Monday November 27, 1978

Phoned Carole at B.S. & W. Whiteley's at Pool~in~Wharfedale this morning. We discussed her 21st birthday party on Saturday at the Cow & Calf. She said it was a drunken affair and that everyone who should have attended had done so and then she giggled slightly. I told her I had been to Stranraer and she asked about Maria. I told her that she had been the topic of discussion on Saturday when we were pissed up and she exclaimed "Oh God, I can imagine what you were talking about". She told me that she and Fogarty had split "for a fortnight so that she could have a break". Now was my chance surely to get hold of Carole, but after ten minutes of natter down went the phone having made no plans to meet.

Christine phoned later. She told me that now was my chance to pursue Carole again. I will contact her later in the week. Christine said she is free on Saturday, and so I might be escorting one of the region's most glamorous females._____________.

I wrote to David L in Hockley Heath. I fear I have been neglecting him. I don't think he'll be home until after Christmas.

Saw in some of the newspapers that the Prince of Wales and Lady Jane Wellesley have been together in Spain over theweekend at the estate of the Duke of Wellington. This is a weird relationship. They have been on and off since 1972. Lady Jane will be 28 next. A Princess of Wales is going to have to be young enough to produce a few children, and Lady Jane is on the verge of becoming an ancient relic. John MacMurray saw Lady Jane in the flesh a few months ago at a NUJ meeting and he was far from impressed. Mind you, nothing much impresses John.

Lady Sarah Spencer's dad is critically ill following a cerebral haemorrhage and I do suppose he'll shortly be giving up the ghost. The heir to the earldom is the 14 year-old Lord Althorp.

Just watched TV tonight. Mum and Dad went to Lynn and Dave's at 8 and stayed until 10. They returned virtually frozen to death.

-=-

Monday November 20, 1978

________________. Dave and I left Stockport at 12 for Manchester. We had a drink at the Paddy's Goose pub and at 1:30 I left for Leeds. Got to Leeds at 3pm and I attempted to phone Carole at work. The bloody coins wouldn't go in the slot & I couldn't get through to her. Afterwards I went by bus to Menston and delivered a birthday card to her house. Margaret Philips spotted me and she kept me talking for 10 minutes or so. She says Carole is having a 21st birthday party at the Cow & Calf on Friday. "We didn't think she'd live to see another one, Michael," she said. No, neither did I.

Tonight: Christine and Doreen came at 8:30 and we went to the Shoulder of Mutton and then the Fox and Hounds. The old bitch of a landlady at the Fox wouldn't cash a cheque for Christine and we all had a heated argument on the subject. The girls threatened to resign, &c &c.

At 10:30 we went to the Elmer. The place was absolutely packed with Jill's friends, and we knew most of them. Carole was there looking gorgeous. She was with the nurse she met whilst in the infirmary. She thanked me for the birthday card and then disappeared with Mick Lynch. CB and I had a lengthy discussion about Carole. She had no idea how I felt about her. Tony, Pete M and Chris were there. They say John Grady is coming over in a couple of weeks.

Christine and I played at clowns and, to emphasise the point, she poured a full glass of cider down the front of my underpants. How we howled with laughter.

-=-

Wednesday November 15, 1978

Phoned Christine and asked her what she was planning to do next Monday. Unfortunately, she has been invited to a party, but the sadness soon turned to joy and thanksgiving when we discovered ~ to our delight ~ that we have been invited to one and the same function. The so-called buxom Jill ~ whoever she is ~ deserves some kind of payment for managing to throw CB and me together on a Monday evening.

Lynn phoned me. __________________________.

Jacq and I went to the Ostler's at 1pm for revolting toasted cheese sandwiches and warm lager. __________________.

John phoned tonight. It was good to hear him. He was cheerful and blustery. The caravan is bearing up and hasn't collapsed yet. He wanted to know when we are going north to see him. Susan and Pete always decline to discuss the venture. We really must go before December.

