Saturday October 30, 1976

Up late. The phone is ringing. It's Tony. He comes here at 2.30 and the two of us go to Ilkley. Stuart and Andrew are readying themselves for tonight's onslaught. We all drive over to Bradford where Stuart purchases a pair of trousers and then it's off on our way to Manchester down the M62. Stop at one of those revolting service stations on the way and pay £18.50 for a sausage roll, cup of tea and a piss. Disgusting isn't it? Get to Manchester by 7 o'clock - it's a farce in a pub car-park when Andrew strips off to change his trousers publicly just when a bus is passing. Hilarity. Start drinking at 7.40pm. Until 10 o'clock we go between two pubs, one of which is full of homosexuals dressed in polythene bags. The bar staff look like something from an episode of 'Star Trek'. To the party and spend most of the night with a girl called Gill, who dumps me at the very end to return to her fiancee, who was also, unbeknown to me, at the party. God I could have had my head kicked in! We had a very romantic time. She had a wonderful beaming smile. Just think, I'll never see her again. Stuart goes off to bed with the hostess of the party and Tony, Andrew and I get very pissed. We end up in our underwear singing along to Leo Sayer, devouring cheese on toast at the same time. God only knows at what hour the revelries fell through, but it must have been 4 or 5am.

Link to Mr Sayer's 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'

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Friday October 29, 1976

Lynne comes here at 8 o'clock. She's half starved and we go to Harry Ramsden's again to pacify her. Down to the Hare & Hounds with Lynn & David. Martyn arrives and later Tony, Jill [John Cameron's concubine] and Stuart, whom I think fancies Lynne. He can't get over her being such a tall lady. CB comes in with her new blonde friend who works at the Hare several nights each week. The juke box was on the blink and playing records without us having to insert coins, and CB informed on us playing records for free. No sooner had she done this that the whole management converged on our corner and un-plug the record machine. Miserable bastards. I tell CB that her informing on us is pathetic and comes back with some clever remark about people having some sort of responsibility!

Judith was behind the bar. So we had good, speedy service all night. She seems to like Lynne. Nice girl, Judith. Back to Pine Tops. Lynne and I, Sue & Pete watch 'Rosemary's Baby'. It's a film taken from the book of the same name by Ira Levin. Quite good really and not dissimilar to 'The Omen'. She goes at 1am. Not seeing her [Lynne] until Monday evening.

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Thursday October 28, 1976

John comes up at 7 o'clock to say Maria and the baby have a touch of cold and can we go down to see them another night instead. Lynne and I had intended taking a few bottles down to number 69. Instead we go on something of a pub crawl. Red Lion, Black Bull and Hare & Hounds. We discuss all manner of popular topics. Birth control, sex, marriage and Roman Catholicism. Called in at Harry Ramsden's - a rare spectacle these days. No CB out tonight.

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Wednesday October 27, 1976

To the Black .... Oh Sod it! Start again. To the Brown Cow in Horsforth at 8.15 with good old David L and eventually Marita, who arrives at 9.30, or so. Haven't seen David for months, and by all accounts the going is hard. He's returning to Gloucester on Friday in order to construct a duck pond, or something. A great chap is Dave. Marita is her usual self. Always on about old times but ________________.
Aren't I a bitter, twisted old git? Must be the influence of Lynne. Somehow I don't think Marita likes her at all. On arriving tonight she enquired: "Oh, how's whats her name ... Princess Anne .. getting on?" She refused even to say Lynne's name.

Home at 11 o'clock and watch the David Frost/Sir Harold Wilson quiz. I quite like Sir Harold even if he is a damned socialist. He's better than the current incumbent of 10, Downing Street, anyway. Audrey Callaghan is a nice bit of stuff though. Her tits! - Cor!! Jim sure knew what he was doing when he got her knickers off. Here endeth the crude, nasty bits for today.

