_. [In Ally's own hand]
"Once again, the evening was an unbelievable success.... we seem so inseparable .... who would have ever thought it?
Debbie was hostess for the night ... a private 18th birthday party at 'Jeeves' in Burley-in-Wharfedale. Susie stole the limelight wearing a little black, split-skirt number! After driving a dismayed Gus home - [he had somehow smashed a sink in the gents and the manager had threatened him with: 'pay up, or we'll see you in court.'] I sat drinking hot Nescafe with Michael.
-=-
20200403
Sunday December 16, 1979
_. [In Ally's own hand]
...... "Feeling slightly delicate. I was made to go downstairs at noon to eat fried eggs! The faithful Spitfire managed to carry my Christmas tree and couple of 'very close friends' to Club Street. We stopped off at the 'Second West' pub in Lidget Green. Afterwards Michael and I were amazed at the skill David G showed for hanging balls, wrapping buckets with Christmas paper, &c.
Dear Auntie Nora made us all welcome later with Yorkshire puddings and roast pork... this, combined with a pre-dinner aperitif, and Riesling with the dinner, knocked us all out. The evening ended to the delightful descant tones of Michael and David snoring".
-=-
...... "Feeling slightly delicate. I was made to go downstairs at noon to eat fried eggs! The faithful Spitfire managed to carry my Christmas tree and couple of 'very close friends' to Club Street. We stopped off at the 'Second West' pub in Lidget Green. Afterwards Michael and I were amazed at the skill David G showed for hanging balls, wrapping buckets with Christmas paper, &c.
Dear Auntie Nora made us all welcome later with Yorkshire puddings and roast pork... this, combined with a pre-dinner aperitif, and Riesling with the dinner, knocked us all out. The evening ended to the delightful descant tones of Michael and David snoring".
-=-
Saturday December 15, 1979
_. [In Ally's own hand]
"Love is ... letting a loved one write in his precious, sodding, bugger of a diary."
"Today was Christmas tree picking day!! After frantic phone calls from the Baker residence pleading with me to get up.... we went, Lynn, David, Chris, Julie and Dave Allinson, and me, in a howling gale ... to select six delightful Christmas trees from a farm in deepest Bramhope. During this time my precious Michael was out entertaining his quaint Stockport guest at one [possibly many] of the drinking houses in Guiseley. The afternoon continued with pre-Christmas festivities. Whisky and home-brewed hock being favourites.... Michael and Lynn, typical sister and brother, arguing over which colour Christmas paper to wrap around the barrel of the tree. Tree decorations, wassail cups, flying everywhere. My beloved, as he promised many weeks ago, insisted I dress in 'kagool' and wellies and dragged me out into the wild evening to pick holly. A truly romantic setting! A quick half pint of punch at Peter Lazenby's didn't go amiss. In fact, after Harry R[amsden's] fish and chips we caused something of an uproar in the Drop and the Yorkshire Rose tap room, then Guiseley Working Mens' Club - Michael dressed in one of his father's old boiler suits and flat cap, and David Glynn is a hideous red tie, beret, and suit jacket with stuffed birds stitched to the shoulder. A sight not to be missed! Lazenby's party was wonderful, to say nothing for the 'bloody hot curry'. Lights went out at 7am on Sunday morning.
-=-
"Love is ... letting a loved one write in his precious, sodding, bugger of a diary."
"Today was Christmas tree picking day!! After frantic phone calls from the Baker residence pleading with me to get up.... we went, Lynn, David, Chris, Julie and Dave Allinson, and me, in a howling gale ... to select six delightful Christmas trees from a farm in deepest Bramhope. During this time my precious Michael was out entertaining his quaint Stockport guest at one [possibly many] of the drinking houses in Guiseley. The afternoon continued with pre-Christmas festivities. Whisky and home-brewed hock being favourites.... Michael and Lynn, typical sister and brother, arguing over which colour Christmas paper to wrap around the barrel of the tree. Tree decorations, wassail cups, flying everywhere. My beloved, as he promised many weeks ago, insisted I dress in 'kagool' and wellies and dragged me out into the wild evening to pick holly. A truly romantic setting! A quick half pint of punch at Peter Lazenby's didn't go amiss. In fact, after Harry R[amsden's] fish and chips we caused something of an uproar in the Drop and the Yorkshire Rose tap room, then Guiseley Working Mens' Club - Michael dressed in one of his father's old boiler suits and flat cap, and David Glynn is a hideous red tie, beret, and suit jacket with stuffed birds stitched to the shoulder. A sight not to be missed! Lazenby's party was wonderful, to say nothing for the 'bloody hot curry'. Lights went out at 7am on Sunday morning.