-=-

Tuesday November 14, 1978

Full Moon 20:00 Birthday of the Prince of Wales

Thirtieth Birthday if His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales. Once again the poor guy is being bombarded by the Press and tv on the painful subject of Her future Royal Highness The Princess of Wales. It's quite obvious that the prince is biding his time and if you ask me I believe he has yet to meet the love of his life. Once he finds her I am sure he won't dither for long because the press will soon sniff her out. Come home Davina Sheffield ~ all is forgiven. She was my favourite. Poor old Wales, he must be totally sick of this idle nattering and speculation.

At the YP Kathleen remarked that I was being quiet and subdued. Why is this depression hanging so heavily over my over~worked brain? ___________________. Jacq phoned at 11. We are meeting at the Ostler's tomorrow.

Sue gave me an invitation from Naomi's friend Jill to attend her 21st (birthday party) at the Elmer next Monday night. I believe Jill is the large, well~made buxom maiden, with the big, pink, flaccid spectacles. (Ah, you thought I was going to say thighs, didn't you?)

Which lucky lady will have the honour of acting as my escort? Christine is an obvious candidate, but sadly she knows nothing of my plans as yet. Things could prove awkward, for instance, if she's down to work at the Fox (and Hounds) or is committed to a previous engagement with one of the many fellows would could be called rivals if it wasn't for the fact that Michael Rhodes has no rivals. The Philip Birdgarden's of this world grovel in the mud and slime at the foot of the colossus of my column. However, in the event of Christine making the wrong decision I could always see if Sarah will come along. She'd like the Elmer I'm sure, and I do believe Mondays are quite free (entry).

-=-

Monday November 13, 1978

Bright, windy day. Sarah and I decided we should do something exciting and so at 12 we went to Da Mario's Pizzeria and noshed our heads off. Yes, dining out, lunching out ~ call it what you will ~ on a bloody Monday! It only cost us £1.70 each which is no great loss. Afterwards we both had our footwear repaired at the cobbler next to the restaurant, and we stood around, both bare foot, until about 1. My boots were re~vamped for £3.25. Bloody Hell, I'm going through money like Howard Hughes. (Did he actually spend money, or was he just a recluse? Oh, go on then, I'll say Paul Getty, just to be on the safe side). Money is still something of a novelty to me, and so you'll have to forgive me frittering it away so eagerly. Let's hope the passion will die before very long.

Speaking of passion ~ and who isn't these days? ~ Christine phoned this afternoon and we exchanged weekend reminiscences. Her coach, which left Victoria at about 5:30, went north via Sheffield, and they didn't get into Leeds until well after 11. How weird of our beloved National Coach service.

Tonight we endured three hours of the Royal Variety Performance which was transmitted live. It was in the presence of Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother and at the finale she seemed to be touched by the loyalty and emotion of the generally nauseating cast. It worried me slightly. It looked like some sort of semi-official 'send off'. Does Lord Delfont think that perhaps Her Majesty won't be in a fit state to attend 1979's offering?

To bed at 12:31am

-=-

Thursday November 9, 1978

Sunny. Not like November. Happy birthday to King Edward VII wherever you are.

I phoned Jacq at 11 to ask what time she could escape for lunch. She told me she was going to go to Jacomelli's with her cronies from Dacre, Son and Hartley. ________________.

At 12 I went to Len's Bar with Sarah for Stella Artois and beef sandwiches. The place was dead. We both like quiet, deserted bars, and especially discotheques. She says she cannot understand why _________ attracts so many men. Obviously, some guys will go out with anything that shags, but I don't tell Sarah this and say I am also mystified.

Back at work we just didn't want to work. Drink in the afternoon takes it out of you. She (Sarah) is peeved that I won't be at Grant's leaving party tomorrow. So am I. Home for din~dins at 5:30.

