Thursday May 5, 1977

Out with Tony and Carole to the Hare & Hounds at Heaton, Bradford at 8.30. Carole looked divine. All heads turned when she entered the pub and people couldn't help staring at her. I think Tony felt like he was being neglected somewhat and so at 9 he phoned Sue (from WH Smith's) to see if she fancied a night out at Oakwood Hall. He arranged to pick her up at 10.40.

With Carole: she looked divine

I soon began to feel intoxicated. I don't know whether it was the drink or Carole, but I certainly felt something. Her eyes. Her face. Quite incredible they are. Collected Sue and went off to Oakwood. The girls took an immediate dislike to one another. Bitchiness in the extreme, I'm afraid to say. It must have been Sue who started it because Carole couldn't be bitchy if she tried. She is far too naive and sweet.

Saw Peter N with a couple of his friends at the disco and he was pleased to see Carole and I together. We danced and had a couple of drinks. I even had orange juice. We both forgot we'd ever been apart in the first place and we laughed and joked just like old times. For God's sake, I hope I'm doing the right thing meeting Carole like this. Am I leading her on at all? It didn't feel wrong and nothing but sheer enjoyment came from it. It wouldn't go down well at home if we got back together, but the attitude of my parents at the moment is abominable anyway and to be quite honest I'm not taking any more Dictatorship. One would think I was twelve years old.

Tony seemed to think Sue wasn't on form. Oh, by the way. Linda rang and finished with him tonight.

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Wednesday May 4, 1977

A nice morning for a change. The birds actually lowered themselves to give us a tune and the rain managed to hold off until I was safely encased in the Jim-mobile. No Sarah today. Auntie Delia informed me that the poor girl is suffering from dizzy spells and such like. I like Auntie tremendously and we are still promising one another tea or an evening meal but she is always bogged down with (flower arranging) classes.

YP was dead. Worked through lunch and went home at my usual time - 4.30. Horrible meal this evening. Mother is still behaving positively rude and childishly, which encourages me to a certain extent. Her attitude won't get her anywhere at all.

Queen: speech to the Lords & Commons

On the 6 o'clock news saw the Queen and the Royal Family in Westminster Hall receiving the thanks of the Lords and Commons for 25 dedicated years, &c. HM made a controversial statement about devolution saying she had been crowned Queen of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland and intended remaining so. The Scottish Nationalists are aggravated by it but I think it was a tremendous thing for her to say it. At least one person in the land wants to keep the United Kingdom intact.

To be quite honest I'm getting cheesed off with the complete lack of patriotism at the moment. Dear mother is a leading advocate and her attitude about a Silver Jubilee party astounds me. How she had the bloody nerve to pay me £2.50 for her share in Robert Lacey's 'Majesty' God only knows! About as patriotic as Willie Hamilton's left buttock she is. I could become quite violent on the subject if I tried hard enough. I expect that all the flag waving and cheering will take place on June 7 and then everyone will forget about it. It's about time the Queen used her influence to rally nationalism.

Out with Judith to the Hare and back to her place until almost 3am.Discuss purchasing the Sun. How much would it take to make a box for it?

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Tuesday May 3, 1977

Carole: unfortunate maiden

A horrible day. Last night when I set out on my historic venture I joked with Mama on the subject of with whom I was spending the evening. She wanted to know the identity of the unfortunate maiden and joked about following me down the lane. Nothing nasty was said and all seemed quite normal until tea time today. I am much afraid to say she launched an extraordinary attack on the 'mysterious young lady'. "Well, Michael, if you can't tell me who you were with last night all I can say is she must be a right little tart". I was angered and horrified and this gave me the push to clam up altogether and I said that under no circumstances would I ever tell her. Mama carried on in her usual way - or perhaps I should say the way she behaves when she's infuriated. Later tonight she told me that the Silver Jubilee party is cancelled. A statement made in anger and I fully intend to ignore it. (I'm 'intending to ignore' quite a few things today, aren't I?)

