Wednesday June 23, 1982

 Little Catherine is three today. We sent a card. ________. Hungover. Ally on a day off because of a NHS dispute. I took a half day and went home to Baby. The gasman came and made our pretty garden look like Port Stanley. We now have a hideous white box resembling a flight recorder on the outside wall. Ghastly. The car is knackered and won't start because of the damp. To the Co-op and then to bed. The infant Prince George remains un-named.

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Tuesday June 22, 1982

 The family tree I created for the EP back in March to commemorate the visit to Leeds by TRH the P & P of Wales was published in all its glory in this evening's EP. Fame at long last.

Ally and I went to Pudsey tonight at sat in the devastation of Wilsby drinking fizzy sherry and watching a World Cup football match. It's the 18th birthday of Paul [Edwards]. Out to the Beaulah, a pub near Tong. An unimpressive hole full of people devouring pork pies and mushy peas. Very disconcerting. The talk centred on John and Maria. Mainly rubbish and slop. Steve told ne the tale of a soldier friend who slashed his wrists becauser he couldn't keep up the payments to his straying wife. Very nice, I must say. Karen was drinking cocktails, all very reminiscent of Brideshead Revisited.  Hilda says the infant prince will be Alexander. 

Back at Wilsby I had a row with Paul's hideous little father, a Militant leftist. He began by asking me why I'd begun my published family with Henry VII at the top. I said it was as good a place to start as any. He let rip saying the royal family are parasites, and that the Queen is a 'rubber stamp'. Here we go. I did try to remain objective and attempted to walk away, but could not. He then introduced the Falklands into the argument, along with Ben Ford, the MP for Bradford North, and Wedgwood Benn's sanity, or lack of it. Eventually, with much spluttering he told me to 'piss off'. He couldn't have done better because this really played into my hands. Those in the lower intelligence bracket nearly always resort to abuse when all is lost. A grotty night.

Jill was fun and Tim remains crippled. Tony still clinging to his Liberal party. Mrs Edwards looked very reminiscent of a Coronation Street character, but twice as rough.

-=-

Monday June 21, 1982

 Longest Day - New Moon

At the YP I sat glumly looking at the Guardian. Feeling dull after the festivities of yesterday. Stephanie Ferguson came in and asked quite calmly to which hosiptal they have taken the Princess of Wales. What could she possibly mean? My curiosity very much aroused. Action stations. Early editions of the EP say the baby will be born this evening. I left at 4:45 and fully expected to find a gleeful Ally at home with royal news. However, no change. Disappointed newscasters throughout the evening missed out on making the historic announcement, which came at a few minutes to 10. The Princess of Wales gave birth to a son at 9:03pm at St Mary's Hospital, Paddington. I hoped that the birth would take place at the palace. So tremendously relieved that it's a prince which finally kills Michael English's dreadful succession bill. This 7lb 1 and a half ounce child will, God willing, be reigning in these Isles at the close of my days. We had a gin to celebrate. Mum phoned. To bed after 12 after watching the Prince of Wales leaving the hospital looking very much like the proud father.

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Sunday June 20, 1982

 Father's Day - 2nd Sunday after Trinity

Breakfasted with the Dixons of Chandler's Ford, and later of Coleford. The usual vast fried extravaganza. Then to the Fire Brigade pub for a few pints of Tetley's. We laughed at the plastic tulips and the framed photos of a factory burning down.

If the Dixon baby is a boy he may be Matthew. The 'Rev Lynn' is of course Matthew. On to Willy's Bar. A fat woman sat fanning herself with a makeshift fan made from a paper bag, whilst blowing her nose on a toilet roll. We found this amusing. Back to Club St for coffee and cake and they left at 3.

We went to Guiseley supposedly for a barbecue but found that the meal was now to be indoors so that Peter and John could watch a World Cup match on the TV. I was violent and shouted when they said the Stockport venture is now abandoned. Played with Frances. She's luscious. We had steak and salad. We offered up some fine Father's Day presents and drank some fine rum.  Home at 8:30 hungover. Lawrence of Arabia was on the telly, but switched off. Too tired. Bed.

