Wednesday February 27, 1974

Ash Wednesday. My half-day. Saw June on the bus going to Guiseley. She was paying a lightning visit to her sister, Mrs Hobson, on Netherfield Road. We exchanged the usual niceities, and she tells me she is going to an interview at Margaret Macmillan this afternoon - we then parted and she skipped over the zebra crossing and into oblivion. I stood and watched her as she disappeared into the midday bustle of the thriving city of Guiseley. The girl who had once governed my very thoughts had nothing better to discuss than the weather conditions and just how mild it is for February. Life is an odd thing. walk home thinking to myself just how miserable I could be if I tried. After six months I still wish we were together. But I'm saying no more on the subject of females.

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Wednesday January 23, 1974

Up at 8.30. Listen to Noel Edmonds as usual. Mum doesn't have much to say for herself, and I leave at 8 for my train. See Helen and Ian Appleyard. The poor boy is quite insane. Just because he's got himself a girlfriend he thinks no one else has ever experienced such feelings of elation & joy. His temperament is that of a 14 year-old male. Helen saw my amusement.

Kathleen had a day off, and Miss W saw it as a good opportunity to inform us all that 'Miss Rainforth' was her successor to the Kingdom. This gives me the idea to call Kathleen 'Miss Rainforth' on a joking-full-time-respectful basis. She'll hate me for it I'm sure.

Quiet evening at home. Chris rings and says he's failed his driving test - doesn't seem particularly bothered, but after all - he's used to failure. Make the usual arrangements for Friday. However, on Saturday night I think that Linda is arranging a party to the cinema. I think it's 'Jesus Christ Superstar'. I am very pleased that Andy and Linda are once again tete-a-tete, or whatever phrase you use to describe an intimate, cosy relationship. One can hardly believe that it's a year since he and Linda began dating one another, and this time last year holds many memories of romantic importance for me. But I will not go into lengths about my failures in life. Last year was beautiful while it lasted but I no longer desire to dwell on the subject of JB. She's through with my life once and for all.

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Thursday December 27, 1973

I wonder if Sue Riley's given birth yet? When I pass the CW on the bus I see no sign of life and therefore pressume that the poor girl is in the clinic suffering the rigours of childbirth. The little blighter is already four days late. Discussing this with Mother she says I came on the exact appointed day; John should have been born on September 22; Lynn was six days late and I think she said Susan was early.

Rushed home from the YP in order to prepare for this so-called party in Horsforth. Hell, what a total disaster the evening was. Arrive at the house at 8.30. And from the start Helen Taylor thinks that she has me hooked. After 90 minutes of wandering around the streets of misty Horsforth - past June's house - I tell it's no good us starting anything permanent. I admit to her that June is still the only girl in my life. She begins to cry outside Diane Rushworth's house in Horsforth and I make a hurried departure. I do so hate upsetting these females, but what else can I possibly do?

Pam Barlow rang to invite me to Judith Lea's party on Saturday - I refuse, using Chris as an excuse. Helen also asked me to go to the same party - not knowing that Pamela is also after me too. Generally an intolerable evening.

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Saturday December 22, 1973

Dad wakes me at 6.25am and I wash, dress and go downstairs where I blow up several balloons in the lounge. Mrs Blackwell bangs on the door at 7 with a story about the taxi driver being late. They are going to Torquay for Christmas to see their son and four grandsons.

The weather is shocking, fog and rain both at the same time. At 8.0 I get the 55 bus arriving in Leeds at 9.0. Spend three hours and £6 buying presents in near torrential conditions. See Sue Bottomley in 'Scene and Heard', who says June didn't enjoy the party at Benton Park on Wednesday. I tell her that I didn't enjoy it either, and she gave a wistful smile.

On arrival home I try ringing Jackie in order to get to the bottom of these latest 'June rumours'. Whilst talking to Uncle Jack the line goes dead and at 5.30 I had heard nothing further from Pudsey. Even Mum is hopeful that June and I will get back together. The prospect literally makes me feel like going hysterical with joy. Who knows what might happen?

John, Christine W, David, Marita, MM and Linda go to York until 4am. I await further instruction from higher places. I went to the Emmotts and sat with Ivy until 8.30 when Chris, Andy, Peter Mather and gang joined me. At 11 we went to a party near the Golf Club - gate crashed it. Remained until 1.30. Peter brought me home.

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Friday December 21, 1973

The coming joys of the festive season have yet to take hold of me and all I think about is June. She's driving me crazy. I think I'll go and see her tomorrow.

