Sunday January 13, 1980

_. 1st Sunday after Epiphany

Up at almost noon to find myself in a sleeping bag with my head up Dave G's chimney piece. Dave was laughing. Evidently I was talking about cheese in my sleep. Blimey, I've heard about cheese making one dream, but dreaming about cheese is another more disturbing matter. Let's hope the subject of my ramblings was a sexy bit of Red Leicester.

The Hollywood

Financially embarrassed. In fact I'm down to my last quid. Out for a walk in the sunshine digesting Grandad Glynn's fried breakfast. On to the Armoury where we met Bill and Garry. Bill always laughs at my shirts [I do wear tiny collars these days] and he promised to dig out some of his old 'boot-lace' ties. Bill was a 'Teddy Boy' 20 years ago. I suppose it amuses him to see the old fashions creeping back in. Can you believe he is 40 next week?

Back to the Hollywood for the last few until closing at 2pm. Slept in an armchair upstairs. Dave watching football on the telly. I have a great warmth for Jim and Lily Glynn, who always welcome me like one of the family.

To Manchester with Dave and Garry at 7:30 and I got the 8:45 coach back over the Pennines. Guiseley for 10:30. Frost.

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Saturday January 12, 1980

_. Up at 9:30. Poor Tony Blackburn is on the radio. He's in decline at the moment.

Out at 10 to Leeds where I got the 11:30 coach to Manchester. A boring journey with only two fellow passengers. I sat on the back seat buried beneath my copy of 'The Times'. Fred Emery, in the paper, explained that Mrs Thatcher's TV image is fading. His excuse for coming out with this silly remark is because none of us can recall what she told us in a ministerial broadcast last Tuesday. I've forgotten the opening lines of 'A Tale of Two Cities' but certainly don't think the image of Charles Dickens is fading. When has the contents of a party political broadcast ever embedded itself into the hearts and minds of a listener? I have always taken it for granted that people switch off mentally at the sight of a crocodile-like party worker holding up a tin of Heinz beans whilst expounding the virtues of the governments prices and incomes policy.

To the Hollywood Hotel for 1:30. Spend the afternoon in the pool room. Not playing pool - good heavens no - just drinking in the pool room. Oblivion between 3 and 5. Tonight to the Georgian restaurant - that is Garry, Steve, Dave and I. Sadly, my steak was burnt to a crisp, but the others enjoyed it. Afterwards just Dave and I went to Rumours, the discotheque. Drank so much whisky throughout the evening that I had to have an alcohol free interval. People in clubs are looking so much younger these days. I could become quite worried if I thought about it.

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Friday January 11, 1980

_. I wasn't feeling well yesterday, but today I felt much worse. It was enough to give me the incentive to phone in sick to the office at 8:30. In good old YP library tradition they didn't believe my story. The girls in that office would have, in a previous life, made good henchmen for Thomas Cromwell.

Delia....

I spoke to Sarah who laughed about the Lit lunch. Delia, she says, told Harold Wilson that he is 'miserable', and asked him: 'Don't you ever smile?'

I cleared up some of the mess from last night and then took to my bed. Within ten minutes Delia was on the phone. It was obviously a put up job by Sarah to check that I was at home. I think Cromwell's henchmen decided collectively that I was in fact lodging at Ally's. I had Delia's version of her put down of the former prime minister. I climbed back into bed chortling to myself about the cunning of my work colleagues.

Slept until 2pm after which I felt restored to full health. Ally phoned.

Sue and Pete went to Lynn & Dave's. I watched the telly with Mum and Dad.

Here's something amazing. Nicholas Knatchbull, the grandson of Earl Mountbatten of Burma, who died with him, has left an estate of £770,000. He was fourteen and the youngest of six children. The enormity of this sum is a clue to the vast fortune of Lord Louis. His will, like all royal wills, is private. The money of course comes from the late Edwina Mountbatten, who inherited millions from her grandfather, Sir Ernest Cassel, and obviously it will have grown down the years.

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Thursday January 10, 1980

_. Busy day because Sarah and la Johnson were at the Literary Luncheon where the guests of honour are the weird combination of Sir Harold Wilson and Terry Wogan.