Silver Jubilees only happen once or twice in a lifetime and no one is going to prevent me celebrating in the appropriate way.

Watched TV and thought about last night. Am I as mixed up and confused as Carole? Do I require a sharp blow on the head? Somehow I think so. Do you know that nothing would have stood in the way of us getting back together if it hadn't have been for the foolish, tragic thing she did?

Since yesterday I haven't worried about where £80 of my holiday money is coming from or what I'm going to be wearing on my feet this time next week. What can it be? No doubt you've heard it all before - especially in these miserable, confused pages. The hateful way opinions can change in a matter of a few weeks I am beginning to shame over. Just twelve or thirteen weeks ago I was closeted at Thornton-le-Dale with Miss Mather abusing the very name of the girl on whom my mind now is permanently affixed.

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Monday May 2, 1977

Bank Holiday in Scotland. Had a telephone call this morning from Miss Carole Phillips who demanded, nay commanded me to take her out for a drink this evening. She said that a year ago - to the very day - I had promised to go out with her whenever she wished. Just a social, friendly ale or two - not 'going out' in the context which you may be thinking. She was at Maria's and at first I said I'd go down to tea and then ten minutes later I phoned back to say I'd be at Ridgeway to collect her at 7.30. I arrived a few minutes late with a bag of vegetables for John's pets with very mixed feelings about this whole escapade. Blimey, isn't she supposed to be engaged to Peter Fogarty? She looks very attractive and ravishing. I am reminded about what Jimmy (Macdonald) and I were discussing on New Year's Day after my thirtieth gin and tonic.

Shoulder of Mutton

We had no idea where to go. I suggested Otley, but we finally decided on the Shoulder of Mutton on Hollins Hill. It is out of the way and we are free from being recognised. We caught a bus and laughed and chatted as though no break had ever taken place. In the pub I put to her the question of her so-called engagement because she was wearing no ring, and I was immediately answered. They bought a ring on Saturday and by the following afternoon Fogarty had decided he had no desire to settle down and called off the whole charade. She told me it had been Fogarty who had pushed for it and wanted to be serious. She had done nothing but cry for three or four days and it had been Maria who had suggested ringing me, as a last resort.

You must be aware that Carole and I are in no way forming an alliance of the nature of which I terminated one year ago - it was just a very friendly 'good deed'. We discussed old times and became quite rowdy. I told her: "Carole, you certainly know how to pick 'em." Then paused because I realised she'd picked me. I felt slightly sick after only three drinks and we walked outside and up Hollins Hill and back to the Macdonald residence. When people had told me how much Carole had matured and 'grown up' I didn't ever answer. I wanted to reach a decision myself. I do not think she has matured one bit since last May. Very sweet, but still the dotty, mixed up kid. I said I was sorry for what I had done to her and she said she didn't hold me responsible. She did say I had ignored her on many occasions, whilst I have always accused her of ignoring me. Funny, isn't it? Went back for a coffee and we parted at 11.30. Left very friendly and said 'let's do it again, sometime?' She said she wanted to be my friend and said it was about time she pulled herself together. It was so nice just to talk to her.
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Sunday May 1, 1977

3rd after Easter. Wet day. Not going to say much because it was such a normal, uninteresting day. The Silver Jubilee is looming. The poor Queen is going to be exhausted by autumn. Bless the Old Girl.

Naomi: dragged me in

Saw part of the 'Edward VII' series on tv and then Mama gave me a lift into Guiseley in torrential rain. I was stood at the bus stop for ten minutes when Naomi drove up, threw open her car door and dragged me inside. Very hospitable of her. Miss K. Moorhouse was a fellow passenger. They were on their way to Denise's for dinner. Eventually got a bus at Rawdon at 5.20pm. Work was up to it's usual mundaneness. Can anything be 'up to it's usual mundaneness?' or have I invented the word?

Taxi home at midnight. My driver was a silent one this time. Not a reptile expert or connoisseur of Rococo architecture as they usually are. The journey home was one of inward thought and general reflection. Poured with rain all the way.

