Friday November 3, 1978

Dear God I feel just terrible. To quote Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman ~ "my eyes are like piss holes in the snow". Hideous, quite hideous.

Did little or no work and Sarah took me to Len's Bar at lunch in an attempt to revive me but it simply failed to work.

Didn't hear from Christine. I bet she feels the same.

At 5:30 Jacq and I went with Dave B to meet Lynn at Yeadon. We had every intention of going to see 'Grease'. At 6:30 after fish and chips we 'nipped' into the Clothiers 'just for a quick one' where we were joined by Sue and Pete, who put us off by telling us that the queue for the film at the Odeon is five miles long. We too readily believed them, and carried on drinking. It was a great relief for me. I can think of nothing worse than John Travolta's leather gear in glorious technicolour.

The six of us moved on the the Crown, and then the Drop. All quite pissed up. ______________________.

Pete says he's going to blackmail me over _________________________.

Jacq got a bus at about 11 and the others called in at Pine Tops to see Mum and Dad. Dave and I were hideously pissed, and this always niggles Mummy when she's stone cold sober. We squabbled slightly and I argued with Dad about the Labour party and nationalisation. David joined in the argument but nobody could understand what he was talking about.

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Tuesday October 31, 1978

New Moon 20:06

I bumped into Jacq on Wellington Street this morning ______________. Isn't it supposed to be All Hallows Eve today? Years ago, the four of us, would dash out into the night with lanterns made from scooped~out turnips and proceed to terrorise the neighbourhood. Dear reader, those were the days.

Christine phoned to say that the letter I wrote to her whilst intoxicated on Thursday night is an absolute scream. Evidently, I told her in no uncertain terms that she had to accompany me to Oakwood Hall on Thursday or that I would take it very personally. I then went on to make a cartoon sketch, in red ink, of Mr Jess Yates. I must be a raving lunatic. CB did a good deal of giggling.

Sarah has been her sensuous, tantalising self all day. She has that wondrous, sexy Scorpio personality ~ so sexy. We are going out tomorrow. ______________________.

Tonight watched an interesting programme on BBC2 about the voyage of Charles Darwin on HMS Beagle in the 1830s. It was actually part one of a series. All good stuff though.

Peter and Sue have been playing 'Monopoly'. Susan has had a very poor game ~ in fact she's bankrupt. We Rhodeses have never been financial whiz kids ~ just horribly attractive people.

_=_

Monday October 30, 1978

At work Jacq phoned and wanted to know how to spell 'horrendous'. Is she perhaps writing about our relationship?

I phoned Christine and told her that she must come to Oakwood Hall on Thursday. She agreed, but I always live in fear of a cancellation because her social diary is very packed and running wild these days. She told me she was out with Philip Knowles on Friday. Bless them. We remarked how long it was since we were last out together ~ just the two of us. It will be a good laugh if Gus and Co join us at Oakwood because they go insane with typical 20~year~old spasms at the sight of anything remotely female, and Christine is certainly very, very female.

To be honest I'm feeling miserable.Every once in a while I go through a phase of critical re~assessment and sit pondering on why we are here. The human race that is. Come on, who would care if Michael Lawrence Rhodes was swallowed up by some over~active peat bog on All Hallows' Eve, 1978? My dear old Mum would probably notice I'd gone, but ex~President Podgorny of the U.S.S.R and Dame Anna Neagle wouldn't give a damn.

Saw Monty Python tonight ~ a repeat of the 1969 series, but good all the same. Afterwards watched Spike Milligan's 'Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall'. Spike only made a brief appearance which was sad. At 11pm I sloped off to bed.

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Sunday October 29, 1978

23rd Sunday after Trinity

9th Sunday before Christmas

End of Summer Time: put clocks back one hour at 02:00

Sarah and I talked last night. We are in a very similar position. ______________________. We are two of a kind Sarah and I. We do think one hell of a lot about each other. She told me that she didn't think she would ever marry.

Jacq came at 12. We went with Sue and Pete to the Commercial for beer and beef sandwiches, and then moved on to the Half Way House (opposite the Shoulder of Mutton) which is a ghastly modern pub full of adolescents and with a grotesque barmaid.

Back home for 2:30 and we settled in front of the tv. Horribly boring. Jacq sat knitting. __________________.

The Prince of Wales is in Yugoslavia on his first visit to a communist country.