This afternoon I felt 'off it' and developed a throbbing headache. I haven't had a headache in years and decide I must be going down with influenza. Oh, and on the topic of disease and health I am sure you will be thrilled and delighted to hear that 'pnuemocallaghanicosis' has almost been wiped off the face of the earth, possibly with the exception of Cardiff West, where a mild form of this paralytic, debilitating disease still dwells. All thanks to 'Dr Thatcher', whose Tory vaccine has eradicated the ailment.

Home at 5 to be taken straight out again by Mum and Dad, who have borrowed Peter's car [the Toyota being incapacitated]. To the White Cross, where due to the lack of food, and alcohol flow, I was soon rolling around the walls like Freddie Frinton. Home again after a couple of hours. Ally came and we gave then the calendar plate.

Lynn and Dave, Jim and Margaret came at 9.

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Wednesday January 9, 1980

_. Well, here I am sitting in my sturdy little Anderson shelter waiting for the arrival of the Ruskies, clutching my mug of cocoa [made with rationed dried milk powder], my mind a seething mass of uncertainty.Will they, for instance, allow me to keep my job in the YP library. I think not. I suppose it will be fifteen hours a day in a munitions factory, or if, for some reason I decline to assist the occupying powers perhaps they'll make me spend the rest of my days at the offices of the Telegraph & Argus. A terrifying prospect. The one good thing that will undoubtedly emerge from our annexation with the USSR is an end to the national iron and steel strike that's currently bringing Port Talbot, Abervan and Rodley to their knees. The Ruskies don't tolerate strikes, I'll wager. President Carter says it will all be over by Easter. By that I mean the Third World War and not the steel strike.

Hon Mrs Lane Fox

I was kept busy this morning by the demise of the Hon Mrs Lane Fox, of Bramham Park. The old girl was the elder sister of the Hon Lady Parkinson [wife of our ayatollah, Sir Kenneth Parkinson], and of the Hon Mrs Hargreaves, wife of Brigadier Kenneth 'Arsegrease', former Lord Lieutenant of the West Riding. Won't it be a sombre Lit Lunch tomorrow?

Dave G phoned at 8:15. I promise to go visit on Saturday. My New Year 'good will' visit. Ally will of course be entertaining Graham and Charlotte.  She, the precious object of my affections, phoned aft
er 'Fawlty Towers'. Two pieces of news: the first is that she has taken an evening job at the Belfry restaurant at Bolton Junction from January 18, and is to do Friday evenings and Sunday lunches. This will help finance her increased commitments, which have brought pain. The other news is that she had laid hands on a 1980 Royal Albert Country Roses calendar plate, which we are giving Mum & Dad for their birthday. She is bringing it over tomorrow evening.

Bed at 12 o'clock.

-=-

Tuesday January 8, 1980

_. Queer old weather. A mild winter will certainly make it easier for the Russians when they decide to invade.

Worried about Ally. She slept until 5:30pm after having 'over slept' again. I advised her to go see a psychiatrist. She phoned to remind me that Graham and Charlotte Smith are coming on Friday for the weekend. Charlotte is an opera fanatic and that is where they are bound on Saturday, to Leeds Grand to see Opera North. A disappointment awaits them, according to Sarah, because Elizabeth Harwood, the lady warbler, is well past her prime. In fact, according to Sarah, her voice has disintegrated completely.

Lady Rose Baring, lady-in-waiting to the Queen, is a granddaughter of Louisa, Countess of Antrim, who was a Lady of the Bedchamber to Queen Victoria. Lady Antrim kept a detailed journal of life at court that has now been transformed into a book by Frances Donaldson, or perhaps Elizabeth Longford.

To bed far too late. It was nearly 1am.

Monday January 7, 1980

_. One of the 'weedier' daily newspapers reports that the Prince of Wales is entertaining Lady Amanda Knatchbull at Sandringham. More like Lady Amanda Red-Herring-Knatchbull. She is not pretty enough to be wife of the heir to the throne. Her nose too long and her teeth too pronounced, nothing hideous, but just not good enough. Lady Amanda is a close relative of HRH and I will repeat my previous statement that the couple are nothing but friends, with a 'brother and sister' affection for each other. Should Lady Amanda, or any other Knatchbull, become Prince Charles's wife I'll eat my continental quilt.

