Wednesday June 12, 1985

 Waltergarth, Horton-in-Ribblesdale

Bright, but wet. We went with Dad to Hawes. Beautiful countryside. We walked around the village looking a pub menus. Samuel toddled along with his grandad. We went into a pub - the name escapes me - and we had rabbit pie. Samuel had an enormous sausage which looked to be raw in the middle. Pink. Driving back to Ribblehead we had a burst tyre. Dad found the spare and changed it. Later, Dad, Sam and I played in the garden. Dad blowing down a large tube, an old water pipe, making noises reminiscent of those similar to the ones made by Sir Rolf Harris, that ancient Australian musician. Samuel then played with a spade digging holes on the drive. He got very wet, and cold too. Tonight we just sat with mushroom soup watching TV. Mum's homemade soup out of the freezer, made last autumn. Dad then ate the last piece of fruit cake that Mum had made. We watched 'Dallas' and went to bed early. Well, 11pm. Dad was better this evening. News: The Waleses attended the new (James) Bond premiere, but we didn't bother watching.

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Tuesday June 11, 1985

 Waltergarth

Awful weather. We sat at Waltergarth by a blazing fire. Mum saved old newspapers and I went through them clipping out the relevant items. Birth announcements, engagements, weddings, &c. It was easier to do than I imagined. Ally doesn't feel guilty going through Mum's possessions. Mum would have wanted us to do it. Afterwards, when Samuel was asleep and after I had consumed a large whisky, Ally and I went to Settle. Dad wanted some new lampshades. We didn't find any. Shopkeepers openly laughed when we asked for them. We spotted a nice little restaurant and decided to go back there tonight. We booked for 8:30. Dad looked particularly sad today. He says that he and Mum once tried to book a table at the Little House Restaurant (for that is the place), but it was full. We dressed, had a drink with Dad and went to dine. To Fred's first. Ally in her blue frock. A beautiful dinner. Home for 11. Dad was in his dressing gown. We could hear him sobbing in his dark bedroom. What a hopeless, bleak situation.

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Monday June 10, 1985

 Waltergarth

Phil the Greek is 64 today. 

We left Samuel with his grandad and went to Skipton for an hour so. Market Day. Returned for lunch to Waltergarth without having bought a thing. We do this quite a lot. Shopping and coming empty handed. Our obsession with anything made of pine is steadily growing. Ally tells me she has bought a pine wash stand at Cheap 'n Cheerful before we came away and it has to be collected on our return.

Tonight. We found Dad in the bedroom rummaging through cupboards and so we assisted. He bagged up lots of Mum's clothes with the intention of posting them to Oxfam or somewhere. Most of the stuff too good to destroy. So many memories. Mum kept every greeting card she had received since about 1980. Some of Dad's cards go back thirty years. The photographs too. Dad has taken 500 snaps in the three years since going to Yugoslavia on May 17, 1982.

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Sunday June, 9 1985

 1st Sunday after Trinity

Waltergarth

An early start. The Bakers were up at dawn to go to York to the joint christening of Richard and Mandy's offspring. Samuel really appreciates seeing his cousins. He seems especially fond of Katie. Breakfast was a mad, noisy affair. At least I feel better today. Ally told the others in my absence that I was cut up about mother and yesterday's gathering was too soon, and too painful. I found the gala atmosphere quite obscene. Though I do know we have to go on. Mum would have loved yesterday so much. 

Lynn and Dave left at 9, Sue and Pete at 12 and John and Janette soon after. Dad hadn't slept well. He'd been on the settee all night, and so when Sam went to bed at 1pm Dad joined him. Ally did Dad's ironing and I cooked roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for lunch. Three sitting at the table. So odd. What a gap. Later Dad composed a one sentence letter to Earl Stephens in New Zealand informing him of Mum's death. Every word was like a dagger to the heart. Later Dad sorted through mounds of old papers, throwing them out. Mum kept everything. A bill for the new carpet at Pine Tops from Oct 1970 - £120. Ally retired early, at 10pm, and Dad and I watched the puffed-cheeked Marlon Brando in The Godfather Part 1. Bed after 12.

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Saturday June 8, 1985

 Waltergarth

The Crown, Horton.

We all left Dad after breakfast and went into Settle for a few hours. Blustery, though dry. Dad closeted yet again with the boilerman. This afternoon I was in the kitchen with Ally. She had me whisking cream for a trifle that nobody will ever eat , and then when she realised we were under her feet she packed John and I off to the Crown with Samuel for an hour. We left Ally and Janette making a buffet luncheon. We sat the garden at the pub with pints of Guinness. Sam played with some children but one set about him and slapped his face in an unprovoked assault. Poor Sam looked bewildered but didn't wail. John seems fond of Sam. Babies do not interest my brother, but Sam is now an energetic little boy. Back to Waltergarth at 2. Lynn and Sue and throng had arrived. Sue announced that she is expecting a baby in January. We ate, but something was missing. I felt awful and went to bed for an hour. The others looked at me as though I was mad. 

Evening: The Davidsons arrived. Charlie and Betty Davidson and Betty's sister. All painful. Mum never liked them and now here they are visiting Dad as soon as Mum is out of the way. We went to the Crown leaving Dad with them. We had a good natter in the pub. Home for 10. Boxing on the telly. I went to bed feeling bloody awful, leaving Ally with Dad, Pete and John.