Mum and Dad returned from Whitby at 6. We all had a Chinese take~away. Watched 'Lillie Langtry' again. It's not the greatest historical drama ever made. The woman playing Queen Victoria should be horse whipped.

Took Jacq to her bus at 9:30. To bed at 11:30.

Friday October 27, 1978

My day off free from the drudgery of the YP. I was eating kippers for breakfast when Jacq arrived. My head was throbbing and I could think of nothing worse than having to trail to Haworth for this long promised days outing. The delights of Bronte land are not well placed on the bus routes and all I can put it down to is that perhaps the West Yorkshire Passenger Transport Executive is not impressed by the likes of 'Vilette' and 'The Tenant of Wildfell Hall'.

We arrived there at 12 and went straight to the Black Bull. I was in no mood for boozing. The Black Bull was, of course, often frequented by Branston Bronte, whose sole claim to fame was his invention of Branston chutney.

We pondered as to whether a pissed Charlotte Bronte staggered across this same old stone floor back in the 1850s. At 2:30 we swapped to the King's Arms and then took the air on Haworth Moor, which neither of us found impressive. Ugly in fact. What startled me was the sunshine as it always seems to piss down in Haworth.

At tea time we journeyed home and then went to Salvo's in Headingley for seafood pizzas. Shear greed really because neither of us were hungry. At about 9 we moved on to the Central, for the loud, pulsating disco. John Travolta imitators were gyrating everywhere. We both felt quite sick, bloated and uncomfortable. Drank rum and orange. Home at 11 on a large, red bus.

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Tuesday October 24, 1978

Moon's Last Quarter 01:34

United Nations Day (1945)

Wet, cold and windy. Climbed out of bed at 10am. Went with Mum and Dad to Morrison's to help with the grotesque shopping. Supermarkets are beastly dens. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that William Morrison is really Wilhelm von Moritzon, the SS chief and war criminal extraordinaire. Not even Adolf Hitler could have conjured up something quite so evil as a vast, music~filled chamber heavily laden with packets of breakfast cereal and cellophane~wrapped streaky bacon. Hideous.

To the YP twixt 5 and 12. Campbell Spray was sneering about Jacq. Miss Sate really is the limit encouraging C. Spray in this ridiculous fashion. I will not play Edward Langtry to her Lillie.

Home in a dull, uninteresting taxi at 12. Cheese on toast, Ovaltine and a pomegranate. Weird, yet pleasant. To bed at 1:32am. It took me 12 minutes to complete this page.

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Monday October 23, 1978

An article in one of the bawdy newspapers said that our own dear Prince of Wales leads a very normal and active sex life. I never imagined for one minute that Davina Sheffield was merely his partner at billiards. However, discussing the sexual antics of our heir apparent is quite simply not on.

This afternoon Jacq and I went to the Ostlers. For some reason I had to get out of the office. Sarah was being particularly painful. She is always very trying after a riotous weekend. Like a baby, she is sulky, bad tempered and tired.

Alison and Mrs Dixon phoned and spoke to Lynn and Mum. Alison has asked Lynn to go down and see her. She and David are going on Thursday. Even Dave is looking pale and emotional about it all. He was quite fond of John P. _________.

Saw a Robert Mitchum film tonight and went to bed at about 11. Read The Duke and Duchess of Windsor by Ralph G. Martin (again). The poor old Duchess (of Windsor) is on her last legs in Paris. The powers to be down at Thames Television are no doubt praying for her end to come to coincide with the start of the tv series "Edward and Mrs Simpson".

-=-

Saturday October 21, 1978

Sun rises 07:34 Sun sets 17:56

I came out of my coma at approximately 8 o'clock this morning. I thought, once again, that my end had come. These feelings of forthcoming doom, yeah of death, are recurring and on an increasing and alarming scale.

I took Jacq into town where she had to show her face at Dacre Son & Hartley and I got a bus home for 10 o'clock. Had a cup of tea with Mum and Dad and then fell into my wondrous bed until 3pm when I was awakened by Lynn on the phone wanting Alison's number. She wants to ring to discuss details of the wedding next week. I went back to bed until 5.

I emerged to have tea and within minutes Lynn and Dave arrived from Pool (in Wharfedale) and she was sobbing like a baby. The worst has happened. John P called off the wedding this morning. Alison will be distraught. Lynn had spoken to Mrs Dixon, who had only been told ten minutes before. The situation is terrible. _________________________.