A dismal day at the YP. I did not hear from Ally, but despatched a letter in her direction.

Can I say something about Mrs Indira Gandhi? This sweet little Indian lady has seized India by the throat again, but this time she will not release her grip so easily. The papers talk about the 'tyrannical' Mrs Gandhi but I have nothing but admiration for her. She has restricted the activities of the Press and has jailed all her political opponents as any self respecting eastern prime minister would do.

Glynnie phoned. He's off at the weekend and wants to know if I can join him. It would be financial suicide.

-=-

Sunday January 6, 1980

_. Epiphany

Breakfast with Lynn and Dave. Toast, marmalade, coffee. For some reason Lynn was in a foul mood and making Dave's morning far from tranquil. Lynn might be more pleasant on a morning if she ate something. I helped them dismantle the Christmas tree and then on we went to Pine Tops. Mum and Dad had taken down the Christmas decorations, thrown out the tree, and Mum too was a little frosty.

Lynn and Dave came for the afternoon. Paul Newman was on the telly. It's twelfth night and appropriately the BBC produced the Shakespeare play of that name. Superb. Bed at 12:30. Ally stayed the night because she's low on petrol and didn't fancy bumping into the Yorkshire Ripper.

-=-

Saturday January 5, 1980

_. Woke up on Saturday afternoon quite disorientated. The remainder of the day fell into typical Club Street routine. Ally made lunch at about 3:30 which consisted of lashings of rabbit goulash, with red wine, which was delicious. Until 8 we played with the stereo and taped the DJs on Radio 1, Paul Gambaccini and Adrian Juste. Ally thinks I truly obsessed by the Panasonic machine. We cuddled on the couch/settee/sofa, or whatever you want to call it. Ally's mother phoned, and so did Sailor Dave. He sent her a cutlery service for Christmas which must have cost a fortune. We went on to Guiseley for 8, and after a quick change we were in the White Cross with Sue and Pete. They left us after one drink and on we went to the Yorkshire Rose, and bumped into Martyn Cole's parents. Then in the Fox and Hounds we met Lynn and Dave with the Allinsons. In fact the pub was seething with people I know. We were invited back to Burley-in-W where we stayed the night.

-=-

Friday January 4, 1980

_. Met Jacq at 1pm at the Ostlers which has been renovated recently. Jacq has been renovated too, and looked very well. We discussed Christmas. She told me that Paul is currently playing in 'Sleeping Beauty' at the Civic Theatre, an atrocious production. I drank too much for a lunchtime session.

Later I phoned Dave L and asked if he wanted to go out and to my surprise he agreed. I phoned Ally too, but she declined due to lack of funds, but had a change of heart and came over. We joined Sue and Pete at the Fox & Hounds. We had a good evening. David always lends a cheery presence to any gathering. He drinks pils lager shandies, and the rounds of drinks were costing £2.50.   From the Fox we drifted to the Hare. No sign of Judith, but had a chat with Willie, who is as mad as ever. Saw Carole and Mick Lynch but we didn't converse. Dave left us and Ally, Sue, Pete and I went on to the 'Green Light' Indian on Manningham Lane, where we ate curry with our fingers. Back to Club Street where we consumed vast quantities of red wine. Before Susan and Peter left we discussed baby names for our future offspring and they dissolved in fits of laughter when I said that a future son of mine might well be Rupert Rhodes.

-=-

Thursday January 3, 1980

_. Jacq phoned to say she owes Mum a couple of quid catalogue money and I suggested we meet at the Ostlers tomorrow lunch. I haven't seen her since the end of October and look forward to hearing some news of her Christmas with the divine Trixie.

Home at 6pm to find a full house. John, Maria, JPH, Catherine, and Andrew Macdonald, Maria's six year-old nephew. Andrew is very quiet and lets JPH push him around. They went off at 6:50 and I probably won't see them again until Easter when they next venture from Lochans.