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Friday June 7, 1985

 Waltergarth, Horton

The Station, Ribblehead.

We went to Settle with Dad to do some shopping. His cupboards are bare. We went to the Co-Op and trudged round the town but threatening rain drove us into the Royal Oak for lunch. Samuel was restless and trundled around on the upholstery practicing his athletics. We sat in a corner.  (Redaction).

The boiler at Waltergarth is knackered. A man from Grassington, covered in oil, spent the day in the kitchen. I made roast lamb. John and Janette came at 9. We left Dad looking after Sam and went with J & J to the pub at Ribblehead. I touched alcohol for the first time in ages.Large whiskies and ginger, no less. We were in the pub until after 12:30. Janette wants Simon or Paul (?) for a son, but later tonight decided on Lawrence John. I do hope she keeps this one.

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Thursday June 6, 1985

Waltergarth, Horton-in-Ribblesdale

Waltergarth.

Wet. A long drive from Winchester to Horton-in-Ribblesdale consumed the whole of the day. Samuel was remarkably good and sat in the car without so much as a murmur for the whole journey. Up the wet M1 to Leeds, through Guiseley, Skipton, and finally dear old Waltergarth was reached. We ate cheese and bread. Samuel slept soundly after his long journey. We sat tonight and helped Dad write letters in response to the many messages of sympathy he has received from family and friends. I sat and read them all. A tearful experience. Messages from Gerald Werrett, Martin O'Neill , Uncle Arnold, Dorothy, &c. All touching. A letter from Uncle Bert too. He became the grandfather of twin girls recently. I did the writing, dictated by Dad, sat next to a blazing fire. Dad couldn't bring himself to write anything and was appreciative of my efforts. We were working until after 12. You can almost see and hear Mum about the place. How the old china cabinet used to rattle as she thundered past in that busy, happy manner. Happy ghosts everywhere.

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Wednesday June 5, 1985

 Chillandham Cross

Chillandham Cross.

Dull, but warm. We went to Alfresford - we walked by the river and inspected the Watercress Line again. Steam trains do absolutely nothing for me. I complained of tiredness and they joked about it.Blimey, I am 30. Back at Chillandham Cross Bessie was dropping hints about the ever increasing garden foliage and Dad, itching for employment, suggested we do a bit of tree surgery, which took up the afternoon. We loved it. Swinging in the trees with saws and axes. It was a weight off Bessie's mind. Sam slept in his pushcahir on the lawn. 

Hot baths and tea on the lawn. Frank returned from Southampton to see his grandson for the first time this visit. Such a quiet chap he is. Watched TV tonight. Dad and I sat up until 1am watching a rude US film called 'Choirboys'. Naughty, but a giggle.

News: Read in the DT that the 11th Duke of Manchester has pegged out to be succeeded by his brother  who is awaiting trial for fraud.

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Tuesday June 4, 1985

Chillandham Cross, Itchen Abbas

Winchester Cathedral

Bessie's 63rd birthday. We went into Winchester and Ally and Bessie went shopping  and Dad, Samuel and I went to inspect the cathedral. I sat on the grass in front of the war memorial and Dad chased Samuel around. Lots of new trees planted in the cathedral grounds which are very well kept. Looking up at the fine Norman erection one is immediately struck by the overwhelming feeling that man is so small and insignificant. Like flies on a wedding cake. 

To the Bush for lunch. Sat in the garden. I had trout. Surrounded by old army colonels discussing the youth of today. A party of Canadians spoke to us. Dad does very well, but looks lost. 

Out with Dad to Alresford tonight. The Horse and Groom and then the Globe. Just for the last hour or so. Hampshire ale is always diabolically flat. A very wet night. We didn't pack any pullovers, so Ally was wearing one of Bessie's cardigans.

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Monday June 3, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Warm. Ron Brooks appeared and so did the new, odd stocktaker. His name escapes me. We have a £50 defecit but I do not worry. The stock is invariably up. We went skipping out into the sun at 12:30 and Ally, Sam, Dad and I escaped down the M1 to freedom. A holiday for 10 whole days. We broke off at the Crossroads Motel at Weedon and sat outside with a £2 ploughman's lunch consisting of a tiny brown roll and half a tomato. Samuel beat his grandad with a large stick.

Near the Bush at Ovington.

At Chillandham Cross we sat in the garden with tea and buns and Bessie. She said nothing about Mum at first and seemed stuck with how to handle it. What can she say? Frank was struck similarly dumb. We ate. We went to the Bush at Ovington with Dad. Sat in a corner. The place is grubby as ever.

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Sunday June 2, 1985

 Moorhouse Inn

Trinity Sunday

Sunshine. At lunchtime we bombed over to Thorpe Lane and found everyone sprawled out on the lawn at Thorpefields. The children were all blond and red. Sam looked so 'wishy washy' in comparison. They all played together in the Wendy house. Dad, red from the sun too, had been converting the lounge into Brighton Pavilion. Dave B is such a good man about the house. We brought Dad with us back to Leeds. Samuel looking very superior sitting with his idol in the back of the car. 

Gary worked with Ally. Dad and I stood at the bar chattering. He worries about money. He had Mum insured for £1700 but this will not cover the funeral bills, &c. We will lend him some cash of course. He didn't shed a tear until after 11 when he and I were left alone in the pub. At times he says he cannot go on.

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