who were lingering in the Lotus by the Thames. Back to Northwood where we all collapsed, some of us snoring like pigs.

Tonight we went to Harefield for dinner ~ The Old Oak Tree, or something. Food was good but the cabaret diabolical. Derek was hilarious and had us in stitches throughout. Carol had sole and she poked and prodded at it.

Back to Northwood at 12:30 where we had a few drinks and a xylophone session. Sang 'Red Sails in the Sunset' and other old favourites, &c. Laughed a good deal.



Friday November 10, 1978

Felt ghastly all morning. By avoiding eating curry last night I think I saved myself the horror, suffering and hardship like wot I experienced last week.

At 12:30 Jacq and I left for London. Met at Hendon at 4:30 (in fog) by Carol Sate, Jacq's step~mother. A woman with short, swept back hair. Drove to Northwood which took half an hour or so. Emma, the Sate's long~haired Dachshund fell in love with me. I fell in love with the posh house and Derek Sate's Lotus Elite.

The four of us dined and then had a slide~show, with projector and big white screen. Thousands of photos of the Grand Canyon and floating restaurants in Hong Kong. Slides too of Jacq, with long, flowing hair.


Thursday November 9, 1978

Sunny. Not like November. Happy birthday to King Edward VII wherever you are.

I phoned Jacq at 11 to ask what time she could escape for lunch. She told me she was going to go to Jacomelli's with her cronies from Dacre, Son and Hartley. ________________.

At 12 I went to Len's Bar with Sarah for Stella Artois and beef sandwiches. The place was dead. We both like quiet, deserted bars, and especially discotheques. She says she cannot understand why _________ attracts so many men. Obviously, some guys will go out with anything that shags, but I don't tell Sarah this and say I am also mystified.

Back at work we just didn't want to work. Drink in the afternoon takes it out of you. She (Sarah) is peeved that I won't be at Grant's leaving party tomorrow. So am I. Home for din~dins at 5:30.

Tonight saw another horrendous piss~up at the Shoulder (of Mutton) with Pete N, Chippy, Frank, Gus, Dave W, &c. Gus is going to Israel to work on a kibbutz, so he says, next year and we argued the pros and cons. From the Shoulder we went to see Christine at the Fox (and Hounds). Susie was in with Janet Simon and we sat with them for a while. Martyn was there. He says I am more than welcome to go next year with him, Tony, Pete M, and Chris R to a caravan in St Tropez. I couldn't think of anything more obnoxious. To Oakwood and got horribly pissed. Home at 2.


Wednesday November 8, 1978

Christine phoned. A remarkable coincidence would seem to have cropped up. She told me she's going to London with Mrs B at the weekend and I leapt in and said "so am I" - to be told she's returning home from Victoria Coach Station at 6pm on Sunday, and Jacq and I will be on the same coach! It's going to be a riot. The poor driver won't know what's hit him. The passengers of a nervous disposition are going to have to delve for inner strength and courage. The combination of CB and I on a charabanc will be like the assassination of Robert Kennedy, three Royal Variety performances and the Pope's hire~wire trapeze act ~ all rolled into one.

CB is going to the Fox tonight and is working tomorrow. I am going to ring and suggest we go to Oakwood Hall after she finishes.

Jim Rawnsley says he is meeting the Prince of Wales, in his official capacity, when HRH visits Leeds next week. He and Muriel are in the official party to go to the Opera at the Grand {Theatre}. He's dreading it and would do anything to avoid going. Life is very unfair. I'd sacrifice my left knee to be sitting in the Royal Box.

Tonight we watched the first part of 'Edward and Mrs Simpson'. Thoroughly enjoyed it. I can see why some people wanted the series stopped.

Bed at 12:18am.


Tuesday November 7, 1978

Moon's first quarter 16:18

Sunny day. Sarah's 26th birthday, of course. Lunchtime saw the celebration at Da Mario's on the Headrow. I stuck to the old, faithful pizza but we had prawn starters and trifle, &c.

This morning I gave the birthday girl one of my speciality cards with a personal verse chucked in for good measure.

Sarah, Carol J, Eileen and Marilyn W for lunch ~ once again I was the only male in sight. Let me tell you now that on occasions it becomes tedious and trying to be the constant centre of adulation.

Later, to the dentist. Surprised that I don't need any work doing. I feel as if I should perhaps climb into my own mouth and shake each tooth by the hand in gratitude.

Watched tv tonight. Charles Darwin again. Bed at midnight with Adolf Hitler.

PS ~ Lynn & Dave came this evening.



