Saturday September 23, 1978

Sun rises 06:48 sun sets 18:58

Not too happy today. Could have had a good fight with anyone who cared to try it on. Lying in my bed this morning I decided to go to this so~called fancy dress party as a Harewood House Bird Garden attendant, with one of Delia's stuffed birds stitched to my left shoulder. Ingenious, eh? I spent a couple of hours busily sewing Eric (the little Tit) onto an old white t-shirt.

Susie and Peter took me to Leeds at 8:30 and we joined Jacq and Hayden at Len's Bar, where a few other fancy~dress goers were gathered. I could see a couple of French maids, the odd clown and a very poor imitation of Queen Victoria.

Eric the Blue Tit created a sensation. I was a bit cool with Jacq (who was dressed in a Pontypool rugby shirt and footless tights masquerading as a punk rocker) and found her constant chatter with Milky Bar Kid Haydn (yes, it's spelt the same way as the famed composer) somewhat irritating.

Sue and Pete left for a disco at 10 and Jacq, the Milky Bar Kid and a female Mexican Bandit and I left to get a taxi to the Railway Station. What seems like hours of hilarity followed. We didn't get to the party until after midnight. We laid on an hours free entertainment for tired British Rail passengers, performing a circus act upon a luggage trolley and giving an adequate rendering of "Singin' in the Rain".

Stanmoor Drive was our destination and a bemused taxi driver found it quite easily. We were met by the hostess (the French Maid) but to our horror the booze was already running dry and our couple of bottles of cider looked pathetic.

Jacq did a good deal of scrounging and we knocked back sherry, red wine, and home brewed champagne. Naturally, at about 4am I brought it all back up on some unfortunate cabbage patch on Stanmoor Drive, Burley, Leeds. To my surprise Carol J and Marilyn were in the throng, but they left early to go to another orgy in Horsforth. Marilyn drank my cheap cider and insisted on prodding Eric (the tit) before leaving. I must say I was the most original character in fancy dress. However, I switched from being a Harewood Bird Garden operative to being the Bird Man of Alcatraz.

Jacq and I were among the last to leave and we walked to Guiseley arriving at 7:30am. Jacq was fed up and exhausted on the journey and at one point was reduced to tears.

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Friday September 22, 1978

Took a half day at 12:30 because I was dying for a drink and feeling more than slightly hungover. I met Sarah, Marilyn (Wheeler) and a girl whom I will refer to as Miss X, at Parker's Wine Bar at 1pm. Didn't enjoy it. Miss X sleeps with a different guy every night and I heard her telling Sarah she'd been to the clinic this morning adding "it's all cleared up now". Sarah wanted to be sick. I fixed my gaze onto Miss X's legs hoping to catch a glimpse of the cascading slime.

Later Sarah confided in me that she loathes and despises the current surge in immorality. I do agree. Far too much is made of sex, don't you think? Sarah's new beau, Andy, came into see her and poured white wine into her until 2:45, no doubt hoping to have his wicked way with her. She was only supposed to have an hour for lunch. Carol J and Eileen were far from amused back at the office.

At about 3pm I left the love~birds and caught an omnibus to Guiseley. It was back to Leeds again at 7 o'clock to meet Jacq at the ABC cinema. We went to see 'Heaven Can Wait' starring Warren Beatty, Julie Christie and Dyan Cannon. A good, amusing and delightful film and far more entertaining than I would have ever imagined. Undoubtedly a classic. Home alone at 11:30.

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Tuesday September 19, 1978

Didn't phone Jacq today. Jilted John (Mac) asked if Jacq and I would like to accompany him to see the Dortmund Opera in Leeds next week. I was slightly taken aback. ____________. But at £6 a ticket!

Saw Alex Haley's 'Roots' tonight and retired to bed with John Toland's 'Adolf Hitler' which I left at Trixie's in April or May.

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Monday September 18, 1978

The Prince of Wales won't be too pleased if he's read in today's Times a proposal that the Queen should abdicate in 2002 (the year of her 50th anniversary on the throne) in favour of a youthful grandson! So by passing Charles in the succession. Perhaps Mr Rees-Mogg should be castrated for allowing this to pollute his newspaper.

Dave L, back for two days from Hockley Heath, phoned and asked if I'd like to accompany him and Christine to the pub tonight. I was thinking CB was still at the Italian Grand Prix, but obviously not. I phoned Jacq and asked if she'd like to come too as an alternative to doing her washing and she immediately said yes. I told her I am penniless but she says she has £6 and so we'll be able to scrape through without embarrassment.

