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Monday November 6, 1978

Miserable day at the YP. Sarah not in a happy mood. I sat admiring a new batch of photographs of Princess Michael of Kent. A classic beauty, stylish, &c. Sarah came out with a tirade of abuse directed at the images of HRH and said she looks 'plain'. Plain?

Delia phoned wanting to know Princess Marina's date of death. I told her (August, 1968). She didn't ask to speak to her daughter, which was just as well.

On the home front all is calm. Susan and Mum spent the night knitting with gusto. In fact it looked just like the war effort all over again. Peter didn't come up tonight because Margaret & Jim have taken his car and gone to see Lynn and Dave, and Pete always refuses to scale the heights of Hawksworth Lane on foot. (Even Sherpa Tenzing Norgay did it by car).

I had piles of sandwiches heavily coated in Mama's own pickle. Stupendous.

Jacq phoned to say Derek is taking us out to dinner on Saturday night at his golf club and so could I possibly pack something other than jeans. That rubbed me up the wrong way. When do I ever go anywhere taking only jeans?


Sunday November 5, 1978

24th after Trinity

8th Sunday before Christmas

Hullo Guy Fawkes, wherever you are. Up at 10:30 for gallons of toast and piles of hot, buttered tea (sic). A sunny, bright, autumn day. Jacq and I stayed at Lawn Road throughout and had a pleasant time with Lynn & Dave.

Lynn dragged us round Burley for half an hour before giving us a massive luncheon. My job for the entire day was to stoke the fire and keep it blazing. Either Lynn's made a close friend of Arthur Scargill or they've found a rich coal seem beneath the house.

Watched a Fred Astaire film which included scenes from the 1947 Royal wedding at the end. Sarah Churchill, Winston's daughter, had a part in the film too. She certainly resembles old Clem. It was all quite nauseating.

Jacq and Lynn seem to have hit it off marvellously. Jacq sees a good deal of me in Lynn and vice versa.

Later we watched Lillie Langtry ~ no comment. Home in fog at 10 o'clock.

Mum and Dad had just returned from Auntie Mabel's. Mama looked really nice in a new green dress with the handbag and shoes bought for the wedding. She was laughing over the Sunday Express article about the Prince of Wales escorting Princess NORA of Liechtenstein.


Saturday November 4, 1978

Sun rises 06:59 Sun sets 16:29

Up at 9:30 and after breakfast went to Lawn Road with Mum & Dad. Lynn was at the hairdressers and Dave, Dad and I made some structural alterations to the residence whilst Mama got a blazing fire going. Dad and Dave did some work putting the kitchen door into position and I painted everything in sight.

Lynn came in like a Goddess at 12 and immediately dragged Mum off into Burley. They staggered back a couple of hours later quite sozzled. They informed us that they'd met a man called Gordon, suffering from Parkinson's Disease, who would be dropping in on us later with a selection of bottles of his home~brewed cider. A likely story.

Jacq came at 2:30 and we had a good lunch. I'm surprised the ladies managed to cook it. Javq was wearing a new pink creation.

At 4 Mum and Dad left and we sat listening to music. Lynn was pissed and really in her element. At 6:30 we, the four of us, got a bus to Guiseley with every intention of attending John Little's bonfire at Green Bottom School, but on arriving we were told the entry fee was £1.75 per family. Lynn told the bemused man on the desk that we are not actually a family, but that we do all love one another.

We walked through the Bonfire night smoke and smog, and baked potato fumes to the White Swan at Yeadon. Lynn and Dave had come out without any cash and felt guilty about being parasites on their elder brother and benefactor. We had a few drinks and inspected the bonfire there. What has become of Bonfire Night? Am I getting old so that I don't see or observe the things that children delight in any more? I hope not. The days of the one penny (old money) banger are gone forever.

At 10 we went for a bus back to Burley and waiting at the bus stop for an hour. It was like a scene from a Greek tragedy and to be honest it made the whole evening. Lynn carrying on like Sarah Bernhardt. We laughed and joked ridiculously to the extent that the traffic was swerving to avoid us. Elderly ladies were peeping at us from bedroom windows.

A bus came at 11 and we headed back to Burley. Bit of an anti-climax really. Sandwiches, coffee and a 1943 John Mills film isn't exactly what I call a proper Saturday night. I suppose it cannot be a riot every week.

Lynn and Dave went off to bed before John Mills, in his submarine, had the time to sink the Brandenberg, and I fell asleep. Jacq and I 'kipped' on the sitting room floor with our heads pointing towards the dying fire embers. _______.



Friday November 3, 1978

Dear God I feel just terrible. To quote Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman ~ "my eyes are like piss holes in the snow". Hideous, quite hideous.

Did little or no work and Sarah took me to Len's Bar at lunch in an attempt to revive me but it simply failed to work.

Didn't hear from Christine. I bet she feels the same.

At 5:30 Jacq and I went with Dave B to meet Lynn at Yeadon. We had every intention of going to see 'Grease'. At 6:30 after fish and chips we 'nipped' into the Clothiers 'just for a quick one' where we were joined by Sue and Pete, who put us off by telling us that the queue for the film at the Odeon is five miles long. We too readily believed them, and carried on drinking. It was a great relief for me. I can think of nothing worse than John Travolta's leather gear in glorious technicolour.