Monday November 6, 1978

Miserable day at the YP. Sarah not in a happy mood. I sat admiring a new batch of photographs of Princess Michael of Kent. A classic beauty, stylish, &c. Sarah came out with a tirade of abuse directed at the images of HRH and said she looks 'plain'. Plain?

Delia phoned wanting to know Princess Marina's date of death. I told her (August, 1968). She didn't ask to speak to her daughter, which was just as well.

On the home front all is calm. Susan and Mum spent the night knitting with gusto. In fact it looked just like the war effort all over again. Peter didn't come up tonight because Margaret & Jim have taken his car and gone to see Lynn and Dave, and Pete always refuses to scale the heights of Hawksworth Lane on foot. (Even Sherpa Tenzing Norgay did it by car).

I had piles of sandwiches heavily coated in Mama's own pickle. Stupendous.

Jacq phoned to say Derek is taking us out to dinner on Saturday night at his golf club and so could I possibly pack something other than jeans. That rubbed me up the wrong way. When do I ever go anywhere taking only jeans?


Sunday November 5, 1978

24th after Trinity

8th Sunday before Christmas

Hullo Guy Fawkes, wherever you are. Up at 10:30 for gallons of toast and piles of hot, buttered tea (sic). A sunny, bright, autumn day. Jacq and I stayed at Lawn Road throughout and had a pleasant time with Lynn & Dave.

Lynn dragged us round Burley for half an hour before giving us a massive luncheon. My job for the entire day was to stoke the fire and keep it blazing. Either Lynn's made a close friend of Arthur Scargill or they've found a rich coal seem beneath the house.

Watched a Fred Astaire film which included scenes from the 1947 Royal wedding at the end. Sarah Churchill, Winston's daughter, had a part in the film too. She certainly resembles old Clem. It was all quite nauseating.

Jacq and Lynn seem to have hit it off marvellously. Jacq sees a good deal of me in Lynn and vice versa.

Later we watched Lillie Langtry ~ no comment. Home in fog at 10 o'clock.

Mum and Dad had just returned from Auntie Mabel's. Mama looked really nice in a new green dress with the handbag and shoes bought for the wedding. She was laughing over the Sunday Express article about the Prince of Wales escorting Princess NORA of Liechtenstein.


Saturday November 4, 1978

Sun rises 06:59 Sun sets 16:29

Up at 9:30 and after breakfast went to Lawn Road with Mum & Dad. Lynn was at the hairdressers and Dave, Dad and I made some structural alterations to the residence whilst Mama got a blazing fire going. Dad and Dave did some work putting the kitchen door into position and I painted everything in sight.

Lynn came in like a Goddess at 12 and immediately dragged Mum off into Burley. They staggered back a couple of hours later quite sozzled. They informed us that they'd met a man called Gordon, suffering from Parkinson's Disease, who would be dropping in on us later with a selection of bottles of his home~brewed cider. A likely story.

Jacq came at 2:30 and we had a good lunch. I'm surprised the ladies managed to cook it. Javq was wearing a new pink creation.

At 4 Mum and Dad left and we sat listening to music. Lynn was pissed and really in her element. At 6:30 we, the four of us, got a bus to Guiseley with every intention of attending John Little's bonfire at Green Bottom School, but on arriving we were told the entry fee was £1.75 per family. Lynn told the bemused man on the desk that we are not actually a family, but that we do all love one another.

We walked through the Bonfire night smoke and smog, and baked potato fumes to the White Swan at Yeadon. Lynn and Dave had come out without any cash and felt guilty about being parasites on their elder brother and benefactor. We had a few drinks and inspected the bonfire there. What has become of Bonfire Night? Am I getting old so that I don't see or observe the things that children delight in any more? I hope not. The days of the one penny (old money) banger are gone forever.

At 10 we went for a bus back to Burley and waiting at the bus stop for an hour. It was like a scene from a Greek tragedy and to be honest it made the whole evening. Lynn carrying on like Sarah Bernhardt. We laughed and joked ridiculously to the extent that the traffic was swerving to avoid us. Elderly ladies were peeping at us from bedroom windows.

A bus came at 11 and we headed back to Burley. Bit of an anti-climax really. Sandwiches, coffee and a 1943 John Mills film isn't exactly what I call a proper Saturday night. I suppose it cannot be a riot every week.

Lynn and Dave went off to bed before John Mills, in his submarine, had the time to sink the Brandenberg, and I fell asleep. Jacq and I 'kipped' on the sitting room floor with our heads pointing towards the dying fire embers. _______.



