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Wednesday April 12, 1978

Snow again, but warm and sunny later on. Work was quite busy and the Budget dominated the papers which is a great bore. I won't notice my extra £1 I can tell you. It (the Budget) may have been Denis Healey's last one. Sir Geoffrey Howe could be at the helm by Christmas.

I am reading (from the library yesterday) the diaries of Samuel Pepys 1659-69. I always imagined the diaries covered more years than this but it seems the poor man went blind after ten years of copiously scribing away about such things as the Great Fire of London. In 1983, if I'm still here, I may well have written more than Mr Pepys, and who knows where it will all end if I'm fit and well in the 2040s. Ooh, I do feel historic.

However, the only exciting thing for me to communicate is that I phoned Jacq at 8. The poor girl's working again tomorrow and we aren't going out until Friday.

Christine phoned me on Monday and mentioned going to Yeadon Fair, but if no vast multitude of friends wish to accompany us I can't see the point of it. Jacq, Christine and I on a roundabout would look really pathetic I think. Miss Sate was very cheerful and seems to enjoy the YWCA with all its grotesque inmates and odd characters. I think she's incredibly brave and valiant.

I was reading a report today in an old copy of The Times (from last week) which stated that in 1941 Sir Winston Churchill in a letter expressed his desire to be cremated. Good heavens! How would we have managed the remainder of the war without him? Thank God they didn't grant him his wish. If Lady Churchill had been burnt at the stake in the 1940s then today Britain would have a marvellous Graham Sutherland portrait of the old boy to admire.

Canaletto ....

In front of the TV this evening. Pete N and Dave B joined us of course. The Duke of Beaufort was on BBC1 talking about Badminton (House) and the horse trials, &c. Dad made his usual cutting remarks about the aristocracy. All you need is a red face, tweed jacket, two acres and a Canaletto and Papa's wrath is immediately aroused.


Tuesday April 11, 1978

More snow. What's more, the whole house is full of daffodils and my nasal cavity aches and squelches 'neath the strain of it all. Spring is no joy for me. Yellow is such a loud, dazzling colour.

At 12 I left the YP and sought refuge in the library. Poor P.G. Wodehouse and Alexandre Dumas were returned to the shelves virtually unread. I was violently assaulted by the library assistant because I owed 45p in fines. Crikey! Who does she thinks pays for the rotten books in the first place? Harold Robbins, believe it or not, doesn't grow on trees.

I met Jacq at 1pm and we went to the murky, disinfectant-smelling Central. I disabled the juke box when I shovelled 5p pieces into it and it's obviously only programmed to take 10s. But the obliging landlord fiddled around beneath the lid and I ended up getting 6 plays for 10p! Coo! Jacq is fagged out. She was in Thorner yesterday typing and today she's doing the same in 'Leeds 10'. She couldn't be more specific, but I think it's behind the Corn Exchange somewhere.

I told Jacq that 1978 is the year that Michael Rhodes finds fame and fortune in a new job, but I'm not thoroughly convincing. Jacq's known me long enough now to realise what a slow, sluggish worm I am. I took my leave of her at 2 and went to the bank in Guiseley for £50 which I immediately converted into postal orders and posted to Barclaycard.

Postal Order.

At home by 3:45 I heard Denis Healey on the telly presenting his 13th Budget to Parliament. This non-event was recorded for the first time (no pictures). After all the rhetoric I am probably going to receive £1 a week more in my wage packet. Retired at 11.


Monday April 10, 1978

SNOW! Yes, bad weather maybe, but it didn't wipe the smile off my face, and do you want to know for why? Well, it's very simple. _____________. However, this pearly, sexually arousing grin of mine died on my poor lips when, at the YP, I managed to phone the Yorkshire Bank. They, the filthy bankers, have refused to give me a loan, and no reason is to be given. No doubt it's Barclaycard who have tipped them off about my eccentric monthly payment history. It seems I am to be forever branded a debtor. Indeed, the very mention of my name in financial circles immediately wipes billions of shares off the Stock Exchange. I'm not going to let it worry me, anyway.