The six of us moved on the the Crown, and then the Drop. All quite pissed up. ______________________.

Pete says he's going to blackmail me over _________________________.

Jacq got a bus at about 11 and the others called in at Pine Tops to see Mum and Dad. Dave and I were hideously pissed, and this always niggles Mummy when she's stone cold sober. We squabbled slightly and I argued with Dad about the Labour party and nationalisation. David joined in the argument but nobody could understand what he was talking about.


Thursday November 2, 1978

To town with Sarah at lunchtime. To Boots - we took a couple of negatives of photos of Lynn and Dave's engagement in Oct 1977. Really good pics.

Tonight Christine came at 8 and we went to Otley to collect her 30~year~old blond friend, Doreen. She's straight~forward, crude, blunt, in fact just like us.

We went to the Shoulder of Mutton. Saw Pete N who told us he isn't going to Oakwood Hall. We don't let this trouble us. I was well away after only three or four pints. On to the White Cross where Doreen picked up a young, bearded garage proprietor, who really got on my nerves. Then, after seeing Jimmy Macdonald, but only briefly, we went to the wretched Fox & Hounds. Naomi was in, but no darling Carole. Philip 'Birdgarden' Houldsworth and little Gary were chatting up Christine, and at 10:30 Doreen and 'Howard Hughes II' cleared off. Her excuse was that she is too old for Oakwood Hall. She must be mad.

My recollections now grow quite faint. I do remember accidentally dropping a half pint of lager down a debutante's cleavage, and Christine later said I sat in a pint of cider that was on the dance floor.

Evidently, at about 1:30 I bought a hot curry from the man in the van outside Oakwood Hall. I cried all the way through it. Oozing snot. I almost said hot as 'Dante's Inferno' but a few years ago somebody told me that Dante's Inferno has nothing whatsoever to do with fire or heat. I'm in the dark on this really.

At home I pelted Christine with 2lb of onions and forced elderflower champagne down her throat.


Wednesday November 1, 1978

All Saints

Sarah and I went to the Red Lion in Burley this evening and then on to Lynn and Dave's where we watched tv ~ Lesley Anne Down's portrayal of Phyllis Dixey, the stripper.

Sarah wasn't feeling too well and was very pale and tired. I sampled 'Artic Lite' lager ~ not for me. Too dry. Dave and I dashed back over to the Red Lion at 9:30 to get a few more bottles and I paid for the lot. I am really enjoying my new~found wealth.

David seems to like Sarah. _______________________.

Sarah and I got the 11:30 bus. Squabbled with Motherdear about something ~ I've forgotten what. Retired to bed.

Jacq and I have got seats in the stand on Nov 11 for the Lord Mayor of London's parade at the Mansion House in London. The old boy, Sir Kenneth Cork, is an old mate of Derek Sate's, I think. __________.


Tuesday October 31, 1978

New Moon 20:06

I bumped into Jacq on Wellington Street this morning ______________. Isn't it supposed to be All Hallows Eve today? Years ago, the four of us, would dash out into the night with lanterns made from scooped~out turnips and proceed to terrorise the neighbourhood. Dear reader, those were the days.

Christine phoned to say that the letter I wrote to her whilst intoxicated on Thursday night is an absolute scream. Evidently, I told her in no uncertain terms that she had to accompany me to Oakwood Hall on Thursday or that I would take it very personally. I then went on to make a cartoon sketch, in red ink, of Mr Jess Yates. I must be a raving lunatic. CB did a good deal of giggling.

Sarah has been her sensuous, tantalising self all day. She has that wondrous, sexy Scorpio personality ~ so sexy. We are going out tomorrow. ______________________.

Tonight watched an interesting programme on BBC2 about the voyage of Charles Darwin on HMS Beagle in the 1830s. It was actually part one of a series. All good stuff though.

Peter and Sue have been playing 'Monopoly'. Susan has had a very poor game ~ in fact she's bankrupt. We Rhodeses have never been financial whiz kids ~ just horribly attractive people.


Monday October 30, 1978

At work Jacq phoned and wanted to know how to spell 'horrendous'. Is she perhaps writing about our relationship?

I phoned Christine and told her that she must come to Oakwood Hall on Thursday. She agreed, but I always live in fear of a cancellation because her social diary is very packed and running wild these days. She told me she was out with Philip Knowles on Friday. Bless them. We remarked how long it was since we were last out together ~ just the two of us. It will be a good laugh if Gus and Co join us at Oakwood because they go insane with typical 20~year~old spasms at the sight of anything remotely female, and Christine is certainly very, very female.

To be honest I'm feeling miserable.Every once in a while I go through a phase of critical re~assessment and sit pondering on why we are here. The human race that is. Come on, who would care if Michael Lawrence Rhodes was swallowed up by some over~active peat bog on All Hallows' Eve, 1978? My dear old Mum would probably notice I'd gone, but ex~President Podgorny of the U.S.S.R and Dame Anna Neagle wouldn't give a damn.

Saw Monty Python tonight ~ a repeat of the 1969 series, but good all the same. Afterwards watched Spike Milligan's 'Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall'. Spike only made a brief appearance which was sad. At 11pm I sloped off to bed.