Friday November 3, 1978

Dear God I feel just terrible. To quote Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman ~ "my eyes are like piss holes in the snow". Hideous, quite hideous.

Did little or no work and Sarah took me to Len's Bar at lunch in an attempt to revive me but it simply failed to work.

Didn't hear from Christine. I bet she feels the same.

At 5:30 Jacq and I went with Dave B to meet Lynn at Yeadon. We had every intention of going to see 'Grease'. At 6:30 after fish and chips we 'nipped' into the Clothiers 'just for a quick one' where we were joined by Sue and Pete, who put us off by telling us that the queue for the film at the Odeon is five miles long. We too readily believed them, and carried on drinking. It was a great relief for me. I can think of nothing worse than John Travolta's leather gear in glorious technicolour.

The six of us moved on the the Crown, and then the Drop. All quite pissed up. ______________________.

Pete says he's going to blackmail me over _________________________.

Jacq got a bus at about 11 and the others called in at Pine Tops to see Mum and Dad. Dave and I were hideously pissed, and this always niggles Mummy when she's stone cold sober. We squabbled slightly and I argued with Dad about the Labour party and nationalisation. David joined in the argument but nobody could understand what he was talking about.


Thursday November 2, 1978

To town with Sarah at lunchtime. To Boots - we took a couple of negatives of photos of Lynn and Dave's engagement in Oct 1977. Really good pics.

Tonight Christine came at 8 and we went to Otley to collect her 30~year~old blond friend, Doreen. She's straight~forward, crude, blunt, in fact just like us.

We went to the Shoulder of Mutton. Saw Pete N who told us he isn't going to Oakwood Hall. We don't let this trouble us. I was well away after only three or four pints. On to the White Cross where Doreen picked up a young, bearded garage proprietor, who really got on my nerves. Then, after seeing Jimmy Macdonald, but only briefly, we went to the wretched Fox & Hounds. Naomi was in, but no darling Carole. Philip 'Birdgarden' Houldsworth and little Gary were chatting up Christine, and at 10:30 Doreen and 'Howard Hughes II' cleared off. Her excuse was that she is too old for Oakwood Hall. She must be mad.

My recollections now grow quite faint. I do remember accidentally dropping a half pint of lager down a debutante's cleavage, and Christine later said I sat in a pint of cider that was on the dance floor.

Evidently, at about 1:30 I bought a hot curry from the man in the van outside Oakwood Hall. I cried all the way through it. Oozing snot. I almost said hot as 'Dante's Inferno' but a few years ago somebody told me that Dante's Inferno has nothing whatsoever to do with fire or heat. I'm in the dark on this really.

At home I pelted Christine with 2lb of onions and forced elderflower champagne down her throat.


Wednesday November 1, 1978

All Saints

Sarah and I went to the Red Lion in Burley this evening and then on to Lynn and Dave's where we watched tv ~ Lesley Anne Down's portrayal of Phyllis Dixey, the stripper.

Sarah wasn't feeling too well and was very pale and tired. I sampled 'Artic Lite' lager ~ not for me. Too dry. Dave and I dashed back over to the Red Lion at 9:30 to get a few more bottles and I paid for the lot. I am really enjoying my new~found wealth.

David seems to like Sarah. _______________________.

Sarah and I got the 11:30 bus. Squabbled with Motherdear about something ~ I've forgotten what. Retired to bed.

Jacq and I have got seats in the stand on Nov 11 for the Lord Mayor of London's parade at the Mansion House in London. The old boy, Sir Kenneth Cork, is an old mate of Derek Sate's, I think. __________.


Tuesday October 31, 1978

New Moon 20:06

I bumped into Jacq on Wellington Street this morning ______________. Isn't it supposed to be All Hallows Eve today? Years ago, the four of us, would dash out into the night with lanterns made from scooped~out turnips and proceed to terrorise the neighbourhood. Dear reader, those were the days.

Christine phoned to say that the letter I wrote to her whilst intoxicated on Thursday night is an absolute scream. Evidently, I told her in no uncertain terms that she had to accompany me to Oakwood Hall on Thursday or that I would take it very personally. I then went on to make a cartoon sketch, in red ink, of Mr Jess Yates. I must be a raving lunatic. CB did a good deal of giggling.

Sarah has been her sensuous, tantalising self all day. She has that wondrous, sexy Scorpio personality ~ so sexy. We are going out tomorrow. ______________________.

Tonight watched an interesting programme on BBC2 about the voyage of Charles Darwin on HMS Beagle in the 1830s. It was actually part one of a series. All good stuff though.

