Saturday May 21, 1977

Wake up to a bright, sunny day at 12.15. Breakfast consists of a cup of coffee and becomes a very sombre affair when I open two letters. One from Hough (dentist) saying I owe him £3.50 for dental treatment I had in March, and the other from Barclaycard playing Hell at the way I've spent £243.70 when my credit limit is £200. Sod the lot of them.

Naomi gives me a lift to the Hare and Hounds bus stop and by 1.30 I'm in the off licence in Ilkley buying a few bottles for the match. Dumped the bottles in the shop (Smiths) and went to the Rose & Crown (with Tony) where we were joined by Linda and Ruth. All friendly enough but _____.

Just Tony and I back at the flat watching the FA Cup Final with three or four drinks. Manchester United beat Liverpool 2-1. At half time we spoke to Stuart W in Paris, and then again when Manchester scored first, and at the final result. Tony was ecstatic.

To Harry Ramsden's for tea and then up to Pine Tops where JPH is staying the night. Hugh Macdonald is home from Canada for a few days and so John and Maria are celebrating with the Macdonalds at Wath tonight.

Ruth.

Later: Tony, Martyn and I go to the Rose & Crown, Craven Heifer (Addingham) and the Barge at Skipton. We had quite a laugh. Back a bit pissed to the flat where we were joined by Linda and Ruth. Linda and Martyn are very quiet and I ended up with Ruth on the floor. Martyn said later that we seemed to be having a right "go". I blame the Carlsberg lager and Ruth's cheap Spanish white wine.

I have never had such a pleasurable experience with a married woman before. Something happened and an angry Tony ejected Linda from the flat telling her to ______. Both girls left, but I remember nothing about it.

In hysterics at 'Help' by Peter Sellers. It's the B-side of his version of 'Hard Day's Night'.

Martyn said nothing all night.

Friday May 20, 1977

Get up late, and my arrival at the YP is quite a bit later than normal ....get home late too because the bleedin' traffic takes a turn (or quite a few turns) for the worst.

Martyn, Tony and I go to the Connection in Shipley. Quite a nice place and the money collector/barmaid/cleaner/cook from Wikis is behind the bar. We exchange reminiscences. Martyn chats up the buxom wench serving pizza but gets nowhere. Then on to the Bod to to meet Michelle and Maxine. Michelle is so sexy --  Ooolahlah!!

Chris and Peter.

Peter M and Chris arrive. Pete demands I accept his apology for the bullshit and crap he threw at me on May 10. I refuse. Martyn is treated abominably too. Michelle says Pete is a 'snob' and Chris is something else.

Back to Michelle's for coffee. We embrace and KISS in the car and thoroughly enjoy it. Whatever became of her lewd boyfriend? Home at 12.30am. Arrange to go watch the Cup Final at Tony's tomorrow. Sit drinking coffee in bed and grinding my teeth at the bitchiness of _______. BASTARDS!

Thursday May 19, 1977

Ascension Day. No diarrhoea. John, Maria and a heavy JPH came this evening and they took me down to the White Cross at 8.15 where I met Carole 15 minutes later than I said I would.

Barbara.

Scrounged a lift from Mick Blades to Ilkley and ended up with Tony and Martyn in the Rose & Crown. John and Maria joined us at 9.30. To the Star too where Barbara (Woodhead) pulled my leg about me bringing my baby brother out with me.

Carole and I were apart all night and I blame the slimline, boiler suited Maria because once they get together the consequences are drastic.

To Oakwood Hall at 11pm but only Carole and I went in. For some reason things don't get off as well as last week. We blame it on our late arrival at Oakwood. CB and Maura are in - pissed - and C tries to muck it up with Carole and I. We both smoked and behaved like old lovers. She later played 'hard to get'. On the way up in the car from the Connection I assumed that she was going to Tony's on Saturday but she blew me out by saying she was going to a barbecue tomorrow and then to Leeds on Saturday and that my next appointment would be next Thursday. My God. Her lips are delicious! She bloody knows it too.

Home by taxi at 2am. She demanded to know why I had suddenly quietened. Why? I was the one who wanted the free life and now I'm not satisfied. Sod it.

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Wednesday May 18, 1977

A good Spring day combined, sadly, with diarrhoea. A sad sentence to have to compile, but very true.

Marita brought me as far as Rawdon in her mini and when I told her I'd been out with Carole on Thursday she went into raptures saying how perfect we are together and that I haven't looked as happy since May '76.

Tonight Tony and I went out and said that I - for twelve months - had given the appearance of being thoroughly bored by the company and that my face always held a look of far-off expectation. Is all this a big publicity campaign paid for by Carole?

Tony came up at 8.30 and we bumped into Pete Lazenby on Park Road and out of courtesy we accompanied him to Guiseley Working Mens' Club. Nice, cheap lager, but oh the people. Honestly, I'm no snob and no one likes good honest people more than me but the sight of the people therein is ghastly. As though they're hating every minute - just waiting for the sirens to go off summoning then back to the factory floor.