Sunday October 29, 1978

23rd Sunday after Trinity

9th Sunday before Christmas

End of Summer Time: put clocks back one hour at 02:00

Sarah and I talked last night. We are in a very similar position. ______________________. We are two of a kind Sarah and I. We do think one hell of a lot about each other. She told me that she didn't think she would ever marry.

Jacq came at 12. We went with Sue and Pete to the Commercial for beer and beef sandwiches, and then moved on to the Half Way House (opposite the Shoulder of Mutton) which is a ghastly modern pub full of adolescents and with a grotesque barmaid.

Back home for 2:30 and we settled in front of the tv. Horribly boring. Jacq sat knitting. __________________.

The Prince of Wales is in Yugoslavia on his first visit to a communist country.

Mum and Dad returned from Whitby at 6. We all had a Chinese take~away. Watched 'Lillie Langtry' again. It's not the greatest historical drama ever made. The woman playing Queen Victoria should be horse whipped.

Took Jacq to her bus at 9:30. To bed at 11:30.


Saturday October 28, 1978

Sun rises 07:46 Sun sets 17:42

St Simon & St Jude

Lynn and Dave are consoling Alison today. She should have been marrying at 2pm.

Mum and Dad went off early this morning to Whitby. They are spending the night at the pub overlooking the harbour. I sat at home all day quite alone. _______________________.

At 6:30 I went over to Sarah's and we moved on to Carol's flat and eventually at 7:30 we went to Headingley to meet Jacq. She said she wouldn't arrive until 8 and so I told Sarah and Carol to go on ahead to the Damn Yankee. _________. Jacq didn't eventually come until 8:30 and so we didn't get to the Regent until about 9. The four of us stood in the Regent like wet fish. Sarah went to sit in the car at ten because she said she was feeling faint. Carol went off with Roy _______________________.

We dropped Jacq off at 10:30 and then Sarah made a miraculous recovery and we returned to Pine Tops and played records, drank lager and elderflower champagne until about 2. We danced the tango across the dining room to Donna Summer ~ Sarah with a large plastic flower clasped firmly between her teeth. Hilarious.


Friday October 27, 1978

My day off free from the drudgery of the YP. I was eating kippers for breakfast when Jacq arrived. My head was throbbing and I could think of nothing worse than having to trail to Haworth for this long promised days outing. The delights of Bronte land are not well placed on the bus routes and all I can put it down to is that perhaps the West Yorkshire Passenger Transport Executive is not impressed by the likes of 'Vilette' and 'The Tenant of Wildfell Hall'.

We arrived there at 12 and went straight to the Black Bull. I was in no mood for boozing. The Black Bull was, of course, often frequented by Branston Bronte, whose sole claim to fame was his invention of Branston chutney.
We pondered as to whether a pissed Charlotte Bronte staggered across this same old stone floor back in the 1850s. At 2:30 we swapped to the King's Arms and then took the air on Haworth Moor, which neither of us found impressive. Ugly in fact. What startled me was the sunshine as it always seems to piss down in Haworth.

At tea time we journeyed home and then went to Salvo's in Headingley for seafood pizzas. Shear greed really because neither of us were hungry. At about 9 we moved on to the Central, for the loud, pulsating disco. John Travolta imitators were gyrating everywhere. We both felt quite sick, bloated and uncomfortable. Drank rum and orange. Home at 11 on a large, red bus.


Thursday October 26, 1978

Carole phoned. It was marvellous to hear from her because I have been worrying about reports about her health. She just wanted to know what I am getting up to and said it would be nice to bump into me. We talked about John and Maria and she said they should be at home in Yorkshire where they belong. Fogarty's name wasn't mentioned but she enquired whether Jacq was still on the scene. Her "swimming accident" on holiday was in fact a recurrence of last year's mysterious ailment. She has always been a strong swimmer.

Tonight went with Pete, Chippy, Gus, Frank, &c to the Shoulder (of Mutton), Menston Hospital Club, and then Oakwood Hall. The lads vowed never to return to Oakwood after the humiliation of three weeks ago, but there we went. I was pissed up on lager and cider. They all joked about ____________________.

Christine and I must do Oakwood next week. Home at 2am.


Wednesday October 25, 1978

Excuse my scribbling in felt tipped pen. My bottle of scarlet ink is downstairs and I can't be bothered chasing after it.

I really do think that I am in love, yet again, with Sarah. The YP just wouldn't exist without her. Life would be a drag if I didn't see her every day. We plan to go to the Regent at Chapel Allerton on Saturday, and afterwards to a party, no doubt. _______________________________.


Tuesday October 24, 1978

Moon's Last Quarter 01:34

United Nations Day (1945)

Wet, cold and windy. Climbed out of bed at 10am. Went with Mum and Dad to Morrison's to help with the grotesque shopping. Supermarkets are beastly dens. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that William Morrison is really Wilhelm von Moritzon, the SS chief and war criminal extraordinaire. Not even Adolf Hitler could have conjured up something quite so evil as a vast, music~filled chamber heavily laden with packets of breakfast cereal and cellophane~wrapped streaky bacon. Hideous.

To the YP twixt 5 and 12. Campbell Spray was sneering about Jacq. Miss Sate really is the limit encouraging C. Spray in this ridiculous fashion. I will not play Edward Langtry to her Lillie.