-=-
Friday December 14, 1979
_. [In Ally's own hand]
"Michael, having washed all the drinking vessels, staggered into bed with me! __________.
A venture into Leeds to collect M's wage packet was followed by a strange little drink at the Peacock, in Yeadon. The smell of deep fried scampi affected Michael in an adverse way, and so I drove the sick looking alcoholic peasant back to his doss house. Four hours later saw the arrival of Sir Arthur Sidebottom, the Australian sports correspondent [aka David Glynn]. The Drop and the Fox & Hounds had the honour of our presence.
-=-
"Michael, having washed all the drinking vessels, staggered into bed with me! __________.
A venture into Leeds to collect M's wage packet was followed by a strange little drink at the Peacock, in Yeadon. The smell of deep fried scampi affected Michael in an adverse way, and so I drove the sick looking alcoholic peasant back to his doss house. Four hours later saw the arrival of Sir Arthur Sidebottom, the Australian sports correspondent [aka David Glynn]. The Drop and the Fox & Hounds had the honour of our presence.
-=-
Thursday December 13, 1979
_. [In Ally's own hand]
[as dictated by Mr Michael Firefly]
It was with great relief that the author regained consciousness feeling much better in himself. Miss Dixon now takes up the tale:
"On arrival, not only was a glass of the famous QC sherry handed over, but also a glass of home brewed carrot wine. The night was enhanced by the joviality of Mr & Mrs Baker, the Rt Hon James Nason and his glorious wife Madame Margarette. [deletion] .... the authoress is aware that people like to shoot grouse occasionally.
-=-
[as dictated by Mr Michael Firefly]
It was with great relief that the author regained consciousness feeling much better in himself. Miss Dixon now takes up the tale:
"On arrival, not only was a glass of the famous QC sherry handed over, but also a glass of home brewed carrot wine. The night was enhanced by the joviality of Mr & Mrs Baker, the Rt Hon James Nason and his glorious wife Madame Margarette. [deletion] .... the authoress is aware that people like to shoot grouse occasionally.
-=-
Wednesday December 12, 1979
_. [compiled by Ally's own hand]
My darling Michael was far from present at the delightful YP. My little heart sank as Carol informed me of his whereabouts... at home in his bed! The spitfire, minus petrol, got me to his side. I threw his letter at him and left. I waited for him to ring, but no, as usual he left me in despair. My pianoforte sounded out of tune as my delicate fingers bashed out the notes of the 'Fairy Waltz' - I played like I have never played before!
After his visit from 'Miss Melissa Teasdale' the aforementioned Mr Rhodes took to his bed in a haze of delirium and Lemsips. Goodnight!!!!
-=-
My darling Michael was far from present at the delightful YP. My little heart sank as Carol informed me of his whereabouts... at home in his bed! The spitfire, minus petrol, got me to his side. I threw his letter at him and left. I waited for him to ring, but no, as usual he left me in despair. My pianoforte sounded out of tune as my delicate fingers bashed out the notes of the 'Fairy Waltz' - I played like I have never played before!
After his visit from 'Miss Melissa Teasdale' the aforementioned Mr Rhodes took to his bed in a haze of delirium and Lemsips. Goodnight!!!!
-=-
Tuesday December 11, 1979
_. [NOTE] I think I injured my hand and was rendered unable to place pen to paper. I handed my diary over to Ally and gave her permission to compile the journal.....
[deletion] ... You were out living it up with a little dolly bird. Anyway, that's beside the point! Meanwhile at Standale Rise, Pudsey, Michael was feeling the first twinges of his nasty disease at the homestead of his dear Aunty Mabel. Snot perfused from his nasal cavity, cascading over the simple Spam sandwiches that lay before him. Next .....