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Saturday June 19, 1982

 Mum and Dad's 28th wedding anniversary. Drizzle. Worked 9-12. Indexing in the YP just like in the old days circa 1976/77. Sarah glum. I blame the weather.

Graham and Gill went off to Oldham. An old friend there is Martin Sutcliffe, whose grandfather is Lord Rhodes of Saddleworth, KG. 

Ally was waiting at home reading a dreadful book by someone called Susan Howatch. We ate beefburgers and then went to Bingley and poked around the antique shops. Went into Prestos supermarket where we bumped into the world-famous northern newscaster Brian Baines who was looking at frozen peas. Odd.

An evening in front of the TV. Phoned Guiseley. Mum and Dad were at the Fox [and Hounds] with Sue, Pete, Jim and Margaret. Poor John was babysitting for Christopher. He says the baby is sitting there giving him funny looks. Gill and Graham came back at 11 fed and watered. All to bed.

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Friday June 18, 1982

 Ally phoned at 9 as soon as I arrived at the office to say that Gill phoned at 8 to say she and Graham will be with us in Bradford this evening to lodge in our spare room. They are going to a wedding in Oldham tomorrow. 

Exhausted all day.  Dead on my feet. Home to a similarly wilting Ally. A long night sitting, waiting for Graham and Gill. They arrived at 11:15 and we had fish and chips and tins of ale. A horrible, greasy repast. As soon as it was decently possible we took off to bed. Gill could not be talked out of the name Siobhan. It's too posh for me. Lady Scrymgeour is called Siobhan. Giggled in bed for no apparent reason.

Work tomorrow - aarrggh.

-=-

Thursday June 17, 1982

 Ally went shopping at lunchtime to save us making the journey tonight. Home at 6. 

Ally like a beaver in the kitchen. I sat like a slob watching 'Top of the Pops'. 

Mum and Dad came at 9 with Jim and Margaret. A fine evening. Looked at lots of photographs of Yugoslavia, blurred and headless but good all the same. Got the gin bottle out and sat swearing at Wedgwood Benn on the TV. Mum looked thinner, but it may be just her clothes. Often she fails to wear the right things. They left at 2am.

-=-

Wednesday June 16, 1982

 Muggy. [Nigel] Dempster says that the infant prince was due yesterday and that the palace is saying July 1 just to keep the heat off Diana. I am sure it will come when it's ready. September is a good month for monarchs. Look at Elizabeth I for instance.

Kissed Piglet goodbye at 8. She complains of lethargy. She's getting a cold sore on her lip.

YP busy. No Mrs Slocombe. She is, I fear, taking advantage of the new self-certification system. A layabout character. _______.

Home at 5. Salad sandwiches. It looked like thunder but all the same I took out the ladders and finished painting the drain pipes.

Watched 'The Ladykillers' [1955] starring Peter Sellers and Sir Alec Guinness. Stayed up until 10:30 watching Diana Ross singing her heart out. Obviously, a repeat. Spoke to Mama today. She was with Papa, Sue and Christopher. They are coming over tomorrow night for the first time since April 4. Doesn't time fly?

It was Cecil Ferguson's funeral today in Norfolk. We didn't hear from Bessie. Bed at 12.

-=-

Tuesday June 15, 1982

 The war in the South Atlantic is all over with the Argentine surrender. Port Stanley is back in British hands for the first time since early April.  Jubilation. Mrs Thatcher has got her victory.

Heavy rain. Unable to paint because of the down pour. Watched a ridiculous film about a man-eating fish.

Ally made a brill steak dinner. In the news: The Princess of Wales went to the races at Royal Ascot but traveled by car instead of a horse drawn carriage onto the bumpy course. I remain convinced that the birth of the royal baby will take place next week and not on July 1. It doesn't seem right that the Queen will be in Scotland for the delivery of what will be a direct heir to the throne. Who wants to go to Scotland anyway? The infant will be George or Elizabeth or Victoria or Louis or Charles John. Or perhaps James or Albert Victor.

Watched the news and went to bed with cocoa at 9:45.

-=-

Monday June 14, 1982

 David Lawson is 27 today, no doubt at his desk. ____________.

John started his new job at Tay Homes. Ally went to the Jack Andrews dealership and tried to persuade them to buy Audrey. She's going back to see someone tomorrow.