I was out to Leeds again at 7:30 and Jacq and I went to the George where Haydn and his friends were gathered before heading to another party. Neither of us were in party spirits. Tiredness from last night and the sad news from Winchester just seem to have flattened the whole evening.

We went back to the Y.W.C.A and drank fruity punch and watched Iranians, Greeks, and other various nationalities leaping around to Boney M and the delights of 'Rasputin'.

At 2am and after a 5ft Persian homosexual had asked me if I wanted to dance with him, I sent Jacq to bed and proceeded to walk home. It was almost 5am, and drizzling slightly, when I fell through the door. Knackered.


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Thursday October 19, 1978

King John died seven hundred and sixty two years ago today, and blimey, Newark Castle, Notts, appears to have been the fortunate spot selected for this event.

Jacq and I had a meeting at the Ostlers.

Margaret and Jim tonight again. A very drunken occasion. For some daft reason Mama was drinking Pernod, and she and Jim were staggering by 11 o'clock. Pete joined us too, and he was worse for wear. A burst of dancing broke out in the dining room, but I declined Mama's frequent invitations to get up off my backside and 'groove it'.

Obviously, after the guests had departed in the small hours Mum was taken ill. Her reaction to the massive quantity of Pernod was to do what Lord Nelson always did when he was aboard HMS Victory. Yes, she threw up.

(I bet you thought I was going to say she found an eye patch and paced up and down the bridge saying "I see no ships. Hic" Alas, no).

-=-

Friday October 13, 1978

Friday the Thirteenth. Nothing ghastly befell me. I had a pint of lager in the Central with Sarah at lunchtime. Poor Jilted John sat at the bar swilling gin and weeping on Dave Bruce's shoulder. He's taken Sarah's renunciation of his affections very badly. We drank our drink quickly and left.

This evening John (my prodigal brother) came at 6:30 and I told him he had to come out with us. Jacq got off a bus at 8:30, and the three of us paid a visit to the Drop where Mrs Hanson howled with laughter at Jacq and I. She's still getting over our visit there at the end of August with Trixie, Lynn and Dave. John looked very well. Maria was down at Carole's catching up on four or five weeks gossip.

From the Drop we went to the Fox and Hounds and then the Commercial, where Annie chatted merrily with us, especially John, whom she hasn't seen since he married. Anne, her niece, is coming over from America in November.

From the Commercial we had one at the Regent in Guiseley. We came back to Pine Tops for home~brew. We were all quite pissed up. Bed at 2.

-=-

Thursday October 12, 1978

Feel shattered and quite depressed. I could have ignored the alarm clock and rolled over, but no I had to do my duty.

At 1pm I met Jacq and dragged her to the Ostlers for a few lagers. Saw a wondrous shirt in Irvine Sellers and the divine Miss Sate pulled out her Barclaycard and she lavished £9 on me. Of course I will repay her in full.

Back at the office I inspected my shirt only to discover with horror that it's the wrong size. So at 5 o'clock I was back in town and a swap was negotiated with some blank, dull assistant. Tortuous journey home and I fell through the door at 6.

Mum and Dad seemed to be quite normal. I saw no suitcases packed and waiting &c. Margaret, Jim and Julie came up at 9.

I didn't drink this evening. To bed at 12. Dad slept in his bed. The bathroom stood empty and forlorn tonight.

-=-

Monday October 9, 1978

Jacq phones to say her gorgeous friend Lynda is off work with a bad back and jokingly asks what I did with her in the garden to put her in that condition.

Kathleen has gone to the Lake District for a week. Her plan has back~fired. She booked the week off thinking a general election would have been taking place this Thursday.

The Daily Mail says the goddess Princess Michael of Kent is going to have a baby in April. We shall have to wait for the official notification of this addition to the Royal House of Windsor.

Mum and Dad have squabbled about something and refuse to speak. They sat in stony silence all night while I watched "Till Death Us Do Part" the 1969 film of the famous tv series. It's obnoxious. Bed at 11:30. Poor Alison.

-=-

Saturday October 7, 1978

Sun rises 07:10 sun sets 18:26

Sunny, warm, bright day. Out of bed at about 11:30 and into a hot bath with the radio blasting at full throttle. I do so love Saturdays.