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Tuesday October 26, 1976

Leave the office at 4 o'clock thoroughly pissed off. Salad for tea, which is thoroughly boring, but Mum does her best with it. I have never enjoyed a salad. Soggy lettuce and a bashed up old tomato - crap.

Tony comes up at 8 and the two of us go down to Ilkley to meet Stuart. To the Black Horse at Askwith and then on to the Black Bull at Otley. They like the Black Bull - it's the first time either of them have been. Discuss age and Tony thinks I'm implying that he's an old boy. I never class him as being of a different generation. He bloody well isn't, that's why. Eight years is no real gap. Up to the Hare & Hounds where Tony is in a trance at the sight of 'Winifred', who has him under some sort of spell. They say she closely resembles the late Miss Akroyd or 'Fanny' as she's affectionately known to the millions of W.H.Smith employees throughout the country. Home at 11. Some talk of a party in Manchester on Saturday. I don't know what to think about it. Even talk of going to Old Trafford in the afternoon! Christ! Anything for a bloody laugh.

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Monday October 25, 1976

Work at 9.30. Sarah isn't too well. Bugger about and manage to finish for 2.30 or so. Home by 5.15. Have a bath and then Lynne comes up at 8 o'clock with my luggage. Put on my new trousers, red shirt and cardigan. Just the two of us to the Hare & Hounds at 8.30 for an hour. She goes home afterwards [to Gipton Wood Crescent that is] because Aunt Lil has her evening meal ready. Quite a good night at the Hare. We are becoming more and more close I think. [We are] staying over here this coming weekend. She's coming on Friday and going straight to Thornton-le-Dale after we've been out. The weekend after I'm going to Thornton-le-D with her on Friday [Nov] 5, and coming back on Sunday [Nov] 7, to go to Auntie Delia's luncheon.

See the Queen on TV at 11 o'clock tonight officially opening the National Theatre, on the South Bank. [The South Bank of what? Not of the Ouse, I think]. A modern, updated version of the National Anthem was played at the opening and, in my opinion, I think that perhaps the composer should be hanged with piano wire. Nauseating it really was. Bed at midnight.

Oh, by the way. Auntie Mabel, Marlene and Frank, Mark & Debbie came at 6.30 for an hour. Sorry, I forgot to mention it earlier.

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Sunday October 24, 1976

19th after Trinity. United Nation's Day. Up at a late hour again and devour one of Mrs Mather's nice breakfasts. Lynne and I then set to and wash her car. One hell of a job. In the midst of this we go for a walk around Thornton-le-Dale parish church and then for a few miles down a quiet lane to a place the name of which escapes me [Dalby?] Back at 4pm to complete the polishing of the car. A lovely, autumn afternoon.

After [the] evening meal we watch TV all night but my allergy to the cat and dog renders me completely useless. Drink whisky but I'm so blocked up I can barely taste it. Bed at 12.30. Took a sneaky photo of Lynne compiling her diary sitting in bed. Should prove funny when results come through. I always enjoy muyself at Lynne's parents' house. When I compare them to Mr & Mrs Phillips it's quite incredible. Total opposites. Poor Carole. With a Mum & Dad like that why bother reading horror stories?

It's rumoured in the Sunday Express that the Duchess of Gloucester is pregnant. We shall have to wait and see.

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Saturday October 23, 1976

Don't get out of bed until 1.30pm on Saturday afternoon. Mr & Mrs Mather are decorating the lounge. After lunch Lynne and I go shopping to Scarbrough. I get a pair of black trousers and a red shirt with 'San Francisco Giants' inscribed all over it. A cold, dismal day, but we have a good laugh. Back in Thornton Dale by 6 o'clock and call at one of the pubs in the village for a pre-dinner drink.