Tonight saw another horrendous piss~up at the Shoulder (of Mutton) with Pete N, Chippy, Frank, Gus, Dave W, &c. Gus is going to Israel to work on a kibbutz, so he says, next year and we argued the pros and cons. From the Shoulder we went to see Christine at the Fox (and Hounds). Susie was in with Janet Simon and we sat with them for a while. Martyn was there. He says I am more than welcome to go next year with him, Tony, Pete M, and Chris R to a caravan in St Tropez. I couldn't think of anything more obnoxious. To Oakwood and got horribly pissed. Home at 2.

-=-

Wednesday November 8, 1978

Christine phoned. A remarkable coincidence would seem to have cropped up. She told me she's going to London with Mrs B at the weekend and I leapt in and said "so am I" - to be told she's returning home from Victoria Coach Station at 6pm on Sunday, and Jacq and I will be on the same coach! It's going to be a riot. The poor driver won't know what's hit him. The passengers of a nervous disposition are going to have to delve for inner strength and courage. The combination of CB and I on a charabanc will be like the assassination of Robert Kennedy, three Royal Variety performances and the Pope's hire~wire trapeze act ~ all rolled into one.

CB is going to the Fox tonight and is working tomorrow. I am going to ring and suggest we go to Oakwood Hall after she finishes.

Jim Rawnsley says he is meeting the Prince of Wales, in his official capacity, when HRH visits Leeds next week. He and Muriel are in the official party to go to the Opera at the Grand {Theatre}. He's dreading it and would do anything to avoid going. Life is very unfair. I'd sacrifice my left knee to be sitting in the Royal Box.

Tonight we watched the first part of 'Edward and Mrs Simpson'. Thoroughly enjoyed it. I can see why some people wanted the series stopped.


Bed at 12:18am.

Friday November 3, 1978

Dear God I feel just terrible. To quote Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman ~ "my eyes are like piss holes in the snow". Hideous, quite hideous.

Did little or no work and Sarah took me to Len's Bar at lunch in an attempt to revive me but it simply failed to work.

Didn't hear from Christine. I bet she feels the same.

At 5:30 Jacq and I went with Dave B to meet Lynn at Yeadon. We had every intention of going to see 'Grease'. At 6:30 after fish and chips we 'nipped' into the Clothiers 'just for a quick one' where we were joined by Sue and Pete, who put us off by telling us that the queue for the film at the Odeon is five miles long. We too readily believed them, and carried on drinking. It was a great relief for me. I can think of nothing worse than John Travolta's leather gear in glorious technicolour.

The six of us moved on the the Crown, and then the Drop. All quite pissed up. ______________________.

Pete says he's going to blackmail me over _________________________.

Jacq got a bus at about 11 and the others called in at Pine Tops to see Mum and Dad. Dave and I were hideously pissed, and this always niggles Mummy when she's stone cold sober. We squabbled slightly and I argued with Dad about the Labour party and nationalisation. David joined in the argument but nobody could understand what he was talking about.

-=-

Thursday November 2, 1978

To town with Sarah at lunchtime. To Boots - we took a couple of negatives of photos of Lynn and Dave's engagement in Oct 1977. Really good pics.

Tonight Christine came at 8 and we went to Otley to collect her 30~year~old blond friend, Doreen. She's straight~forward, crude, blunt, in fact just like us.

We went to the Shoulder of Mutton. Saw Pete N who told us he isn't going to Oakwood Hall. We don't let this trouble us. I was well away after only three or four pints. On to the White Cross where Doreen picked up a young, bearded garage proprietor, who really got on my nerves. Then, after seeing Jimmy Macdonald, but only briefly, we went to the wretched Fox & Hounds. Naomi was in, but no darling Carole. Philip 'Birdgarden' Houldsworth and little Gary were chatting up Christine, and at 10:30 Doreen and 'Howard Hughes II' cleared off. Her excuse was that she is too old for Oakwood Hall. She must be mad.

My recollections now grow quite faint. I do remember accidentally dropping a half pint of lager down a debutante's cleavage, and Christine later said I sat in a pint of cider that was on the dance floor.

