Wednesday December 19, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Last night we called in on Auntie Mabel before going to Guiseley. She was very optimistic about Mum and wouldn't accept our bulletin that she is 'very poorly'. Dad has decided to tell no one of the seriousness of Mum's condition. We are told we can say her condition is serious but the word 'cancer' is outlawed. Mabel spoke of God and of having faith, &c. She says Hilda has been phoning throughout the day with nothing but doom and gloom. We cannot convince Mabel that Hilda's fears are so much closer to the truth. _________. On to Hilda's but they were at Macro, and we saw Diane. We called back at Hilda's at midnight. Samuel slept on the settee and they gave us a stiff drink but Mum was barely touched upon but by the look on her face  we can see that she knows.

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Tuesday December 18, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

John took Dad to see Mr Hall at 7:30am and he told him no more than what he told him so bluntly on the phone yesterday. Dad stayed until 9pm with Mum. She was expecting to see gallstones in a jar next to the bed and was told they had 'crumbled to nothing' in the operation . Dad says she just gave Mr Hall a long, hard look, but said nothing. He did tell her that she has a 'tumour' and that they are sending tissues for tests, when in actuality they are going to do nothing, because nothing can be done. 

(large redaction).

I am at a complete and utter loss.

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Monday December 17, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

The worst day of my life. Nervous all day about Mum's operation and she phoned bravely in the morning to say she was already on a drip and ready for the surgeon at 2pm. We had to cook and be friendly downstairs when all day our thoughts were with Mum and Dad. Dad went to Sue's to await the result. I phoned him at 3 and said something silly which made him break down. He is wallpapering Sue's loo to take his mind off things. We were having tea later at 4:30 or so when Dad phoned and he seemed cold and without emotion and told us that the news is bad and that Mum has cancer in her stomach, liver and pancreas. I dropped the phone and went into the kitchen crying. Ally screamed and when she picked up the phone Dad couldn't speak. I fell onto the bed. (Large emotional segment redacted). Ally asked Audrey to open the bar and we drove to Guiseley. _________________. Dad went to Airedale at 7:30 where Mum is conscious and oblivious to her condition. Dad will see Mr Hall at 7:30am tomorrow. 

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Sunday December 16, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

3rd Sunday in Advent

We slept until the phone rang at 8:45. It was a nurse from Airedale (hospital) summoning Dad to see Mr Hall at 10am. He went off leaving me in a state of turmoil. What could have happened? Ally went to Linfood and I did my cellar work. Mum phoned at 11 to say Hall only wanted to see Dad to tell him they're operating on Monday at 2pm and that they are 90 per cent certain that the blockage in a drain to the liver is a dislodged gall-stone. Ninety per cent isn't good enough though. I cannot share Mum's calmness. How brave she is. We phoned her this evening to wish her luck for tomorrow. She was nervous. Who wouldn't be? Jill and Tim came here.

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Saturday December 15, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Fog. To Bradford where we collected books to take to Mum in Airedale Hosp. (She phoned this morning to say the gall bladder op is fixed for Monday or Wednesday, and we told her we'd visit this afternoon. She asked Ally to buy her a nightie, en route). We arrived at 2pm and Mum was waiting for us at a large window and stood waving down. God Bless her. She is in a tiny little room, with a colour TV, loo, and personal consultant on stand by. Poor Mum looked thinner, and bright yellow. We stayed for almost two hours chatting by the bedside. Dad joined us after about 10 minutes and he came in carrying a couple of cream cakes and the newspapers. Mum talked about the poor Bucks Fizz singer lying in a coma, and went with Samuel to look at the hospital Christmas decorations. She and Dad waved us goodbye and we drove away feeling sad. She is such a real brick about it all. To Lynn's where we argued about visiting Mum on Christmas day. They don't seem to think it's a priority. They annoyed us by talking about Pam's fancy dress party set for tonight and how drunk they will all be. _________. Dad came to Guiseley at 10 and immediately worried me by saying that the surgeon is now saying that the problem is not just gall stones and that a recent x-ray reveals 'something else'. He talked about Mildred Werrett, who was yellow before she died of cancer in 1978, and he sat giving us long and soulful looks. Oh God. Mum is seriously ill, I think. To bed late. I cried myself into oblivion. Very fearful.

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Friday December 14, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Uncle Tony's birthday. King George VI's birthday. Mikhail Gorbachev is visiting Britain, &c. I cannot write much. Pie and Pea evening. A dead one. Samuel was awake when we wanted to go to bed. Recently we've been too tired to deal with him in the middle of the night and he's been ending up in the middle of the bed with us. We are going to see Mum if not tomorrow then Sunday. She seems exceptionally cheerful and one would think she was speaking from Waltergarth. Sadly, she says she'll be in hospital for Christmas and therefor cannot be festive here. Mr Hall says the gall bladder will have to go next week.

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Thursday December 13, 1984

 Moorhouse Inn

Sam doesn't sleep as easily as he used to and our days, and nights of tranquillity are surely numbered. We have another 'Christopher' on our hands.  Cousin Sam appeared and he showed me a letter from Uncle H. He'll be here on December 22 before flying off to spend Yuletide in Majorca. I have instructions to inform Papa of this information, but I do not think he will act on it.

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