At 9 o'clock we set off to Brummel's in York. Arrive after 11 and remain until 2am. Had a great time. The music really is 'our sort'. The place was packed to begin with but we soon found a vacant space. Lynne and I merged our resources and managed to come away with a few bob for the coming week. I only consumed three or four pints of lager all night and on our drive back to Thornton-le-Dale [nearly 30 miles]we were serenaded by fantastic music on Radio Luxembourg. Made cheese on toast at 3am and woke Mrs Mather in the process but didn't suffer anything quite as traumatic as what would have befallen us if Mama had been in Mrs Mather's shoes, or perhaps bed. Bed at 3.30.

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Friday October 22, 1976

Lynne and I go to the Damn Yankee at Harrogate at 8.30 for a pizza. Fantastic. Then go up to Thornton-le-Dale calling in at the Royal Oak at Old Malton first. Get to Thornton-le-Dale by 11.30 and find Mrs Mather in not too good a mood, but she soon cheers up. No Peter of course. Only Mr & Mrs M and Karl. It takes Lynne some time to unwind at weekends. Work dominates her poor mind until well into Saturday. A darling she is though. No more for now.

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Thursday October 21, 1976

Nelson had one of his 'off days' 171 years ago today. Trafalgar Day, that's what it is. It's also the 26th anniversary of the christening of Princess Anne. Just who else knows this mundane detail, other than Princess Anne, and I'm willing to bet she hasn't written about it.

See 'Top of the Pops' and then go down with Lynne to John & Maria's. Our first visit to 69, Silverdale Drive. Have a few beers and take 9 or 10 pictures of John Philip Hugh who is incredible. The most beautiful baby I have ever encountered. To adequately describe the little lad is a bloody impossibility. Maria will make a good mother I am sure and looking at John [Snr] I see he is still somewhat baffled by it all.

Home at midnight or so because poor Lynne had to go to Roundhay. The poor kid is forever on the bloody move. Going for a pizza on Friday before trekking up to Thornton-le-Dale for the weekend. Goodnight to one and all.

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Wednesday October 20, 1976

Go straight to [John] & Maria's from the YP. Beloved John Philip Hugh is sleeping upstairs & Maria and I chat about old times over a coffee. Discuss the 'George' days. John comes in at 5.30 and the four of us [that's including a slumbering J.P.H. Rhodes, of course] go up to 14, Ridgeway, Tranmere Park, Guiseley. Molly is besotted with her grandson. Her other three grandchildren, Anna, Andrew and Katie are belting around the house like hooligans. In fact the whole scene is reminiscent of a Manchester United football match. Stay to tea, which is made by Anne [Maria's sister-in-law] and consume a couple of glasses of wine in the process. Give John Philip Hugh a lengthy nurse and he is, or appears to be, on the verge of starvation. Molly feeds him whilst we have tea. Don't leave until 9.30, and arrange to visit them at number 69 with Lynne tomorrow night.

Mum and Dad have been to the Bridge Inn at Ingleton. They come home with tales of wonderment, but I'm sceptical about the whole business. I won't say anything else on the subject until we take up residence there, and if we don't you'll never hear of the bloody Bridge Inn again.

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Tuesday October 19, 1976

Three years ago today I was celebrating my last day at school. What an eventful three years have passed since, not only for me as an individual, but for the whole nation. What historic events have occurred? The death of Edward Heath sticks out in my mind as one of the major tragedies. I lost my virginity. Princess Anne lost hers. Princess Margaret let herself go quite daft over Mr Llewellyn. My poor Uncle Jack bit the dust. Maria joined our great family. Mum became a grandmother. Helmut Schmidt became German chancellor. Poor old P.G. Wodehouse passed away. Miss Denise Akroyd was lost at sea some months ago. Oh Shit, I'm going home.

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Monday October 18, 1976

Bogged down at the YP. Bloody newspapers. Leave at 4.30 feeling whacked and nothing for my labours. However, this subject is too miserable to dwell on.

Mum has a letter from the estate agents announcing that a pub - the Bridge Inn at Ingleton actually - is on the market. The usual family conference was convened, not unreminiscent of the Vietnam peace talks held in Paris. Will report in greater detail tomorrow.