Evidently, at about 1:30 I bought a hot curry from the man in the van outside Oakwood Hall. I cried all the way through it. Oozing snot. I almost said hot as 'Dante's Inferno' but a few years ago somebody told me that Dante's Inferno has nothing whatsoever to do with fire or heat. I'm in the dark on this really.

At home I pelted Christine with 2lb of onions and forced elderflower champagne down her throat.

-=-

Tuesday October 31, 1978

New Moon 20:06

I bumped into Jacq on Wellington Street this morning ______________. Isn't it supposed to be All Hallows Eve today? Years ago, the four of us, would dash out into the night with lanterns made from scooped~out turnips and proceed to terrorise the neighbourhood. Dear reader, those were the days.

Christine phoned to say that the letter I wrote to her whilst intoxicated on Thursday night is an absolute scream. Evidently, I told her in no uncertain terms that she had to accompany me to Oakwood Hall on Thursday or that I would take it very personally. I then went on to make a cartoon sketch, in red ink, of Mr Jess Yates. I must be a raving lunatic. CB did a good deal of giggling.

Sarah has been her sensuous, tantalising self all day. She has that wondrous, sexy Scorpio personality ~ so sexy. We are going out tomorrow. ______________________.

Tonight watched an interesting programme on BBC2 about the voyage of Charles Darwin on HMS Beagle in the 1830s. It was actually part one of a series. All good stuff though.

Peter and Sue have been playing 'Monopoly'. Susan has had a very poor game ~ in fact she's bankrupt. We Rhodeses have never been financial whiz kids ~ just horribly attractive people.

_=_

Monday October 30, 1978

At work Jacq phoned and wanted to know how to spell 'horrendous'. Is she perhaps writing about our relationship?

I phoned Christine and told her that she must come to Oakwood Hall on Thursday. She agreed, but I always live in fear of a cancellation because her social diary is very packed and running wild these days. She told me she was out with Philip Knowles on Friday. Bless them. We remarked how long it was since we were last out together ~ just the two of us. It will be a good laugh if Gus and Co join us at Oakwood because they go insane with typical 20~year~old spasms at the sight of anything remotely female, and Christine is certainly very, very female.

To be honest I'm feeling miserable.Every once in a while I go through a phase of critical re~assessment and sit pondering on why we are here. The human race that is. Come on, who would care if Michael Lawrence Rhodes was swallowed up by some over~active peat bog on All Hallows' Eve, 1978? My dear old Mum would probably notice I'd gone, but ex~President Podgorny of the U.S.S.R and Dame Anna Neagle wouldn't give a damn.

Saw Monty Python tonight ~ a repeat of the 1969 series, but good all the same. Afterwards watched Spike Milligan's 'Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall'. Spike only made a brief appearance which was sad. At 11pm I sloped off to bed.

-=-

Thursday October 26, 1978

Carole phoned. It was marvellous to hear from her because I have been worrying about reports about her health. She just wanted to know what I am getting up to and said it would be nice to bump into me. We talked about John and Maria and she said they should be at home in Yorkshire where they belong. Fogarty's name wasn't mentioned but she enquired whether Jacq was still on the scene. Her "swimming accident" on holiday was in fact a recurrence of last year's mysterious ailment. She has always been a strong swimmer.

Tonight went with Pete, Chippy, Gus, Frank, &c to the Shoulder (of Mutton), Menston Hospital Club, and then Oakwood Hall. The lads vowed never to return to Oakwood after the humiliation of three weeks ago, but there we went. I was pissed up on lager and cider. They all joked about ____________________.

Christine and I must do Oakwood next week. Home at 2am.

-=-

Tuesday October 3, 1978

Sorry about the change of ink again (from red to black). I really am quite sick of the red mess that's dominated these pages since Lynne Mather's demise in February, 1977. I do feel that the time for celebration is over, don't you?

On the subject of my 'love life' _____________________________________.

Christine phoned this afternoon. She's exhausted and flat broke and suggested we postpone our meeting until a week on Thursday. I am very disappointed but agreed to this change of plan. Instead I shall go to the Shoulder (of Mutton) with Peter and the boys. Frank (Hall) was released from hospital with nothing but bruises so no doubt he'll be out to tell the tale.