Now that Princess Anne is truly established as a married woman I think it indelicate to retain her portrait in a prominent position in my bedroom. I have therefore replaced her by Miss Bottomley. The most angelic portrait I've ever seen.

At 5.0 I decided to ignore the EP editor's party and come straight home. Chris rings at 8.05 and says I can get a lift to Farsley if I'm at the Emmotts by 8.30. This is impossible. Sue and I remain indoors and see Stanley Baxter imitating the Queen's Christmas message - quite authentic.

Tonight was the first Friday since November 2 that I didn't enter a place set aside for the consumption of alcohol. It made a change.

I put up some mistletoe for Mother and sit by the light of the Christmas tree feeling generally sorry for myself.

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Thursday December 20, 1973

Slept in this morning. Work by 9.50. Feel like breaking down and __________.Pathetic isn't it?

Everything was so bloody happy last Christmas. At this time I was madly in love with June. I still am, but at least last Christmas she felt some affection for me. I saw her last night. God, it will kill me. Cousin Jackie told Mum that she (June) was still very fond of me. Jackie sees her at college. I just want to be sick. If she is fond of me, and if I love her, why aren't we together? Christ, why must I suffer such tortures? I wrote her a letter again, but don't suppose I'll get a reply.

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Wednesday December 19, 1973

Saw June at the Benton Park Christmas dance. She didn't say much and seemed disinterested in anything I do or say. Love sick, that's my trouble. June looked lovely. Generally, the whole thing (the dance) fell through. People trying to be things which they aren't. David didn't say much. MM had been for a haircut.  

Lynn went to the Emmotts for the first time - and little Janet Roots managed to get a sherry out of me. John and I were wearing identical jumpers, and all the lower 6th girls had the usual fight on the topical question "who's gonna _____Mig Rhodes first". I now know why Pamela Barlow rang. She's a bloody sex maniac. Talk about throwing yourself at someone! Laura attended in her usual capacity as "Tart of the Year 1973". Ah well, if Liz Taylor and Richard Burton can get back together then June and I still have a chance. God, the thought of it makes my life a lot warmer. She's the only one to give me a purpose to live for. 

 -==-

Monday December 3, 1973

I ought to _______________________in August, because my heart is broken beyond repair. Four months have passed since darling June left me, and yet no day goes by without me wishing for a miracle to return her to me. It's not as if I don't try to find someone else, but her image is always in my mind. Her voice, her sayings. I will never stop loving her.

Agreed, sometimes weeks go by without me writing her name, but you must realise that most things I write are only useless facts, to cover my innermost feelings. One day I do suppose that I will forget about my so-called broken heart, and look back upon these months with nothing but fondness. But one cannot act of context with the present. At this moment in time I love June more than anyone or anything else.

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Friday November 23, 1973

Enjoyed work, but loathed the Emmotts. Chris, Laura, John, Andy and Denny. Sickened off completely. Tomorrow is the third month without June. She never leaves my thoughts. I pray to God that she finds happiness eventually. She is far too ruthless, restless and beautiful to be the family type. I love her.

A very cold day. Bed at 1am.

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Tuesday November 6, 1973

Chris persuaded the gang to attend upon him at the Emmotts where I encountered June and Susan Jepson. I still love her intensely, although she treated me terribly tonight. Sarcasm never used to be her main drive. Ivy was most upset to see us go our separate ways. Evidently, the only man Ivy ever loved died after a seven year engagement, and she steadfastly refused to ever marry anyone else. Only yesterday Carol J said that, if after courting someone for a year and it fell through, she couldn't be bothered to start afresh with a new partner. She voiced my feelings entirely.

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Thursday October 18, 1973

Nearly my last day at Benton Park. Feel very nervous because I have to tell old Ayling that I am leaving him. All the girls in the Economics class are gleeful about my discomfort! Poor Helen Taylor begins crying when she learns that I am leaving. It wouldn't be so bad but for the fact that I don't like her. I'd have her under my thumb if I fancied her in any way - BUT I DON'T! NO! SHE'S NOT MY BLOODY TYPE. JUST MY BLOODY LUCK!

All the girls I have ever fancied do not fancy me, and vice versa. Even dear June hated me. And what did I ever do to make her hate me? Bugger all! I was a bloody saint with that girl....

See 'Top of the Pops' on tv. That programme is sure going down hill! Poor Tony Blackburn is cracking up. I'll give him till Christmas before his mind finally goes - poor soul. He was so good when he was on Radio 1, way back in the days of the good old Detroit Spinning Emeralds. Poor bugger - he so much wanted his CBE.