Dave came up at 7:45 and we collected Jacq at the bus stop and then went for Christine in Horsforth. Our first port of call was the Old Ball, which is unbearable. The bar there reminds me of the school dining hall at Fieldhead. From the Old Ball we tormented the inmates of the Emmott Arms, and then we shot off to Pool~in~Wharfedale and the Half Moon._____________________________________. However, it was so good to see Dave & Christine.


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Saturday September 16, 1978

Full Moon 20:01 Sun rises 06:36 Sun sets 19:14

Jacq came at 8 with a parcel for me from Trixie consisting of ties, more paints, my forgotten Hitler volume, paint brushes and Japanese palet knives from Pete Holroyd's collection. The bundle must have rushed her a couple of quid in the post.

I'm in low spirits with a feeling of impending disaster hanging over me. One of Jacq's shoes fell apart at the bottom of the lane and I ran all the way home for a pair from Sue's collection. Knackered, sweaty and broncil by 9:30.

We made our way to the Crown at Yeadon in the drizzle and shit and propped up the bar there until 11. Chippy, Gus, Johnny and others came in. I hailed 'Hullo' to Chippy and he told me to 'fuck off' which I can only put down to the episode of the buggered spectacles. At 11 we staggered to Guiseley. Jacq was wearing all my clothes because she felt cold.

We bumped into Jim and Margaret and they took us back to 58, Fieldhead Road for a few beers. Margaret attempted to persuade the budgie to do his Churchill impersonation but Joey (as he's affectionately know) refused to fight them on the beaches, and said nowt.

Back at Pine Tops for 12:30. Jacq and I sat until 4:30.

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Friday September 15, 1978

To the Odeon at Leeds with Jacq at 8pm to see Mel Brook's 'High Anxiety'. Very funny. Jacq didn't laugh quite as loudly as I did. In places I found myself roaring with laughter, but quite alone. Rather like giggling in Westminster Abbey.

Home at 11 after having a quick drink at the Wayfinder, which is full of potential Ripper victims and greasy haired males resembling the Kray Twins and other leaders of organised crime. I must make a note to avoid this pub in future.

Felt buggered. Collapsed in a chair and slept for half an hour on my arrival home.

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Saturday September 9, 1978

Sun rises 06:25 Sun sets 19:30

A dull, dismal day, with the occasional damp patch. Lynn and David's wedding day. She was divine, beaming and beautiful. Even my nerves were bad this morning, and the number of people in the house, and all the excitement didn't help matters. The wedding was soon upon us. Lynn dressed in white saying goodbye as Miss Rhodes. Dad was very pale. We found a whisky bottle.

Dad was close to tears as he took Lynn on his arm down the aisle, and when he witnessed the marriage after the ceremony he signed one of the certificates incorrectly and the Reverend Mr Ward had to tear a page from his register in front of the entire congregation. Auntie Mabel told Mum that Dad had wept as he walked down the aisle, but this is a slight exaggeration. The ceremony was moving, the reception excellent. Uncle H(arry) never arrived ~ which is just as well.

The only mishap of the day was that the DJ was two hours late and the disco didn't start until 9 o'clock. I mixed with most of the guests. I discussed women with Uncle Peter and chatted about Evelyn Waugh and satire with Uncle Bert. Frank (Harwood) measured me for a new suit in the middle of the dance floor ~ and that will set me back £20, or so. (These suits fall off a lorry in the vicinity of Burton's).

John and Maria brought Jacq and I back to Pine Tops at 12 and we mucked around in the dining room for hours. Dave had carried Lynn from the dance floor up to a room at the hotel and my little sister was gone forever. Things will never be the same again.

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Saturday September 2, 1978

New Moon 17:09

Sun rises 06:14 sun sets 19:46

Found myself in a sleeping bag at Farthingstone, Old Pool Bank. In a bedroom with Dave and Pete. Trevor is in another chamber deep in slumber. A nice guy is Trevor.

Audrey gave us 'Puffa Puffa Rice' for breakfast (Ugh) and drove us home at 11, or thereabouts. Jacq, Lynn, Sue and the girls look well. They say they spent the night at the Elma drinking 'Jelly Beans' (I believe a conglomeration of vodka, Pernod, blackcurrant, and I think lime juice).

I spent £15 last night and most of us seem to have spent the same. Oh God.

Jacq and Lynn went shopping to Otley just as Mum and Dad returned from shopping with JPH. He's thinner these days, taller and more of a handful. He sat in Mum's coffee sloshing it everywhere and blew up the kettle. He'll be two in a few weeks time.