Peter and Sue have been playing 'Monopoly'. Susan has had a very poor game ~ in fact she's bankrupt. We Rhodeses have never been financial whiz kids ~ just horribly attractive people.


Monday October 30, 1978

At work Jacq phoned and wanted to know how to spell 'horrendous'. Is she perhaps writing about our relationship?

I phoned Christine and told her that she must come to Oakwood Hall on Thursday. She agreed, but I always live in fear of a cancellation because her social diary is very packed and running wild these days. She told me she was out with Philip Knowles on Friday. Bless them. We remarked how long it was since we were last out together ~ just the two of us. It will be a good laugh if Gus and Co join us at Oakwood because they go insane with typical 20~year~old spasms at the sight of anything remotely female, and Christine is certainly very, very female.

To be honest I'm feeling miserable.Every once in a while I go through a phase of critical re~assessment and sit pondering on why we are here. The human race that is. Come on, who would care if Michael Lawrence Rhodes was swallowed up by some over~active peat bog on All Hallows' Eve, 1978? My dear old Mum would probably notice I'd gone, but ex~President Podgorny of the U.S.S.R and Dame Anna Neagle wouldn't give a damn.

Saw Monty Python tonight ~ a repeat of the 1969 series, but good all the same. Afterwards watched Spike Milligan's 'Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall'. Spike only made a brief appearance which was sad. At 11pm I sloped off to bed.


Sunday October 29, 1978

23rd Sunday after Trinity

9th Sunday before Christmas

End of Summer Time: put clocks back one hour at 02:00

Sarah and I talked last night. We are in a very similar position. ______________________. We are two of a kind Sarah and I. We do think one hell of a lot about each other. She told me that she didn't think she would ever marry.

Jacq came at 12. We went with Sue and Pete to the Commercial for beer and beef sandwiches, and then moved on to the Half Way House (opposite the Shoulder of Mutton) which is a ghastly modern pub full of adolescents and with a grotesque barmaid.

Back home for 2:30 and we settled in front of the tv. Horribly boring. Jacq sat knitting. __________________.

The Prince of Wales is in Yugoslavia on his first visit to a communist country.

Mum and Dad returned from Whitby at 6. We all had a Chinese take~away. Watched 'Lillie Langtry' again. It's not the greatest historical drama ever made. The woman playing Queen Victoria should be horse whipped.

Took Jacq to her bus at 9:30. To bed at 11:30.


Saturday October 28, 1978

Sun rises 07:46 Sun sets 17:42

St Simon & St Jude

Lynn and Dave are consoling Alison today. She should have been marrying at 2pm.

Mum and Dad went off early this morning to Whitby. They are spending the night at the pub overlooking the harbour. I sat at home all day quite alone. _______________________.

At 6:30 I went over to Sarah's and we moved on to Carol's flat and eventually at 7:30 we went to Headingley to meet Jacq. She said she wouldn't arrive until 8 and so I told Sarah and Carol to go on ahead to the Damn Yankee. _________. Jacq didn't eventually come until 8:30 and so we didn't get to the Regent until about 9. The four of us stood in the Regent like wet fish. Sarah went to sit in the car at ten because she said she was feeling faint. Carol went off with Roy _______________________.

We dropped Jacq off at 10:30 and then Sarah made a miraculous recovery and we returned to Pine Tops and played records, drank lager and elderflower champagne until about 2. We danced the tango across the dining room to Donna Summer ~ Sarah with a large plastic flower clasped firmly between her teeth. Hilarious.


Friday October 27, 1978

My day off free from the drudgery of the YP. I was eating kippers for breakfast when Jacq arrived. My head was throbbing and I could think of nothing worse than having to trail to Haworth for this long promised days outing. The delights of Bronte land are not well placed on the bus routes and all I can put it down to is that perhaps the West Yorkshire Passenger Transport Executive is not impressed by the likes of 'Vilette' and 'The Tenant of Wildfell Hall'.

We arrived there at 12 and went straight to the Black Bull. I was in no mood for boozing. The Black Bull was, of course, often frequented by Branston Bronte, whose sole claim to fame was his invention of Branston chutney.
We pondered as to whether a pissed Charlotte Bronte staggered across this same old stone floor back in the 1850s. At 2:30 we swapped to the King's Arms and then took the air on Haworth Moor, which neither of us found impressive. Ugly in fact. What startled me was the sunshine as it always seems to piss down in Haworth.