Frantic YP. Only Sarah, Margo and I. Carol has flu. Kathleen is holidaying in Wallingford, of all places. I spent the afternoon looking at the Queen's Birthday Honours awards. Joe Gormley's peerage was expected, as was Kevin Keegan's OBE. I never fail to be surprised that Morecambe & Wise haven't gone to the Lords in the first joint peerage. [Mind you, I believe that the first Duke and Duchess of Buccleuch were created jointly back in the 17th century]. The Queen always gives something from the Royal Victorian Order to a lady-in-waiting, and for one to collect a DCVO is quite normal, but I believe that Mary Morrison is the first Woman of the Bedchamber to be styled 'Dame'. Previous recipients have held a higher designation, i.e. 'Countess Spencer, DCVO' or 'the Marchioness of Abergavenny, DCVO'. Dame Anne Wall was an assistant press secretary, and only an extra lady-in-waiting. Today was Garter day at Windsor. Margaret Thatcher will one day be in the procession without doubt. Prince Philip is in Saudi Arabia for the funeral of King Khalid.

Pork pies and mushy peas. Out to put black gloss paint on the drain pipes. In at 8. James Bond. News - Falklands. Argentina flying the white flag over Port Stanley. Jubilation at Westminster.

-=-

Sunday June 13, 1982

 1st Sunday after Trinity

Up at 9:30 and had a fried breakfast, but not leisurely. A used car dealer called Stuart Rawson came to inspect the car and went away looking pale saying he will ring us later. Obviously, we do not hear from him again. Jack Andrews put a jinx on poor Audrey last November and now I'm afraid we are stuck with her.

Got up a ladder to paint again. The front of the house has taken longer to complete than the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and the 'Last Supper' put together. Ally was beaming all day and bouncing around like a rabbit after a large helping of watercress soup. The iron works wonders. She has difficulty remembering which hymns were sung at our wedding. Poor thing. The soup helped her to stay awake until after 12 and we endured a disgraceful film.

News: King Khalid of Saudi Arabia has died of a heart attack. There's always something.

-=-

Saturday June 12, 1982

 [Large paragraph withheld containing
sensistitve content regarding a living person].____________.

Hungover, horribly so. Got up at 10:30 and lay for two hours in front of the TV, clad in pyjamas, eating Rice Krispies and watching the 'Trooping of the Colour' [sic] from drizzly London. Climbed back into bed at 12:15 after a man from Rawdon phoned to say he saw the 'for sale' sign in the car parked on Over Lane last night. He is coming tomorrow to take a look. Good God! Ally's home made advertising has worked. The man must be a lunatic, or blind. Slept until after 3 and then we ate. Later to Guiseley to sit with Sue and Peter. She brought the baby down and he is an exact replica of Jim Nason. I fear we have neglected young Christopher. We go for months without seeing the child. On to Burley-in-Wharfedale where Dave took our car radio out of Audrey. Julie Baker there and she gave us an entertaining account of a recent wedding. Lynn, lounging in a dressing gown, gave us coffee. At 8 o'clock up to Guiseley for ten minutes to see Mum, Dad and John. Home at 9:30 with fish and chips. Watched 'The Bodysnatchers', Donald Sutherland. Bed.

-=-

Friday June 11, 1982

 Dull day. Out at 8 and gave Audrey a kick as I passed. The 'for sale' sign looks ridiculous, but Ally is convinced it will do the trick. It would cost a small fortune to advertise it in the paper. I should know.

Judith.