Somehow I cannot help thinking that the enagement of the Prince of Wales and Davina Sheffield is imminent. Two weekends in succession at Balmoral must mean something. Will it be a 28th birthday engagement for HRH on November 14? It would all fit very nicely. Engaged next month, leaves the Royal Navy in December, takes up residence at Chevening in the New Year, married in March, April or May, Silver Jubilee in June. Or is it more complicated than that?

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Sunday October 17, 1976

18th after Trinity. Mum carries on and on about the slight mishap which befell us in the early hours of this morning when Mr David Andrew Baker measured his length on our kitchen floor - and in doing so roused the whole household from its slumbers. She proceeded to go on, and on, all day about how noisy, inconsiderate and selfish I WAS! Yes, it's apparently all my doing that Mr Baker found himself legless and pissed on our kitchen floor. In my attempt to bring the drunkard to his senses I fell victim to the wrath of Mrs Nora Rhodes. Please don't think I'm making myself a martyr here, but criticism must be levied against wrong-doers.

Peter N gives me a lift to the bus stop at 4pm. [Oh yes, Lynne took her leave at 11.30 and after bacon and eggs I attempted to exterminate a honeysuckle bush in the front garden.] So Pete took me for the bus and by 5pm I was at the YP. Work was totally dead and miserable. The news is centred on whether Princess Anne is pregnant or not and of course the Rhodesian peace talks. Home in more rain at 11 o'clock. Bring the record 'Lowdown' by Boz Scaggs home. It's been in my drawer since Friday. A good piece of music too.

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Saturday October 16, 1976

Up at midday. After eggs and bacon Lynne and I go to Gipton Wood Crescent and the home of Mrs Lilian Morris, sister of Mrs Vera Mather, and aunt of Miss Lynne Mather. Entertained until 2pm by Auntie Lilian, who attempts to demolish the respectibility of the entire Mather family, directing several unsavoury adjectives in the direction of the person of her blessed brother-in-law, Mr Donald Lee Mather, father of Lynne, and husband of Vera.

The next port of call is Auntie Mabel until 5 o'clock. She is cheerful and glad of our company and she gives me Uncle Jack's watch. A Sekonda with 17 jewels. I am reluctant to take it but she insists. She bought it for Uncle Jack on their 30th wedding anniversary - just three and a half years ago.

Mabel tells us that Karen [Gadsby] got engaged today and that a brilliant society ball in honour of this event is being held at the Territorial Army Headquarters in Leeds this very night.

Party in Ilkley: Lynne and I travel with Pete & Sue to the Crescent where only Lynn, Dave, Sarah, Marilyn [Wheeler], Tony, Pauline, John Cameron and Stuart are to be seen. I enjoy the party but Lynne loathes it. Dave drinks a whole bottle of 'Clan Dew' and leaves at 2am. Lynn wants to leave, but Judith & Kathryn persuade me to hang on until 3.30. Almost came to blows with a bloke called Fred, who knows Sarah vaguely. He took exception to my singing. Home in Kathryn's car to find David B in a collapsed state outside - nauseating scenes follow and at 4.30am Mama is disturbed. Oh God!!

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Friday October 15, 1976

To [the] Hare & Hounds with Lynne. Only CB is representing the gang tonight, and at 9 o'clock Lynne and I go down to the Red Lion in Burley in Wharfedale and then on to the Black Bull at Otley where we had, Lynne and I that is, our first meeting two years ago this month.

After this minor pub crawl we headed by to the Hare for the last one. Even CB was nowhere to be seen now. However, Tony is hiding at the other end of the room with Lorraine & Mick. He tells us about his leaving ceremony at the W.H.Smith Bradford office last night. It seems that all the participants were reduced to blubbering idiots with the emotion of it all. He came away with a watch, a cigarette lighter and the Koh-i-Noor diamond [or is the Kooh-i-Noor diamond?]