-=-
[deletion] ... You were out living it up with a little dolly bird. Anyway, that's beside the point! Meanwhile at Standale Rise, Pudsey, Michael was feeling the first twinges of his nasty disease at the homestead of his dear Aunty Mabel. Snot perfused from his nasal cavity, cascading over the simple Spam sandwiches that lay before him. Next .....
-=-
Monday December 10, 1979
_. [Indecipherable other than] What now follows is an account of a week in the life of Mrs Melissa Teasdale [a nickname I gave to Ally].
-=-
-=-
Saturday December 8, 1979
_. Got out of bed at 10am to MM on the phone asking Ally and I to attend tonight's wedding party. They are marrying at Rawdon Church this afternoon. I explained that we are having a Christmas party and cannot make it.
A busy day of preparation. Ally raided her Snoopy money box and we went into Bradford for hours of gruesome and frantic shopping. I was given the task of carrying £7 in pennies around the town. She had every intention of attempting to spend the coins in a supermarket. Obviously, I strongly disagreed with this ridiculous idea.
Back at Club Street I bedecked the house with decorations and festooned the tree with more balls. Inflated balloons too. Ally prepared a buffet, cheese things and creamy stuff whilst I huffed and puffed.
At 7:30 we went with Sue and Peter to the Dog & Gun at Apperley. Sue says life has been frightful at home today and Mum is behaving as if deranged and had been in tears on the phone to Lynn.
Back to Club Street for 8:30. Lynn, Dave, Mum, Dad, Jim, Margaret, Julie N arrived at 9. I felt long, uneasy silences in the gaps between the records. Mum was wearing a brave face but obviously not feeling herself, and Margaret, who is usually very noisy, sat straight faced and impassive. But then she moved over to the piano, raised the lid and banged away in a hideous fashion. It soon became clear that she cannot play a single note. She is nothing short of a lunatic.
-=-
A busy day of preparation. Ally raided her Snoopy money box and we went into Bradford for hours of gruesome and frantic shopping. I was given the task of carrying £7 in pennies around the town. She had every intention of attempting to spend the coins in a supermarket. Obviously, I strongly disagreed with this ridiculous idea.
Back at Club Street I bedecked the house with decorations and festooned the tree with more balls. Inflated balloons too. Ally prepared a buffet, cheese things and creamy stuff whilst I huffed and puffed.
At 7:30 we went with Sue and Peter to the Dog & Gun at Apperley. Sue says life has been frightful at home today and Mum is behaving as if deranged and had been in tears on the phone to Lynn.
Back to Club Street for 8:30. Lynn, Dave, Mum, Dad, Jim, Margaret, Julie N arrived at 9. I felt long, uneasy silences in the gaps between the records. Mum was wearing a brave face but obviously not feeling herself, and Margaret, who is usually very noisy, sat straight faced and impassive. But then she moved over to the piano, raised the lid and banged away in a hideous fashion. It soon became clear that she cannot play a single note. She is nothing short of a lunatic.
-=-
Friday December 7, 1979
_. This was one of those rare and wonderful Fridays when I do not suffer a multitude of self-inflicted agonies brought on by outrageous lashings of wicked, chilled alcohol.
This evening I returned home to find Mama tucked up in bed with stomach pains. I suspect they are probably pains of a menopausal nature. Dad and Sue were messing around making tea. I made myself a cheese sandwich. At 7 I was back on the open road to Bradford. It took an hour to get to Lidget Green. A tiresome journey across that dark city.
Ally I had our usual crawl around a few of the local taverns. Afterwards we erected Mum's 6" silver Christmas tree, adorning it with balls and flashing lights. This was a temporary measure just for tomorrow night's party because next week Dave B is getting her a real tree from Chris Baker's farm.
Ally fell into a coma on the hearth rug. Can you hear the distant toll of wedding bells perhaps?
-=-
This evening I returned home to find Mama tucked up in bed with stomach pains. I suspect they are probably pains of a menopausal nature. Dad and Sue were messing around making tea. I made myself a cheese sandwich. At 7 I was back on the open road to Bradford. It took an hour to get to Lidget Green. A tiresome journey across that dark city.