Tonight Jacq and I went to Leeds to see 'Revenge of the Pink Panther' at Odeon 2. Peter Sellers in undoubtedly the funniest man upon this earth in 1978. Jacq laughed until I thought it was becoming quite dangerous. Tears of laughter cascaded down my face.

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Sunday August 27, 1978

14th after Trinity

Jacq and Trixie came to Guiseley this afternoon and we all got horribly pissed in the garden. At one point I was incontinent. Trixie told some very filthy anecdotes and sloshed wine all over her Christian Dior gown and half of Hawksworth Lane for that matter.

By 6pm Dad was unconscious, spread~eagled upon his bed and Jacq was flat out on my bed. I've never seen her in such a state. They left after the full works of a 'Royal Albert' dinner at about 1am.

Dear me, it really was lovely if disgraceful. When Dad pulled round in the evening he left for Lawn Road with Lynn and Dave just to avoid us. ________________________________________.


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Saturday August 26, 1978

Sun rises 06:03 Sun sets 20:01

Up at 10. Sarah made me scrambled eggs on toast. I felt slightly worse for wear. Sarah and Delia fussed over me. They went to the Ilkley Antiques Fair at 11 and dropped me at home. A quick change of clothes and I went back to Leeds to meet Jacq and Trixie at the Dragonara. First I went to the Y.W.C.A to pay my respects to Hayden, who begged me to find him a surgeon who might perform a head transplant on him.

Went with Jacq and Trixie to Whitelocks. We sat from 12:30 until 3 in the pleasant atmosphere of one of Leeds's finest and most ancient taverns. Afterwards we went to Trixie's room at the hotel for even more drink, and finally, at about 5:30 we left for Guiseley.

John and Maria had been round in the afternoon but we just missed seeing them. After dinner with the family we took Lynn & Dave to the Drop where we celebrated the coming wedding, minus 2 weeks. Pernod dribbled everywhere. Lynn was quite overcome by it all and had to go sit outside.

Back to Pine Tops afterwards.

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Friday August 25, 1978

Trixie came to stay at the Dragonara for the duration of the Bank holiday. This evening Jacq and I went to meet her at the hotel and we took her to Len's Bar where Sue Tirbutt was having a party. Trixie was in fighting form and looked fit and well while knocking back the usual pints of bitter. I introduced her to (Alan) Macgregor, who served in the Royal Navy with Derek Sate. Hayden came with Jacq. _________________. Jacq, Trixie, Hayden, Sarah, Carol J and I went to the Nouveau club at 11pm from Len's and stayed until about 2:30.

Trixie left for the Dragonara at about 1am but we stuck it out until the bitter end. Sarah was horribly pissed. At the end of the evening Jacq disappeared into the darkness with Hayden and Carol drove Sarah and I to West End Lane, Horsforth. We staggered and fell around in her kitchen and I made some ridiculous adjustments to her father's shopping list on the table. At about 3 I retired to the pink suite at Ivory Towers.


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Thursday August 24, 1978

St Bartholemew

Nightmare of a day. At about 8 this morning I sprained my ankle, or perhaps twisted it, down in Guiseley whilst going for my bus. I tripped on a crooked pavement and fell through the door of Rhodeses Newsagents shop and landed on a revolving Christmas card display, showering shoppers with cellophane, glitter covered robins, and grotesque Santa Clauses.

Wracked with pain for the rest of the day I staggered about the office to the moronic amusement of my colleagues. What with my arse, and now this.

Jacq dissolved when I told her. She came and collected me with a wheelchair and pushed me across to the Central for a quick anaesthetic. She cried with laughter. The swelling worsened in the afternoon and I had to resort to asking Papa to pick me up at the bus stop to ferry me home.

Reclined in the bath later. Found solace with Lady Chatterley at about 10:30. Dave B accused me harming my own ankle on purpose to avoid working at Lawn Road.

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Monday August 21, 1978

Mrs Christine Newton, Princess Margaret and the Hon Gerald Lascelles are leaping around in their carpet slippers today tearing open birthday cards & presents, and devouring large chunks of iced fruit cake. I haven't laid eyes on Mrs Newton since the day of her marriage in August last year. She may be dead. She may be expecting a multiple birth to fill the bedrooms of her pleasant semi-detached property.

Sarah was taken ill at the YP with pains in her chest (again). She looked awfully pale. At 10 we kicked her off home. She told me that my letter to Delia from Nunwoman, Leaper and Nunwoman Solicitors had Barbara Wheeler wetting herself yesterday.