Home in a dull, uninteresting taxi at 12. Cheese on toast, Ovaltine and a pomegranate. Weird, yet pleasant. To bed at 1:32am. It took me 12 minutes to complete this page.


Monday October 23, 1978

An article in one of the bawdy newspapers said that our own dear Prince of Wales leads a very normal and active sex life. I never imagined for one minute that Davina Sheffield was merely his partner at billiards. However, discussing the sexual antics of our heir apparent is quite simply not on.

This afternoon Jacq and I went to the Ostlers. For some reason I had to get out of the office. Sarah was being particularly painful. She is always very trying after a riotous weekend. Like a baby, she is sulky, bad tempered and tired.

Alison and Mrs Dixon phoned and spoke to Lynn and Mum. Alison has asked Lynn to go down and see her. She and David are going on Thursday. Even Dave is looking pale and emotional about it all. He was quite fond of John P. _________.

Saw a Robert Mitchum film tonight and went to bed at about 11. Read The Duke and Duchess of Windsor by Ralph G. Martin (again). The poor old Duchess (of Windsor) is on her last legs in Paris. The powers to be down at Thames Television are no doubt praying for her end to come to coincide with the start of the tv series "Edward and Mrs Simpson".



Sunday October 22, 1978

23rd after Trinity.

Slept until noon. My God nobody can accuse me of being an idle waster. If I keep going with my marathon walks I can see me making the 1980 Moscow Olympics.

Jacq came over at 12:30 just as I was splashing around in the sink and we went immediately to the Commercial, supposedly for beef sandwiches, but Annie had sold out, so we had to resort to alcohol. At 2 we got on a bus to White Cross and had fish and chips at Harry Ramsden's. Quite divine.

A brisk walk up Thorpe Lane and that was my exercise over and done with for the weekend. I just sat in front of the tv all afternoon with the two ladies. Daddy was out on the streets defending the citizens of our crime~ridden township. Soweto isn't a patch on Guiseley.

Boring 'Lillie Langtry' was on tv again and although I find Francesca Annis quite a little scorcher I am afraid the script and action ~ or lack of it ~leaves a lot to be desired. We are into six episodes and she hasn't even had Bertie, Prince of Wales, in bed yet. Talking of bed, I went to mine at 11 o'clock.


Saturday October 21, 1978

Sun rises 07:34 Sun sets 17:56

I came out of my coma at approximately 8 o'clock this morning. I thought, once again, that my end had come. These feelings of forthcoming doom, yeah of death, are recurring and on an increasing and alarming scale.

I took Jacq into town where she had to show her face at Dacre Son & Hartley and I got a bus home for 10 o'clock. Had a cup of tea with Mum and Dad and then fell into my wondrous bed until 3pm when I was awakened by Lynn on the phone wanting Alison's number. She wants to ring to discuss details of the wedding next week. I went back to bed until 5.

I emerged to have tea and within minutes Lynn and Dave arrived from Pool (in Wharfedale) and she was sobbing like a baby. The worst has happened. John P called off the wedding this morning. Alison will be distraught. Lynn had spoken to Mrs Dixon, who had only been told ten minutes before. The situation is terrible. _________________________.

I was out to Leeds again at 7:30 and Jacq and I went to the George where Haydn and his friends were gathered before heading to another party. Neither of us were in party spirits. Tiredness from last night and the sad news from Winchester just seem to have flattened the whole evening.

We went back to the Y.W.C.A and drank fruity punch and watched Iranians, Greeks, and other various nationalities leaping around to Boney M and the delights of 'Rasputin'.

At 2am and after a 5ft Persian homosexual had asked me if I wanted to dance with him, I sent Jacq to bed and proceeded to walk home. It was almost 5am, and drizzling slightly, when I fell through the door. Knackered.


Friday October 20, 1978

Steve Sharp's leaving party this evening.

This afternoon Sarah, Carol J and I went to Parker's and then to Len's for a few lunchtime drinkies to get me in the right frame of mind for the festivities. The girls are refusing to go to Steve's orgy because the Eagle pub on North Street is something of a rough dive, they say. What does it matter?

At 6 o'clock John Mac took Alan Macgregor and I to the Eagle. Timothy Taylor's bitter was drained in vast quantities from the outset. I sat with Steve, Geoff Winter, Sue Tirbutt, Jill Armstrong, Fred (Manby) &c. I collected Jacq at 7:30 after fighting my way through the vast crowds in Leeds queueing to see Mr Revolta in 'Grease'. I am shocked that millions of apparently educated people should sink to such depths of incredible madness.

By 10:30 we were all quite pissed. At one point Steve used the back of my tie to write down a lengthy drinks order. Oh My God! It all looked very 'punk' anyway.

Jacq and I went with John MacM and a new lady YP reporter to Steve's place at Alwoodley where we drank ourselves stupid. I was violently sick on the manicured front lawn, and after a few gins I passed into a tranquil state of unconsciousness from which I didn't emerge until morn. In the meantime Jacq was mauled by Campbell Spray, and she sustained injuries to her left ankle on the dance floor.