Ally I had our usual crawl around a few of the local taverns. Afterwards we erected Mum's 6" silver Christmas tree, adorning it with balls and flashing lights. This was a temporary measure just for tomorrow night's party because next week Dave B is getting her a real tree from Chris Baker's farm.
Ally fell into a coma on the hearth rug. Can you hear the distant toll of wedding bells perhaps?
-=-
20200401
Thursday December 6, 1979
_. At 1pm I went out to do some shopping. My purchases included two dusters and a sink sterilising kit - wedding presents for MM and Marita.
Marita was having a farewell party at the Central and I took the peculiar yet innovative gifts along with a card I created for the forthcoming wedding. I was somewhat embarrassed at the reception my card received. It was circulated throughout the pub, to much hilarity and applause. I made my escape back to the safety of the YP.
Out tonight with dear Ally to the Drop. This pub is rapidly soaring to the heights of our affection. Jean Hanson, the adorable tenant, knows us almost as well as her own incarcerated family. I say incarcerated because young Geoffrey, her son, is frequently behind bars somewhere, and not the drinking kind. The lad always looks so innocent and angelic too.
Fish and chips in Guiseley.
-=-
Marita was having a farewell party at the Central and I took the peculiar yet innovative gifts along with a card I created for the forthcoming wedding. I was somewhat embarrassed at the reception my card received. It was circulated throughout the pub, to much hilarity and applause. I made my escape back to the safety of the YP.
Out tonight with dear Ally to the Drop. This pub is rapidly soaring to the heights of our affection. Jean Hanson, the adorable tenant, knows us almost as well as her own incarcerated family. I say incarcerated because young Geoffrey, her son, is frequently behind bars somewhere, and not the drinking kind. The lad always looks so innocent and angelic too.
Fish and chips in Guiseley.
-=-
Wednesday December 5, 1979
_.An evening of pleasant intoxication. Marita's pre-wedding booze-up of course. Dave L came for me at about 7:45 and the two of us went on to the Albert Inn at Yeadon. We were joined by Marita, her sister Carla, and a band of electricians and post office workers who all work closely with Marita. It took a while to warm up, but we were soon making merry. Marita can drink like a fish of course.
Ally joined us at 9:30 from her piano lesson and we stood at the bar with David. It really is shameful how Dave and I have drifted and lost touch in recent times. He has just taken up a post at a school in Brighouse on a temporary basis. He says the children are as thick as two short planks and rough with it. The very name Brighouse evokes a Dickensian scene in my mind. David mysteriously disappeared at about 10:30. Ally came back to Pine Tops.
-=-
Ally joined us at 9:30 from her piano lesson and we stood at the bar with David. It really is shameful how Dave and I have drifted and lost touch in recent times. He has just taken up a post at a school in Brighouse on a temporary basis. He says the children are as thick as two short planks and rough with it. The very name Brighouse evokes a Dickensian scene in my mind. David mysteriously disappeared at about 10:30. Ally came back to Pine Tops.
-=-
Tuesday December 4, 1979
_. To the YP by omnibus and found myself sitting on the top deck next to Peter Lazenby, armed with his copy of the vile 'Morning Star'. We sat in silence throughout and he handed me the rag to read, probably trying to convert me. I sat grunting at the ridiculous slant his paper puts on the current situation. Derek Robinson, the communist who has brought British Leyland to a standstill, is a 'hero', and Lord Carrington is being a 'provocateur' over the Rhodesian situation. I smiled because of the line the 'Morning Star' takes over the Ayatollah Khomeini. They cannot excuse his hideous behaviour and on this topic they side with the capitalist Yanks. Peter smoked his peculiar cigarettes throughout dropping piles of ash over me as well as himself. I shall more than likely attend Peter's birthday/Christmas party on December 15.
I wrapped a few Christmas presents this evening and then phoned Ally. Sue and Pete went out to a pantomime and I watched a Vincent Price horror movie until after 12. Mum and Dad were roaring with laughter about abusive phone calls. Kinky, eh? Bed at 12:27am with Adolf.
-=-
I wrapped a few Christmas presents this evening and then phoned Ally. Sue and Pete went out to a pantomime and I watched a Vincent Price horror movie until after 12. Mum and Dad were roaring with laughter about abusive phone calls. Kinky, eh? Bed at 12:27am with Adolf.