The reception I had at home was nothing short of violent. Mummy gave me the usual lecture. At one time she likened me to ______. Tempers were frayed beyond all comfort. Mummy took on the character of several ogres all rolled into one. Adolf Hitler and Mussolini together would have quaked and dissolved in a mess of urine on the floor had they had to endure Mama's tongue lashing. Oh, it was foul. And all because I have been refused a bank loan!

I have, in retrospect, decided that Mum's Wilson pride must have taken a severe kicking by this latest embarrassment. The Rhodes family care little about whether bank managers bestow money on them or not, but to upset a Wilson so is like smashing an eighteen ton weight on a sensitive area of a male's anatomy. Have I made myself quite clear?

The Princess Margaret nonsense has quietened down slightly. The whole brouhaha has been monstrous.


Sunday April 9, 1978

2nd after Easter.

More people (came) to view the house. Susan and I giggled like schoolgirls at the people tramping round poor Pine Tops as though it was Chatsworth.

Ernest called in to sup ale with us, and Jacq arrived at 12 noon from the YWCA, wearing a black woolly jumper inherited from her late step-father, Peter Holroyd, Esq.

We all took alcohol together and watched an ancient film on the BBC featuring Marilyn Monroe: "The Seven Year Itch". Lynn and David returned from their adventures at Lawn Road and we dined (inc Jacq) on roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Poor Jacq ate well. I fear she starves herself at that place (YWCA). Susan and Peter were unavoidably detained at Granny (Florence) Nason's 80th birthday party.

Jacq and I really get on like a house on fire. Read a bit of Toland's 'Adolf Hitler'.

Saw Hylda Baker in a ghastly film at 8 and at 10 I escorted Jacq to her bus (in soaking, rainy conditions). Dear Mama packed her off with a pork chop to eat in the near future (not raw on the bus home I hope).

Jacq and I howled with laughter when Mum's old, see-through, yellow plastic umbrella collapsed.


Saturday April 8, 1978

Sun rises 06:21 Sun sets 19:45

John fell over me on his way to work at 8am. I was lying prostrate on his sofa covered in most of my brother's bedding, so I could quite understand his unsmiling and glaring expression. The next visitor to my lying-in-State was Master John Philip Hugh Rhodes. He was in a shy and cuddly mood. _____________. My nephew is nothing short of luscious. (Christ, I sound like one of those nauseating paedophiliacs, or whatever the term is for a child-molester.)

I dumped sweet Jacqueline onto a Leeds bus and got myself home for 10am. The house resembles the Banqueting Hall at Whitehall and is decorated throughout with floral tributes.

Pine Tops: for sale at £21,000.

An advert in today's YP announces that Pine Tops is for sale for £21,000. Let me tell you now that this is a bargain. Quite a few people phoned about the ad and one moronic couple called in the afternoon.

Tonight: Met Jacq at 7:45 and went to the Drop. Mrs Hanson (land lady) was very civil and gushing. Joined by Christine, who met Jacq for the first time. David L (in great form), John, Maria, Lynn and Dave B. At ten, after laughing about brown plastic 1 gallon buckets, we went to Scamp's disco in Bradford. The place is appalling and packed with city whores. Most of the males seem to be on leave from Catterick. I went to the loo. It resembled the loss of the Titanic and the sinking of HMS Hood rolled into one. Swamped we were. However, we stuck it out until 2 and then took Christine to Horsforth and Jacq to Leeds. A memorable evening, but none of those poor souls present (in our party) will ever darken the doorstep of Scamp's again.


Friday April 7, 1978

New Moon 6:15

Blimey, that girl Angie must either look very different in the dark, or I must have been very drunk last night. I think I know that answer, but this is hardly the place to elaborate. Anyway, you should know me by now enough to work this one out for yourselves. She (Angie) was OK but not particularly attractive, but even younger and shorter than I thought she was. And quite shy too. I cannot imagine what I found to say to her in a darkened corner of one of Oakwood Hall's many caverns, but I'm sad to say we had nothing in common to discuss today. After a couple of drinks at the Ostlers we parted and I gave her my phone number. I must be a bloody fool because I cannot imagine myself dashing to meet her again.