Return to Pine Tops for a session of TV watching. Going on an 'aunt crawl' tomorrow - see you all then.

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Thursday October 14, 1976

Pouring rain all day again. It's been like this now for three bloody weeks. All I can say is that I hope Denis Howell, MP, picks up this new VD germ from his mistress. Minister for Drought indeed!

Meet Judith R outside the YP at one o'clock. Make a mad, frantic dash under umberellas to the Central [Station] where we sit until 2 o'clock with her doing most of the talking. I like listening to Judith. She tells me just how tactful she was on Tuesday not mentioning today's meeting in the presence of Lynne. I agree. She then tells me I'm going to be her next blackmail victim. I disagree.

Home at 5.15 in pouring rain. Rain, rain and rain. Oh, when will it all end?

Newsworthy things: Dame Edith Evans, the actress of 'Lady Bracknell' fame, is dead. Nothing else at all, so far. [It is only 6.43pm so anything could happen between now and midnight - MLR]. Oh yes, Winnie the Pooh is 50 years old today. Good old Pooh Bear. Royal items: King James II is 343 years old today and Jane Seymour, third wife of Henry VIII, bit the dust on this day in 1537. Miscellaneous anniversaries: Nora Rhodes passed her driving test on this day in 1974.

Meanwhile: 12.23am. To say it's pouring down would be something of an under-estimation. Pissing is the more proper adjective. Goodnight.

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Wednesday October 13, 1976

Leave the YP at 12 and go straight to Burley-in-Wharfedale to see Lynne. Jean is with her for ten minutes or so until she is recalled to the slave labour camp. Have a couple of drinks together. She talks about Christian names and children. She'd like more than one, and I add that one might as well have four or five. More the bloody merrier. I walk her back to Fibre Distributors at 2pm and then catch a bus to Guiseley. Home for 2.30 and spend a couple of hours painting the ruddy staircase again. Cheesed off with the whole bloody lot now. Don't eat until 7 o'clock so by the time I'm served up with the nourishing substance I'm on the verge of starvation.

What's in the news?

Richard Dunn, the Bradford boxer lost at Wembley last night to the Archbishop of Canterbury after only two and a half minutes. Dr Coggan now takes the British and Commonwealth title for the second time.

George Formby is to be canonised.

Ian Smith, the Rhodesian tycoon, is having an affair with Princess Grace of Monaco.

Michael Rhodes is to be certified.

Sir Harold Wilson and Lady Falkender have decided not to get engaged after all.

Lady Doune Ogilvy, Angus's niece, is set to mary Hereward the Wake's grandson. Hereward the Wake, as it happens, was the last [Anglo-Saxon] rebel to stand up against William the Conqueror.

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Tuesday October 12, 1976

Lynne comes at 7.30pm and Tony arrives at 8. The three of us nip down to the Hare where we meet Helen and Graham - something of an anti-climax. Nice seeing them, but what is there to say after 6 months? CB is in fighting form. See Judith and Kathryn and mention the party to them. Will they come? I'll quiz Judith on Thursday.

Believe it or not, I still think constantly of Carole. It's every time I see Lynne that somehow I begin to compare the two. Don't ask me why. She haunts me more and more. It's not so bad when I actually see her. She means nothing to me then. God. I am possessed. Imagining the whole damned lot probably. Lynne deserves the GCVO for sticking me for so long. I shall have to write to Audrey Callaghan [throb, throb] and persuade her to mention it to Jim.

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Monday October 11, 1976

Leave Thornton-le-Dale at 7.30am. Leeds at 9.20. Not bad going, eh? Work was yak. Home to paint the banisters in the hallway and watch a farce of a film on TV. Nothing of excitement to report at all.

Baby John Philip Hugh paid his first visit to Pine Tops yesterday and made a great impression. John & Maria came for lunch I think.

Bed at 11.30 - midnight. Sorry about being so boring. I'm in no mood to elaborate.

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