Thursday October 19, 1978

King John died seven hundred and sixty two years ago today, and blimey, Newark Castle, Notts, appears to have been the fortunate spot selected for this event.

Jacq and I had a meeting at the Ostlers.

Margaret and Jim tonight again. A very drunken occasion. For some daft reason Mama was drinking Pernod, and she and Jim were staggering by 11 o'clock. Pete joined us too, and he was worse for wear. A burst of dancing broke out in the dining room, but I declined Mama's frequent invitations to get up off my backside and 'groove it'.

Obviously, after the guests had departed in the small hours Mum was taken ill. Her reaction to the massive quantity of Pernod was to do what Lord Nelson always did when he was aboard HMS Victory. Yes, she threw up.

(I bet you thought I was going to say she found an eye patch and paced up and down the bridge saying "I see no ships. Hic" Alas, no).


Wednesday October 18, 1978

St Luke

Laughter. Sarah and I went out at lunchtime and I posed for some ridiculous locket photographs in a booth at the bus station. Quite hideous. I have never been photogenic, but these are the ultimate. Mel Hulme, the EP photographer, also took pics of me in the YP car park to illustrate the article going in Postscript regarding my adventure on the Father's Day trip to Blackpool in June. Tony Green came over after lunch and took down the sordid story of my motorway excursion from Hell. I'm sure he thinks I am raving mad.

The new Pope is still alive, and I think well, which seems strange after the recent epidemic of papal stiffs over the past few months. Dr Cobweb, our revered Archbishop of Canterbury, is to attend the Pope's installation in Rome next Sunday. He was criticised last month for failing to attend Pope John Paul I's 'knees up' so I suppose he is making amends.

Lynn and Dave had a bump in the car on Queensway this morning. All the front of his car is smashed in but neither of them sustained injury. Lynn was slightly shook up. Dave estimates damage to the spitfire at £100, and the offending other driver also suffered in the entanglement.



Tuesday October 17, 1978

A dull, uneventful day.

Sarah was wearing a locket today, but on inspection it had no photographs in it. I jokingly offered myself as a candidate to hang next to her breast for all eternity, and she leapt at the offer. We are going to do something about it tomorrow.

Mum and Dad went out to tea with Auntie Mabel. Lynn came home to see Susie and me. Sue was very quiet and Lynn commented on this. Lynn says she's only been married for six weeks and already it feels like a life time. Dave came at 8 straight from his game of Badminton. Joined by Peter at about 8:30 ~ he was in a hideous temper. Squabbling with Sue about nothing ~ almost out of habit. They act more like an established married couple than do Lynn & Dave. Oh, belt up. Michael. What do I know?

No contact with Jacq today. Watched 'Roots' on tv.


Monday October 16, 1978

Full Moon 07:09 First Day of Tabernacles (Succoth)

There's speculation all day about the conclave of cardinals. The voting, they say, is proving more difficult this time and Rome has been shrouded beneath clouds of black smoke all day. However, the boys in velvet made a decision and at about 7:30 the news was telephoned to me by a frantic Ursula, who could find no photographs, and before the BBC news flash, and the residents of 58, Hawksworth Lane where the first people this side of Leeds to discover that the new Pope is a non~Italian for the first time since 1522. The new pontiff is in fact a Pole. In fact he's the Cardinal Archbishop of Kraków, whose name I cannot attempt to pronounce (Karol Józef Wojtyła). No doubt my Aunt Jadwega is skipping around in her massage parlour showering kisses upon the residents of Mapplerley, Notts. So, it's failure for poor Basil Hume, but amazing that the cardinals have gone for an outsider. Do our purple friends want to keep well in with the Eastern bloc now that Italy is on the verge of going completely red? Dad's immediate reaction was to ask if the new pope is a Bulgarian. On the news Angela Rippon told us that during the Second World War Pope John Paul II worked in a Nazi~occupied umbrella factory. (Unless you know about Georgei Markov you'll be in the dark about this little joke).

Watched a violent film starring Burt Reynolds. Mum says she objects to paying the tv licence to watch such rubbish, but this Mary Whitehouse attitude is quite wrong. I see nothing wrong with a spot of violence. Bed at 12:05 am.



Sunday October 15, 1978

21st after Trinity

Woke up at about 11 ~ on the floor at Lawn Road. Had breakfast and watched the deluge outside from the window. Pissed it down. Dave slung a few records on his stereo and that that set the tone for the day. We almost froze to death too, until they lit the fire at about noon. I don't think they can afford the coal.

At 12:30 we ventured over in the rain to the Red Lion. The landlord their is probably the most miserable pub proprietor in Britain. Rude just isn't the word.

Lynn excelled herself at lunch. Pizzas, roast potatoes, peas, &c. She was beaming all day. She loves seeing us all. She told us she's been really homesick and close to tears at night time. Bless her.

In the afternoon I slept in an armchair. John, Maria and JPH came at 5:30. My nephew walked around the house with his arms clasped behind his back. He loved the journey home in the dark pointing at the 'man in the Moon'. I can already detect a Scottish accent. I must be imagining things.

At home watched 'Lillie Langtry'. It's too slow. Bed at midnight.



