Tuesday July 13, 1982

Tree: with my name restored

 I'm peeved about my 'royal baby' family tree which is now a glorious technicolour poster hanging in Malcolm Barker's office. Geoff Hemingway came over at 12 and asked me to accompany him to view the poster. My name is notoriously absent from the impressive genealogical table, and we both exclaimed at the cheek of it. They haven't even had the decency to bring me a copy. Geoff filled in a lineage form for me and under his breath referred to Mark Parry as a 'bastard'. Malcolm offered me £50, but that was three weeks ago, and nothing has materialised. Good old Geoff. He does look after my interests.

More deep sea diving tonight. Mr & Mrs Watts returned to inspect the heating. No developments. Phoned Mum. John has seen a house in Yeadon within a stone's throw of eight pubs. Saw Lord Home on the telly.

Bed at 11.

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Monday July 12, 1982

 Bank Holiday in Ireland

We have had no hot water since the meeting of the Jacques Cousteau fan club here on Saturday. Tonight David and Jean Watts came here [he's an engineer friend from the AHA], and he sat, head in hands, baffling over our extensive water pipes. They went away to pick berries on [Otley] Chevin puzzling over our system. We were left without hot water but bathed all the same using the emergency heater. Sod it.

Unbelievably, an intruder broke into Buckingham Palace in the early hours of Friday morning and made his way to the Queen's bedchamber where he engaged Her Majesty in conversation for ten minutes before he was apprehended. It is disgusting and appalling. The intruder, Michael Fagan, asked the Queen for a cigarette and under the pretext of going to find a Woodbine she managed to summon assistance. Thank goodness she remained calm. Eventually, a chamber maid entered upon the scene and exclaimed: 'Bloody Hell, Ma'am, what's he doin' in here?' Heads really should roll. Mrs Thatcher visited the Queen this afternoon. HM is said to be angry. I'd be stark, raving furious. What's the bloody point employing guards to stand with fixed bayonets at the palace gates when the riff raff of London's east end is allowed to roam the palace corridors at will? 

Bed at 10:30.

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Sunday July 11, 1982

 5th Sunday after Trinity

Horrid day. For much of the morning Ally strutted around like Benito Mussolini giving orders right, left and centre. I was reduced to the role of a serf and was sent to the garden to smash an old sink, much to the amusement of Miss Whincup, sitting in a chair in her garden. Went to the tip. Ally was much happier later. It's the heat that turned her into a fascist dictator. We took a quick constitutional 'around the block'. It's horrific to view the squalor which is so close to our own doorstep. 

Later I sat with Ken Follett, and Ally sat looking at me. Up to bed, then down again for lasagne. Watched the World Cup final. Italy beat West Germany. It was worth watching just to see President Pertini leaping around in the royal box. Bed again.

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Saturday July 10, 1982

 A family gathering. Mum, Dad and John came at 12, and Sue, Pete, and Christopher followed at 12:30. John, with the help of Dad, plastered a wall, and then while boxing in some pipes they fractured one, and had to do some some sub-aqua joinery and plumbing. Welding equipment was sent for and the murky waters eventually subsided. The ladies, oblivious to the life and death underwater struggle, were cooing over Christopher in the garden. I passed glasses of sherry to them through the window. Beer flowed like Bacchanalia too. Sue, Pete and the adonis baby left after the hapless workforce had sent the central heating into oblivion. Christopher is blond and blue eyed and raring to make a bolt for it. He is one of the healthiest, robust specimens I have ever seen. We ate salad sandwiches and swilled ale and coffee and watched someting called 'The Professionals' on ITV.

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Friday July 9, 1982

 Hot sticky day. Left at 4:30 thanks to Ray Buckton and went to Pudsey to collect dear Auntie Mabel. She was watching the golf on a terrible blurred TV. It's amazing how one can get so used to a bad set. Mabel took me to a bus stop [waving at Marlene in her cake shop en route] and went to Bradford in about 10 minutes. The God of Traffic was looking favourably down upon us. We sat sweating profusely, slurping shandy. A splendid dinner. Prawn cocktail, steak, celery, strawberries and cream. Mabel touched by the way we had 'gone to such trouble'. But we eat like this all the time, don't we? We steered clear of talk of John. We took auntie back to Pudsey in a storm and a Citroen at 10. I was buggered all night. Pleasant though.

News: Prince William is to be baptized on Aug 4 [the Queen Mother's birthday] at Buckingham Palace.

Thursday July 8, 1982

 Ally and I went to see Jack Simon to collect our wedding album and prints. £148. Jack was in his garden stripped to the waist building a wall. Brenda talked for ages about Wales. On to Pine Tops and sat with Mum and Dad looking at the photos - very favourable. Pamela and Peter Huddleston, and Pauline Sanderson, came at 9. Pauline's lover is a 50 year-old skeleton. Home to a lasagne at 10. Bed, quite exhausted.