-=-
Monday December 3, 1979
_. Susan has a chill or something worse. It's always the same as we near Christmas. Last Christmas was particularly gruesome in this respect. A quiet day at the YP. Sarah and Carol J were thrilled seeing Dame Edna on Saturday, but not impressed by Sir Les Patterson. That was only to be expected really.
News: Joyce Grenfell is dead at 69. Senator Edward Kennedy says the USA should not have offered refuge to the poor Shah of Iran, whom he has labelled a criminal and a torturer. Mrs Thatcher is having a battle at the EEC summit in Dublin. A wealthy tycoon's wife has leapt to her death from an aircraft. Serena Balfour, of Studley Royal, gave birth to a daughter, Consuelo, on November 29. It is reported that the Prince of Wales is to take up residence in an apartment at Kensington Palace from next February. Why hasn't Charles moved into the magnificent Chevening in Kent? It does seem odd that this vast mansion lies empty and HRH continues to dwell in cramped condition with his mother at 'Buckminster Castle' [as Sir Les Patterson calls it].
-=-
News: Joyce Grenfell is dead at 69. Senator Edward Kennedy says the USA should not have offered refuge to the poor Shah of Iran, whom he has labelled a criminal and a torturer. Mrs Thatcher is having a battle at the EEC summit in Dublin. A wealthy tycoon's wife has leapt to her death from an aircraft. Serena Balfour, of Studley Royal, gave birth to a daughter, Consuelo, on November 29. It is reported that the Prince of Wales is to take up residence in an apartment at Kensington Palace from next February. Why hasn't Charles moved into the magnificent Chevening in Kent? It does seem odd that this vast mansion lies empty and HRH continues to dwell in cramped condition with his mother at 'Buckminster Castle' [as Sir Les Patterson calls it].
-=-
Sunday December 2, 1979
_. Wet. Dave looked ghastly. The two of us went for a walk down the lane. At 1pm Lynn, Dave, Ally and I walked to the Plough, with an umbrella and plastic waterproof clothing. Neil, the barman, grinned from ear to ear even though his car is now a sorry, shadow of its former self. Back to Chillandham Cross at 2:30 for a large lunch of turkey and all the trimmings. Something of a feast to be exact. Graham succumbed and retired to his bed, missing the dessert course. Afterwards we did the washing up, packed the car with all manner of junk. At about 6pm we departed weighed down with balls for Ally's Christmas tree, lamps made from old wine bottles, and tins packed with Christmas cake. Home at 11. Hilda and Tony were being entertained. Bed at 12.
-=-
-=-
Saturday December 1, 1979
_. Last night I slept behind Graham's wardrobe encased in a sleeping bag like a bedouin tribesman. Graham meanwhile slept in his very large bed.
At 11 Ally left for Graham and Charlotte's wedding in a furious temper. She clearly did not want to go. Lynn, Dave and I went into Winchester to shop and spent an hour in a pub, The Old Vine, where the staff were frightful. The barman would have been more at home in the Third Reich than an ancient Winchester tavern. Lynn consumed vast amounts of brandy and Babycham. A woman, in the ladies toilet, grabbed Lynn and accused her of being Olivia Newton-John. Went to collect Ally at 3 but she wasn't ready and so we went back at 4.
At 7:30 we went out, the four of us, to a pub at Micheldever, and then at 9:30 to the Plough at Itchen Abbas, all singing Christmas carols and very much under the influence. We left at 11, to Frank Sinatra on the juke box, and Lynn waltzing around the bar with Graham. We asked Neil [the excellent barman who performs wonderful elephant impressions] to join us at Chillandham Cross but he sadly crashed his car on the short journey and was unavoidably detained on his neighbour's lawn. Back at the house we drank gallons of gin. Dave disappeared and Graham, Gill and I discussed the YP and the great Gordon Linacre at some length. We sat with gin until after 4am.