YP abysmal. Kathleen arrived at 10. We assumed we'd seen the last of her for a fortnight. Escaped at 5 and went to my dentist in Rawdon. On the way I sat with Mrs Judith Brown on the bus and she informed me that they are to take a pub [the Fox & Hounds] at Glusburn, near Keighley. A Timothy Taylor's house. My teeth were cleaned and I was sent packing five minutes later with a bill for £3.50 and an appointment for December 10. On to Guiseley after meeting Ally at Rawdon, and we sat with sandwiches and beer until 7. John had been out with Peter until the early hours and had spent the whole day in bed. He looked debauched today - probably just a jealous reaction on my part. Lynn and Dave brought Frances in her pyjamas. The baby looked devilish, imp-like. Lynn, Dave, Ally and I had a drink at the Woolpack before moving on to the Allinson pile on Over Lane. Elaine was busying herself in the garden and we went out clutching large drinks and sat in deckchairs chattering about the Falklands and the pros and cons of Butlins Holiday camps. Elaine wasn't quite as noisy and controversial as usual, but is a fuss. Dave L and 'Knocker' were discussed. Dave A's brother, Mick, and his timid wife were there. We ate barbecued chicken, beefburgers, sausages, &c. Drank Pernod, whisky, Martini, lashings of lager. There was a speaker on the lawn which allowed us to dance around the shrubbery in formation. Great fun. It must have sounded like a zoo. By the end of the night were were dripping barbecue sauce. Quite pissed. Dave felt sick and so we left at about 1:30am. Went the wrong way home, going through Bradford.

-=-

Thursday June 10, 1982

 Birthday of Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh

Cecil Ferguson.

Ally splashed in the bath. I lay beneath our new, white continental quilt. [It has little rust coloured flowers all over it]. The national anthem burst upon us at 7am on Radio 2 in commemoration of the 61st birthday of the D. of Edinburgh. Poached eggs on toast. Kissed Piggy goodbye at 8. At the office at 9 where Margo told me to phone Ally immediately. Horrible news from Winchester where Bessie has just learned of the death of Cecil Ferguson in a car accident on the A1 in the early hours. They were at his wedding only recently. Frank is an executor of Cecil's will.

Busy at the YP. No Kathleen [she's working the night shift] and Carol is off with the snots. Ally has placed a large 'For Sale' sign in Audrey Citroen, but with no price. We'd like £400. Went to the Co-op. Like a barren wasteland. You can see more people on the Chinese side of Everest than in the Duckworth Lane Co-op. Bought a lewd birthday card for Paul Edwards and a silly one for Dave L who is 27 on Monday. I only hope he has seen sense and abandoned his friend 'General Galtieri'. Despite the abandonment of all moral standards and ethics the latter part of the 20th century remains hostile to homosexuals. ________.

Watched Top of the Pops and Her Majesty reviewing the Chelsea Pensioners at the Royal Hospital. Bed at 10:48pm.

-=-

Wednesday June 9, 1982

 Dismal, but warm. 65F. All the clocks in Bradford have stopped. Must be because of the thunder on Sunday. Phoned Susie. She has been to Bridlington with Jim and Margaret for a few days, pushing Christopher for miles in the salty air. Phoned Mum ___________. John starts work on Monday at the Tay site on Kirk Lane. Maria's brother, Hugh, had a letter published in The Times today. He's at the LSE.

The Reagans moved on to Bonn. I made rhubarb wine [2 gallons] and Ally stood ironing. A hot, sweltering night. I spent a good half hour pursuing a fly around the bedroom eventually succeeding in squashing it on the window. 

David Middleton came with a fitter to inspect the kitchen and we gave him a cheque for £277. The poor man is going on holiday to Barcelona next week and had overlooked the fact that the World Cup will be erupting all around him.

-=-

Tuesday June 8, 1982

 President Reagan and Nancy have arrived at Windsor Castle as guests of HM. [In fact, they came yesterday]. After the 9 o'clock news we were privileged to watch the after dinner toasts and speeches at the State dinner. Nancy was sitting opposite the Queen methinks trying to put her off. In other news, a helicopter carrying the Queen Mother had difficulties over Windsor and made a landing on Smith's Lawn. Diana remains undelivered. The president is giving the baby-to-be a Kentucky pram blanket. China and fishing rods all round. Reagan addressed both Houses of Parliament in a corridor at the House of Lords and pleased Mrs Thatcher.

The Dowager Marchionesses of Salisbury and Exeter, both Cecils, died at the weekend. 

Quiche salad. Ally looking cuddly and edible, went to dig the garden and tidy up after the deluge.

Mum phoned to say John has taken a job as a joiner with Tay Homes.

They are playing down the Falklands crisis now and giving top coverage to the Lebanon. What can this mean? Where is the Lebanon? Fishy.

Phoned Lynn. We are invited to a barbecue at Dave and Elaine's on Friday. John is going to Burley for dinner tonight, and sleep afterwards.