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Sunday October 14, 1973

Wake up having had another dream about June. She had written to me asking me to forgive her. Me forgive her! My God it should be vice versa. I must have been a swine, a real swine!

A typical lazy Sunday. Andy doesn't ring about the swimming baths. John and I sit in the lounge listening to Jimmy Savile on the radio. Mother is preparing lunch and the girls do homework.

Later: after an excellent chicken lunch we watch Sidney Poitier in the film 'Lillies of the Field' - very amusing in places.

Chris rings at 7 o'clock. John decides to have a night out with Chris and Andy - females prohibited.

I stay at home and see a programme on tv about why we laugh, but the end result is more of a programme concerned with what we laugh at, completely different to what the title suggests.

Mum and Dad and the girls go to Pudsey at about 7.30 and do not return until about 1.30. I sit watching the tv until it closes down and then compile a letter to June asking her to see me again, and will post it tomorrow.

Do not get to sleep until about 2.30. I feel listless and completely useless really.

Oh dear. When John and Chris arrived at the Emmotts they encountered Marita, poor soul, and Laura. Chris hadn't told Marita he was going out. Chaos and pandemonium followed. The girls walked out. Is this the end of Chris and Marita? I do hope not. M is such a nice old girl.

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Thursday October 11, 1973

Nine months ago today started the romance to end all romances. Yes, June and I went to the golf club dance at Rawdon, from whence we never looked back until that tragic day in August when she gave me up. I will never understand why she left me.We were always infinately happy together. People admit that we were made for each other. Old Ivy at the Emmotts thought we were a fantastic couple. Christine B could tell by the expression on my face that I loved June...

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Wednesday September 12, 1973

I am really sick of school. I cannot work or think straight. History is all muddled and I do not care whether I pass an examination ever again or not. My love for June shadows all other things. How will I ever come to terms with the fact that I will never see her again? I have no money either. What a terrible state I am in.

Later: Chris rings me and asks me to go round to finish the 'spare' beer off which is surplus from the party last Saturday._____________(censored). Marita arrived and sat with me all evening. Andy and I nearly choked over a joke which is far too obscene to record here in my diary, however I will record it leaving out some letters from the dirty word:

'Mary had a little pig,
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
So she stood it up against a wall,
and kicked it's little c_nt in.'

John and I got the 32 bus at 11.20 with Andy and arrive home exactly at 12.

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Monday September 10, 1973

School uneventful. Thought about June all the time. No matter how much I try to forget her I cannot. Get home by 4.30 and write her a lengthy, dramatic letter saying how much I love her, and always will do. Send it in the 7.30 post.

Later: John asks me to join him and Christine W at the Emmotts - I am reluctant at first but agree after a little persuasion. Whilst on the bus John is looking out of the window and remarks how much a passing girl looks like June. And it was June! I leapt from the bus at the next stop, John with me, and I approached her rather cautiously. We went for a walk which lasted one whole hour. Neither of us mentioned the separation. God! How I love her! Sue B stood with John until Christine arrived in the car with Marita. I told J of the letter. Afterwards, I did realise that she would not go back out with me again. But my seeing her helped to delay the coming heartbreak. I will never look at another girl without thinking of her. June will be my only love.

--==--

Sunday September 9, 1973

I awake on a very small sofa at the residence of Mr C.H. Ratcliffe and discover that I am still intoxicated. John and MM laugh at me. Chris is preparing a chicken for lunch in the kitchen. I proceed to polish off another pint of ale along with a coffee at the same time. My head feels terrible. The day is very hot and sticky and the sun is blinding me through the windows.

Evidently, between 4-6.0am I sat near the stereo wearing Chris's headphones crying like a baby whilst listening to a Tamla Motown LP. I dislike Tamla, but it wasn't the cause of my distress - it was my devastation over the loss of June, made much worse by the exessive alcohol. I yelled for two hours solidly!

The party was really fantastic and poor Dave, who has never been in such a state before, went home on the bus with his trousers all covered in vomit. Andy left at 8.15 this morning - poor soul.

MM goes at 1pm and then John and I catch a bus. I feel really sick, still wearing my 'Teddy Killer' T-shirt I board the 1.30 33 bus - all other passengers clad in best Sunday clothes. Spend the remainder of the day relaxing quietly.