Ate boiled eggs and sat looking at one of the lower class Sunday papers. Queen Victoria awaited my attention in my boudoir but my eyes ached and I had no intention of taking her up tonight.

Isn't it remarkable how some days I fill a page with minute, incredibly tiny handwriting and on other more lazy occasions I can scribe away like something not dissimilar to a moron?

King George V had silly handwriting, you know.

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Saturday April 30, 1977

Mama and the whole household are spring cleaning this morning and so I dress and escape with a pile of library books and Miss Rushworth's umbrella in the direction of Guiseley. Called at Bedside Manor and handed over the stolen umbrella to Bill Rushworth. He's a real weirdo. Grumpy and positively frightening. However, Mrs R. is extremely pleasant. Judith climbed out of bed and joined me in her lounge. She looked ghastly without the help of cosmetics and complained of a headache. I left after 10 minutes.

Lynn

To the library and got a further volume of Queen Victoria's correspondence with her eldest daughter (1871-78).

Had a record session all afternoon.Only Susan & Peter N are at home for me to annoy. Tony rang to say he wouldn't be at the Hare tonight because Linda doesn't like the idea. _________. I quite fancy Linda myself.

Martyn and Ruth, who are also a doomed relationship, are joining me at the Hare. Went down with Sue and Pete at 8.30. CB left shortly afterwards with a familiar, unnamed face, and Miss Dibb and fiance came in too. Chatted with Judith and Dave (working in the bar) and got along famously. The new manager seems like a decent enough bloke and when Lynn and Dave came in L approached him and got a bar job for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evening. Lynn actually behind the bar! David Andrew is far from happy with the idea. How snobby and petty can you get? The whole situation would be different if Mum and Dad had bought a free house pub. Oh yes, you're allowed to work in a bar if you own the bloody place, but being a common serving wench is a different bloody matter.

Peter and I went to the Chinese takeaway on Otley Rd and got some for Sue too. Played my BBC 50th anniversary LP which Peter hasn't heard before. Bed at 2am. Dad came in ten minutes later stoned out of his mind. They'd been to Flashman's with Charlie and Betty Davidson.

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Friday April 29, 1977

CB, on the phone, wakes me at 10.45. The beautiful thing wants to know if I fancy a session at the Black Bull this afternoon but I tell her about the Official Receiver and how he simply wouldn't like me to go. We compromised and said we'd go see Maria and JPH instead.

Played the record player full belt and took a bath and before I knew it it was lunchtime. Cheese on toast with Mama and Papa. Went down to Maria's with great, gaping holes in my shoes. Like a bloody tramp.

Christine: the beautiful thing

Christine came after ten minutes and we gossipped. Yes, no other expression can be given to what we were doing. Not one of our acquaintances escaped the vile insinuations of three idle, coffee swilling peasants upon this dark, unholy afternoon. I saw a look on CB's divine face as I bounced JPH upon my knee, a look I've never seen her show before. I cannot describe it but it spoke a million words.

Paddy Braithwaite brought me home at 5.30. Christine is incredible. I will always feel exactly the same way about her but I do realise nothing will ever come if it and any deeper relationship would only lead to disaster.

Compelled this evening to go out with my peep-toed shoes and felt guilty about it until Martyn showed me the soles (or lack of them) on his feeble footwear.

Tony and I had a quick one in the Hare and collected Martyn and went to the Bod again. Packed out it was and with a profusion of our colonial friends and relations. Met a couple of ladies - one from Halifax. Peter M, Chris and Steve Hudson came in. They're taking Lynne to Manchester tomorrow because she's flying to Ibiza. Denise is going too and they're making a night of it. Peter says he's not _____________.Why? On the way back from Halifax (after taking Mary home) I told Tony that Peter told me last year that the only reason why he (Tony) associates with me is because I am a friend of Denise and he wants to be near her. We laughed. Tony sees Denise sometimes a couple of times a week. I haven't seen her more than a handful of times since last summer.

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