Spoke to Ally on the blower and decided to go out.  She was here by 8:30 and we went to the Drop, which was dead, then the Fox & Hounds, Menston. Our conversations these days seem to dwell on our financial difficulties. We are seldom romantic or sentimental, and current affairs are never touched upon. Here we are under threat of invasion from the Russians and all we can talk about is who is going to get the next round of drinks. So looking forward to Ibiza.  Ally is considering taking an extra job in a pub or Berni Inn to finance the venture. Home feeling pissed on Stella Artois at 11. Sat arguing with Dad and Jim about the situation in Afghanistan. Ally found this so interesting she curled up and went to sleep. Bed after 2, and having written Ally a lengthy letter.

-=-

Wednesday January 2, 1980

_. The birthday of Mum & Dad. A foul day. I arrived at the office at 8:50 and Kathleen threw a fit in true Mussolini style. No longer are we permitted the right to work through our lunch hour, and if we are late in future we have to work over at the end of the day. She treats her staff as though we are third formers in a school for delinquents.

Ally attempted to buy a Royal Albert calendar plate, and failed miserably, and so at 5 I discovered I have no gift for my parents. Ally picked me up at Guiseley railway station. Home at 6. They took the lack of presents very well.

John and Maria came at 7 minus the offspring, and Mum and Dad went to Giovanni's at White Cross leaving us watching TV.  Lynn and Maria were having a proper chin wag. The birthday pair staggered back at 10:30. Bed after 2.

-=-

Tuesday January 1, 1980

_. Ally woke me at 2:30pm. She has recovered from the 'nervous breakdown' suffered in the small hours. Don't ask. The street lights were glowing and nightfall was almost upon when I emerged from bed. Poached eggs for breakfast/lunch/dinner or whatever it was. We drove to Burley where we found Mum, Dad, Chris and Julie. They all left soon after [Mum and Dad had been walking near Fewston].

We had a beer and watched TV. We had pie and chips with Lynn and Dave and watched 'Paint Your Wagon', a hideous musical. I think Clint Eastwood attempted to sing.

We returned home to even more telly. Penelope Keith in 'Donkey's Years' by Michael Frayn. Quite good. Bit of a boring start to a new decade.

-=-

Monday December 31, 1979

_. Worked until about 1pm and then the library staff polished off the Yuletide whisky and had a couple of games of cards. Home at 2:30 to find John walking on the lane with the children. At home no one was in and so John and I sat drinking coffee and playing with the babies like a pair of nannies. He bundled them off home at about 4 o'clock.

Out to the White Cross tonight and then to Margaret and Jim's. Just Mum, Dad, Lynn, Dave, Sue, Pete, Pamela N, Julie N. Ally phoned her parents at midnight to be told that Graham and Gill had announced their engagement. We partied until gone 4.

So, that's the end of another year, and decade, folks. Who knows what the next decade has in store. Will the 1980s see me make that fateful move down the aisle? Will 1980 see the heir to the throne take similar steps? Will Russia invade Pakistan, India and the USA? Will President Carter march on Moscow in the steps of Napoleon and Adolf Hitler? Will I end up in the armed forces? Can I be of assistance to NATO? Am I field marshal material?

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Sunday December 30, 1979

_.

1st Sunday after Christmas

Brilliant sunshine with a layer of crisp snow. Ally and I went on a long walk over Bradford Golf Course and across the 'moor' behind Hawksworth Hall. On the hills above Dibbs farm it looked like a scene of a Swiss kind. Who needs Klosters when one has Guiseley?

Back at Pine Tops Dad and Dave 'worked' on the car. Grotesque nostalgia on the telly. Ivor Novello's 'The Dancing Years'.

-=-

Saturday December 29, 1979

_. Susan went horribly pale this morning and almost collapsed, and so took to her bed. Watched two Elizabeth Taylor films back to back. Ally was home from Itchen Abbas by 7 and went off to change into her party gear. To Pudsey with Mum & Dad in the Toyota. Hilda, Tony, Karen, Steve, Jim, Tim, Diane, Paul Edwards, Lynn, Dave, Jim, Margaret, &c.

-=-

Friday December 28, 1979

_. Slept in and didn't arrive at the YP until almost 11. Kathleen was furious and in a screaming rage about my performance with the honours list, and went off on a tangent for the rest of the day.