Back to Christine: she sounded positively devilish on the telephone, so much so that my laughter and loud inuendo apparently brought the office to a standstill and Kathleen had to prod my in the spine and ask me to belt up after about 15 minutes.

Saw "Roots" tonight. Later heard the Prime Minister speaking at his party conference in sunny Blackpool. He really is becoming quite an orator in his old age. But this 5 per cent pay increase limit just leaves me cold. I need an increase of about 105 per cent to bring me into the basic living wage brigade.

Callaghan should have been having a general election this week instead of mucking around at the seaside. This long drawn out farewell can't be doing any of us any good.

To bed at 11:56pm with Adolf Hitler.

-=-

Thursday September 28, 1978

Wet and miserable. Christine phoned again today. It looks as though we'll have an illicit rendezvous again next week ~ possibly on Thursday. We are little beggars at times, aren't we?

Have little cash and so I decided to forgo my weekly piss~up with Pete, Gus and Chippy at Oakwood Hall. Instead I sat in with Mum and Dad and we lived it up slightly by orderng a Chinese take~away from the place at the White Cross. Jim and Margaret came up at 9 and we sat watching a Deborah Kerr film. At the earliest opportunity I escaped to my bed with Hitler.


-=-

Tuesday September 26, 1978

Very wet day. Christine phoned me twice today ~ on both occasions she was bored to tears. Her latest escort gave her the push over the weekend. Nothing much else was gleaned. She was in good form, which is more than can be said of her behaviour last Monday when we were out with David L and Jacq.

A bit of royal news now I think: The Daily Mail gossip columnist Mr Dempster said today that the gorgeous Princess Michael of Kent is wearing maternity clothes and looking radiant with it. She and Prince Michael were married as recently as June 30 and I can't see anything occurring quite so soon. It's not even three months.

The Prince of Wales and Countess Angelika Lazansky have been together at Balmoral recently. The Daily Mail says the Czech exile is a girlfriend of the Earl of Cawdor. I cannot see the prince marrying a 30 year~old Roman Catholic lady. The Prince of Wales really should take more notice of young English beauties. Elizabeth Diana Manners, for instance. She's a niece of the Duke of Rutland. For the time being at least I think we will have a bachelor Prince of Wales.

Saw the second part of "Roots" on the BBC and retired to bed with Adolf at 11 o'clock.

-=-

Monday September 18, 1978

The Prince of Wales won't be too pleased if he's read in today's Times a proposal that the Queen should abdicate in 2002 (the year of her 50th anniversary on the throne) in favour of a youthful grandson! So by passing Charles in the succession. Perhaps Mr Rees-Mogg should be castrated for allowing this to pollute his newspaper.

Dave L, back for two days from Hockley Heath, phoned and asked if I'd like to accompany him and Christine to the pub tonight. I was thinking CB was still at the Italian Grand Prix, but obviously not. I phoned Jacq and asked if she'd like to come too as an alternative to doing her washing and she immediately said yes. I told her I am penniless but she says she has £6 and so we'll be able to scrape through without embarrassment.

Dave came up at 7:45 and we collected Jacq at the bus stop and then went for Christine in Horsforth. Our first port of call was the Old Ball, which is unbearable. The bar there reminds me of the school dining hall at Fieldhead. From the Old Ball we tormented the inmates of the Emmott Arms, and then we shot off to Pool~in~Wharfedale and the Half Moon._____________________________________. However, it was so good to see Dave & Christine.


-=-

Tuesday September 5, 1978

The weather is revolting. Mist and rain. It's a matter of a few hours to the wedding. I'll be so glad when it's all over. Mother is behaving like one of the nastier Third Reich leaders. Lynn and Dave have squabbled more in the past few days than in the whole of the four years they've fraternised.