Met Jacq in Guiseley at 7:45 and went to the Drop where we were joined by Dave L, MM and Marita. Dave wasn't on top form and Marita moaned about feeling depressed. However, Jacq and I had a good time. She looked great in her all-in-one suit, the type of which I've never seen before. Tony, Pete M, Chris and Lynne Mather came in.


At 11:30 we realised Jacq had missed the bus to Leeds and so the two of us stormed 69, Silverdale Drive where we pestered John and Maria until dawn. John refused to get out of bed, but we kept Maria up until 4:30.


Thursday April 6, 1978

Out tonight to the Shoulder of Mutton with Peter, Gus and Chippy. I had pints of lager, bitter and Pernod chasers. Ugh. The three of us laughed our heads off and played ridiculous games, specifically intended to hasten intoxication. Once again my short, tight jeans proved to be the focal point of public amusement. By the end of the evening Chippy said he liked them though.

Gus and Chippy.

From the Shoulder we took Oakwood by storm and drank more, wenched more, and debauched more. I met a girl called Angie and arranged to meet her at Da Mario's (on the Headrow, Leeds) tomorrow. She seemed attractive - you know, petite and all that - but very young. God knows what patter I was giving her but I must have been convincing. I have a feeling that I correctly guessed the girl's 'star sign', but just which one it was escapes me for the moment. (Is she perhaps a Gemini?)

However, if this evening is anything to go by the forthcoming holiday is going to be nothing short of a national holocaust for the Spanish people. I've no idea who the justice minister is in Madrid but I fear he'll know of me before July is over and done with.


Wednesday April 5, 1978

Lynn gave me 'Worth' aftershave (for my birthday) and Sue and Pete a £5 note. From John and Maria I had a 1300 page paper back 'Adolf Hitler' by John Toland. Little JPH could only just carry it through the door - bless him.

Yes, I'm 23 today. Cards from Sarah, Eileen and dear Jacq, who presented me with one plus the Doobie Brothers LP at the Central this lunchtime.

We met at 1pm and knocked back Pernod and a few lagers. Peter Lazenby was eyeing Jacq up and down and back at the office he told me I was doomed to marriage. Surely, I'm much too young to enter into that Holy estate? Too bloody young by about 40 years? However, I suppose it will happen one day whether I like it or not.

This evening I played the Doobie Brothers LP very loudly and generally annoyed everyone at home.John, Maria and JPH came followed by Edith and Ernest shortly afterwards. Much alcohol was supped and JPH did his party pieces. A heated debate on Princess Margaret's £50,000 per annum took place and I was out-voted by the misguided majority.

Mum said HRH is nothing short of being a 'prostitute' and Ern hilariously said that had Princess Margaret been in the army she'd have been shot for deserting her post. If this is so then the army is slipping because the princess is a colonel-in-chief several times over. Poor Margaret.


Tuesday April 4, 1978

Out at lunchtime to Parker's (wine bar) with Jacq and Trixie. The place was quite empty, but we had a good few drinks and a spot of something to eat. Trixie goes off to Suffolk tomorrow house hunting and Jacq won't be seeing her until we go to Gina's wedding in 3 weeks.

Nothing happened tonight. Jacq went to Trixie's hotel at Garforth for dinner and fond farewells and I did nothing but watch TV.

My Uncle Peter was 49 today. Mum gave me a (birthday) card saying 'Happy Birthday Slob' and £3. She presented me with this tonight because on no account will she be out of bed before my departure to the labour camp at dawn.


Monday April 3, 1978

YP a complete misery and I took a half day. Mum was in a nasty mood all afternoon.

When Jacq and her Mum came at 7:30 it all went incredibly well. Everyone took to Trixie and we all knocked back wine and ales and discussed accents, told jokes and laughed. They both howled with laughter at Lynn, who can tell an amusing tale when called upon to do so. The "Our Michael" bit is bloody funny.

Trixie was wearing the Sate diamonds and got on very well with the family. She is a comedienne especially with her mock Yorkshire dialect mock up.

Jacq smoked six or seven cigarettes all evening. They left at something in the region of 10pm, and then Pete N and I sat up untilsomething in the region of 2am discussing the house with Mummy. He expounded the theory that I could earn £70 a week at Armitage-Shanks simply labouring.