Rang Mother at 1.0pm from Chris's and she says Dad spent the night with Grandad, who is critical. They go back at 6pm. Uncle Harry rings at midnight to say he died at 11.50 pm. Although I was not even fond of him I cannot help feeling rather sad. Bed 12.15.

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Wednesday September 5, 1973

A letter arrives from Middleton St George confirming just what I expected - they do not want me - this year anyway. Revise Napoleon I all day in the library. I took in a pile of records dating mainly from 1971. At leat they are more interesting than Donovan, etc.

Sit at lunchtime sharing my sandwiches with Christine. Oh, remember the days when I spent lunchtimes with June? Christine saw June in Horsforth the other day. She asked about me but is still enjoying herself deliriously. She went to the Mecca and Hoffbrau with Sue Bottomley last week. I would love things to revert to how they existed only several weeks ago. Michael Stott does not mention her name, although he must still be calling on her with Paul Tasker. I hold no grudge against the boy. Why can't she forget about the past? What can I have possibly done wrong anyway? I will write yet-again, begging her to reconsider. When I look back in the diary I realise what good times we used to share. Now it's all over. No wonder I cannot worry about my future career. What is to be enjoyed in life without June?

--==--

Thursday August 30, 1973

It all became official today. June notified me. Got up at 6.45. Bill sends Andy and me to do the bus shelters at Rawdon traffic lights - horrid job indeed. After break he sends me to Henshaw to paint all the clothes posts. Laughable day. Brian Jilkes is such a scream.

The weather reminds me of April. Too wet to paint (fantastic). Do not finish my task by 4.0 which means I will have to complete it tomorrow. However, I intend going into school tomorrow at 10.30 to see Groves. MM and Christine are also going in. At White Cross on the way home, I see Dad in the car, and so I left my bust to accost my chauffeur. Mother is with him. She tells me of a letter awaiting from June. As I imagined, she never wants to see me again.

Lynn and I go to Bradford Library at 7.30. She joins in order to obtain suitable literature for her CSE projects. By coincidence, I joined the library one year ago today. Home at 9.15. Sit with a martini reading a biography of Louise, Duchess of Portsmouth, a mistress of King Charles II.

Feeling horrid about June. But I cannot beg her to take me back. What wrong have I done?

--==--

Tuesday August 28, 1973

Today I look madly around for reasons why June should cast me off. I conjure up the idea that she hasn't even given me up! Suppose she's been taken away for the Bank Holiday by Christine and John? But no, she would have told me. I will have to face up to the fact she is sick of me. God. It is all so odd.

A hot day spent painting garage doors behind the Stone Trough at Rawdon. Andy looks so different since having his hair cut on Saturday. Have crisp sandwiches for lunch. See Bill briefly this afternoon.

Later: Chris rang me and begged John and I to go the Emmotts. We agree. Poor MM is a nervous wreck worrying about the results of the 'O' level Economics which are to be released tomorrow. Evidently, he saw Darryl today, who heard from Tasker, that June in finishing with me. Big deal! I have known this for two whole miserable days now. Andy Graham, John and I get the 10.40 55 bus. Home for just after 11 o'clock.

We are probably goint to Rufforth stock car racing on Sunday - making a day of it. What a busy week we are all having! I think they are all doing it to keep my mind off June. Cowie, Dale and Willie (who passed his driving test today) were in the Emmotts tonight. All were shocked to hear about June. God. It all seems so strange without her.

--==--

Monday August 27, 1973

Bank Holiday Monday. Wake up at 10 o'clock. Sick and worried to death. Never did I think June would leave me like this. But, I suppose that's life.

Grab the 'Daily Mail' to read about the King of Sweden, and to my amazement see that the Liberals are now as popular as the Conservatives. Mr Thorpe could well be PM in 1974. Dad thinks it will take many years for the Liberals to obtain the necessary majority - he is usually correct in these matters.

Later: Mother says I am moody simply because I have been deserted by June. Isn't that a very good excuse to be moody? I loved her very much, and still do.

John and I go to the Emmotts at 8.30 after seeing 'Carry on Screaming' - really hilarious.

Linda Smith, MM, Chris, Marita, John and Christine W, Andy Graham and me. No June. The Emmotts harbours such good memories.

Dave comes at 9.30 and we go in his car to the Queen's. Chris goes with Marita in her car, and everyone else goes with MM. Stay until 11 o'clock. Dave and I have tremendous fun coming home. Hiding on Hawksworth Lane with the car lights off in order to surprise MM. What children we are!

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