-=-

Monday June 7, 1982

 Bank Holiday in the Republic of Ireland

Hot, sticky, but dull. Back to the YP. Sarah off with one of her heads. Home to Pigeon at 5:30. We sat in the window eating sandwiches and salad. Mary [Moore] was in and out like a yogo. [Do yoyos go 'in and out' ?] 

John & JPH

To Guiseley at 8 and found John underneath the Toyota covered in oil. We sat with Mum and Dad talking about Yugoslavia, and John wallowed in the bath and joined us at 9. ____ Jobless, carless.______ John has placed photos of JPH and Catherine next to his bedside. He is coming to look at our cupboards and give an assessment of the situation. Mother seems to be switched off from the crisis, as though she is unable to tolerate the complicated circumstances. We watched 'Count Dracula' with Ingrid Pitt and where Lesley Anne Down stars as a virgin. I exclaimed that it must be a very old film if Lesley Anne is a virgin. We left at 1am. We drove home quite befuddled by John's change of circumstances.

-=-

Sunday June 6, 1982

 Trinity Sunday / Full Moon

The Pope in Britain.

The Pope has been and gone from Britain without a mention from me herein. One could not escape His Holiness's progress and we looked in on several of his 'concerts' at different stages. I argued with Gill last night saying Pope John Paul's visit had been concocted purely to undermine the established church here. She disagreed. In my lifetime the Queen will cease to be the supreme governor of the Church of England and Anglicans will be led by a Pole in Rome. You mark my words. The old boy left on Wednesday.

Sat in the garden reading about Nancy Reagan in a Sunday magazine. The Queen is having the Reagans at Windsor next week.

Phone. John is now in Guiseley. David brought him back at 4pm yesterday. ____________.

Graham and Gill came to an hilarious lunch. Pork and lots of 'Blue Nun'. Bessie was in great form and had the table throbbing with laughter. We left for home at 4:30. Sticky and hot journey, but clouds appeared over Derbyshire. Home at 9:30 to find remnants of a flood at Lidget Green. People have been struck by lightning all over the place. Some golfers got more than they bargained for.

Bed at 10:30 after fish and chips.

-=-

Saturday June 5, 1982

Charlotte & Graham

 Hotter today than ever before in the history of the universe. Well, at least since the 'Big Bang'. Went to Winchester where the car decided to come to a grinding halt on a narrow road near the college. The car boils, and so do we. We let out some naughty words, and the atmosphere was far from healthy. We marched on to the nearest pub called the Queen's where we sat grunting over warm beer. After half an hour, and the car having cooled down, we moved on. We drove to Weeke to see Graham and Charlotte Smith and the new arrival, Isobel Clara. Subdued atmosphere. I think they were about to go out until we burst upon them. They are still in mourning for Oxo [the cat] struck down dead at Easter. The baby looked very much as babies do. We listened as Charlotte told us of the pitfalls of breast feeding and the unpredictable outpourings from her nipples. The Smiths are coming north in November. To the Cricketer's at 2 for another ploughman's. Tonight out with Graham, Gill and Tony Ellis to the Bush. Pissed. Stella Artois at 80p a pint.

-=-

Friday June 4, 1982

 Bessie is 60 today. We went down to give her our presents. Birthdays mean nothing to her and she would have preferred to have it forgotten.

Bessie: 60.

The phone rang. Bessie came in and said it was Mum. I immediately thought something was wrong. It's John. He's been living in the caravan at Lochans for almost three weeks and has had enough, and is returning to Guiseley to live with Mum and Dad. David is driving up to Stranraer for him this evening. Mum says Dad has taken it very badly. You know how emotional he is.

Took Bessie to the Bush for a birthday ploughman's. She drank dry Martini saying it doesn't give bags under the eyes like gin is prone to do. Afterwards to a supermarket at Alresford to buy potatoes and pears. Stifling hot.

Out at 8pm with Frank and Bessie to Graham & Gill's and then to the Hutt at Chandler's Ford [it's a Beefeater] for dinner. T-bones, Knickerbocker Glories, &c. A vast repast. Gill says that the baby, if female, is to be called something unpronouncable, Siobhan, or something.

-=-