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Wednesday July 7, 1982

 Up at 6:44. Ally took her morning bath. Jacq came down and beat the hell out of her five-minute boiled egg. Isn't it funny how different people crack open their eggs? Jacq and I left at 7:45 and we parted an hour later on the 72 bus.

Fred Willis [EP newsdesk] asked me when I can do another family tree for the EP. This sets me thinking. What about the Queen Mother's 82nd birthday?

Alexandra Berry, a first cousin of the Princess of Wales, has married a German today. Bartz is his name.

Home to Ally at 6. She's exhausted and slept in the chair after her salad, and went to bed at 8. Mum phoned. They looked at the Fountain at Linton and want it. John has received notice of his divorce. Maria is suing him for his adultery with Janette, who according to Mum is a niece of Alec McHarrie, who has been seeing Maria for some time. John isn't going to counter-sue Maria for her behaviour and will sit back and take everything ___________. Mum is unaware that Janette is is coming down here to see the [Rolling] Stones in 2 weeks. She will not have her at Guiseley. It's a Queen Mary-Mrs Simpson situation. __________. No word from Glynnie. I had a bath at 9 and went to bed. Ally has a headache and is hot. A muggy night and she kicked off the bedding. She is a delight.

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Tuesday July 6, 1982

 Warm and sunny. The YP like an asylum again now that Kathleen is back. Left at 4:30 and met Jacq at Dacre Son & Hartley. We went by bus to Bradford. She was horrified at the length of the journey. At home Ally was like a peach, busying herself in the kitchen. We dined on steak and kidney pudding. Not too much booze. Jacq brought wine, and we had sherry, which was very dry. I drank shandy. Talked about property, damp patches and Frances. I did the washing up and the photo albums came out. Coffee. Yawns. We chatted until after 1am, and then went off to bed.

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Monday July 5, 1982

 Up at 6:44. Bath. Toast. Bus. ASLEF on strike, but no ill effects. Went to buy John another [Rolling] Stones ticket at 11, and went to see Jacq afterwards. We joked about the journey to Bradford and I told her to have the enterovioform tablets ready. She is also going to see the Stones. This gave me an idea. Why don't I ask everyone I know to join us at the concert? Rang Dave G. He was encouraging and will let me know tomorrow.

At home I sat for a couple of hours patriotically watching England v. Spain. It was a 0 - 0 draw which knocked us out of the World Cup. We needed 17 goals to remain in, or something. Ally, like a mad beaver, cleaning. Bed after 11, hot and restless.

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Sunday July 4, 1982

 4th Sunday after Trinity - Independence Day, USA

A day of rest. Out of bed for a full-English breakfast with lashings of hot tea. We laughed about Jill. She should be on the stage. John took a torch and climbed up to look in the loft, but threw it down to me saying it wasn't needed because there is plenty of daylight coming in through the roof. It is going to have to be re-pointed. Not too drastic though. Watched TV: 'The Avengers' and a football match, Northern Ireland v. France. We avoided Wimbledon, much to Ally's chagrin. [Jimmy] Connors won his match.

Chicken for dinner. John lapses into long silences. Maria phoned to discuss finances. Ally and I left the room so that they could talk without witnesses. Corner House Cottage has been sold to Molly and Jim. I spoke to Catherine but couldn't understand what she was saying.

To Guiseley at 8 and had a burst tyre en route, not 100 yards from the scene of our last puncture. Fucking roads! Why do we pay rates? Hilda and Tony with Mum and Dad. Janette phoned John and Mum sat tight lipped. Nothing was said. We left at 11:30 in the middle of a Rod Steiger film. He was playing W.C. Fields.

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Saturday July 3, 1982

 Hangover. John demolished ths sitting room [in fact the only room] and we are now midst rubble and plaster. The scene is strongly reminiscent of the Christian sector of Beirut. He did an excellent job, and already the room looks better. The fitted cupboards were unsightly objects. Went off to the tip with the waste and spent an amusing half hour throwing the debris over the fence.

Chilli con carne for lunch. Phoned Jill to see if she wanted visitors for a night on the town in Pudsey. She enthused. At 8 we went to Valley Rd and then to the King's Arms at Tong for a riotous session. Jill is the greatest comedienne since Mae West. I find her a delight to be with. John, who barely knows her, was fascinated. Poor Tim still much out of it with his leg. Drank gallons of Stones bitter [ale]. Back to Valley Rd and then home at 2am.

John is angry with Mum and Dad about the Toyota. When they gave him the car three weeks ago they implied it was his if he could get in fixed and back on the road. He has achieved this remarkable fete and now they've taken the car back from him. Oh dear. He wants another [Rolling] Stones ticket for Janette, his lady friend. Where will she stay when she comes down from Scotland? Guiseley is definitely out and so I suppose Ally and I will be hosts to this adulterous liaison. Mother will be livid.

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