Interesting conversation today. Dearest Christine phoned this afternoon. She says Chris Ratcliffe told her he's having a party on Friday night IF John & Maria return from Stranraer that is, which isn't definite yet! ____________________________.

The seating plan for the reception took up most of the evening and I spent ages writing the place setting cards for such quaint sounding people as 'Mr Joseph Chamberlain and friend'. Let us hope we have peace in our time. Oops, that was Neville. Never mind.

Watched the BBC's 'Holocaust' drama. Gripping.

-=-

Tuesday August 22, 1978

Sunny and pleasant. Uncle Jack (Myers) was laid to rest this morning. Hilda, Mabel and Peter represented the entire Wilson Alliance.

Sarah was in great shape today. The doctor listened to her heart yesterday and told her she's suffering from neuralgia. Blimey, I thought you could only get that in your bloody face! This afternoon she actually told me that she fancied me ~ in those exact words. It came when I asked her why she always insists on grabbing hold of me. She replied: "Because I fancy you. That's why". Really funny it was. I don't think she's made such a statement in all the years of our association.

Christine phoned. Her Canadian professional ice~hockey playmate earns £100,000 a year, she says. Good God!

News: President Kenyatta died today in Mombassa. He was a bloody Mau Mau terrorist _______.

Down to Lawn Road with just Daddy to daub buttermilk paint everywhere until the tin ran dry. Home at 10:20. Went for a bath at 12:03.

Auntie Mabel had phoned Mama with a report on the funeral. __________________.

-=-

Wednesday August 9, 1978

Ventured to the YP today. They were all surprised to see me. Saw Eileen for the first time since July 6. I was surprised, nay stunned, to see Kathleen in cheery mood and not glum and mourning the loss of the Holy Father. I thought that devout Roman Catholics would be grovelling and wailing and wearing the deepest black? Evidently not. Ladbroke's have shocked some MPs by taking bets on Pope Paul VI's successor. It's going to be Cardinal Benelli, or some geezer who answers to Pignatoli. Benelli was, until last year, Pope Paul's right~hand man and closest playmate who carries a lot of weight. I tell David L to put five bob each way on Benelli. All we can do now is hope and pray.

Had a quickie with Jacq at the Oslters at lunch.

This evening David L came up at 7:15 with the tattered remnants of my trousers, my camera, "flush" cubes, records and belt. We went to collect Christine at Horsforth and came back to Yeadon and met Jacq at the cinema at 7:30. We went to see 'Star Wars' which has been on since Christmas. Both Dave and Jacq have seen it before. Christine and I did a good deal of laughing. Acclaimed as a very good film, it isn't really for me. For a start it isn't adapted from a book by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It cannot compete with 'The Great Gatsby' or 'The Last Tycoon'.

Afterwards we had pancake rolls and chips from the Chinese take~away in Yeadon and deposited the ladies at Horsforth and Leeds respectively. Dave mentions he's going to visit Maria at Molly's on Friday.

To bed with Lady Chatterley at 12:38 am.

-=-

Wednesday August 2, 1978

I phoned Jacq at Dacre Son & Hartley to report that Dave isn't coming out tonight and cancelled our meeting too, or rather postponed it until tomorrow when we're going to the Ostlers.

At tea time whilst preparing to go to Lawn Road David phoned to say he can go out after all because the man from the 'Pru had been and gone in the space of ten minutes.

Christine came at 8 from Philip Birdgarden's (yes, she's going out with him again)and we drove to David's where we found him in a terrible state. He has conjunctivitis and is clad in a large pair of dark spectacles and clasping a large family~sized box of Kleenex. At first he said he was not going to join us, but we protested strongly and he relented. Christine is like a bloody witch when it comes to persuading people to change their minds.

Dave amused us at the Crown with his specs and Kleenex. I do think his eyes improved as the night went on. Christine was drinking Bailey's Irish Cream, or something, and we all became slightly intoxicated. At 10:30 we took Dave home and Christine came up for a coffee. She spent an hour with me, Mum and Dad discussing the 'Jersey Project' and her family history.

-=-