Met Jacq for lunch at the Ostlers for a few pints and cheeseburgers. The friendly, neolithic bar~tender, who is deaf as a post, always brings the wrong food and drink. Jacq, for instance, had a brandy and Babycham followed by a Gin Fizz ~ and we only ordered lager.

Tonight: with Dad, Dave and Lynn to Lawn Road. I made a start 'emulsioning' the lounge. Worked until 10:30.

John called to see Mama tonight. He moves to Stranraer in two weeks and starts his new job on September 11.

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Saturday August 19, 1978

Sun rises 05:52

Sun sets 20:16

Hanging wallpaper at Lawn Road all day. The place now resembles Longleat.

Jacq and I met this evening and we tanked down the road to the Wren (?)for a couple of drinks. At about 7:30 we went over to the Tower Cinema to see Lord Olivier and Katherine Ross in 'The Betsy'. I enjoyed it. Jacq made her usual comment ~ 'crap'. It just wasn't her sort of film. I left her at the Y.W.C.A at 11 and got a bus home.

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Friday August 18, 1978

Full Moon 11:14

Helped Mum with her shopping this morning which was a rare occurrence. In the afternoon I compiled a letter to Delia (in the guise of my solicitor Nunwoman, Leaper & Nunwoman).

Worked this evening at the YP. At 10 I joined Jacq at the Central for half an hour or so. The people in that pub are incredibly revolting and gruesome. Dregs of the earth would be putting it mildly.

Tonight my taxi driver seemed to be very well educated. No, he didn't insist that he's the world's leading authority on snakes, and no, he hadn't witnessed Mau Mau atrocities in Kenya. He made some intelligent remarks about microfilm and the Leeds Intelligencer which surprised me. They really ought to give inquisitive people like him an outlet for their energies in some sort of polytechnic. Doing essays on 'Taxis through the Ages'. How about 'The Influence of the Cab Driver on Charles Darwin and his subsequent theory of relativity'? Or, 'In what way did the gun~boat policy of Lord Palmerston affect the taxi fares in Leeds after 1861'? Or ....... King Louis XVI's Flight to Varenne: Would it have succeeded with Telecabs? Discuss.

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Tuesday August 15, 1978

A humid, thundery day. The morning papers have photographs of Princess Anne and Peter Phillips spread thickly about, on this HRH's 28th birthday. It is a disgrace that Her Majesty's grandson is of no higher rank than a British Railways ticket collector or lowly road sweeper. Even the cleaning lady with 50 years' service at Montague Burton's and awarded the B.E.M is of greater rank. Poor little chap. However, it is a sign of the times I do suppose.

Sarah was in a strange mood today. I saw her laughing and squealing in the company of John Mac. God knows what became of this so-called estrangement.

Met Jacq at lunchtime and we had a couple of drinks at the Ostlers. She gave me some Royal Albert china for mother. I told her I'm working on Friday night. At least we'll have a cheap weekend. On Saturday we plan to see Lord Olivier in 'The Betsy' a film from the Harold Robbins book of the same name. I read the book about six years ago. Sir Laurence plays his first movie sex scenes with 'Roxanne' the French maid. Whatever next?

Tonight I went with Jim Nason to Lawn Road and bashed around on the staircase for a couple of hours. Lynn, Dave, Mum and Dad went to the Cow & Calf Hotel to sort out the wedding reception and Jim and I met them at the Red Lion for a couple of drinks at 10:15. Lynn was slightly pissed and went straight up to bed on her arrival home.

Wedding fever is choking us all. I'm sure Lynn's sickness this evening was just as just excitement as alcohol. A man in a Jag followed her at walking pace down the lane this morning with eyes and everything else bulging, heavy breathing, &c. The pervert obviously needs his extremities hacking off.

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Sunday August 13, 1978

13th after Trinity

The sun shone down upon us this morning. I was out of bed by 10am cooking breakfast for Jacq and myself.

Afterwards Susan worked wonders with Mum's hair and they both retreated into the garden. At 11:30 Jacq and I walked down to the Commercial. She told me it's our first date 'alone' ~ with just the two of us ~ since I came back from San Antonio. She says she was getting quite a complex about it.

We sat outside at the pub drinking Stella Artois and had beef sandwiches. Jacq says she wants to be a housewife and rear about 10 kids. Evidently, Derek is keen to be a grandfather. __________.