Jacq phoned me while my ears were full of soap so I told her to ring me back. She rang back at about 2. I arranged to meet her in Horsforth tonight.

Dad collected the proofs of Lynn and Dave's wedding photos from Bryan Waite this afternoon. They're spectacular.

Sarah phoned me at tea time and I told her I'd be up to West End Lane for 8 o'clock. Met Jacq at 8 following a chase through Horsforth because the bus conductor forgot to kick her off the omnibus at her stop.

We went by car with Sarah to the off~licence where I spent £4 on Cinzano, beer and lager. Then we went to the Regent in Chapel Allerton where the party goers gathered. Tony, Martyn, with his girlfriend (who lives in Otley, and who he met in Ibiza in '77)Marilyn, Carol J, &c. Jacq drank 'Jelly Beans'. Sarah was a delight, as usual. A guy strongly resembling Geoff Boycott tagged onto us, and had me in stitches with tales of his recent holiday in Romania. I couldn't think of a worse place to go. Bloody Commies! Tony was very amiable. My recollections of leaving the Regent are blurred and confused. However, I do recall the dramatic arrival at the flat in Horsforth.

Bev Wheeler had lined the driveway with hundreds of candles in jars and I joked that all the aircraft scheduled to land at Yeadon airport tonight would probably come down in the garden. She didn't find this particularly amusing.

Sarah and I smoked 20 of Jacq's cigarettes. I had a debate on racialism with some guy masquerading as a barrister. Sarah was in hysterics when I explained to her that we Brits smell revolting to Pakistanis. They may stink of curry and spices, but to them we smell of stale Yorkshire pudding, and fried smoked bacon.

A friend of Jacq's called Lynda, who used to work at Dacre Son & Hartley caught my eye _______________________.

Sarah picked up a young man called Richard and they left at 4:30am. Carol J and Tony brought us home at 5 o'clock. We didn't attempt to get any sleep until 7.

-=-

Thursday October 5, 1978

Piss up with the boys at the Shoulder of Mutton. No communication from Jacq.

To the pub at 8 with Pete, Gus, Chippy, Tony Smith, Dave Wainwright, &c, &c. Frank Hall came in - slightly bruised and bandaged and bloody lucky to be alive.His car is in a revolting state. Pete says it looks like an old egg box.

From the Shoulder we went to the Highroyds Social Club at Menston. Rick Ryder tells me that poor, darling Carole is back in hospital again and has put on a lot of weight. I must find out just what is going on here. I do think a lot of her, you know. _________________.

Went on to Oakwood Hall for even more of that foul, wet, pale brown liquid. Gluttons for punishment. But if you can't kill yourself with drink at 23, when can you?

At about one o'clock we lads were asked to quit the dance floor because we were dancing together and not with female partners. We had a heated discussion with several of the staff on the age~old subject of sex equality, but failed to win them over. We pointed to the groups of girls dancing quite freely and without partners of the opposite sex. Blimey, it's not 'Come Dancing'.

Back to Pine Tops with Pete. Mum and Dad, Jim and Margaret are getting horribly drunk in the garden.

-=-

Monday October 2, 1978

New Moon 07:41

Jewish New Year 5739 {Rosh Hashanah}

Mum says we must visit John and Maria before Christmas. She says Port Patrick is a lovely place. They say JPH swears like a trooper and attacks any innocent people passing through Lochans whenever he gets the chance. Words like 'bastard', 'shit' and 'bugger' feature strongly in his vocabulary. My Uncle Albert would have been proud indeed.

Jacq phoned this afternoon. _____________.

Peter N phoned this evening. His friend Frank Hall was injured in a car accident on the Chevin Road in Guiseley this evening. He's unconscious in hospital. He was here on Friday eating curry and trying to avoid Sue's apple crumble. Frightening really.

Princess Margaret is now in Australia recovering after an attack of fever which prevented her carrying out official duties in Tuvalu, a pin~prick of an island that was once the Ellice Islands. She was taken seriously ill aboard a New Zealand ship.

-=-

Sunday October 1, 1978

19th after Trinity

Woke up at nearly 1pm. Sue and Pete prepared lunch. I found Jacq sitting in the dining room reading the Sunday Express. We ate lunch in an uncomfortable atmosphere. Jacq didn't speak unless she was pressed into doing so.__________. This nonsense continued throughout John Hanson singing 'Kismet' - very unnecessary warbling - and the broadcasting of the top 20 on Radio 1. ______________________________.