Saturday October 14, 1978

Sun rises 07:22 Sun sets 18:10

Up at 7 o'clock and to work. Yes my first Saturday at the YP for about 4 years. Jacq and I had black coffee and toast. Got a bus at 8. In Leeds before 9. Not too busy at the YP but I had about ten phone calls on the subject of the steam train the 'Sir Nigel Gresley', which is taking hundreds of boring people on a jaunt round Yorkshire today. Why can't these bloody people just stay at home and watch 'Grandstand' or perhaps go down to their local and get thoroughly pissed instead of pestering poor, under~paid library workers?

The Times says Cardinal (Basil) Hume stands a very good chance of being elected Pope at tomorrow's conclave. It would be so great to have an Englishman at the helm in the Vatican, but I can't see them electing anyone but an Italian until at least the next century.

At 1:30 I met Jacq and we walked around town and had a few drinks in the Ostlers. Shouldn't take booze on an afternoon really.

At tea time John, Maria and JPH arrived. Scotland is clearly doing them some good.

Tonight Jacq, Sue, Pete, Mum, Dad, John, Maria, Lynn & Dave, and I went to the White Horse at Burley~in~Wharfedale to see Mum's cousin Dorothy, the landlady, who tells us she's leaving in June next year, if not before. Mum and Dad went off to meet Jim & Margaret at the Riversdale, and we had a crawl, going to the Queen's Arms and Malt Shovel. Afterwards we all had fish and chips at Lynn & Dave's. Our first all night session at Lawn Road. Jacq and I slept on the lounge floor.



Friday October 13, 1978

Friday the Thirteenth. Nothing ghastly befell me. I had a pint of lager in the Central with Sarah at lunchtime. Poor Jilted John sat at the bar swilling gin and weeping on Dave Bruce's shoulder. He's taken Sarah's renunciation of his affections very badly. We drank our drink quickly and left.

This evening John (my prodigal brother) came at 6:30 and I told him he had to come out with us. Jacq got off a bus at 8:30, and the three of us paid a visit to the Drop where Mrs Hanson howled with laughter at Jacq and I. She's still getting over our visit there at the end of August with Trixie, Lynn and Dave. John looked very well. Maria was down at Carole's catching up on four or five weeks gossip.

From the Drop we went to the Fox and Hounds and then the Commercial, where Annie chatted merrily with us, especially John, whom she hasn't seen since he married. Anne, her niece, is coming over from America in November.

From the Commercial we had one at the Regent in Guiseley. We came back to Pine Tops for home~brew. We were all quite pissed up. Bed at 2.


Thursday October 12, 1978

Feel shattered and quite depressed. I could have ignored the alarm clock and rolled over, but no I had to do my duty.

At 1pm I met Jacq and dragged her to the Ostlers for a few lagers. Saw a wondrous shirt in Irvine Sellers and the divine Miss Sate pulled out her Barclaycard and she lavished £9 on me. Of course I will repay her in full.

Back at the office I inspected my shirt only to discover with horror that it's the wrong size. So at 5 o'clock I was back in town and a swap was negotiated with some blank, dull assistant. Tortuous journey home and I fell through the door at 6.

Mum and Dad seemed to be quite normal. I saw no suitcases packed and waiting &c. Margaret, Jim and Julie came up at 9.

I didn't drink this evening. To bed at 12. Dad slept in his bed. The bathroom stood empty and forlorn tonight.


Wednesday October 11, 1978

Day of Atonement {Yom Kippur}

I took a half day today. And yes it's a free and illicit one because our beloved leader is in a pub somewhere on the banks of Lake Windermere.

A wonderful, hot afternoon. I headed into the garden with my volume 'Hitler' tucked under my arm. For the biggest part of the afternoon I read and then launched an assault on the record player.

Today is Yom Kippur. Unsure, but believe it's the national kipper packers' holiday and fishmongers everywhere are happily heading to the seaside.

Tonight I hit the pillow at 12 o'clock but was awakened at 2 by the sound of Mum and Dad fighting (verbally). I lay listening to this buffoonery for almost an hour. Eventually, Dad grabbed a sleeping bag and headed for the bathroom and dropped down on the carpet. Mum followed him begging him to quit this ridiculous vigil. She came to my room and asked me to do something. What can you say to a grown man clinging with dear life to the bath taps? Sue was disturbed too. This farce dragged on half the night. Fools.


Tuesday October 10, 1978

Dave G phoned from Stockport. He says Bill, Garry and Steve are definitely coming on holiday with us next year. He's eager to book already, but I told him I'd contact him later in the week. He wanted me to go to Stockport this coming weekend but we have promised to go to Burley~in~Wharfedale.

I told Sue that Dave is thinking of Ibiza next year already and she didn't commit herself. Lynn and Dave have shown interest in Ibiza '79 as did John and Alison but that was before he did this swine of a thing to her. ________.

Mum and Dad are still acting weirdly and our lounge isn't exactly the conversational centre of West Yorkshire. Ice hangs in the atmosphere.



Monday October 9, 1978

Jacq phones to say her gorgeous friend Lynda is off work with a bad back and jokingly asks what I did with her in the garden to put her in that condition.

Kathleen has gone to the Lake District for a week. Her plan has back~fired. She booked the week off thinking a general election would have been taking place this Thursday.

