Feel hideous. I desperately tried to look lively because the success of Ally's weekend depends on my well-being. After breaskfast we went to Malham where I deposited my breakfast outside the Lister Arms. We drove across vast expanses of open moorland for me to make a spectacle of myself, on hands and knees, surrounded by hikers in the bustling village. We went to the Buck Inn and then to the top of Malham Cove. We sat taking in the view eating Mars bars. On to Settle for petrol and then back to Starbotton where we slept until 8 o'clock. In the bar at 9 we had scampi and chips. Three ageing homosexuals couldn't stop staring at me, and then we were cornered by a trio from Liverpool until 12. To bed giggling.
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