Thursday June 13, 1985

 Waltergarth

A fine morning. We had to be up at 6:30 to prepare for our journey home. Ally had a bath and then made breakfast. Dad looked sad. What will he do with himself when we are gone and he is left alone? We drove off just after 8am. To Leeds for 9:30. As we drove down Admiral Street a bloody van threw itself into reverse and backed into us denting the number plate. Ally's first bump in a decade. The attitude of the van driver was frustrating. He explained he could not be liable because "you can't expect me to see a little mini metro out of the back of this thing". He looked at Ally and sneered: "women drivers". Offensive bastard. Ron Brooks, the stock-taker, escaped as we arrived. He was going to the Butcher's Arms at Pudsey and then returned to us to do a print-out of the stock at lunchtime. A £10 surplus. The place was a general mess. Someone has scratched their initials into our polished mahogany table. The beer cellar looked like Hiroshima. We are told that L. Gledhill and Colin Black were here snooping around yesterday. Coming home after a holiday is the worst aspect of pub life. Totally disorientated. The customers and staff singing the praises of the relief manager. "He had everyone out for ten past eleven", &c. He doesn't have customers he wants to keep a hold of though, does he? A relief manager is free to be a Mussolini. I have to be slightly more sensitive. An atrociously quiet evening. Phoned Dad. He seemed lost.

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Wednesday June 12, 1985

 Waltergarth, Horton-in-Ribblesdale

Bright, but wet. We went with Dad to Hawes. Beautiful countryside. We walked around the village looking at pub menus. Samuel toddled along with his grandad. We went into a pub - the name escapes me - and we had rabbit pie. Samuel had an enormous sausage which looked to be raw in the middle. Pink. Driving back to Ribblehead we had a burst tyre. Dad found the spare and changed it. Later, Dad, Sam and I played in the garden. Dad blowing down a large tube, an old water pipe, making noises reminiscent of those similar to the ones made by Sir Rolf Harris, that ancient Australian musician. Samuel then played with a spade digging holes on the drive. He got very wet, and cold too. Tonight we just sat with mushroom soup watching TV. Mum's homemade soup out of the freezer, made last autumn. Dad then ate the last piece of fruit cake that Mum had made. We watched 'Dallas' and went to bed early. Well, 11pm. Dad was better this evening. News: The Waleses attended the new (James) Bond premiere, but we didn't bother watching.

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Tuesday June 11, 1985

 Waltergarth

Awful weather. We sat at Waltergarth by a blazing fire. Mum saved old newspapers and I went through them clipping out the relevant items. Birth announcements, engagements, weddings, &c. It was easier to do than I imagined. Ally doesn't feel guilty going through Mum's possessions. Mum would have wanted us to do it. Afterwards, when Samuel was asleep and after I had consumed a large whisky, Ally and I went to Settle. Dad wanted some new lampshades. We didn't find any. Shopkeepers openly laughed when we asked for them. We spotted a nice little restaurant and decided to go back there tonight. We booked for 8:30. Dad looked particularly sad today. He says that he and Mum once tried to book a table at the Little House Restaurant (for that is the place), but it was full. We dressed, had a drink with Dad and went to dine. To Fred's first. Ally in her blue frock. A beautiful dinner. Home for 11. Dad was in his dressing gown. We could hear him sobbing in his dark bedroom. What a hopeless, bleak situation.

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Monday June 10, 1985

 Waltergarth

Phil the Greek is 64 today. 

We left Samuel with his grandad and went to Skipton for an hour so. Market Day. Returned for lunch to Waltergarth without having bought a thing. We do this quite a lot. Shopping and coming empty handed. Our obsession with anything made of pine is steadily growing. Ally tells me she has bought a pine wash stand at Cheap 'n Cheerful before we came away and it has to be collected on our return.

Tonight. We found Dad in the bedroom rummaging through cupboards and so we assisted. He bagged up lots of Mum's clothes with the intention of posting them to Oxfam or somewhere. Most of the stuff too good to destroy. So many memories. Mum kept every greeting card she had received since about 1980. Some of Dad's cards go back thirty years. The photographs too. Dad has taken 500 snaps in the three years since going to Yugoslavia on May 17, 1982.

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Sunday June, 9 1985

 1st Sunday after Trinity

Waltergarth

An early start. The Bakers were up at dawn to go to York to the joint christening of Richard and Mandy's offspring. Samuel really appreciates seeing his cousins. He seems especially fond of Katie. Breakfast was a mad, noisy affair. At least I feel better today. Ally told the others in my absence that I was cut up about mother and yesterday's gathering was too soon, and too painful. I found the gala atmosphere quite obscene. Though I do know we have to go on. Mum would have loved yesterday so much. 

Lynn and Dave left at 9, Sue and Pete at 12 and John and Janette soon after. Dad hadn't slept well. He'd been on the settee all night, and so when Sam went to bed at 1pm Dad joined him. Ally did Dad's ironing and I cooked roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for lunch. Three sitting at the table. So odd. What a gap. Later Dad composed a one sentence letter to Earl Stephens in New Zealand informing him of Mum's death. Every word was like a dagger to the heart. Later Dad sorted through mounds of old papers, throwing them out. Mum kept everything. A bill for the new carpet at Pine Tops from Oct 1970 - £120. Ally retired early, at 10pm, and Dad and I watched the puffed-cheeked Marlon Brando in The Godfather Part 1. Bed after 12.

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Saturday June 8, 1985

 Waltergarth

The Crown, Horton.

We all left Dad after breakfast and went into Settle for a few hours. Blustery, though dry. Dad closeted yet again with the boilerman. This afternoon I was in the kitchen with Ally. She had me whisking cream for a trifle that nobody will ever eat , and then when she realised we were under her feet she packed John and I off to the Crown with Samuel for an hour. We left Ally and Janette making a buffet luncheon. We sat the garden at the pub with pints of Guinness. Sam played with some children but one set about him and slapped his face in an unprovoked assault. Poor Sam looked bewildered but didn't wail. John seems fond of Sam. Babies do not interest my brother, but Sam is now an energetic little boy. Back to Waltergarth at 2. Lynn and Sue and throng had arrived. Sue announced that she is expecting a baby in January. We ate, but something was missing. I felt awful and went to bed for an hour. The others looked at me as though I was mad. 

Evening: The Davidsons arrived. Charlie and Betty Davidson and Betty's sister. All painful. Mum never liked them and now here they are visiting Dad as soon as Mum is out of the way. We went to the Crown leaving Dad with them. We had a good natter in the pub. Home for 10. Boxing on the telly. I went to bed feeling bloody awful, leaving Ally with Dad, Pete and John.

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Friday June 7, 1985

 Waltergarth, Horton

The Station, Ribblehead.

We went to Settle with Dad to do some shopping. His cupboards are bare. We went to the Co-Op and trudged round the town but threatening rain drove us into the Royal Oak for lunch. Samuel was restless and trundled around on the upholstery practicing his athletics. We sat in a corner.  (Redaction).

The boiler at Waltergarth is knackered. A man from Grassington, covered in oil, spent the day in the kitchen. I made roast lamb. John and Janette came at 9. We left Dad looking after Sam and went with J & J to the pub at Ribblehead. I touched alcohol for the first time in ages.Large whiskies and ginger, no less. We were in the pub until after 12:30. Janette wants Simon or Paul (?) for a son, but later tonight decided on Lawrence John. I do hope she keeps this one.

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