I was determined to say at home by my own fireside this evening. A rare thing for me. Watched Richard Chamberlain in a TV film of 'The Man in the Iron Mask'.

Uncle Albert died 10 years ago tomorrow at exactly 2:30am. Tomorrow night we'll be at 6, St James's Crescent, scene of his demise. He was a lovely man.

-=-

Thursday December 27, 1979

_. Ally went off at lunchtime to Itchen Abbas. She intends returning on Saturday to attend Auntie Hilda's party. 

To the office at 5pm, supposedly to study the New Year's Honours list. It was a waste of time and a boring list. Peerages for a McAlpine and the boss of Marks & Sparks, and a knighthood for John Sainsbury. Margaret Thatcher does her shopping there no doubt. Cliff Richard is OBE. Dick Hern, the Queen's racehorse trainer is CVO, and so is Sir Ian Moncreiffe of that Ilk. I am disappointed that no hereditary peerages have been created because the prime minister has hinted at the imminent revival of such honours. The only hereditary element I can foresee in the future are the peerages given to members of the Royal family. Prince Andrew will be Duke of York and Prince Edward will be Duke of Sussex, or in the event of the death of the Marquess of Cambridge, the dukedom of Cambridge could be revived. Prince Edward's great-great-great grandfather was Duke of Cambridge.

Home at 11. Read Charles Prince of Wales for a couple of hours.

-=-

Wednesday December 26, 1979

_. Bank Holiday in England, Ireland & Wales

JPH woke me at 1:30pm. Downstairs John and Sue were entertaining Janet Simon and her boyfriend, Robert. Watched Keith Michell playing Henry VIII which is always a pleasure. Mum and Dad are out, as is traditional on Boxing Day. I made a buffet for the guests [a selection of poultry and lettuce leaves]. Afterwards John and JPH returned to Ridgeway. JPH was on his bicycle, which looked massive, but he has already discovered the process of pedalling. Ally and I sat reading 'Charles Prince of Wales' by Anthony Holden, which Mum and Dad bought me for Christmas. An excellent publication and very well written.

Out at 8pm with Ally to Dave L's. The gang there included Sue, Pete, who came when the pubs closed, along with MM, Marita, Carole P, John, Maria, Jimmy Macdonald, Karim, Chris Rat, Pete Mather, Martyn C, &c. Dave and I had a head start, and so by 10:30 were were pissed. Drank whisky. The party ended at 1:30am when Albert and Joan L returned. Everyone looked pained at the early finish. Home to Pine Tops. Vomit.

-=-

Tuesday December 25, 1979

_. Christmas Day

Up at 10:30. Ally gave me a bottle of Aramis Devin. Terrible, because under our agreement of last week we decided not to exchange presents. Oh dear. Mum, Dad, Ally, Sue and I sat around the tree tearing open our gifts. Lynn and Dave joined us. Later on, John, Maria and the children came, but that wasn't until 3. In the excitement which followed we missed the Queen's speech, and her voice was muffled beneath the sound of tearing wrapping paper and the squeaking of cuddly toys. The number of gifts JPH received was ridiculous. Catherine made giggly noises and grinned beautifully at everyone. We dined at 7:30. A sumptuous Christmas dinner, as usual. Later saw a bit of TV but nothing spectacular. 'Cabaret' with Liza Minelli.

-=-

Monday December 24, 1979

_. Left home at 6:30am to have breakfast with Sarah at Ivory Towers. To the office feeling atrocious. Did minimal work until 11 and then we moved behind the filing cabinets to have a few drinks and exchange gifts in the age old tradition.

At 12:30 I met Ally and we went to Parker's. It wasn't busy considering that today is the most alcoholic day in the piss-artist's calendar. We were joined by Sarah, Carol and a pregnant Eileen. On to the abominable Regent at Chapel Allerton, where Sarah and Carol did a disappearing act. The Regent is always full of painted whores. Back to Guiseley at 3pm with the top down on the spitfire. I hailed 'happy Christmas' to bemused pedestrians.

A full house at home. JPH was glued to the TV. I collapsed in a chair and slipped in and out of consciousness until I gave in at 10:30 and went to bed leaving Ally with Mum, Dad and John.

-=-