Watched 'Lillie Langtry'. At 9:30 I walked Jacq to her bus. Mum and Dad got back from Stranraer. They've had a tremendous time.

-=-

Saturday September 30, 1978

Sun rises 6:59 Sun sets 18:42

Met Jacq in Guiseley at 12 o'clock and we went down Old Hollins Hill to the Commercial for a wet luncheon. Didn't like the atmosphere at all and half an hour later we walked from Esholt to the Shoulder of Mutton. Very pleasant and Jacq was soon, once again, quite pissed. Peter, Gus and Chippy rolled in at about 3pm and they took us back up to Pine Tops.

Sue and Jacq had a knitting session and Pete and I grovelled around beneath his car making adjustments to his handbrake. It was my first ever assault on a car. I didn't learn a single thing from the experience.

Later we adjourned to the dining room and drank a bottle of wine and several gallons of home~brewed stout. Jacq gave up on her knitting and phoned her mother. She was finding it hard to focus on the knitting needles.

The central heating caved in and we froze this evening huddled around the TV. Sue, Pete, Jacq and I went to the Shoulder of Mutton (again) where we sat with Gus, Chippy and Frank Hall. The conversation is always of a crude and childish nature and Jacq wasn't amused at all. ____________. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and even consumed a few glasses of rum. They all came back to Pine Tops with nosh from the Chinese take~away and stayed until a very late hour. _________________.

-=-

Friday September 29, 1978

Out of bed at 6:58am and plunged into a hot bath. Whilst tucking into my hot porridge oats I plugged into the radio news at 7:30 and was astounded to hear that Pope John Paul had died in the night from a heart attack after a reign of only 33 days. It's the shortest pontificate since Pope Stephen in 700 AD, or so. I find this hard to take in. Quite ridiculous that all the cardinals are going to have to crawl back to Rome for another conclave.

I spent most of the day playing with the late Pope's pictures. Chris Bye came into the office cheerfully waving a fiver & laughingly told us that on Aug 26 he'd been into Ladbroke's and placed a bet that the new pope would only live for 33 days. Yeah, right. It would finish it off very nicely now if our own Cardinal Hume was elected pontiff. A good English lad at the Vatican to show these Italians a thing or two.

Mum and Dad went off to Scotland this afternoon to see John and Maria in Stranraer. They took JPH's birthday presents with them and are staying for the festivities and returning on Sunday evening.

Tonight I battled through driving rain to see Jacq in Leeds. We met at 8:30 and went to the Central, where she became quite legless on cider. I intended going on a pub crawl but we enjoyed the loud, pulsating music of the disco in the pub, and we stayed until 10:30. She frowned when I suggested moving on to Len's Bar. She knows Sarah hangs out there on Fridays.

I got the last bus out of town at about 11. Sue and Pete were watching TV. He stayed the night. Young love.

-=-

Wednesday September 27, 1978

David the brother~in~law collected Jacq and I in Leeds at 5:30 and took us to Burley~in~Wharfedale. Lynn poured sherry down us and we sat by the fireside. Susan and Pete arrived at 7:30. Dave went out for fish & chips and we had a collection and bought another 'pop bottle' full of sherry from the proprietor of the off~licence store at the end of Lawn Road (is she Mrs Beasley?). Lynn, clutching an empty pop bottle, is making far too many calls on this lady.

We sat until 10:30. I took Jacq to a bus stop and deposited her on a 733 to Leeds and then went back to say goodbye to Lynn. They are unbelievably short of money. It's refreshing to find someone else in financial ruin and destitution. They look so happy though.

-=-

Sunday September 24, 1978

We had breakfast at Pine Tops on our arrival home and then collapsed until about 11. Lynn and Dave arrived for Sunday dinner and we spent the whole day relaxing with Mother.

Jacq looked ridiculous in her Pontypool rugby shirt, and we laughed a good deal about poor cider~stained, bedraggled Eric the Tit, all forlorn and damp upstairs.

Saw "Lillie Langtry" on TV ~ another historical drama ~ starring Francesca Annis as the Victorian beauty. Jacq left at 9:30 and an hour later I was in bed with Adolf Hitler.

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