Stone Trough

On to the Stone Trough until 10.30. A completely dead place. Even the juke plays at a whisper. Later Tony comes back home for a cup of tea and egg mayonnaise sandwiches. We discus phases one, two and three and I insist that they were started by the Heath government in 1973.

Janet Land is visiting Lynn.



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Tuesday May 17, 1977

Feel grotty all day. Stomach ache mainly, and anorexia. All the same I forced down two sandwiches and a pea and ham soup - but could easily have done without. You don't want me collapsing at work do you?

Kathleen suggested that I ought to go home early, but like King Charles I (you know, him with the ginger hair and no head) I decided to be a martyr instead.

Carole: grandmother's accident

Carole rang at 3 and we decided to go out again on Thursday, again to Oakwood (Hall). I asked whether her mother had been knocked down, the victim of a road traffic accident and she laughed saying: "Oh no...
it 's my grandmother". It seems that the old lady fell in the path of a van belonging to the Gas Board and passed a night in Otley Hospital emerging with three stitches. Carole's attitude is quite frightening and she insists that the sight of ones beloved Grandmama disappearing beneath the wheels of a bright yellow NEGAS van isn't half as horrific as it sounds. Having no living grandmother myself I can never experience such a phenomenon.

Spent an evening in front of the television. The headlines on the 9 o'clock news was the royal visit to Scotland. It's the first of the 'Jubilee tours'. The BBC must have taken leave of their senses. A royal item to be the first item on the news? Surely the first such thing to occur since the abdication Edward VIII.

Took a bath after the royal spectacular and then returned to the drawing room to find Mama reclining on a sofa sipping delicately at her glass of Guinness. No other exercise whatsoever is allowed - Dr Jacques's orders.

Sit with a mug of cocoa and decide I feel much better. My bowels have improved tremendously since tea time. I cannot help thinking that Uncle Bert might have brought a virus with him from darkest Nottingham. Dearest Uncle will get his head kicked in if I find this to be so.

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Monday May 16, 1977

Down the lane with a Spring feeling. For some reason my coiffure is standing on end reminiscent of a good old lavatory brush. Go to my hair stylist and emerge 45 minutes later having waved bye bye to about three quarters of a ton of glossy hair. No doubt the peasants have bagged it up and sold it on the Black Market for   huge sums. If they can do it with King Charles I's miserable, ginger stuff I fail to see why they can't do it with mine.

Home by 2 o'clock. Mum is flat out in bed with her back. She's in agony. Dr Jacques comes but he's more interested in my bloody cheeseburger.

Sue: reading about lice ..

Sue is revising for her hair dressing examination and is reading all about lice and other residents of the hairy regions.

Tony comes up at 3 and we go to Bradford and to (WH) Smith's. I hand over £568.28 to Michelle and I'm sure I've never held so much in my hands (that's money, you perverted fool). Accompany Tony to the Co-op where he attempts to rid himself of some of his wares and then it's back to Smith's where we meet Martyn at 4.45. M bought a new pair of shoes and I bought a large poster of the Queen, in Imperial state crown in the Throne Room at Buckingham Palace.

Martyn and Tony are playing golf at Ben Rhydding this evening. I don't want to go. Saw Spike Milligan on TV and Monty python repeats.

Mummy emerged from bed for a few hours but complained of constant pain. The doc has advised her to buy an orthopaedic bed at the earliest opportunity. Ate fish and chips and retired after 12.

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Sunday May 15, 1977

Hereward the Wake

Rogation Sunday. Up at 6.30am with the biggest hangover history has ever seen. The combined hangovers of Hereward the Wake, Edward the Confessor, Napoleon, George Bernard Shaw and Mitzi Gaynor only equal half the one I experienced this morning. Water. All I wanted was water. I would have willingly swapped my best girl for a glass of chilled H2o. Dave obliged by rushing to the bathroom and bringing me a cup full. Passed into unconsciousness and slept until about 10.30. Discuss Glenn's disappearance but we decide not to visit his residence just in case he never made it home last night. Good God. Suppose he's fallen into the Manchester Ship Canal?

Mitzi Gaynor.

Dave accidentally locked his bedroom door with the key inside and we spent half an hour trying to break in. Eventually we used a large built gent from the tap room as a battering ram. Dave and I were in the bar by 12.10 and ale was supped until 2pm. joined by Garry and another guy whose name escapes me. At 2 Dave and I take lunch in the private apartments of the Hollywood and we shared a bottle of wine (Chevalier de la Rose Grand vin De Bourgogne. Importers H. Sichel and Sons Ltd, W2). Not too bad.

Glenn called on us with his holiday money (£145) and the three of us went to the pool room for a game. Laugh myself stupid at Dave who clowns around like no one I've ever known. At 7 o'clock it's time to part. Had a word with Jim Glynn and went to the bar and bought Mrs G a drink and said farewell. The lads took me to Manchester at 7.30-ish and I was home by 10.30 with £290 in my pocket. The lads are coming on June 3 and I plan to go back to Stockport on July 9, the day before 'Operation Ibiza'.

Martyn and Tony are at Pine Tops and M gives me a blank cheque for tomorrow's pilgrimage to WH Smith and Sons. Bath and bed at approximately midnight.

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