At tea time we journeyed home and then went to Salvo's in Headingley for seafood pizzas. Shear greed really because neither of us were hungry. At about 9 we moved on to the Central, for the loud, pulsating disco. John Travolta imitators were gyrating everywhere. We both felt quite sick, bloated and uncomfortable. Drank rum and orange. Home at 11 on a large, red bus.


Thursday October 26, 1978

Carole phoned. It was marvellous to hear from her because I have been worrying about reports about her health. She just wanted to know what I am getting up to and said it would be nice to bump into me. We talked about John and Maria and she said they should be at home in Yorkshire where they belong. Fogarty's name wasn't mentioned but she enquired whether Jacq was still on the scene. Her "swimming accident" on holiday was in fact a recurrence of last year's mysterious ailment. She has always been a strong swimmer.

Tonight went with Pete, Chippy, Gus, Frank, &c to the Shoulder (of Mutton), Menston Hospital Club, and then Oakwood Hall. The lads vowed never to return to Oakwood after the humiliation of three weeks ago, but there we went. I was pissed up on lager and cider. They all joked about ____________________.

Christine and I must do Oakwood next week. Home at 2am.


Wednesday October 25, 1978

Excuse my scribbling in felt tipped pen. My bottle of scarlet ink is downstairs and I can't be bothered chasing after it.

I really do think that I am in love, yet again, with Sarah. The YP just wouldn't exist without her. Life would be a drag if I didn't see her every day. We plan to go to the Regent at Chapel Allerton on Saturday, and afterwards to a party, no doubt. _______________________________.


Tuesday October 24, 1978

Moon's Last Quarter 01:34

United Nations Day (1945)

Wet, cold and windy. Climbed out of bed at 10am. Went with Mum and Dad to Morrison's to help with the grotesque shopping. Supermarkets are beastly dens. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that William Morrison is really Wilhelm von Moritzon, the SS chief and war criminal extraordinaire. Not even Adolf Hitler could have conjured up something quite so evil as a vast, music~filled chamber heavily laden with packets of breakfast cereal and cellophane~wrapped streaky bacon. Hideous.

To the YP twixt 5 and 12. Campbell Spray was sneering about Jacq. Miss Sate really is the limit encouraging C. Spray in this ridiculous fashion. I will not play Edward Langtry to her Lillie.

Home in a dull, uninteresting taxi at 12. Cheese on toast, Ovaltine and a pomegranate. Weird, yet pleasant. To bed at 1:32am. It took me 12 minutes to complete this page.


Monday October 23, 1978

An article in one of the bawdy newspapers said that our own dear Prince of Wales leads a very normal and active sex life. I never imagined for one minute that Davina Sheffield was merely his partner at billiards. However, discussing the sexual antics of our heir apparent is quite simply not on.

This afternoon Jacq and I went to the Ostlers. For some reason I had to get out of the office. Sarah was being particularly painful. She is always very trying after a riotous weekend. Like a baby, she is sulky, bad tempered and tired.

Alison and Mrs Dixon phoned and spoke to Lynn and Mum. Alison has asked Lynn to go down and see her. She and David are going on Thursday. Even Dave is looking pale and emotional about it all. He was quite fond of John P. _________.

Saw a Robert Mitchum film tonight and went to bed at about 11. Read The Duke and Duchess of Windsor by Ralph G. Martin (again). The poor old Duchess (of Windsor) is on her last legs in Paris. The powers to be down at Thames Television are no doubt praying for her end to come to coincide with the start of the tv series "Edward and Mrs Simpson".



Sunday October 22, 1978

23rd after Trinity.

Slept until noon. My God nobody can accuse me of being an idle waster. If I keep going with my marathon walks I can see me making the 1980 Moscow Olympics.

Jacq came over at 12:30 just as I was splashing around in the sink and we went immediately to the Commercial, supposedly for beef sandwiches, but Annie had sold out, so we had to resort to alcohol. At 2 we got on a bus to White Cross and had fish and chips at Harry Ramsden's. Quite divine.

A brisk walk up Thorpe Lane and that was my exercise over and done with for the weekend. I just sat in front of the tv all afternoon with the two ladies. Daddy was out on the streets defending the citizens of our crime~ridden township. Soweto isn't a patch on Guiseley.

Boring 'Lillie Langtry' was on tv again and although I find Francesca Annis quite a little scorcher I am afraid the script and action ~ or lack of it ~leaves a lot to be desired. We are into six episodes and she hasn't even had Bertie, Prince of Wales, in bed yet. Talking of bed, I went to mine at 11 o'clock.