-=-
At 11 Ally left for Graham and Charlotte's wedding in a furious temper. She clearly did not want to go. Lynn, Dave and I went into Winchester to shop and spent an hour in a pub, The Old Vine, where the staff were frightful. The barman would have been more at home in the Third Reich than an ancient Winchester tavern. Lynn consumed vast amounts of brandy and Babycham. A woman, in the ladies toilet, grabbed Lynn and accused her of being Olivia Newton-John. Went to collect Ally at 3 but she wasn't ready and so we went back at 4.
At 7:30 we went out, the four of us, to a pub at Micheldever, and then at 9:30 to the Plough at Itchen Abbas, all singing Christmas carols and very much under the influence. We left at 11, to Frank Sinatra on the juke box, and Lynn waltzing around the bar with Graham. We asked Neil [the excellent barman who performs wonderful elephant impressions] to join us at Chillandham Cross but he sadly crashed his car on the short journey and was unavoidably detained on his neighbour's lawn. Back at the house we drank gallons of gin. Dave disappeared and Graham, Gill and I discussed the YP and the great Gordon Linacre at some length. We sat with gin until after 4am.
-=-
Friday November 30, 1979
_. St Andrew's Day, eh? Felt exhausted at the YP and only just survived until 4:30. At home I hurriedly packed things into a bag. Lynn and Dave arrived and we went first to Ally's and loaded up the mini with the presents she's bought the family and then down the motorway in driving rain to Hampshire. I slept most of the way. The Northamptonshire police stopped us to say we had a brake light out, but allowed us on our way without too much harassment. They obviously had no idea who my father is. Arrive at Chillandham Cross at 1am to a reception committee of Mrs Dixon and Graham.
-=-
-=-
Thursday November 29, 1979
_. Took a half day and met Ally in Leeds at 12:15. We went to see Dame Edna at the Keyboards shop on the Headrow where 'she' is signing copies of 'her' new song book. The fans and photographers were clamouring round but Ally and I were well positioned and I managed to shake the great Dame by the hand. Blimey, I will never wash my grubby little paw again. The cameras from 'Look North' recorded the event and at 6pm we actually appeared on TV but we failed to tune in.
Shopping later Ally bought five or six Christmas presents, you know, the usual Marks and Spencer pullovers, revolting nylon shirts for her tasteless brother. An LP for Andrew and a frilly nightie for Mrs D. I bought a soft, cuddly dog for Catherine and a sepia print for Lynn & David.
On to Lidget Green for a peculiar dinner which included half a pound of cheese. I fear we are turning into rodents. On to the Drop, then Pine Tops. With Mum, Dad, Jim and Margaret. Ally and I sat snuggled together with an old pamphlet of speeches given by King George V during his silver jubilee year in 1935. So romantic.
-=-
Shopping later Ally bought five or six Christmas presents, you know, the usual Marks and Spencer pullovers, revolting nylon shirts for her tasteless brother. An LP for Andrew and a frilly nightie for Mrs D. I bought a soft, cuddly dog for Catherine and a sepia print for Lynn & David.
On to Lidget Green for a peculiar dinner which included half a pound of cheese. I fear we are turning into rodents. On to the Drop, then Pine Tops. With Mum, Dad, Jim and Margaret. Ally and I sat snuggled together with an old pamphlet of speeches given by King George V during his silver jubilee year in 1935. So romantic.
-=-
20200331
Wednesday November 28, 1979
_. Spent the day at the YP discussing Dame Edna with some of the survivors. Stephanie Ferguson thought it was the funniest thing ever. Our banter persuaded Sarah to book for her and Richard [Burke] on Saturday, and then Carol J got tickets too.
Looking forward to our weekend in Martyr Worthy with Lynn and Dave.
To bed with Adolf Hitler, but only managed about three pages before I was out cold.
-=-
Looking forward to our weekend in Martyr Worthy with Lynn and Dave.
To bed with Adolf Hitler, but only managed about three pages before I was out cold.
-=-
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Monday January 20, 1986
Moorhouse Inn, Leeds, LS11 5NQ If I miss the YP for anything it is that daily morning scan of the national newspapers. I do not have time fo...
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Moorhouse Inn I have the most disgusting hangover I have perhaps ever experienced. Ally too lay whimpering beneath the quilt and refused to...
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I have just been summoned to thee bathroom by Susie who is sitting in a hot bath in complete darkness. "Michael, the bulb's just go...