The Daily Mail says the goddess Princess Michael of Kent is going to have a baby in April. We shall have to wait for the official notification of this addition to the Royal House of Windsor.

Mum and Dad have squabbled about something and refuse to speak. They sat in stony silence all night while I watched "Till Death Us Do Part" the 1969 film of the famous tv series. It's obnoxious. Bed at 11:30. Poor Alison.


Sunday October 8, 1978

20th after Trinity

Out of bed at 11:30. Spent the afternoon with Mummy. Dad was working and the three of us watched the television in silence until Sarah came over at about 3 to collect some of Auntie Delia's flower arranging equipment. We watched a Jack Lemmon film together and knocked back a few glasses of lager.

Lynn,Dave, Sue and Pete arrived home at 8:30 from Alison and John's bearing tidings of great sadness. At first Lynn says John has got 'cold feet' over the forthcoming wedding, and I don't think it's too serious because many people have last minute doubts, but she goes on to say more. __________________________________________.


Saturday October 7, 1978

Sun rises 07:10 sun sets 18:26

Sunny, warm, bright day. Out of bed at about 11:30 and into a hot bath with the radio blasting at full throttle. I do so love Saturdays.

Jacq phoned me while my ears were full of soap so I told her to ring me back. She rang back at about 2. I arranged to meet her in Horsforth tonight.

Dad collected the proofs of Lynn and Dave's wedding photos from Bryan Waite this afternoon. They're spectacular.

Sarah phoned me at tea time and I told her I'd be up to West End Lane for 8 o'clock. Met Jacq at 8 following a chase through Horsforth because the bus conductor forgot to kick her off the omnibus at her stop.

We went by car with Sarah to the off~licence where I spent £4 on Cinzano, beer and lager. Then we went to the Regent in Chapel Allerton where the party goers gathered. Tony, Martyn, with his girlfriend (who lives in Otley, and who he met in Ibiza in '77)Marilyn, Carol J, &c. Jacq drank 'Jelly Beans'. Sarah was a delight, as usual. A guy strongly resembling Geoff Boycott tagged onto us, and had me in stitches with tales of his recent holiday in Romania. I couldn't think of a worse place to go. Bloody Commies! Tony was very amiable. My recollections of leaving the Regent are blurred and confused. However, I do recall the dramatic arrival at the flat in Horsforth.

Bev Wheeler had lined the driveway with hundreds of candles in jars and I joked that all the aircraft scheduled to land at Yeadon airport tonight would probably come down in the garden. She didn't find this particularly amusing.

Sarah and I smoked 20 of Jacq's cigarettes. I had a debate on racialism with some guy masquerading as a barrister. Sarah was in hysterics when I explained to her that we Brits smell revolting to Pakistanis. They may stink of curry and spices, but to them we smell of stale Yorkshire pudding, and fried smoked bacon.

A friend of Jacq's called Lynda, who used to work at Dacre Son & Hartley caught my eye _______________________.

Sarah picked up a young man called Richard and they left at 4:30am. Carol J and Tony brought us home at 5 o'clock. We didn't attempt to get any sleep until 7.


Friday October 6, 1978

Woke up with a really bad head at 7:30. I annoy Sue because I refuse to be enthusiastic first thing on a morning. After all, I didn't actually climb into my bed until 4am, and that came after gulping down more plonk with Jim & Margaret. It's Margaret's birthday on Tuesday ~ another excuse for a party.

Work was like Hell on earth. My eyes took on a scarlet hue and a pale, revolting complexion took over and occupied my face. However, at 1pm Sarah, Carol J, Eileen and I went across to Parker's. It was hideous. I simply could not drink and felt quite faint.

Eileen was like a stuffed osprey in the natural history section of the British Museum, or wherever they store the stuffed, glassy eyed birds. Sarah met an old flame and proceeded to chat him up. I could take no more and wandered outside at 2 and sat on a wall to wait for them. All too ridiculous for words.

Jacq phoned this afternoon and asked: "Is this Let's Be Nasty to Jacq Week?" __________________________________.

After tea Auntie Mabel, Marlene, Frank. Mark & Debbie came bringing the cine film of the wedding. It's marvellous and well worth seeing. I was too tired to be at my best with relatives. Bed at 11:30.

Lynn, Dave, Sue and Pete set off late to Alison's to be kitted out with bridesmaid dresses, &c for the forthcoming marital celebrations. They're due back late tomorrow.


Thursday October 5, 1978

Piss up with the boys at the Shoulder of Mutton. No communication from Jacq.

To the pub at 8 with Pete, Gus, Chippy, Tony Smith, Dave Wainwright, &c, &c. Frank Hall came in - slightly bruised and bandaged and bloody lucky to be alive.His car is in a revolting state. Pete says it looks like an old egg box.

From the Shoulder we went to the Highroyds Social Club at Menston. Rick Ryder tells me that poor, darling Carole is back in hospital again and has put on a lot of weight. I must find out just what is going on here. I do think a lot of her, you know. _________________.

Went on to Oakwood Hall for even more of that foul, wet, pale brown liquid. Gluttons for punishment. But if you can't kill yourself with drink at 23, when can you?

At about one o'clock we lads were asked to quit the dance floor because we were dancing together and not with female partners. We had a heated discussion with several of the staff on the age~old subject of sex equality, but failed to win them over. We pointed to the groups of girls dancing quite freely and without partners of the opposite sex. Blimey, it's not 'Come Dancing'.