Our solitude was interrupted by Sarah and Delia who came down at about 1 o'clock. Whilst Sarah was inside getting the drinks Delia informed us that Sarah finished with John Mac last night because he's such a boring, dull person. In front of Jacq she went on to say that I'm more Sarah's type and says I stand a good chance. Jacq almost choked on her lager and blackcurrant. Sarah and Delia went over to gaze at the church for half an hour & then shot off leaving me with a note to pass on to dear Mama.

At 2 we returned home taking a short cut across the fields. Poor Jacq wasn't dressed for the hike. We sat with Mum in the garden and devoured more sandwiches until 4:30 when we went into Leeds together.

I was at the YP for 5:30. The evening was completely dead. At 10 I met Jacq again and we had a drink at the Central. Supping shandy listening to the pulsating music. Home in a taxi at midnight. My driver told me his dream is to have a milk round. Mum had left me a dinner on a plate. I didn't get to bed until 1:09am.

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Saturday August 12, 1978

Sun rises 05:41 Sun sets 20:30

I had a bit of a rough night and didn't get much sleep before about 4am. Sneezing, wheezing, coughing and gasping all night long. A few tablets and cups of 'Lem Sip' eased things a little and I finally nodded off. Up with the larks at 9:30 feeling much better.

At about 11:30 Dad, Sue, Pete, John and I went to Leeds and met Dave B, Richard & Chris B, and Mr & Mrs Henry Baker, and Mandy B outside Young's dress hire where we were fixed up with morning suits for the wedding. ___________________.

Home at 1:30. John took some lunch with us. Just like old times in fact. John really was on top form today and had me rolling about in hysterics in Young's.

Afterwards I went with Lynn and Dave to Lawn Road and finished daubing emulsion on the bathroom walls. Dave was near to collapse and at one point he was to be found in a medium sized heap upon a roll of carpet in a bedroom. We returned home for dinner at 6 o'clock.

Jacq's been to Scarborough today with 'the crowd' from the Y.W.C.A. She phoned at 7:30. Sue, Pete and I met her in Guiseley and we had a quick drink at the Station Hotel. They both drank Tequila! On to the Crown (Yeadon) which was dead, and then to the Westbourne at Otley where John and Maria were supposed to be supping. They never materialised. The pub is revolting and rough. Karen Cole was there. Making a quick exit we ventured to the Clothiers, which was also thoroughly miserable. I just failed to enjoy tonight. We all came back to Pine Tops to watch a late night film. ________.

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Wednesday August 9, 1978

Ventured to the YP today. They were all surprised to see me. Saw Eileen for the first time since July 6. I was surprised, nay stunned, to see Kathleen in cheery mood and not glum and mourning the loss of the Holy Father. I thought that devout Roman Catholics would be grovelling and wailing and wearing the deepest black? Evidently not. Ladbroke's have shocked some MPs by taking bets on Pope Paul VI's successor. It's going to be Cardinal Benelli, or some geezer who answers to Pignatoli. Benelli was, until last year, Pope Paul's right~hand man and closest playmate who carries a lot of weight. I tell David L to put five bob each way on Benelli. All we can do now is hope and pray.

Had a quickie with Jacq at the Oslters at lunch.

This evening David L came up at 7:15 with the tattered remnants of my trousers, my camera, "flush" cubes, records and belt. We went to collect Christine at Horsforth and came back to Yeadon and met Jacq at the cinema at 7:30. We went to see 'Star Wars' which has been on since Christmas. Both Dave and Jacq have seen it before. Christine and I did a good deal of laughing. Acclaimed as a very good film, it isn't really for me. For a start it isn't adapted from a book by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It cannot compete with 'The Great Gatsby' or 'The Last Tycoon'.

Afterwards we had pancake rolls and chips from the Chinese take~away in Yeadon and deposited the ladies at Horsforth and Leeds respectively. Dave mentions he's going to visit Maria at Molly's on Friday.

To bed with Lady Chatterley at 12:38 am.

-=-

Sunday August 6, 1978

11th after Trinity

Got out of bed at 10:30 feeling quite fit and unaffected by my traumatic experience. I phoned David L to apologise for leaving half my blood in his abode and he says it looks like a massacre has taken place on Tennyson Street. He laughed a good deal.

My chief problem is sitting down. Armchairs are impossible. I remedy this by laying flat on the floor. Mum and Dad think my predicament is hilarious. Mum inspected the stitches. Dad, Lynn and Dave went to Lawn Road leaving Sue, Mum, Jacq and "Scar Arse" to prepare dinner. Susan was alone and Peter made no appearance. ______________.

On the news we hear that the Pope died tonight. Princess Michael of Kent must have been secretly over to Rome and slipped some John West salmon into the Vatican kitchen.

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