Back to Pine Tops with Pete. Mum and Dad, Jim and Margaret are getting horribly drunk in the garden.


Wednesday October 4, 1978

No news from Jacq today.

Saw Marita on Wellington Street. She told me Carole and Fogarty came from their Ibiza holiday a few days early because she almost drowned in their hotel swimming pool. She had the 'kiss of life' job ~ poor child. Forever dogged by illness and misfortune.

Lord Grosvenor, reputedly one of Britain's wealthiest men, marries Natalia Phillips next weekend at Luton Hoo, Bedfordshire. Miss Phillips, aged 19, is the daughter of Lieutenant-Colonel and Mrs Harold Phillips, close friends of our own dear Queen, and a granddaughter of Lady Zia Wernher. In the time it's taken me to write this I have calculated that the Grosvenor fortunes have swelled by £250. It just doesn't bear thinking about. It may also interest you to know that the future Countess Grosvenor's elder sister is the Marchioness of Hamilton, daughter~in~law of the Duke of Abercorn.

However, to come back down to earth. Saw 'Coronation Street' and read Hitler. Nothing else.


Tuesday October 3, 1978

Sorry about the change of ink again (from red to black). I really am quite sick of the red mess that's dominated these pages since Lynne Mather's demise in February, 1977. I do feel that the time for celebration is over, don't you?

On the subject of my 'love life' _____________________________________.

Christine phoned this afternoon. She's exhausted and flat broke and suggested we postpone our meeting until a week on Thursday. I am very disappointed but agreed to this change of plan. Instead I shall go to the Shoulder (of Mutton) with Peter and the boys. Frank (Hall) was released from hospital with nothing but bruises so no doubt he'll be out to tell the tale.

Back to Christine: she sounded positively devilish on the telephone, so much so that my laughter and loud inuendo apparently brought the office to a standstill and Kathleen had to prod my in the spine and ask me to belt up after about 15 minutes.

Saw "Roots" tonight. Later heard the Prime Minister speaking at his party conference in sunny Blackpool. He really is becoming quite an orator in his old age. But this 5 per cent pay increase limit just leaves me cold. I need an increase of about 105 per cent to bring me into the basic living wage brigade.

Callaghan should have been having a general election this week instead of mucking around at the seaside. This long drawn out farewell can't be doing any of us any good.

To bed at 11:56pm with Adolf Hitler.


Monday October 2, 1978

New Moon 07:41

Jewish New Year 5739 {Rosh Hashanah}

Mum says we must visit John and Maria before Christmas. She says Port Patrick is a lovely place. They say JPH swears like a trooper and attacks any innocent people passing through Lochans whenever he gets the chance. Words like 'bastard', 'shit' and 'bugger' feature strongly in his vocabulary. My Uncle Albert would have been proud indeed.

Jacq phoned this afternoon. _____________.

Peter N phoned this evening. His friend Frank Hall was injured in a car accident on the Chevin Road in Guiseley this evening. He's unconscious in hospital. He was here on Friday eating curry and trying to avoid Sue's apple crumble. Frightening really.

Princess Margaret is now in Australia recovering after an attack of fever which prevented her carrying out official duties in Tuvalu, a pin~prick of an island that was once the Ellice Islands. She was taken seriously ill aboard a New Zealand ship.


Sunday October 1, 1978

19th after Trinity

Woke up at nearly 1pm. Sue and Pete prepared lunch. I found Jacq sitting in the dining room reading the Sunday Express. We ate lunch in an uncomfortable atmosphere. Jacq didn't speak unless she was pressed into doing so.__________. This nonsense continued throughout John Hanson singing 'Kismet' - very unnecessary warbling - and the broadcasting of the top 20 on Radio 1. ______________________________.

Watched 'Lillie Langtry'. At 9:30 I walked Jacq to her bus. Mum and Dad got back from Stranraer. They've had a tremendous time.


Saturday September 30, 1978

Sun rises 6:59 Sun sets 18:42

Met Jacq in Guiseley at 12 o'clock and we went down Old Hollins Hill to the Commercial for a wet luncheon. Didn't like the atmosphere at all and half an hour later we walked from Esholt to the Shoulder of Mutton. Very pleasant and Jacq was soon, once again, quite pissed. Peter, Gus and Chippy rolled in at about 3pm and they took us back up to Pine Tops.

Sue and Jacq had a knitting session and Pete and I grovelled around beneath his car making adjustments to his handbrake. It was my first ever assault on a car. I didn't learn a single thing from the experience.

Later we adjourned to the dining room and drank a bottle of wine and several gallons of home~brewed stout. Jacq gave up on her knitting and phoned her mother. She was finding it hard to focus on the knitting needles.

The central heating caved in and we froze this evening huddled around the TV. Sue, Pete, Jacq and I went to the Shoulder of Mutton (again) where we sat with Gus, Chippy and Frank Hall. The conversation is always of a crude and childish nature and Jacq wasn't amused at all. ____________. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and even consumed a few glasses of rum. They all came back to Pine Tops with nosh from the Chinese take~away and stayed until a very late hour. _________________.